DISGAIDEN
Part 2: A New Visitor
In a valley near the camp site, Kippers and Lowalski found the designated meeting place, and Kippers rang a Celestian Bell to summon an angel that would pick up the bounty money. A soft light lit the dreary place up, and then a young woman with long braided pink hair emerged. Her attire was quite revealing, only wearing white lingerie and a tabard tied together with ribbons, along with mini shorts and shoes.
Her white wings fluttered in anticipation as she put her hands together and said, "Good afternoon, Prinnies."
"A spectacular afternoon to yourself, Miss Artina," Kippers saluted her, and Lowalski followed likewise.
"You sound like you're in a good mood. Did you slay those dragons I mentioned before?"
"It was an arduous battle and many lives were lost in the mayhem, but we managed to pull through and accomplish the impossible, dood."
Lowalski opened his fanny pack and gave Artina all 400,000 Hell they earned from the battle. She blushed in awe and commented, "My, this must be your lucky day. Did some kind of divine providence smile upon you today?"
"Not at all, dood!" Kippers insisted. "It was my military expertise, Lowalski's ingenious inventions, Reeko's arsenal of weapons, and the Private's knack for creating distractions that won the day, dood! Classic teamwork! Nothing more, nothing less, dood!"
"So about that debt, dood…" Lowalski interrupted his ecstatic brother.
"Yes, let me see here," Artina thought for a few moments. "So after today's spoils, you will need a further 1,678,240 Hell to pay your debts off."
"No problem! Bring 'em on, dood! Nothing will scare me as long as I have my brothers, dood!" Kippers exclaimed.
Artina giggled and said, "Then keep up the good work. It's unfortunate that so many Prinnies were lost in battle, but Mr. Vampire told them what the risks were well beforehand."
Lowalski agreed with her. "It can't be helped, dood. We'll just have to play it safe until more recruits come, dood."
"Play it safe, dood!? You have to be kidding me, dood!" Kippers shouted angrily, his eyes literally burning with passion. "I'm on fire! One and a half million Hell should be nothing, dood! Go for broke or go home, dood! Let's gain another 100 levels while we're at it, dood!"
"We are not using video game physics here, dood!"
The angel chuckled before saying, "Well, do whatever you feel is best. I have to get going now, but feel free to call me when you have more money."
"Aye aye, sir!"
With that, Artina disappeared from the valley in a flash of light. Kippers and Lowalski headed back to the camp site where they noticed an aromatic vapor trail in the distance, along with the scent of freshly cooked dragon meat tickling their nostrils.
"Oooh, that smells good, dood! I wonder if it's ready now, dood," Lowalski drooled out of the corner of his beak.
They hurried along the grey landscape until they could finally see their brothers and the unknown demon girl putting the finishing touches on her soup. Reeko was already gorging on his bowl in a total frenzy.
"Yo, Kippers, Lowalski! We're ready to eat, dood!" Ryan announced.
"Good work, soldier. So then, Private, did you manage to procure some intel about our new friend here?" Kippers asked.
"A little bit. She told me she drifted across the cosmos looking for a home, but was always kicked out, dood.
"Considering she might be strong enough to fight an Overlord, that wouldn't surprise me, dood."
Lowalski added, "She might have been seen as a threat to their power and was given the boot as soon as possible, dood."
"Hmm… I didn't think of it that way, dood," Ryan thought for a moment.
"Is dat what it's aww about?" the girl murmured.
"Well, it's just a theory, dood," Kippers said. "But you don't need to worry, dood. You can stay here as much as you like, dood."
"Dat's what Wyan shed," she smiled.
"But on one condition, dood!"
"Kundeeshin? What's dat?"
"We're monster hunters by trade, dood. Monster colonies dotting this river need to be exterminated, but since there aren't any civilized demons living here, we monster hunters need to come in and do the job, dood. So what I need from you, recruit, is to join our team as a fellow monster hunter and help us take care of this problem, dood."
"Ohhh… Moa monshtas like dose ones I killed? Dey're ebwywhere?" the girl widened her eyes in amazement.
"It's a case of overpopulation, dood, and we can't do it alone! That's why we need your on our team, dood! If you can perform your duties flawlessly, I see no reason why you can't call the Lethe River home, dood!"
"Wooowww… Shounds eashy foa me. Do I need to wegishta or something wike dose adventuwa guiwds whea dey keep twack of yoah kills? Is dere a wegistwation fee too?"
Kippers said, "No need to worry, dood. I'll take care of all the finicky red tape stuff. All you need to do is just kill monsters with us, dood."
"We make an adventuwa pawty and go on cwazy quests to hunt mownshtas, wight? Shounds wike fun! I can get ware ingwedients for cooking too," the demon girl sounded excited at the prospect.
"That's the way to do it, dood!" Lowalski chimed in. "So, we just need your name and we can get started, dood."
"Uh, about that…" Ryan interrupted him.
"What is it, Private? Don't rain on our good luck parade when it's in full swing, dood," Kippers glared at him.
"No, no, it's nothing terrible or anything. It's just that… Well, she doesn't seem to remember her name, dood."
"… Come again, dood?"
"She tried to remember but came up a total blank, dood."
"I should have guessed that a powerful kid like her would have some sort of amnesia or memory problems, dood. Don't tell me we have to go on some epic journey to find out more of her back story, dood," Lowalski sighed.
"Well that's mighty inconvenient," Kippers frowned, and then crossed his arms together. "Notion vetoed! We just give her a new one and be on our way!"
"I think that's a little rude, dood…" Ryan nervously said. "I mean, what if she has it at the tip of her tongue and she just needs some kind of trigger to remember it, dood?"
"We aren't waiting around for that, Private. We have monsters to slay, and we can't sit on our hides twiddling our fins for her, dood. As of this moment, our new recruit will be temporarily called Pvt. Kiddo. You don't have a problem with that, dood?" Kippers nudged the girl's arm.
"Hmm… I guesh not…"
"Faa~aantastic! Well, now that we have welcomed our new crew member, let's eat up and head for the next target, dood!"
In a Prinny Re-Education facility deep within Hades, the famous Prinny Instructor and corrupternment rebel Valvatorez had finished his lessons with a new batch of Prinnies and was heading back to his personal quarters. He was always accompanied by his werewolf steward Fenrich, who swore fealty to him many centuries ago and constantly showered his master with praise (sometimes needing to mask wry insults as 'demonstrations of his Lord's power').
Valvatorez was eagerly awaiting the meal that his Prinny chefs had prepared for him. The wonderful scents emanating from the dining hall aroused his olfactory senses and he entered a state of ecstasy. Sardine flambé, Mathippuli (sardine curry), sardine tempura, sardine sushi, sardine's blood wine, and sardine sashimi with all of the annoying little bones that he feared would get stuck in his teeth carefully removed… Even though he was in Hades, he felt like he was in Heaven. Fenrich immediately used a cloth to wipe some drool off of his Master's lip.
They entered the dining room… and Valvatorez's dream world of having an entire meal to himself was shattered. Artina was already inside eating some food, with the Prinny servants pouring a tall glass of proper red wine for her.
"My, thank you very much," she said to her steward.
"A-A-Artina…" Valvatorez gasped. "Ah, my feast …"
"You," Fenrich glared at Artina, his golden eyes narrowing into thin slits. "You have a lot of nerve dining at the same table before my Lord's arrival without his explicit permission."
"Oh, come on now," she said. "There's more than enough for everyone in this castle. I just thought I'd have some lunch before continuing my collection rounds. Would you care to join me, Mr. Vampire?"
"I, uh… OF COURSE I WOULD!" Valvatorez screamed and barged for the master's chair.
"Lord Valvatorez has worked tirelessly to re-educate some disobedient Prinnies that were returned from their masters, and has thus worked up quite the voracious appetite. You will be lucky if he leaves any semblance of scraps for you, hound of Celestia," Fenrich tersely told Artina.
"That's all right," the angel wiped her mouth with a napkin. "I'm already quite full, so I don't need Mr. Vampire's leftovers to satisfy me."
"As usual, you have no respect for my Lord's situation. Don't forget that you are the one responsible for his… ahem, current condition."
"Cawm dowhn, Fenwik. It waz my fawlt fo nawt twaining the Pwinniez on skedulwe," Valvatorez said between chews.
"My Lord, if I may insist, could you please not talk with your mouth full of sardines? It is rather difficult to understand you when your impossibly impressive throat is devouring marine life at the same time you are trying to convey words."
"Of course," the vampire said before gulping down some sardine blood.
Artina chuckled and said, "My, this is certainly a pleasant day for everyone. I might make exception for Mr. Werewolf, but I will chalk it up to his usual mannerisms."
Fenrich grumbled, "This is why I am not fond of women sharing the same table as Lord Valvatorez. But since you say that it is an auspicious day for 'everyone', might I contribute to my Lord's dining delight with an offering of my own?"
"Hmm, that sounds exciting," Artina clapped her hands together.
"Hey, Prinny! Bring out today's special!" the werewolf called out to the head Prinny chef.
"Aye aye, dood!"
A cart was wheeled in with a covered plate, which the Prinny set before the eager Valvatorez. He removed the top to reveal a steaming bowl of ramen noodles.
"This is sardine ramen with large chunks of fish and vegetables that had been boiled in a broth of blood and soy sauce, complete with a boiled egg and slice of naruto," Fenrich explained.
"Ooh, this looks fantastic!" Valvatorez crooned, broke a pair of chopsticks, and inhaled deeply to bask in the aroma. He paused and frowned, sniffing again.
Artina asked, "Is something wrong?"
"Fenrich…" the vampire mumbled with an angry look in his eye.
"Yes, my Lord?"
Valvatorez suddenly smacked the bowl aside with a vicious lash of his arm, sending the ceramic piece flying across the room and shattering into pieces!
"Once again, you have tried to sneak human blood into my food! How many times have I explained to you that it is pointless to trick me into breaking my promise!?"
"Impressive, my Lord," Fenrich bowed slightly. "Not even the soy sauce's overpowering saltiness could mask the human blood's flavor."
"I will prove it a million times if need be – a vampire's sense of smell is not to be trifled with!"
"In addition, those sardines were freshly caught from the river of Lethe. One bite and you would have completely forgotten that ancient promise that you persistently cling to."
"I noticed that too!" Valvatorez shouted. "Only sardines from Lethe River could emanate such a despicably sour aroma! Never mind my memory - my taste buds would have experienced amnesia after such a horrendous after taste! The next time you pull that stunt on me, I will be more than happy to have you experience how foul the sardines of Lethe River really taste!"
"I shall keep those words to heart."
Artina smiled while watching the argument, and then interjected, "Ah, that reminds me. I just returned from Lethe River."
"How are the Prinnies doing there?" Valvatorez asked.
"Well, they suffered some losses after fighting a small colony of four dragons."
Fenrich muttered, "As to be expected from Prinnies. Not even Lord Valvatorez's training regime could prepare those dim-witted creatures for the horrors that lay there."
"You might say that, but four of them survived and turned in one of the largest collections I've made to date."
Valvatorez raised an eyebrow. "Four Prinnies slaying a dragon each?"
"That would seem to be the case."
The vampire pondered for a few moments, wondering what to make of this news. He then said, "That's remarkable. Even with their power capped and not being able to utilize Hades' Item World hub to make their weapons stronger, they still managed to accomplish the impossible. If they keep this up, it will only be a short while before they can reincarnate."
"Rather than 'remarkable', would you not call it 'suspicious'?" Fenrich wondered.
Artina shrugged and said, "That doesn't really matter, does it? As long as they're paying their debt back to society, I see no issue with it."
"More like they're lining your pockets with the Netherworld's Hell."
"Well, the Netherworld is the one always borrowing money from Celestia without paying it back."
"Then Celestia should not be giving away money like it's a free commodity."
"That's enough, you two," Valvatorez stopped them, and then stood up. "Such strong Prinnies should not be ignored. Perhaps they could redirect their strength towards something more beneficial than slaying monsters in Hades' most desolate river. I should convince them to change their ways and see about serving a master who could use their strength in their final days."
"With all due respect, Lethe River is the most dangerous of the five river systems in Hades. In your current state, not even my Lord should venture there without good reason. Perhaps if you had your power when you were a Tyrant long ago, such a journey would be possible," Fenrich warned.
"Hmph… As loathe as I am to admit it, you have a point. Only the most valiant of Prinnies would have the heart to try their luck there. I sometimes wonder if the risk is worth the reward. If only I could send someone that I know will be able to survive there, they could report to me about what is going on there…"
At that moment, the doorbell's loud chime rang through the facility's halls. The vampire said, "Oh, my guest is here already? I suppose I prattled on too long over lunch. Fenrich, bring our visitor here."
"All is for my Lord," Fenrich bowed and left the dining hall.
"I didn't know you were scheduled to have visitors. Perhaps I should go and continue my rounds now," Artina was about to get up.
Valvatorez stopped her and said, "Wait a minute. He might be interested in going to Lethe River on my behalf. He would want to hear any accounts of your visits, particularly about today's."
"That sounds interesting. So who is this person we're going to meet?"
"He is a demon scholar who is said to travel to each Netherworld learning about each one's geography and mapping them. He's quite the avid cartographer, if you would."
"Sounds like quite the pastime. You're suggesting he would be able to survive in Lethe River?"
"He has gone to Niflheim, Irkalla, Tartarus, and even Limbo and has produced some of the most top quality maps for those areas. If he can handle those Netherworlds, then Lethe River should be no trouble for him."
Artina looked a little dejected as she murmured, "If only I hadn't made that promise to you, then you would have been able to go there yourself without burdening someone else…"
"I'll have none of that," Valvatorez stopped her. "It was my decision to make that promise with you 400 years ago. As an elite demon with the utmost honor, I will maintain my vow for all of eternity."
"Mr. Vampire…"
"Besides, I'm sure our guest will be happy to survey Lethe River for his own research. My schedule is already booked full with training sessions, a graduation ceremony, and orientations for the new batches of Prinnies, so I will suffice with a report from him… If he's willing to accept, of course."
Fenrich returned and entered the hall, saying, "Lord Valvatorez, your guest has arrived."
"Thank you, Fenrich. Let him in."
The werewolf steward stepped aside to allow another gentleman inside. He had wildly spiked golden hair and black parted bangs, which greatly contrasted his cool red eyes behind his square framed glasses. He reached about 6.5 feet in height and wore a long and sturdy green trench coat dotted with large buttons, making him resemble someone from the Armored Knight class of demons.
The gentleman closed a small notebook in his one hand, adjusted his glasses with the other, and then said, "Pardon me for being late, Tyrant Valvatorez."
"There's no need for the 'Tyrant' title, Sir Albert," the vampire told him. "Those days are long over. And on the contrary, you're well on time."
"I am sorry to say, but I was delayed by 5.6 seconds due to the cleaner Prinnies obstructing our paths."
"What a nuisance. I will need to instruct them to clear the way for guests… Well, don't worry about it. I am curious to know how your investigation into Phlegethon went."
Albert sat down near his host and opened another book he fetched from his coat. "Quite the challenge it was. Not only was it unbearably hot, but the river was so complex that I had to summon every ounce of patience just to map it correctly. Not to mention I was also constantly assaulted by Fire Demons, Great Wyrms and Zombies. Regardless, I have finished my work there and am able to add it to Hades' geography."
"Excellent. They will be helpful for tracking down Prinnies who attempt to flee from my training regimen," Valvatorez nodded in appreciation. "Phlegethon is considered to be the second most dangerous river in Hades. For you to come back with little more than annoyance must be testament to your determination."
"I am not as interested in hearing flattery as I am in hearing what you want from me. For you to say that Phlegethon is merely the second most dangerous location in Hades must mean that there is one river that is worse than that abomination."
"Yes, well… Actually, there's a favor I want to ask of you."
