(A/N: Woah, it has been *ages* since I updated this! Thank you to everyone who over the past new months who favourited IDWF, or added it to your story alerts. It actually spurred me on to write again.

So, the bad news is that this is a relatively short chapter. The good news is because it was originally massive and I have had to cut it into three in order to make it manageable for my beta reader (thanks Grae!)

Which brings me to the good news; the next chapter won't be too long in coming, as it is more or less already written and ready to go. It just needs a copy edit to make it readable)

Chapter 15

16th October 2011

Kanji's alarm clock beeped loudly on his bedside table. Groaning, he rolled over in bed, blinking owlishly at the bright light of the LED display. It was an ungodly hour to be awake on a Sunday, meeting Naoto or not. Pale light filtered in through the gap in the curtains, casting long shadows in his room. He swung his legs out of bed, stretching his back out until he heard his shoulders pop. He rolled his neck and took a deep sigh. He felt so tired; why did he agree to meet up so early? He really wasn't a morning person. Bleary eyed, he grabbed his glasses from the bedside table, and the world shifted into focus.

Yawning loudly, he clambered to his feet and grabbed a towel. He walked unsteadily to the bathroom ready to grab a quick shower. The ofuro looked incredibly inviting, the idea of a long hot soak appealing a hell of a lot, but it wasn't worth running a bath just for him. Ma would probably go mad. Plus, he probably didn't have the time. Shower it was, then.

Standing under the hot water, briefly escaping the chill of the morning, he thought to the day ahead. He'd managed to screw up the courage to ask Naoto directly if she'd like to study with him, and she'd agreed. It wasn't a date or anything, he knew that, but that didn't stop him from feeling both unreasonably happy and nervous as all hell. Yosuke had also been trying to organise a study session for the past few days, but after last time Kanji had flat out refused to join. Plus, he really needed to get Naoto alone; he was going to finally man up and confess to her how he felt.

Stepping out of the shower, he rubbed his hair vigorously before wrapping the towel around his waist. He inspected himself in the mirror, mainly checking on his hair. He'd spent a long time last night bleaching it, messing with toner to make it go from a weird orange colour to the bright blonde he preferred. It was getting long at the back; it was starting to brush his collar. Hell, if he let it grow much longer he would be able to style it in a decent approximation of a riizento.

"Kanji-kun!" His mother called from the living room, breaking him out of his reverie.

"I'm busy Ma!" He called back, trying to concentrate on styling his hair.

"Kanji!" she called again, sounding more insistent. He sighed, rolling his eyes. He'd better go see what the old bag wanted. He didn't want to piss her off; he'd been in her good books recently.

"What?!" he shouted, stomping towards the living room, wiping his hair-gel-covered hands on the towel around his waist.

He stopped dead at the sight of Naoto. She was sat politely next to his mother, sipping a cup of tea, her textbooks on her lap. He let out a small yelp as he spotted her. Just like with her school uniform she was still maintaining her male façade here; despite it being a weekend she was still in a smart shirt and pressed trousers. She'd removed her cap, though, and her messy black hair fell into her eyes. She seemed to be blushing as she looked everywhere around the room except at him.

"Ah, there you are, Kanji-kun," Ma said sternly, sipping from her cup. "You're not dressed yet? You have a guest. Naoto-kun tells me you were supposed to be meeting today."

Shit, was he that late? How long had he been in the shower? He thought he had loads of time, last he checked.

"I, uh, sorry Naoto, I'll…." he made some half hearted gesture, feeling his cheeks go pink.

"Oh please don't rush on my account," Naoto said, looking flustered, still not looking at him but instead finding something very interesting about the pattern on her cup. Ma's expression had shifted to an amused smile, her eyes twinkling in a way all little old ladies seemed to know how to do. Kanji felt heat spreading across his face. This was fucking stupid. Why was Naoto here? Why the hell didn't he put on some damn clothes? They were supposed to meet just outside the shopping district later on, he was sure of it. He was in no way prepared for this crap. The only consolation was that Naoto looked as uncomfortable as he was.

"I'll be right back!" He ran back to his room and quickly got dressed, hastily choosing a yellow long sleeved top and black trousers. He tossed his glasses on the bed, and grabbed random pieces of silver jewellery: necklace, watch. He cursed as he couldn't find his earrings. Whatever, he'd have to do without. He strode back to the living room, grabbing his jacket from the hook as he went.

"Uh, so, shall we go?" he asked, ignoring the looks he was getting from his mother. Naoto swiftly got to her feet, jamming her hat on her head and thanking his mother for the tea. Ma stood up as well, and began fussing over Naoto, inviting her back any time, saying how much of a delight it was to finally meet the Detective Prince, after she had heard so much form Kanji. Naoto bowed as she left; Kanji almost tripped over her in his haste to usher her from his house and onto the street.

"Uh, Naoto... I'm sorry, I had no idea you were gonna come here-" he started, trying to gauge her reaction.

"No, no I- I...Please let me explain; I had other errands to run in town this morning, and I ran into your mother outside the shop. She greeted me, and invited me inside; she was terribly persistent and insisted that it was okay. I had no idea you weren't ready. I-I am terribly sorry if I caused you any alarm."

Kanji silently cursed. His mother probably thought she was doing him a favour. Stupid old bat; she was way worse than Rise. And now she'd made him look like an ass in front of Naoto. Great start to the day. How on earth could he confess to her now? Hey Naoto, I really like you and it was completely unintentional that you saw me in just a towel this morning. By the way did you like what you saw? Fucking hell, she'd fun a fucking mile. His jaw clenched at the thought.

He started walking towards the river bank and he heard Naoto jogging to keep up with his long stride. He forced himself to slow down, in spite of the embarrassed rush of adrenaline he felt. After a moment, she broke the silence.

"I had no idea you wore glasses. I mean, outside of the TV world."

"Yeah, don't laugh," Kanji said, feeling self conscious. "I don't wear them much. Just at home."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Naoto looking at him with a thoughtful expression.

"What?"

"They suited you."

"Sh-shut up!"

Silence fell over them as they walked. Kanji took a deep breath. Come on, get it together, get back to studying. You have done that before. You got this. "So, uh, where do you wanna go? The others will be at Junes - Yosuke was trying to get everyone together."

"Then it may be prudent for us to avoid Junes," Naoto said quickly. Kanji smirked, feeling his annoyance slip away as the thought of an entire day with Naoto stretched out in front of him.

"Yeah, you're right."

They ended up by the river bank of the floodplain. They set up camp in a little grassy area by the river bed. Kanji laid out his jacket to sit on and the two of them poured over an English morning was delightfully sunny, and the trees had all but finished their transformation into a rich golden colour. A few people wandered up and down the single path; a family rode by on bicycles, someone was walking their dog. A little further on, an old man was fishing in the blue-grey waters of the shallow river.

Kanji tried hard to concentrate; his brain screaming at him to stop daydreaming and gazing at Naoto and study… but his heart wasn't in it. The morning's incident, coupled with his indecision of whether to actually tell Naoto how he felt, was keeping him distracted. Plus, she was sat right there next to him. She was so close, he could practically touch her. And it wouldn't take much, it would be so easy to reach out and have his hand on hers…

Naoto seemed oblivious, completely focussed on their work, trying her best to explain in simple terms the intricacies of English grammar.

"No, you see here, it would be "I have gone to school," not "I did went to school"," Naoto said, looking over his work with a frown. "This is because "have" is the auxiliary verb that goes before the verb "go", which in the past participle is "gone." The past tense of "go" is "went", which never takes the auxiliary."

"English don't make any sense," Kanji said, rolling his eyes, distracted by watching her mouth as she spoke the foreign language. She made it sound so… cool?

"No, it's easy. If you ever use the past participle, then you use an auxiliary verb. If you use the past tense, you don't need it. So it would either be, "I have gone to school", or "I went to school". Both are correct. You just got them a bit mixed up, that's all."

"Whatever. Can we take a break for a bit? I think I'm starting to lose it here." He straightened his back from where he was hunched over his notebook, and tried to untense his shoulders.

"Hm, okay, if you would like to. You have been preoccupied all morning, a short break might actually be beneficial for your memory and concentration," Naoto said, neatly bookmarking the page and closing the textbook.

"You noticed, huh. Yeah, just got a lot on my mind," he said, not elaborating. Come on, ace detective, see if you can work it out. I've been freakin' unsubtle about looking at you all morning. You gotta have noticed...

"O-okay?" Naoto said, giving him an odd look before shrugging and turning away from him. He looked over to her as she gazed over the river; her profile was haloed by the bright autumn sun. This was it. This was the moment for it. They were alone, nothing would interrupt them, and he could finally get everything off his chest. He took a breath, and Naoto turned to look at him, her expression expectant. Her deep blue eyes were piercing into his, and he had vivid flashbacks of when they were on Port Island. Her eyes could be so intense. He could see every detail of her face, from the way her brow furrowed, her small mouth in a stern line. He saw clear as day why he fell for her all those months ago.

"Uh, Naoto-" he started, his mouth suddenly dry.

"Yes, Kanji-kun?"

"You know, I'm, uh, really glad you came here."

"It is useful for both of us to study for the upcoming exams, and it isn't entirely altruistic on my part; I benefit immensely from tutoring."

"No, no, not right now, though, no, I- I am grateful. U-uh, I mean, here, to Inaba."

"Oh. Well, my presence was formally requested by the superiors in the police force; I have very little involvement in the decisions regarding which cases I investigate. My expertise and skills of deduction are often only sought once other avenues have proven unsuccessful," she said, her voice more than a little proud.

"Well, uh, still, it's pretty great you're here… and I'm happy, alright?"

She was looking at him with a quizzical look, her eyes narrowed in confusion. He had no idea what to say and by the looks of it, neither did she. Why was this so difficult? Just tell her you like her, dumbass. It ain't hard. No, he couldn't do it. His tongue just wouldn't form the words.

Shit.

"Uh, nevermind. Forget about it."


21st October 2011

After school Kanji caught the bus from the shopping district and headed towards the cemetery. It was in a small plot of land surrounded by trees a short ride away from town, an oasis neatly tucked away between the vast expanses of farmland and rice paddies which surrounded Inaba.

He'd planned to go yesterday, after the last exams were done with, but the wet weather and a persistent bad mood had put him off; he'd instead spent the evening at home reattempting sewing that damned bunny doll. In the end, it had turned out surprisingly well; he'd put it in pride of place on his bed. It helped him forget how much he screwed up talking to Naoto for a little while, at least.

He stepped off the bus and took a deep sigh. He hated coming here; he hadn't been in years and even that had been reluctantly at his Ma's request. He'd called in at the florist's after school and picked up a small bouquet of autumnal flowers; now he held the stems in almost a death grip as he strode towards the cemetery.

The dull rumbling sound of the road faded away as he walked with purpose along the cracked stone path. Stone lanterns, unlit for now, lined the path and large deciduous trees grew overhead, blocking out the afternoon sun with the remainder of their as-of-yet unfallen leaves and making the world take on a warm red-orange-brown hue. The previous day's rain had all but evaporated except in the shadiest of areas, the smell of petrichor giving way to composting fallen autumn leaves.

The leaf-covered path gave way to a neatly ordered plot of land, every inch covered in gravestones. They were set in rows, uniform in height and differing only slightly in design. He spotted a little old lady tending to a grave at the far end, her clothes kept neat by a red apron, bowing deeply as she laid flowers on the grey headstone. An old man and his dog slowly ambled between the stones.

Ignoring them, Kanji gripped the small bunch of flowers as he made his way towards the Tatsumi headstone. It was an old stone, a deep grey colour, the names of his father, grandparents and great grandparents engraved on the side and filled with a rich black ink. The top most part of the stone had long since broken; an earthquake had seen to that, but the rest of the stone stood tall.

His mother had been recently; half-burned incense stood upright in a little pot of sand, though it was no longer lit. He spent a bit of time fussing over the grave, arranging the flowers in some water, making sure they looked as beautiful as he could make them. He replaced the incense and fished in his jacket for an old, battered lighter. He didn't smoke, but it helped with the image, and was periodically useful. A thin ribbon of incense smoke drifted upwards. Satisfied, he sat crossed-legged on the stone covered ground. Kanji sat there in silence for a while, staring at nothing. He had no idea what he should say.

"Uh…Hi Dad... man I always feel dumb talking like this…." he mumbled to himself, looking around to make sure no one could hear him. Nobody seemed to be nearby. He shook his head, composing himself.

"Hey, it's me. I look a bit different now, huh. I know you wouldn't like it but…" he ran a hand through his recently bleached hair, his fingers brushing over his earrings. "I've… uh… I've been doing good. Been goin' to school, just done my midterm exams. Ma's fine. She's still running the shop, just like before. The Amagi's buy a lot from us, and business doin' okay. I know you and Ma wanted me to take over one day, so I figure I'd better start now, helpin' out and stuff." He paused. "Though I don't do much out front. I'd probably scare away any customers if I did." He let out a dry chuckle.

"I… uh… sorry I ain't been to see you. It's been tough, you know? After you died I just didn't feel…" he took a deep breath. "I didn't feel like I could face you, okay? Didn't think you'd approve of who I was. Who I am." He paused, thinking, and forced himself to carry on.

"Something you said, before you died, it really bothered me. "If you're a man, you have to become strong"... It made me so… mad. Like you didn't think I was good enough. And I carried that for so long. I thought, fuck you, for making me feel like that, for making me feel like..." He felt his jaw clench, and a familiar lump form in his throat. He coughed to force it down.

"Everything I did, all these years all I could hear was your words, runnin' round my head. Men are strong. Men don't back down. Men ain't afraid. Men are proud... I dyed my hair, changed my clothes and all I could think was how disappointed you were with me. I got in so many fights; if anyone upset Ma, I just went for 'em, show them that no one messes with Tatsumi, you know? I have tons of scars to show for it." He frowned at the memories. "I tried to look after Ma, to be strong for her, and I...it was never enough. I hated you for so long. It's why I never came here.

"And you know what, Dad? Things are different now. And I realise I wasn't mad at you… I was mad at myself. Like, I always knew who I was, but I had been trying to run from it. I like cute shit, I like sewing and knitting, but that don't make me any less manly. I thought I might prefer guys but that don't make me a pansy or nothin'.

"And I was wrong about you, about what you meant when you told me that I needed to be strong to be a man. I still don't think I completely get it, but I'm gonna keep on tryin' to work it out. And I just got thinking; you taught me how to sew and make stuff, not just Ma. And you were strong. And that's what I wanna become. I'm Kanji Tatsumi. I'm your son; I'm going to run the textile shop and make you damn proud of me.

"That's it, that's all I wanna say. I'm gonna make you and Ma proud."

He sighed deeply. Fuck, that was hard to say. His voice had started to crack near the end. He sat for a long time in quiet reflection, listening to the last of the season's cicadas as they sang loudly from the trees.

The afternoon slowly shifted into early evening. Kanji stood, shaking the life back into his legs and feet. He bowed to the gave, mumbling a short prayer to the ancestors before striding purposefully away.

He felt a hell of a lot better.