Chapter Eighteen-

Dr. Keith smiled at Beca as she sat down. "You've been here about three days now! How do you feel?"

"I feel…I'm good but I'm nervous."

Dr. Keith nodded. "What do you feel nervous about?"

"I mean…" Beca paused. "It's nice to, like, feel good in a mental hospital where you don't have anything to cut with and spend all day having coping skills flung at you, but I'm worried about the real world. I don't know how much I trust myself."

"But you've learned so many coping skills in here. You are prepared." The doctor assured her. "See, you have all the tools you need, but it will be up to you if you actually decide to use them."

"Cutting was all I had for such a long time…"

"I know. That's how it is for a lot of patients. We take away whatever they are using to try to fix the problem, but things like cutting don't fix problems. They just make you forget for a little while and then, they make new problems."

Beca glanced down at her arms. Most of the cuts have been scabbed over. The ones with stitches looked like they were beginning to heal, but most of her cuts looked like they were going to scar. "I don't want to cut anymore."

The doctor nodded. "I'm glad."

"So…" Beca began.

"Yes?"

"When can I leave?"

Dr. Keith laughed. "Getting right to the point, aren't you?"

Beca smiled. "You could say that."

The doctor nodded. "Well, you've just kept seeming healthier and healthier every time I talk to you. I've heard good things from the nurses, and it certainly seems like you have a good support team by the number of visitors you've had…just answer three questions for me."

"Okay."

"What are three coping skills you could use instead of cutting?"

"Making music, talking to Chloe, exercising." Beca said confidently.

"Do you feel suicidal?"

"No." Beca assured her.

"And do you feel the urge to cut yourself?"

Beca hesitated and thought about it for a second. "Honestly…at the moment, no. I feel no urges to cut myself."

The doctor smiled. "Tell you father he can pick you up at about one. That gives you time to fill out some paper work, set appointments, and pack."

Beca beamed. "Thank you so much."

"Don't thank me; you've earned it."

Beca turned the key into her door and pushed it open effortlessly. She was praying that Kimmy Jin wasn't in there, but it looked like the room was empty. She sat her things down on her bed and plopped down right next to it.

"Surprise!" Bella jumped when she heard Chloe's voice from under her bed. She watched, amused, as she crawled out.

"Chloe?"

"Surprise!" Two more voices came from the closet right before Jesse emerged holding a small cake, followed by Aubrey.

"What's this for? Not being crazy?" Beca asked, teasingly.

"Oh no. No, we are pretty sure you are still crazy." Chloe smiled. "This is for starting your road to recovery."

"We felt you deserved cake." Jesse shrugged and held it out to her.

"Should I make a wish?" Beca joked.

"That's for birthdays, darling." Chloe pointed out.

"Doesn't matter." Beca took Chloe's hand. "Mine would have already come too."

"Ew. Gross. Sappy love. Just give me some cake, man." Jesse said. Beca laughed.

"You mean I have to share? I thought this was all mine." Beca teased.

"Good try, honey." Chloe said as she walked over to the cake to cut it. "Although you for sure deserve a cake after everything you've been through."

"You do too…for everything you went through." Beca said quietly.

"Nope! No sadness! This is a happy four person party." Chloe said, cutting up the cake. "A party of people who love you."

Beca looked up to see Aubrey and Jesse nodding. She beamed. "Thanks you guys, for everything." She said.

"Of course." Aubrey said.

"Whatever we can do, Beca." Jesse followed.

"Now we don't have plates, so everyone just grab your piece." Chloe said.

"Epic party planning on our part, guys." Jesse said.

"Shut up and eat your damn cake." Chloe told him. Beca smiled and took Chloe's hand again.

"Thank you. For everything."

Chloe's eyes twinkled as she smiled at Beca. "I love you, darling. Now eat your cake!"

"Are you sure you want to do this, Beca?" Chloe asked again as they headed towards the auditorium. "You know you don't have to and I don't want you doing something that could make you feel uncomfortable or anything…"

"You are way too protective of me, baby." Beca told her, giving her hand a squeeze. "I want to do this. These girls mean a lot to me and I want them to know the truth. What about you? Are you okay with me telling the girls about us?"

"Of course I am! I'm so proud of us and I love you and I want everyone to know how much we love each other!" Chloe exclaimed.

"I love you too. And I'm ready to do this." Beca told her, letting go of her hands to push open the doors.

"Beca! Where you been girl? We've missed you." Cynthia Rose called out.

"Yeah, you missed like two rehearsals of just dancing. Literally just dancing. Literally. Literally. Just. Dancing. And some vocal exercises. It got so boring so fast and I feel way behind on whatever amazing solo you are assigning to me. I will crush it."" Fat Amy said.

"I actually want to talk to you guys about that." Beca said, her voice shaking a little bit.

"My solo?" Fat Amy asked hopefully.

"No…" Beca sighed and then walked towards the chairs. She pulled one over so she could talk directly to the girls. "See, I've been sick."

"Woah, you are not bringing that sickness in here! Are you good now? You better not get me sick I have some singing to rock and roll to own." Fat Amy exclaimed, pushing her chair back.

"I'm not…physically sick. I have…I have depression." Beca explained. Chloe pulled a chair up next to her.

"Keep going." Chloe encouraged her.

"I've had depression…actually for a few years now. But, I've been able to handle it on my own. That was probably were I went wrong; I wasn't seeing a therapist or taking meds or even really acknowledging that I had depression. I just kind of tried to ignore it." Beca took a breath. "But, recently, I stopped handling it on my own. I decided to try something else. Something else that would make me feel better." Beca hesitated. "For the past few months…" Beca glanced at Chloe who nodded to her. "I've been cutting myself."

The girls looked shocked. "You mean, like, self- mutilation? Like using a razor and cutting?"

"Yeah." Beca nodded. The girls just stared at her in disbelief. Then suddenly, everyone began speaking at once.

"Why?" Fat Amy asked.

"You should have told us!" Cynthia Rose exclaimed.

Lilly furiously mumbled something under her breath.

"We could have helped you!" Stacie said.

"I know I should have told you guys. I should have done a lot of things earlier." Beca explained. "And I'm really sorry for hiding that from you."

"So, what's going on now? Are you still…" Cynthia Rose asked.

"No. That's the other thing. The reason I was gone the past two practices is because…I've been in the hospital."

"Like…a mental hospital?" Stacie asked. Beca nodded.

"Shit girl, you should have told us! I'd be up in that hospital if you were there. We could have partied hard…as hard as you can in a mental hospital…I guess that isn't very hard…but I'd still be there!" Fat Amy exclaimed.

"Seriously, any of us would have visited you." Cynthia Rose assured her.

"Wow. If I had known you would have handled it this well I would have for sure told you. Sorry guys. I didn't know."

"What, do you think we'd leave you just because you have problems? We're a team, Beca. We wouldn't judge you." Cynthia Rose explained.

"Thanks guys." Beca beamed and then glanced over at Chloe. "There's, um, one more thing I didn't tell you."

"Lesbihonest." Beca heard Fat Amy whisper. She smiled and took Chloe's hand.

"Me and this beautiful lady have been dating for the past few months." Beca said proudly.

"Finally!" Cynthia Rose exclaimed. The rest of the girls murmured in agreement.

"You guys knew?" Chloe was surprised.

"You guys make it pretty obvious." Fat Amy said.

"This is all going way easier than I thought." Beca muttered.

"Guess it's hard for me to look at you and not look like I'm in love." Chloe told her, squeezing her hand tighter.

"Same here." Beca beamed, quickly leaning in for a kiss. The girls ohhed in the background like it was some cheesy sitcom.

"Well, let's get started! I have the tracks all set up, I just need some vocals!" Beca exclaimed reaching into her bag. "Let's kick some serious musical ass!"