Chapter 12: Once More Into the Breach
It was strange. Even after six long months the Normandy still felt like home. After returning to the Migrant Fleet Tali could have requested to use her old ship name again and in those first few frustrating and angry weeks she had even considered it. If the same scenario had played out two years earlier she likely would have. Time changed everything, though, just like the Normandy had. And Shepard. Everyone that became part of the Normandy's crew was forever touched by the experience... she merely carried that legacy in her name as well as spirit. The first step onto the Normandy's hangar deck brought back a rush of emotions, ones that she thought she had been able to successfully lock away.
"Aun- Admiral Raan," she said, correcting herself immediately. Tali'Zorah vas Normandy was an Admiral now, she had to act like it. "Please go ahead. I can find my way. I just... need a moment to collect my thoughts."
The older quarian woman cocked her head slightly and placed a hand on Tali's forearm. A simple gesture of understanding.
"We will brief the Commander, come along when you are ready."
"Shala, we cannot dawdle," Xen said sharply. "Every minute we waste is one more Han'Gerrel must spend dodging the Geth."
"I am aware, Admiral," Raan replied tersely and motioned for her to proceed with a finally sidelong glance at Tali.
Xen made another scathing comment but she was already out of earshot, moving to meet the pair of young human marines that stood near the elevator. Tali was left with her thoughts as she gazed around the hangar bay and absently noted the changes the Alliance had made. Weapons lockers and a workbench. It reminded her of the original Normandy more and more, drawing a faint smile to her lips.
The smile faded as soon as she saw the locker with 'Shepard' stenciled in hard edged military font across the front. Reflexively her hands joined at her waist, fingers lacing together in a nervous bundle that she very consciously forced apart and to her sides as she took a few steps closer to the small armory. Tali gazed at the name and tried to get a handle on the thoughts that were running rampant through her head. Her first thought on leaving the shuttle had been to just run for the elevator. Get to the briefing room before the others and then...
That was where everything became a mess. Part of her wanted to just throw herself at the infuriating human, to wrap her arms around him and tell him how happy she was that he was alive. And another part wanted to hit him as hard as she could for betraying her trust. How many times in the past months had she replayed their last week together in her head? The number had long since lost meaning.
She'd recovered from her injuries aboard the Shadow Broker's ship thanks to Chakwas' expert care and a blissful week on Illium with Shepard, and when she was well enough they had returned to the Normandy. Life had returned to normal, such as it was, and they had continued doing what Shepard did best. Then the call had come and Shepard had reluctantly asked her to leave the room. She had seen Hackett's face as the doors closed... and when she returned from her shift in engineering Shepard was gone. Joker told her they were running silent in the Bahak system. Two long days passed. Two days that had nearly driven her insane as she had paced the deck, worrying.
At last a transmission had come through, Shepard calling in for a pick up from an asteroid in the system. Time seemed to blur in her memory. The asteroid had been on a collision course with the relay and they had pushed the Normandy to the very limits of her drives to make it through before the impact. When she had finally made it to the CIC Shepard had been leaning on the railing looking down at the galaxy map, still wearing a battered set of armor. He had simply watched as the system they had just left blinked once... and then disappeared.
A few days later they were on the Citadel. Shepard was turning himself in, surrendering to the Alliance to appease the cries of outrage from the Hegemony and others. She had tried to get him to talk about what had happened on the asteroid but the answers he provided always came out toneless and dry. Like he was reading from an after action report that he kept in his head. Tali wasn't sure which moment had hurt more: when she had walked away or when she realized that he didn't trust her enough to tell her exactly what had happened.
"Why wouldn't you stay with me?" she whispered, resting her fingers on the nameplate of the locker.
"Can I help you, ma'am?"
She jumped, turning on her heel and reaching for her pistol before she stopped herself. The human that addressed her wasn't one she recognized. His skin was a deeper shade of brown, but he had the same close-cropped haircut she had become familiar with as an Alliance standard. He seemed friendly enough at least.
"I... no, sorry. I was just... thinking," Tali replied. "This isn't my first time aboard the Normandy."
"You must be Tali'Zorah?"
She nodded.
"Steve Cortez. I've kind of taken over as the shuttle pilot and quartermaster," the man introduced himself. "The Alliance did change the Normandy's floor plan somewhat, you can ask EDI if you need help."
"I'm sure I can find the way. Thank you, Lieutenant."
"Just call me Steve, most everyone does. Or Cortez if you're feeling military... Shepard doesn't seem to be much for formalities so most people don't get the name and rank treatment."
Tali gave a small chuckle. "Just him. When I met him I thought some humans only had one name and their rank from the way everyone addressed him."
"I always wondered about that. I've noticed even Garrus calls him Shepard most of the time and they seem to be close. Did anyone even use his first name when you served with him before?"
She looked away for a moment, the opaque visor at least concealing pained look that crossed her face. Memories of skin and tangled sheets ran through her mind, looking up at him, whispering his name.
I did.
"It just became normal for everyone to call him Shepard, I guess," Tali replied instead, doing her best to sound nonchalant. "It was either that or Commander."
"Sounds about right. If you stick around for long I'm sure some of the crew, especially Vega, will want to talk to you. Even after everything that happened Shepard's become kind of a larger-than-life figure to most of the rank and file in the Alliance. Most of the crew are dying to ask him about the stuff that happened a few years back."
She was distracted from her own problems for a moment by Cortez's comment. Humans weren't quite as voraciously social as quarians but they were close. Most of the time she found that their curiosity eventually overrode any hesitation or shyness and of all people Shepard seemed like the one that would have the least issues addressing his crew. Even when the Normandy had been a Cerberus vessel he'd taken time to at least have a few words with most of the crewmen.
"Why haven't they?" she asked.
The pilot shrugged. "Too busy for some, others are afraid to I think. He's pretty... intense. To be honest we don't see him all that much, when we do he's usually in full combat gear. And everyone else that knows him isn't much better. We rarely see Doctor T'Soni and most people haven't worked up the nerve to approach Garrus either. I figure you might be a little less intimidating."
Since when were people afraid of Shepard? Being afraid of Garrus made sense when she thought about it. Humans, along with asari and quarians for that matter, had at least a small level of instinctual unease around turians that was only overcome by familiarity. The simple fact of the matter was that turians were predators and they acted it, from the way they tended to maintain direct eye contact to the way they moved. Add in the scars Garrus had collected on Omega along with the reputation he'd picked up along the way and she could see a new crew being uneasy around him.
"I see," Tali said finally, processing this new information. "I was good to meet you, ah, Steve. I need to join the rest of my people at the briefing."
"Of course. The war room is on the second deck, it replaced the lab that was just off the CIC."
She nodded in thanks and headed into the elevator. The short ride let her out on the CIC as expected, the room looking much the same as she remembered if a little dimmer, while the security checkpoint in the corridor that had once lead to Mordin's lab was new. The two marines there, the same pair as before in the cargo bay, didn't stop her though. When she hit the door release Tali immediately heard Raan's voice.
"... joining us shortly. As our expert on the geth... I only wished we had listened to her."
Yes, maybe if you had our people wouldn't be at risk of being made extinct. We might have needed the homeworld to help protect our civilian population if the Fleet went to war with the Reapers... but we didn't even try diplomacy. Not even when I told you all it was possible.
Such thoughts wouldn't help their current situation, though, and Tali pushed them aside. Her duty was to the quarians as a whole and what they needed now was rescue, not accusations. She cleared her throat and spoke, addressing the assembled group. On the other side of the large holographic display she could make out Garrus leaning against a railing and some other alien that she couldn't even identify was standing with its arms behind its back.
"We can't change the past. But we can at least make sure we make up for the mistakes we've made," she said, catching Garrus' gaze as he looked up at her entrance.
Shepard was mostly blocked by the hologram of Rannoch from her point of view but she could already see his form stepping around the display. She did her best to put some humor into her voice rather than the irritation she felt as she continued.
"Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, reporting for duty."
There was a brief moment of silence before Shepard spoke. When he did, stepping fully around the holo display as he did, she was barely able to suppress a small intake of breath at the sight of him.
"Tali... it's... good to see you."
The entire sentence just sounded strained, awkward. Nothing like the Shepard she knew, but then he didn't look the same either. There were dark circles under his eyes and lines where she'd sworn there hadn't been before. The armor he wore looked familiar but it could have been anything under the sea of rents, scrapes, and pock marks that covered the once black surface. A few larger areas of damage, like a large gash across his side, had been sealed with dull gray patches, temporary fixes that had been made permanent.
"It's good to be back," she replied hesitantly. "I assume the rest of the Admirals have told you..."
A frown settled onto his face and he nodded, glancing down at his omni-tool once before looking back up. His tone changed immediately, the familiar calm of Shepard reacting to a problem and addressing it.
"That your people are stuck in your home system, being hunted by the geth fleets? Yes. We're already moving, the Resuca will have to catch up. The Normandy is close to the relay in system already. We'll be able to make the jump to Rannoch within the next few hours."
"Sounds like we've got a plan," Garrus interjected quickly before any of the Admirals could object to the information that they'd just been presented with, turning to Shepard. "I'll get with Traynor and see if we can get the Admirals here somewhere to relax while they're with us, Boss. Come on, Javik. You can help."
"Why would I be interested in the sleeping accommodations of the quarian leadership?" the strange alien asked, tone vaguely bemused. His voice and accent were as odd as his appearance, but there was something strangely familiar about him.
"Because... I said so. Just come on," Garrus sighed. "Think of it as a learning experience."
There was a brief pause before Javik shrugged and followed the turian's lead, urging the Admirals out of the room. As he passed by Garrus dropped a hand to her shoulder and gave it a squeeze, along with a quick nod that said they'd be speaking again soon. It all happened quickly enough that Tali didn't quite realize what was going on until she was still standing at the top of the stairs, looking down at Shepard in a now empty war room when the doors shut behind Garrus. Silence hung in the air for a long moment. It seemed that he didn't have any idea what to say either.
"Shepard-"
"Tali, I-"
She shook her head with a rueful laugh, but didn't say anything else, waiting for him to continue.
"So... Admiral?"
It wasn't quite the question she was expecting, but she managed well enough.
"It's mostly just a formality. I'm an expert on the geth... so they appointed me to replace my father."
"Then at least they made one smart decision," Shepard said with a quiet laugh, but there didn't seem to be any genuine amusement there.
She stepped down, moving to place her hands on the console and looked at the hologram of the dreadnought while avoiding his gaze. Doing her best not to look into his eyes because she just wasn't sure how she would react when she did. Politics, missions, those were easy to talk about.
"Maybe not. If they had appointed someone else they could have had the strength to stop this all before it started," she replied bitterly. "We have the largest fleet in the galaxy, we can help you fight the Reapers... but I'm not sure what will be left after this stupid war."
"You voted with Zaal'Koris. Against the war."
It was a statement but she answered anyway.
"After talking with Legion and everything that happened? I thought... just maybe there was a chance for peace. But Xen and her damn countermeasures. I tried to make them see that it was stupid, that she just wanted the chance to fulfill our 'destiny' of controlling the geth..." Tali trailed off with a sigh. "I don't have your way with words, Shepard."
"Your people have had three hundred years to forget the details of the last time you fought the geth. All they remember now is the bitterness of being cast out, not the reality of how it happened. Ambitious fools like Xen are willing to use that for their own ends... but whatever happens it's not your fault, Tali."
His voice was softer now, finally a familiar hint of the warmth that she remembered. The same tone that had told her it would be okay when they found her father's body on the Alarei. Or when he'd said that he didn't care about the mask or the suit. Tali expected, hoped almost, to feel his hand on her shoulder. It would at least force her to make up her mind between anger and want. But the touch never came. She turned to see Shepard watching her from a few feet away, armored fists at his sides clenched tightly.
"We're going to have to talk... about..." she said at last, forcing the words out and doing her best not to stammer. "I mean, the Admirals... they don't really know what happened anyways... but it doesn't matter. Not really, I mean."
Something crossed his eyes, but she couldn't identify it. The moment was just too fast and she saw his mouth settled into that tight line as he clearly clamped down. The Spectre stepped away, onto the stairs before stopping halfway and looking back.
"Don't worry about the Admirals. We'll get your people home safe. I promise you. You might want to check out engineering. A few old friends signed on that I'm sure would be happy to see you."
The words came out before she even thought them.
"And what about you?"
"I... I'm glad you're okay, Tali," he said quietly, not looking at her. "There are a lot of things I wish I could change. I'll call you when we're about to hit the relay."
The young quarian watched in stunned silence as he proceeded up the stairs after that simple statement, stopping just before he hit the door controls to exit the room. Shepard glanced back at her one more time with the barest hint of a smile on his lips, even if it was a mournful one.
"For what it's worth, Tali... I'm sorry. If there's anyone in this galaxy that didn't deserve to be hurt it was you..."
Then he was gone, the doors sliding shut behind him.
"Bosh'tet!" the quarian growled to herself.
The ride from the CIC down to the engineering deck had only managed to give her time to dwell on the violent rollercoaster that was her emotional state, leaving her at her current stage: anger. Six months and all he'd done is give some threadbare apology and disappear up to his cabin? Tali had briefly considered following after him. One hard punch right across the jaw would make her feel better, she was sure. But in the end she hadn't. Everything just felt... wrong. Like she'd stepped back into a life that didn't fit. Her thoughts were interrupted when the elevator doors opened and she was suddenly assaulted.
"Aitakattaaa!"
The sentence was completely incomprehensible to Tali but Kasumi's tight hug translated well enough. Unlike most quarians Tali had always been somewhat more reserved, even standoffish by comparison, but returned the gesture despite her surprise. She looked at the thief, meeting her eyes beneath the hood.
"Kasumi? Your last extranet message..."
"I know, I know," the thief grinned. "But the whole 'hand over the information' plan got a little complicated, Shepard gave me a speech... and here I am. Surprise!"
She couldn't help but smile. "It's good to see you. I was starting to feel like nothing on the Normandy was the same."
"Nothing? Well, I don't get to sleep in the longue anymore... but there's still plenty of stuff that's the same. Big G is still here, for example."
"Big G?" Tali asked, stifling a very unadmiral-like giggle.
"I've been trying on different nicknames. Haven't found one I like yet."
"I'm sure he's thrilled."
Kasumi shrugged, grinning like a cat. "He complains, but secretly I'm sure he loves the attention. So... are we just going to hang out in the elevator? I'm not the only familiar face on this ship."
"Ah, no, I guess we shouldn't," Tali replied, cocking her head at the thief's comment. "Who else is here? I saw Garrus. Captain Nara made a comment about a very 'informal' pilot when he was getting docking clearance for the shuttle, so that means Joker."
The human woman tapped her chin for a moment and flashed another grin. "I could make you keep guessing... but I'm impatient."
She found herself unceremoniously dragged into engineering, only to stop dead when three different humans that she actually recognized all looked up at her. None of which she had ever thought to see again. Much to her chagrin her voice came out far more uneven than she intended.
"Engineer Adams?"
The older man grinned broadly. "Well I'll be damned... Tali'Zorah nar Rayya? You can't be the same little genius that almost put me out of the work on the old SR-1."
"It's... Tali'Zorah vas Normandy now, actually."
"Aye, she got herself all adopted and such. It was quite cute," the second man added in a thick Scottish burr, earning himself a punch in the arm from his female counterpart.
"Ignore Kenneth! Tali, it's so good to see you again!" Gabby said happily. "It just hasn't been the same down here without you... umm, no offense, Lieutenant Adams."
The chief engineer laughed. "None taken... this girl was running circles around the best Alliance techs when she was working for me on her Pilgrimage. I can't imagine what she can do now!"
"Told you it just wasn't just me and Garrus hanging around," Kasumi said.
The next hour disappeared in a blur of technical jargon, catching up, and general conversation that let Tali feel at ease for the first time since setting foot aboard the Normandy again. She'd become friends with the two younger engineers during the Collector mission and a mere six months didn't stop them from picking up just where they left off: mostly calling out Donnelly for bad jokes and off color commentary. Finding Adams there was well only added to the moment. Other than Shepard he had been the first human to welcome her with a complete lack of prejudice aboard the original Normandy, treating her much like he did any of the rest of the engineering staff.
Finally she had let Kasumi lead her away and before she knew it she was back on the crew deck and in the area that the thief had apparently claimed as her own if the familiar books and paintings were any indication.
"Thane's old room wasn't occupied so I took possession," the cheerful woman explained as she sat down on the bed. "No bar, but then it's also not doubling as a the ship's lounge. More privacy."
"It's nice..." she said, looking around. It seemed best not ask how it was that Kasumi managed to transport a small collection of likely stolen items around the galaxy.
"Considering I actually have a sense of aesthetics I'd hope so. Shepard might not decorate with anything other than model ships but I for one think a few good paintings are always in order."
The quarian frowned behind her visor when Shepard's name immediately brought back the same flood of emotions from before Kasumi's well-timed distraction. She did her best to conceal the sudden tension in her stance but apparently the strange little woman she had grown close to had become quite adept at reading quarian body language, tugging at her wrist until she sat on the bed next to her.
"Thought so."
"Thought so what?" Tali replied sourly.
"You're avoiding him. Or he's avoiding you. Or both."
"We... talked. Briefly."
Kasumi pulled back her head and leaned against the wall, giving her a look that clearly stated that she wasn't going to be stonewalled. After a few more moments of holding out, Tali relented, leaning back herself and giving a long sigh.
"I don't know what I was expecting, Kasumi. I don't even know what I wanted to happen. But he just... told me that he was glad that I was okay and something about being sorry he hurt me. And then the bosh'tet just walked out!"
"Maybe he didn't know what to say either?" the thief suggested.
"He's Shepard! He always knows what to say. Ancestors, he talked a crazy turian Spectre into shooting himself! Then he leaves me behind, gets locked up, and six months later all he can think of is 'I'm glad you're okay'?"
The human woman laughed softly, shaking her head. "I don't suppose you said any of this to him?"
"I... well... of course not! I mean..." Tali muttered, dropping her head into her hands. "I just don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling."
An arm found its way about her shoulders, squeezing her tightly as anger turned to tears of frustration. They were quickly banished, however, and she curled her hands into tight fists.
"He's the one that made the decision to throw himself on the Alliance's mercy. He wouldn't even tell me what really happened after that damned mission. And then I come back and he doesn't even touch me? No, I'm not going to take the blame for this," she said firmly.
Kasumi tapped her visor lightly with one finger, smiling gently. "Nobody is to blame, fishbowl. Well, not for awkward reunions and all that at least. Tali, there's something else you should know..."
Her head snapped to the right, examining every hint of expression on the woman's pale face. Kasumi's lips were drawn tight, the smile was genuine but it wasn't one of happiness, more of reassurance and comfort. Two different Normandys and a relationship with a human lover had taught her a great deal about human facial cues... and she didn't like the ones she saw on her friend's face.
I know Liara is on the ship but... no, she told me on the Broker's ship, showed me even that it was over between them. After all this he couldn't possibly have turned to her again? Could he? No, Liara wouldn't do that to me... would she?
"Tell me... it's not Liara, is it?"
"No, Tali. It's Mordin."
The engineer blinked. She hadn't seen Mordin when she had come aboard or heard anyone talking about him. The salarian had been an important part of the mission to stop the Collectors, in reality he was the only reason they had even had a chance. But if he wasn't here...
"Oh no..."
Kasumi squeezed her shoulder. "He died to completing the last mission, Tali. But he did it. He cured the genophage."
Fresh tears welled up in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks, the suits internal systems already trying to dry them as they fell. She squeezed her eyes shut for a long moment and just sat there, memories of the strange old scientist running through her mind. For all his oddities Mordin had been a kind man. Even the amazingly embarrassing 'interspecies relations' talk Mordin had with her had been handled with the utmost discretion and care. She remembered the small smile on his lips as he told her to 'not waste a moment' in life.
"There's more," her friend continued, letting Tali rest her veiled head on her shoulder.
"We lost someone else?" she asked in a strained voice.
"Not one of the old crew," Kasumi assured her. "But a turian died on Tuchanka as well, the new turian Primarch's son sacrificed himself to keep us all from getting blown to little pieces. It's been a mess, Tali... Shepard tried warning me, but I don't think even Garrus was really prepared for it. The Flotilla has been out of contact so you haven't seen what's been happening."
She looked up now, hearing the strain in Kasumi's voice. Ever since the thief had come aboard the Normandy she had somehow adopted Tali as a friend, but she'd always been the older and more experienced of the pair. She was always ready with advice and a hug... this was the first time Tali had really seen something get to her.
"We got a few of the news reports. Earth and Palaven being hit. I kept wondering if Shepard and Garrus were there, fighting..."
"They were, we actually had to drag Garrus off of Palaven's moon along with the Primarch in the middle of the fighting. Garrus was their 'expert Reaper advisor' apparently."
"Really?"
"Really. It didn't go to his head... too much," Kasumi said with a small laugh. "You're getting me sidetracked, though, fishbowl. What I'm trying to say is that since Shepard worked his charms and got me on this ship we haven't stopped."
"How long?"
"Weeks. And it's taking its toll... even on Garrus. He's dividing his time between worrying about Palaven and worrying about Shepard. And Shepard is... I don't know. Not good. I've barely spoken to him outside of a mission it feels like."
There was a twinge of pain, even guilt, as she remembered the dark circles under Shepard's eyes. She frowned as she thought.
"Kasumi, if you think I can help him... I don't know if I can. He barely even spoke to me and I still just... I don't know. I don't even know how I feel. I thought I had helped him before. That he was happy with... with me..."
The thief cut her off with a shake of her head and another squeeze around the younger girl's shoulders. "He was happy. Shepard looked at you the same way Keiji always looked at me... but you're right, it's not your job to fix Shepard. But I wanted you to know what's been going on. Maybe it'll at least help you understand why he's not acting the same as before you left."
"He wasn't even the same then, not after Bahak," Tali replied quietly.
"No one but Shepard knows exactly what happened. The real question is: do you still love him?"
"I.. I don't know how to feel. I don't know if he still loves me even. What to do I do, Kasumi? I'm responsible for seventeen million quarians and I don't even know what I want. How am I supposed to know what to do for them?"
"I've spent my entire career trying to make sure people don't even know my name," Kasumi said ruefully. "I don't really have any good advice. Boys. Art. Hacking. Those I can do."
She smiled faintly, even if the thief couldn't see it.
"Thanks for trying."
"Are you certain you should be doing this, Tali? A member of the Admiralty Board-"
"As long as I'm on the Normandy, I'm not just an Admiral. I'm a part of her crew," she said, cutting Raan off but with a gentle tone. "No one knows geth code better than me, not even EDI."
She snapped the armored face plate over her visor, the seals giving a hiss as it settled into place and a detailed HUD sprang up to replace her usual suit interface. The slits in the visor limited her vision significantly in comparison to her traditional face plate but with luck the more advanced sensors would make for the loss. Aboard the Shadow Broker's vessel she had nearly died when the concussive force and shrapnel from the yahg's grenade had shattered the tempered glass of her visor and it wasn't an experience she was going to repeat.
"I just worry that you are eager to go because of... other reasons," the other quarian said with a sigh.
Tali picked up the combat knife from the table and slipped it into sheath on her armored boot. "I'm going because it's where I need to be, Auntie Raan."
"I know, child. May the Ancestors watch over you, Tali'Zorah."
Her aunt's embrace was a brief one before she stepped out of the small cabin and let Tali pass. They rode the elevator in silence and departed the same way. Raan would join the other Admirals in the war room for the duration of the mission while she headed for the cockpit. She found a blue armored turian leaning against the airlock bulkhead waiting for her.
"Well, if it isn't little Tali, come to play," Garrus said, mandibles spreading wide in a turian grin.
"I've still got the shotgun, you big blue bosh'tet," she replied. "Or should I call you 'Big G' now?"
"Spirits... she's already gotten to you. That woman is insufferable. If she's not disappearing in the middle of a conversation she's coming up with the most atrocious names."
"Oh, I'm sure it could be worse... maybe something like-"
"Don't. Even. Say it."
They both laughed, the back and forth feeling like the most natural thing in the world. After a few moments of silence Garrus' expression became more serious and he reached over to give her a pat on the shoulder.
"Good to have you back, though. Wish it was for a better reason but with the way the galaxy is going I shouldn't have expected much better."
She nodded. "At least there was a Normandy for me to come back to. My people might be in danger from the geth but it's still better than fighting the Reapers like on Palaven. Did your family..."
The turian looked away briefly but his voice was level. "I don't know. Communications have been spotty at best. I'm holding onto hope. My father is a stubborn old bastard. Notice that your envirosuit has gotten... sturdier, by the way."
"All that C-Sec training is really paying off," Tali agreed, letting the subject change without complaint. "After what happened with the Broker and knowing what was coming I decided it was time to stop pretending I'm just an engineer anymore. I stopped being that a long time ago."
Most quarians, even marines, were indistinguishable from one another to most observers. Lacking the production facilities of the other races, and never being particularly fond of heavy armor in the first place, as a rule quarians didn't have an equivalent to the thick combat armor utilized by the Turian Hierarchy or Systems Alliance. They tended to rely upon modded, increased capacity kinetic barriers and quick assaults to avoid injury. This tactical mindset had worked for the past few centuries for the most part. But the extent of quarian ground operations had also previously been limited to the occasional battle with pirates or small, covert operations like Freedom's Progress or Haestrom.
Tali had stop being just an engineer as soon as she set foot on the Normandy over three years ago, though it had taken the majority of her time aboard to make her admit it. Typical ship's engineers didn't have hundreds of hours of combat experience or knowledge of a dozen different types of small arms. They certainly didn't have more geth kills on record than any individual since the Morning War. And they hadn't seen their teams die, one by one, under the crushing feet of a hacked heavy mech or to the unrelenting gunfire of a platoon of geth. Now she was finally dressed like what she was: a woman that was as much warrior as she was technician.
"Looks good," Garrus commented, eyeing the upgrades appreciatively. If it had been anyone else she might have felt embarrassed by his lingering gaze, but it wasn't anyone else. It was Garrus. "Did you modify a Serrice model chest plate for the upper body?"
"It was the best fit I could find, they don't exactly make this stuff for quarians. Everything else is custom tooled... nothing as heavy as what you wear but if my shields go down I'm not completely vulnerable anymore."
"Good. We don't need to lose you to a lucky shot."
There was another long silence, once again broken by Garrus.
"You know that he made me the XO?"
She cocked her head.
"I... guess it makes sense. Miranda had the position before, but no one has heard from her in months."
"He didn't even tell me. I only found out from Traynor when she asked me to sign some kind of requisition form yesterday," the turian explained. "She hadn't be able to get Shepard on the CIC long enough to do it. When I asked her why she wanted me to sign it she said that it had to be done by either to commanding officer or the executive officer."
Garrus crossed his arms and bumped his fringe back into the metal bulkhead with a laugh.
"A turian executive officer on a Systems Alliance ship. If the galaxy wasn't already falling apart that would have been the political shitstorm of the century. As soon as I saw the official documentation I could just hear Udina's voice in the back of my mind, ranting away."
"He trusts you, Garrus," she said simply. "He always has... what's wrong with promoting you? Aside from the fact that you're not human or part of the Alliance, of course."
"Just the way he did it. I hacked the database. It's not hard at the moment with no one paying attention. It's all there, Spectre authorizations and Alliance documents. Every detail. He didn't just make me the Normandy's XO, Tali. He made me his second in everything. He's even got paperwork in there signed off by the damn Council."
"The Council?"
"Yea," the turian nodded, scratching behind his fringe. "I don't know how he did it, but he did. If Shepard... doesn't make it back from a mission then everything turns over to me. Including his authority as a Spectre. All of his assets, private files... everything. And some of the things that happened on Tuchanka, the things he said..."
She stared at him in wide eyed astonishment. It didn't even seem possible, but when she thought about it things fell into place. Spectre's answered only to the Council, and if the Council signed off on whatever Shepard had set up then it would all be perfectly legal. And in the middle of a war it wasn't like anyone was going to have time to contest it. Little pieces began to fall into place, things that Kasumi had told her while they waited for the call.
"Keelah, Garrus... you can't mean..."
"He didn't just make me his XO, Tali," the turian said darkly. "He made me his damned replacement."
Hackett's voice actually sounded shocked. He had long wondered just what it would take to shake that calm, grizzled exterior. At least now he could say he knew. Within the comm room he was looking at three holographic forms, each relayed from somewhere else in the galaxy. Similar expressions were on the other two faces, the Alliance admiral was just the first to speak.
"Shepard, what you're proposing... it's beyond extreme. It's insane."
"No, it's all too sane. Logical even," he replied, shaking his head.
"I can't believe I'm saying this... but Shepard is right. It is logical. Utterly ruthless, but logical," Victus agreed.
The Admiral and Primarch were joined by the fourth, and newest, member of what he was beginning to think of as the War Council. There had been some initial hesitance but Shepard had made it clear that Wrex had earned his place at the table. Considering the thousands of krogan on their way to reinforce a faltering Palaven there wasn't much Victus or Hackett could counter with.
"Hrmph," the krogan muttered. "This is the kind of plan I'd have expected from the likes of Okeer, Shepard, not you."
"I don't think Anderson would approve either," Hackett added.
The Spectre shrugged. "Maybe not, but we have to face the facts... we're not even fighting a war at the moment. We're fighting a delaying action. We have plans for a super weapon that we don't even know what it does and that we can't build until we find a safe location that the Reapers can't simply overrun."
"Are your estimates of our chances really that grim, Commander?" Victus asked.
"I can't even begin to estimate our chances," he replied tiredly. "We've been fighting for weeks and we still don't have an accurate estimate on their numbers."
Hackett sighed heavily. "And you really think this plan would work? Would it be worth the... horror of what we'd be doing? The sacrifice?"
"I don't know," Shepard admitted, locking eyes with each of the men in turn. "What I do know is that one way or the other is that we've come too far to just follow the protheans into a slow death, being harvested world by world. If our cycle is going to end... then we should choose how it ends. Not them."
"That's at least a proper krogan sentiment," Wrex agreed.
The aging human admiral first looked to his turian counterpart and then to Wrex, finally nodding. Shepard knew what he was proposing and so did they. He could see it each of their eyes. None of these men were diplomats or scholars. They were old soldiers that had seen all the horrors of war only to find new ones at the hands of the Reapers. Men like that knew what it meant to make a decision that could never be washed away by drink or prayer.
"We have the resources, especially after our finds on Tuchanka and elsewhere. I'll begin preparations and selections... this isn't something we can leave to chance," Hackett finally said with great resignation.
"God help us all."
"Are you sure about this, Joker?" Tali asked.
"I'm sure because EDI is sure. Uh... right, EDI?"
"Of course, Jeff. The minor structural damage to this area of the geth dreadnought provides the only access to the vessel's interior structure that will not immediately alert the geth to the presence of the infiltration team," the AI explained.
EDI having a body was just one more shock to add to a day that was rapidly spiraling out of control. Seeing Shepard, then Kasumi telling her about Mordin's death. Garrus' revelation. Now the AI, the thing that she had trusted least when she had first come aboard the SR-2, had a fully combat capable, humanoid platform. She did actually trust EDI now, but it was still unnerving.
"So what part of that explanation required Shepard to go alone?" Garrus inquired dryly.
"None. The docking connector, however, is heavily damaged and devoid of atmosphere or artificial gravity. Commander Shepard decided that he would access the airlock alone rather than risk multiple team members crossing the damaged section."
Her fingers gripped the back of Joker's pilot seat tightly, ignoring the look of annoying on the pilot's face at the jostling, as they watched Shepard's slow progress across the empty docking tube. A faint vibration passed through the ship and Tali sucked in a breath. A piece of the docking tube's metal frame had broken away in front of the Spectre, forcing him to stop before almost stepping into the sudden void.
"The Commander's vital signs have spiked," EDI stated with a level of calm only a synthetic was capable of. "I will alert Dr. Chakwas, but should he suffer injury during while crossing the vacuum exposed area it will be difficult to reach him."
Tali turned away from the display and took a few steps out of the cockpit, frantically tapping buttons. She had been angry at Shepard for everything that had happened. But she also remembered waking up in the middle of the night as he had jerked out of a dream, gasping for air. Those dreams he had told her about, the constant loop, relieving his death in space over Alchera. Now she could only hope that he hadn't bothered to change his codes in all those months.
She stabbed a key and spoke quietly. "Shepard?"
"Tali?"
He sounded surprised and a little out of breath.
"Yes, it's me. Are you... okay?"
"I..." he hesitated and she heard him swallow even over the comm. "I'm fine. Just a little setback."
"I know better than that. I can hear it in your voice."
The quarian looked over her shoulder, saw him moving forward again slowly on the monitor. At least he wasn't free floating; the magnetic boots of his armor let him stick to the metallic surface of the ship. Using the magnification function on her new visor she was able to see the small readout on EDI's screen showing Shepard's heart rate and blood pressure, both far too high for a human. When he didn't answer she let some of the anger she had felt earlier seep into her voice.
"Dammit, John, talk to me!"
"Sorry, I'm not good at small talk while I'm walking around in a damn vacuum."
She sighed, but a small smile appeared on her lips. "You seem to manage just fine while you're being shot at. What's a little lack of atmosphere compared to that?"
"It's not a little lack of atmosphere that bothers me... it's the complete lack of it," Shepard replied tersely.
"Then just talk to me and ignore that part."
"About what?"
About what exactly happened on that asteroid? About what's been happening to you since Earth was attacked? Why you left me behind on the Citadel?
Tali bit her tongue, however, and did her best to sound casual. "Anything. Kasumi told me you found a prothean in a box?"
That actually earned her a strained laugh. "It was a little more complicated than that."
"I figured as much. She told me his name was Prothy the Prothean but I think she was... what did you call it? 'Pulling my leg'?"
She continued to watch the monitor now as they spoke. In her ear she could hear Shepard take a deep breath and disengage his boots, jumping across another damaged section of the tube before landing on his feet.
"Javik. His name is Javik," Shepard said finally. "That... nickname probably isn't a good idea. He's not really the joking type."
"I'll remember that."
When she looked back again Garrus was looking at her quizzically before finally catching on. The turian gave her a small grin and a nod. She returned the gesture and opened the channel to Shepard once more.
"Tell me about Wrex... she said something about him having a girlfriend?"
The airlock slid open and the two armored forms slipped inside, guns already in hand, but were greeted only by Shepard. He was waiting just inside with his own pistol in hand and wearing the same much abused armor she had seen him wearing in the war room. With the helmet on Tali realized it was the same model as the old silver armor that she had said made him look like a baelen'sor.
"Next time ask me if I want to tag along before you go space walking," Garrus said as soon as the door closed behind him.
Shepard's helmet turned towards the turian. "I'll take it under advisement. Tali, the signal seems to be broadcasting from the main reactor core. We need a route and you're our geth expert."
"Give me a second," she muttered, opening her omni-tool and kneeling next to the wall.
It was easy to fall back into old patterns. The hesitation and uncertainty of just minutes ago were gone from Shepard's voice and she responded immediately to his order. It was how their little team had always worked together, her tearing through security systems and consoles while he and Garrus watched over their position with lethal efficiency. They would solve one problem and move on to the next, usually dealing with obstacles in an explosive manner. This mission was no different in that respect.
Tali yanked the bulkhead panel away and scanned the port with her omni-tool directly. She glanced up at the pair.
"That's two anomalies that I'm certain the geth detected, first the airlock and now my accessing their systems. That's enough to put them on alert. As soon as I disengage the first blast door they're going to know we're here."
"Then it had better be a really good route. As soon as you open the door we're moving. Don't stop until we hit the next blast door... we can't afford to get pinned down or they'll overwhelm us," the Spectre ordered. "After we make it past each junction you're going to lock it down behind us, just like the Collector base."
"Those doors won't open again if I lock them in a way the geth can't just override. We won't be able to follow our path back if we wanted to," she pointed out.
Garrus nodded thoughtfully. "We wouldn't be able to even if the doors weren't sealed. The geth are going to be pouring in behind us, no way we could fight through that many of them. Starting to wish we'd brought some more firepower, Shepard. Javik and Vega, for example."
"Too much heat. Even with full seals we're bleeding excess heat. More bodies means more heat, easier for their internal sensors to track and the sooner they'd notice us."
"Right. So we do it the hard way," the turian said.
Shepard pulled a shotgun from his back and flicked the activation switch, unfolding the weapon in his hands. It was a menacing looking piece of hardware, far bulkier than her Eviscerator. When it had fully extended she saw the small glowing munitions indicator light. High density penetrator rounds. He had come prepared for dealing with geth at least.
"We always do it the hard way, Garrus," he said. "Time to move. You're on counter-sniper duty. Tali, getting through their security is your number one priority. I'll take out anything in between."
"Got it. I uploaded the ship schematic to your omni-tools."
Garrus nodded. "Ready as I'll ever be."
She activated her omni-tool once more and sent a surge through the geth sub-system, followed by a burst of malicious code, quickly overwhelming the locking mechanism. The doors opened without a sound and they took off at a controlled run. In the airless passageways of the dreadnought their footsteps made no sound except for the dull echo without their own armor. Shepard slid to a stop at the first intersection and swung around the corner with his shotgun raised.
No immediate shot followed after; clearly the geth hadn't been able to close on their position as rapidly as she had feared. When he looked to her she merely pointed to her right, indicating their path. One more intersection without incident and another sprint down a silent corridor brought them to the next blast door.
"This entire ship just feels… off," Garrus complained over the comm.
"The geth design with more abstract geometrics. The measurements and shapes aren't anything an organic would ever create," she explained absently while hacking through the geth's security firewall. "Just be glad they still have the same general body shape as when we originally made them. Otherwise their ships might not even have had proper corridors."
"Hostiles!"
Shepard's barked warning cut off any response from the turian. The shotgun in his hands bucked and she looked to her left, seeing a geth platform fall backwards with a gaping hole just below its neck.
"I've got the door! Go!" she yelled.
Sporadic bursts from geth pulse rifles assaulted their position as they dove through the opening blast door. Running another program through the geth systems, she closed the door and set it on an infinite loop of diagnostic procedures buried within thousands of lines of garbage code.
"More new friends," Garrus said quickly. "I don't think we're being stealthy anymore."
The turian's sniper rifle pointed the first out, a round piercing the single glowing optic of a trooper. Even as they ran she could see more of the silvery platforms coming from the various side passages along the main corridor, rounds skipping off their barriers. Tali quickly emptied her own shotgun's thermal clip into the nearest clump of enemy platforms. The damage wasn't crippling but it drove them back.
Garrus snapped off another shot as they slid into cover at the next blast door. The support braces around the door at least provided enough protection to shield them from the majority of the enemy's fire. The geth response time might not have been quite instantaneous but they had arrived with overwhelming force.
"This is going to get bad fast," she said. "I'm showing signals pinging from all over the ship."
"Just get the door open," Shepard ordered. "If we don't shut down that signal your people are going to get cut to pieces by the geth fleet."
"You think I don't know that?" Tali snapped, frantically tapping at her omni-tool.
The Spectre pumped the shotgun and a spent thermal clip sailed through the air, quickly replaced by a fresh one.
"I know you do. You should have stayed on the Normandy with the other Admirals. I could have brought EDI."
"You said it yourself, if we fail my entire race dies! If that happens then at least I'll die with them!"
With each firewall the geth programs adapted, gaining greater resistance to her hacks. One last virus penetrated the geth defenses at last and the lock disengaged. Suddenly she felt Shepard's hand on her arm, pulling her to her feet and forcing her attention to his armored visage.
"I will not let that happen! Not now, not ever! Now move!"
Shepard yanked a grenade from his belt and threw it towards the approaching geth before throwing himself through the closing door. Just like the others she locked this one down, sealing it behind them in such a way that the geth would have to manually force it open to reset the protocols. There was no time to catch their breath but she couldn't help but glance at Shepard as they ran.
For a brief moment she'd heard conviction and passion in his voice with the simple declaration. It was like her Shepard appeared for an instant and then faded away just as quickly. None of it mattered at the moment, though. Stopping the Reaper signal was the only thing that was important now. One more blast door and they'd be at the main reactor.
"Pyro! Get down!" Garrus yelled, pushing her aside as a gout of flame poured into the space they had just occupied.
The hard impact knocked the air from her lungs but she kept a grip on the shotgun in her hands, pumping fire into the geth's lower legs. Her Eviscerator's buzzing shrapnel took the platform out at the knees and sent it toppling down, giving Garrus time to double tap it in the head with his rifle. A second of the flamethrower wielding units emerged from the opposite direction, only to have Shepard roll under its attack and knock the geth's weapon upwards. When she heard the deafening boom of the shotgun blasting a hole in the platform Tali realized the geth had even purposefully pumped oxygen into the room just so the pyros' flamethrowers would work.
Garrus picked himself up. "For the love of the spirits, why do they have platforms armed with flamethrowers on their own ship?"
"They're controlled by the Reapers now," Shepard said. "And the Reapers would expect something like this. That's why there are so many armed platforms here so quickly. There's only a few ships in the galaxy that could have gotten close enough to dock undetected."
"If they were expecting you..." Tali said, trailing off.
"Then there's a whole lot more on their way," Garrus finished.
The last door was, as expected, even more frustrating than the last but this close to the core there were far fewer passageways and access points for the geth to utilize. The tight killzone gave Shepard and Garrus the advantage they needed to keep the geth platforms away while she dealt with the internal security. Thanks to the geth filling the passage with oxygen she was able to hear the deep boom of Shepard's shotgun behind her, Garrus' rifle making a perfect partner as they alternated shots with the occasional burst of static discharge when one of the pair sent an overload pulse into their synthetic enemies.
"It's open! All we have to do is take the elevator down five decks!" she said in triumph as the door opened to reveal a circular platform big enough to land a Kodiak on. What passed for an elevator among the geth it seemed.
Shepard slapped Garrus on the shoulder, the turian lowering his rifle and moving into the elevator before taking up a position covering them both. The Spectre ushered her inside before following himself. As soon as the doors shut she triggered the elevator to descend.
"I remember geth being much easier to kill than this," Garrus sighed.
She shrugged. "They're under Reaper control, it seems to increase their effectiveness considerably."
"Well, that control will end shortly."
"Yes, it will," she agreed, her tone becoming softer. "You're out here saving quarians again... seems like a habit of yours, Shepard."
The glowing red visor didn't turn towards her when he spoke, voice oddly distant.
"I've got too much to make up for to ever balance my ledger. All I can do is try."
Tali stared at the back of his head, trying to decipher that cryptic statement and once again feeling frustrated. It wasn't as if the entire crew was listening in. The only other person in the elevator was Garrus, the one member of the team that had been with him longer than Tali, even if only by a matter of hours. She couldn't understand why he wouldn't just talk to her and she was getting tired of it.
"What-"
Her question was cut off when an explosion sent her sprawling. Even through the quarian could feel the force and heat of the blast, immediately thankful for her upgraded armor. When she looked up her gaze fixated on a balefully glowing optic, identifying the rocket launcher that was perched on its shoulder. On instinct she lashed out with her omni-tool, sending a pulse of energy through the weapon that caused it to overload. The geth platform didn't even have time to drop the weapon before it detonated. Beneath her Tali felt the platform shudder uneasily even as it continued to descend. There were over twenty decks below them, straight down through the dreadnought's core.
"We've got to get off! Right now!"
The sound of rending metal filled her ears and the platform began to shake even harder before finally slamming to a stop at a slight angle. Tali pulled herself up onto the deck plating, Garrus leaping up after her. Then she realized Shepard wasn't already there. Looking over her shoulder she saw him shaking his head and climbing to his feet, knocked down by the abrupt stop and trying to keep his balance as the platform began to wobble.
"Shepard!" she yelled.
Clearly the Spectre was aware of the danger, his booted feet slamming into the elevator's grated floor as he ran for the edge. Another piercing shriek of metal giving way filled the shaft and the platform dipped, falling from beneath Shepard's feet. In an instant she was back on the Collector base, watching him sail through the air, her mind already filling in the gaps. Seeing that he didn't have enough momentum to carrying him the entire way.
Tali knew, in that moment, what she wanted. It all came in a rush as she lunged forward. He was still her Shepard, still the man that had been doing his best to protect her ever since he'd found her in an alleyway corned by assassins. She couldn't live through his death again. No matter what had happened, what he wouldn't or couldn't say.
She felt hard, cold metal under her fingertips and clamped down. A massive weight suddenly yanked her towards the abyss that opened up as the elevator platform tumbled towards, only stopped by an iron grip from Garrus. She yelled out in pain but kept her hold, letting the stronger turian drag both of them bodily upwards as Shepard did his best to scramble for purchase against the shaft's smooth sides. Then he was up, dragging himself over the side as she finally let go and leaned back, squeezing her aching shoulder.
"Are you alright?"
It was all she could do not to laugh incredulously behind her visor, seeing his gaze turn towards her shoulder. The first words out of his mouth were not relief for his own survival, but worrying about someone that hadn't almost died. Such a stubborn idiot of a man. Tali nodded slowly.
"I am now."
Shepard helped her to her feet, managing to look at her quizzically even from behind his helmet.
"Then are you ready storm one more gate to hell and end this?"
"We're right behind you, Shepard."
Tali glanced over at Garrus, seeing the turian give her a nod.
"Always."
Well to make up for the lack of Tali, I figured I'd give you all a 90% Tali POV chapter ;)
Keep an eye out, as I now have a very gracious artist working on some cover art for Razor's Edge as well as the edited and cleaned up versions of the older stories in the works. Hopefully sometime towards the end of the month or beg of August I can get those all rolled out at once in all their glory!
