They didn't talk much during dinner, but Rumple was happy to see Belle was eating dinner. Just because they weren't perfectly happy at the moment didn't mean they wanted the other to starve, or get injured. But it was too late for the latter. Why was it that the people you loved the most were the ones you hurt the most? Perhaps it was because you tried so hard to do what was best that perhaps you overstepped your boundaries? Perhaps love had too many high expectations that one could not possibly reach? Like Belle.
Rumple shook his head to rid himself of the horrid thought. Belle was a beautiful, kind, and brave woman. And loved him. Or at least she once did. But nonetheless, she continued to come back to him. That was what baffled him the most. How, after every single mistake he had made before they even knew they loved each other, did she continue to come back to him? Was she bored? Stupid? Those were the thoughts the imp would once say. While he watched her dust, or do laundry, or constantly rearrange objects in his castle so they were 'easier to find', the Dark One would always whisper some nonsense in his head. While at the time he believed the nonsense, now he had to wonder what made this beauty so heavenly. Possessing the most generous amount of second chances. Any sensible person would have given up on him ages ago. Milah did. But Belle wasn't Milah.
Or at least he once thought that. Like Zelena, Milah wouldn't have hesitated to use the dagger on him to do what she wanted. She was vile like the witch, and even worse than Cora. Because no matter what the other two may have done to him, and Zelena had done a lot, Milah was his first love. It was never easy to lose the first person you loved, no matter what may have happened, so when Milah told him that she never loved him, it broke him.
While he was thinking about the other women in his life, he looked at his current woman has they finished washing the dishes. Although the curse gave Rumple the logic of the washing machine and had taught Belle how to use it, she would often argue with him that it was more rewarding to do those kind of task on your own. Rumple found it ridiculous. Why waste time on a task that a machine could be doing while you had better things to attend to? It was another trait of hers he found odd. She might not have been royalty, but Belle had many servants in her household that would wait on her hand and foot. Although it was difficult at first when she first came to work for him, she soon found it all rewarding. He could understand the new found independence what one would achieve, but to actually want to do them? An odd girl indeed.
She's a woman, he told the imp in his head.
He wasn't sure if he should have been scared to continue hearing the imp. He no longer had darkness so why did the imp bother him? It wasn't the Dark One. He wasn't giving Rumple ideas that would be fun for him but awful on others. No. He was just there.
"So what now?" Belle looked at him. For a split moment, Rumple thought he had seen the look of excitement in her eyes. Not the kind that would led to any particular activity, but rather the kind he had seen many years ago. Where one adventure was over and now she was ready for the next. But as soon as he saw that spark it burned out. Instead, this was a look of worry and caution. And he understood why.
"Well how do you feel?"
"I'm fine Rumple. I just got," Utterly sick. "lightheaded."
"I'm sorry."
"What for? I asked and you answered."
"I knew you wouldn't like to hear it. I didn't really want to tell you either."
"But I'm glad you did."
"You are?" She was glad that he told her he died because she forced him into a world without magic, causing his curse to speed up and nearly destroy him?
"I know it's not easy for you. Being truthful. You've spent hundreds of years lying and deceiving. And having a curse that talks right into your ear makes it harder. I understand."
"It's not easy to jump right into the truth after so long just because you love someone. It becomes a part of you."
He didn't look at her directly but he could see in the corner of his eye her looking down.
"You're right." Belle places a hand on his arm. Realizing what the moment might lead to, Rumple made his way to the couch. Belle followed.
"Perhaps we should continue our homework?" Belle suggested. "We've agreed that it wouldn't be good in the morning and now we've had dinner. Maybe it's time?"
"Didn't we already do a little truth telling?"
"Well, you did. Maybe I should now." Belle hoped that Rumple didn't think she wanted to hurt him like his truth hurt her. No, she was doing this for herself. Yesterday and the game earlier today opened her eyes. She didn't like by any means what she saw, but that was why they were here.
"I'm selfish."
"Belle-"
"Please. Just hear me out." She sighed. "I have learned, even while you were gone, that perhaps I do have some high expectations. Perhaps all the stories I read growing up have filled my brain with nonsense."
"Belle, when I said that before, I didn't mean-"
"It's okay Rumple." She pleaded with him to let her finish. "I do need to understand my faults in this relationship. I have thought back to everything we have been through and realized that every time you make a mistake...I push you away. I tell you what you need to do and how you should change instead of actually helping you."
Rumple continued to look at her.
"After I...well, Regina actually helped me."
"What?" She knew Rumple wouldn't like to hear that. Especially after Regina took her heart after she offered her help. That act pushed back whatever reconciliation her and the mayor could have, but that wasn't the point.
"When she learned what happened, she talked to me. She told me what she thought. She said that although you are...a bastard," They both laughed, knowing it was Regina's words and not Belle's. Belle would never talk so ill-mannered about someone. No matter who they be. "you still love me. She said that no matter how she tried to use me against you or tell you otherwise, even you couldn't make her believe that you didn't love me. She would look at us and remember what all we've been through and realize that no matter what happens, you do love me.
To hear her of all people tell me that made me realize how much it was true."
Belle paused and looked at Rumple. His eyes told her that it was true. Even after what she had done to him, he still loved her. She wasn't sure why either. True Love truly was layered.
"And than she asked me a question that...well..let's just say that it really made me realize how stupid I was."
"You? Stupid?" He chuckled. He didn't think it was possible.
"I was hurt, and I never bother to ask you one question. I never even bothered to let you talk. I guess I felt like you would just give me a lie."
"You had every right to believe that."
"It didn't mean I shouldn't have let you. Rumple," He looked at her. "I never asked you why. I know now but I didn't than, and just because I was upset..."
She was beginning to cry again. "I had no right to just force you out without letting you give an explanation. If you would have told me why, about Zelena, I would have helped you Rumple. I understand what you went through-"
"You don't understand anything." He interrupted.
"What?" Belle's breath hitched.
"You think you do, but.." He got up and began to walk around. "It's not as easy as just being forced against your will Belle."
There was something else. She knew it. She remembered seeing how he was straining against the dagger when she had it, but he was talking about something else...something worse.
"Rumple, I know I don't know what it's like to be physically forced, but-"
"But nothing Belle. It's not just forcing your body. It doesn't just control you."
He placed his hands on a table and bent his head, trying to steady himself from the memories. Belle got up. She wanted to comfort him but knew better.
"Rumple, please. Tell me."
He let out a heavy sigh and turned around. He looked her in the eyes and told her.
"It chains you down. They're invisible, the chains. But when someone else has the dagger, you are suddenly reminded why it's called a curse."
Standing up wasn't helping, so he made his way to the couch. Maybe it would help clear his head of the dizziness he always felt just thinking about it.
Belle followed but reminded herself to not get to close. She didn't want to suffocate him. He needed air.
"When someone has your dagger, no matter how light they may be, it's like thousands of chains are thrown on your soul, trapping you to the earth that you'd be walking on for the next hundred of years. If you survive that long."
Belle gasped. "Rumple-I'm-I'm sorry."
"I know." He pursed his lips. "You didn't know because I never told you.
I didn't think I had to."
Belle couldn't remember when she sat down on the seat next to the couch, but she placed her head in her hands, trying not to imagine the idea of what Rumple just told her. But the images just kept coming. Images of chains being thrown on Rumple and pushing him down to the earth. Chains she helped place.
She lifted her head. Rumple wasn't speaking. He seemed to be engrossed with the window.
"Rumple-"
"It's late. Goodnight Belle."
He got up and left the room, leaving Belle alone.
It was two in the morning when Belle woke up. Or at least she would have if she could even sleep. She felt raw, her heart kept hurting and she was sure she had cried more in the last two days than she had her entire life. Why did it have to hurt so bad?
"You know why Belle." She told herself out loud.
The light in the hall turned on and she knew it was Rumple. They decided to sleep in separate beds at the beginning, because sleeping together, even just for the night, wasn't a good idea.
She heard him move outside and saw his shadow under the door. He went to the kitchen it sounded like. Belle moved the covers and got out of bed. She wasn't sure why and or what she was going to say, but she just needed to see him. To know that he was okay. Perhaps he was having trouble dealing with the fact that he didn't have the dagger. That he didn't have power.
She knew now why he loved the power. Not simply for the sake of it, but what it could do. All he wanted was to protect her and his son. Perhaps she could at least let him know that they didn't need it anymore. That he didn't. Now that the Darkness was gone and so was his life long rival, they were safe. She needed him to know that they would be okay in that sense. But were they okay with each other? That has yet to be answered.
"Rumple?"
She saw him turn from the cupboard where he retrieved a glass, looking a little surprised that she was up.
"Hey. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I just couldn't sleep."
"I'm sorry."
It's not your fault. She wanted to tell him, but she couldn't quite get the words out.
"This could probably wait until tomorrow, but I didn't want to."
She made her way behind the counter and to him, taking the glass from his hand and placing it on the counter, keeping her nervous hands busy.
"I wanted you to know...that we're okay."
He look confused. "What do you mean?"
"You wanted the magic so you could protect Bae, right?"
Rumple slowly nodded his head, still confused to why Belle was bringing this up in the middle of the night.
"And than you wanted it to continue to protect me."
"Yes."
"Well, now that the Darkness is gone, and Hook, you don't have to."
"What do you mean?"
"Rumple, we're safe. The curse is gone, and so is the one man who has wanted you dead ever since you two knew each other. Despite her recent actions, I don't think Regina will bother us anymore. No one is going to hurt us anymore. We're safe. You're safe."
He looked at his hands, trying to gather his bearings from what Belle said. It took him a moment before he spoke, and Belle tried to look up at his eyes to see what he was thinking.
"You're safe. But I still have enemies-"
"Who would be wrong to attack you when you're-"
"Powerless? Weak?"
Belle didn't continue. He still thought that of himself, and she still hated it.
"I understand what you mean Belle, I do. And perhaps you're right, that no one will hurt you or me, but..."
"But what? Rumple, I know it's difficult for you. I do. You had the power for three hundred years, and now it's just gone. It can't be easy."
"No, it's not."
"I can help you. I'm right here."
There was a voice in the air between them, taunting them and saying that she would leave still; but they both tried to ignore it, not wanting to listen.
"You just have to let me help you."
He smiled, a little. He gave her a quick kiss on the lips, to let her know that he still loved her and not that he just cared for her now.
"I'll try. I promise."
"And I promise not to leave when it gets too tough."
She returned his kiss and they headed back to the rooms. Once they got to Belle's room, Rumple hesitated.
"Belle, um...do you...would you like to sleep with me tonight?"
The question threw Belle off for obvious reasons. One being because he had simply left her alone earlier that evening, and because it was Rumple and not her who was taken the first step.
She smiled. "I would love that."
They quickly settled into the master bed (Belle had insisted that he took it on the first night and left before he could argue) and despite the urge and strong desire to move closer and wrap each others arm around the other, they slept on their respected sides, enjoying the others presence.
