In the event of my incapacitation

Dear Vin,

I cannot begin to express how profoundly remorseful I am that you are reading this. Not because of what it represents for me, but rather the impact it will have on you. I assure you, this is not a burden I impose lightly. Had we not had our discussion on the matter, I never would have bestowed upon you such an onerous responsibility.

For the vast majority of my life, I never dared to envision the day I would have anyone I could call friend. I was not raised in a manner that made it easy, or even possible for me to place my trust in others. Nor did I ever assume anyone would trust me.

Now, that has all changed. I have not one friend, but six. Six men who I care about in a manner I never before considered possible. Six men who I trust with my life. Six men for whom I would willingly lay down my life.

Obviously, I have no knowledge of what occurrence has led to this moment. I can be certain of only three things. It was not old age. This correspondence would be edited long before that time could arrive. Additionally, men such as myself rarely get to see their retirement years. Simply the nature of my character. I have made far too few friends and far too many enemies.

Equally, it was not illness. This message would have been destroyed, and other contingencies planned for if I had been diagnosed with a catastrophic malady of some kind. Nathan will attest to the fact I do not make a good patient, and as such, the idea of suffering through a debilitating condition is not a notion I accept.

There remains only the assumption that there has been some kind of accident, or more likely, some miscalculation in my work activities that has left me at the mercy of modern medicine. And that is how we have ended up at this point.

As I declared, I cannot abide the prospect of protracted infirmity, a slow and likely painful passing. I am not the strong, stoic sort who can cope with that scenario. Worse, I would be compelling others to suffer as I waste away before their eyes. But neither am I a man to give up when there may be the possibility of survival.

You see my dilemma. I have given this much consideration, in no small part as a result of our conversation on matters of life and death. My conclusion is simple, at least in theory. The legal documentation is prepared to provide you with the standing you will need. I have been assured it cannot be successfully challenged by anyone, and by anyone I mean of course, mother. My lawyer has directions on how to deal with her.

Six months is more than sufficient time to validate whatever prognosis the professionals have ascertained. If I have not recovered by that point, there is no reason to prolong your suffering. As I would be unable to communicate for myself, to express in some way my intention, I trust you to do so on my behalf, in the manner we have discussed.

This is my third certainty – that you will make the right decision. You will honour my wishes and respect my beliefs. I know it will not be easy for you, and that is my greatest sorrow. But I also know you would be deeply hurt if I were to deny you the opportunity to prove your friendship to me, just as I would be if the situation were reversed.

My final request in all of this is one I cannot enforce, but can only implore you to honour. Do not allow my situation to control your life. I neither expect, nor desire you to put your life on hold while I laze about. Please, move on. Enjoy. Live your life as I would be living mine.

With heartfelt appreciation and my deepest gratitude. Your friend, Ezra P. Standish.

Chris looked the letter over a second time before handing it back to Vin. The sharpshooter had left the hospital in the early morning hours to recover the paperwork required by the hospital to take his status as Ezra's representative. He figured the team was going to need to see the letter his friend had written several months earlier. He also had notes that Ezra had left with him for the others.

"You sure you can deal with this – with all of this?" Chris was worried. Vin had already seemed disturbed by what happened. Hell, they all were. But there was something else going on with Vin. Maybe this was it, but Chris couldn't help but feel it went further.

"I know what he wants, and I owe it to him to see it through."

"Owe it to him?"

Vin looked away.

"This isn't your fault." Chris looked at the rest of his team and his gaze settled on Buck and JD and saw for the first time the underlying guilt in their eyes. "This is nobody's fault. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Ain't one of you can say you wouldn't have done the same thing he did in his place."

"He shouldn't have been alone." Vin said quietly.

"What – you're supposed to babysit him when he goes shopping? We all supposed to travel in teams now?"

"No Chris, you don't get it. I think he knew something was gonna happen. Not this, not the robbery, but something. He seemed anxious about having me ride with him, but I brushed him off. Wanted some time on my own. If I hadn't…" he let the thought dangle.

"If you hadn't you might both be lying in a hospital bed. Or worse. You're not psychic Vin – you couldn't have known, and there's no reason to assume you could have stopped anything." He turned to Buck and JD. "Same goes for you. There was no need to you to be in there with him. You think he'd want any of you beating yourselves up over this? Blaming yourselves?"

"No," JD mumbled. "But..."

"No Kid – he's right." Buck looked over at the young man. "I know what you're thinking, 'cause I've been thinking the same. But Chris is right. Sometimes shit happens, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. Ezra'd be okay knowing that he took one of the bastards out, and saved that woman in the process. That'd make this okay for him."

"She'd like to talk to you Chris. The woman – Mrs. Daniels. Raine let me know. Turns out she 3 months pregnant, so she was kept overnight to monitor things. Everybody is fine." Nathan gave one of the first smiles that had been in the room since all of this started.

"I'd like to see her too." Vin added, looking to Chris for agreement.

"Sure – we'll head down in a little while. Vin – you haven't really answered me. This letter. Ezra's telling you to – well to pull the plug. Can you do that?"

"If I have to – but I won't. He's gonna surprise us all Chris. He always does." He turned away, not willing to meet anyone's scrutiny. With his back to them he added "I'm not in denial guys, I'm just not ready to give up yet."

"Nobody is Vin." Josiah came up behind and laid a hand gently on his shoulder. "We just want you to remember that you're not in this alone. You got 5 brothers standing right behind you through this. Through anything." Vin didn't need to turn around to know they were all nodding their agreement. He could feel the support from where he was.

7

Chris knocked softly on the hospital room door. In response to the "come-in" he and Vin entered.

"Mrs. Daniels? I'm Chris Larabee – this is Vin Tanner. I understand you were asking to see us?"

Her eyes teared up immediately. "Oh my. Yes. You work with Mr. Standish. Please, the nurses won't tell me anything other than that he was hurt. Is he alright? I so want to have a chance to thank him for – everything." She stopped when she saw the look the men gave each other. "Oh no. Oh please God no. He died?"

"No ma'am." Vin was quick to try to reassure her. "He was hurt, and it's bad, but he's a real fighter."

"If it hadn't been for your friend though…" she stopped as her voice began to crack again. "My goodness, I can't seem to keep myself together here."

"You've had a pretty stressful 24 hours. I think you're allowed to be a bit frazzled." Chris felt awkward with her, not really knowing what to say.

"Could you tell me please – Mr. Standish's first name?" The men looked puzzled for a moment, then Vin caught on. He fought to keep the smile off his face, anticipating what the reaction that would likely come from the mother-to-be.

"You know it's going to be a boy?"

"Not for certain, but I have a feeling."

"Ezra."

Her face froze. "Really? Ezra? How – distinct. Ezra Daniels."

Chris saw no reason for the woman to suffer. "You know, I remember having a talk with him one time when he said if he ever had a son he'd name him just about anything he could think of before saddling him with Ezra for a name. Said it was cruel and unusual punishment."

"But, I want to – I want my son to know, to always remember."

Vin had a thought. "You know, Ezra never really had much chance to get to know his dad, but he always had real good memories of him. Talks about him a lot. Jacob. His dad's name was Jacob."

She looked up at the men. "What a coincidence," she grinned. "That's what I am going to be naming my son. Please tell Mr. Standish I expect him to be recovered sufficiently to attend the christening of Jacob Ezra Daniels when the time comes."

"We'll be sure to let him know." They left the room, smiling.

"Vin – I don't think I have ever heard Ezra talk much about his father."

"Nah – me neither. But what he has said, and what he hasn't, makes me think he'd approve of the name."

"Think you're right on that one. Hope she's right about the baby, 'cause if it's a girl –"

"Yeah, we'll have to come up with something other than Maude as an option." Vin chuckled softly.

TBC

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