I do not own the Divergent series!
I own all my mistakes because I'm far from perfect!
ENJOY!
Chapter 10
Tris
Eric and I have been living together for a couple of weeks now and I gotta say it's been kind of fun...and funny! You see, Eric is positively anal retentive when it comes to cleaning!
I was helping him clean for the party tonight but halfway through the whole horrid experience he told me to sit my ass down because I was making more of a mess than I was cleaning. So here I sit, just watching my little house wife clean. He's so cute when he is dusting; makes me want to buy him a French maid outfit.
"What the hell are you giggling at Tris?" Eric walks over to me tickling my nose with the damn duster causing me to freaking sneeze. Asshole!
I snatch the duster out of his hand and throw it across the living room. "Oh nothing, just picturing you in a French maid outfit. I think you'll look sexy; don't you?" I wink at him then laugh at the look I receive.
"You find this funny don't you?" Eric growls low in his chest as he begins to stalk back over to me with a wicked grin on his stupidly sexy face.
"You know me all to well ba..." I'm stopped by Eric jumping on top of me and pinning me to the couch.
"I think the French maid outfit would look so much better on you!" He tells me pressing his lips to mine.
"Eric, my sexy little house wife; it sounds to me that you just want to do a little roll playing, you kinky, kinky man!" I laugh then moan when Eric grinds his massive erection into me hard.
Eric shake his head after a few seconds. "I'm not in to roll playing baby, but I would love to see you in that kind of outfit!" Eric tries to tickle me but my crazy ass reflexes kick in and I push his ass off me, and the damn couch completely.
"What the hell was that Tris?" Eric asks from his position on the floor.
"That was my defense mechanism kicking in, so don't try to tickle me again!" I point my finger in his face as I continue to laugh. "It'll only end badly for you; just ask my brother!" I blow him a kiss as I get up and step over him.
"That wasn't nice baby! You could of at least offered to help me up, you mean ass woman!"
I grin at my adorable boyfriend then wink. "You know I could, but I'm just to damn tired from watching you clean!"
I take off running for the front door because I want some dauntless cake and Eric is chasing after me. As I make it to the door, the fucker swings open and effectively knocks me on my ass.
What in the crazy freaking Abnegation; I mean hell?
I look up just to see my retarded, laughing hyena of a brother in the doorway. Seriously, the jackass is laughing his fucking ass off at me!
I hope he fucking pisses his pants. Asshole!
"Holy shit baby are you okay?" Eric is laughing just as hard as my idiot brother. "Damn, karma works fast!" Eric asks kneeling beside me as he tries not to laugh, but the asshole is failing miserably.
"You both are fucking assholes!" I mutter as I get up off the floor by my damn self.
"That was awesome!" The strangled goat says after he stops laughing. "Seriously!" Tobias is walking down the small path to a gigantic ass whooping! "That was some crazy perfect timing! Ow shit Bea!"
I slap my stupid brother across the back of his big ass head. "Yeah fucking fantastic! Do you ever knock asshole?" I point my finger in his face then thumping him between his eyes. "What the hell do you want anyway?" I turn and thump my asshole boyfriend on the forehead as well because he is still laughing. "It's not funny when it's at my expense, you morons!" I tell them both and the dickheads just laughs harder.
After the two jackasses stop laughing Tobias leans over and kisses my cheek. "Well, you graceful little shit; I came over to see if you had anything good to eat, I'm hungry!" Seriously?
I sigh and shake my head before growling at my mooching big brother. "Does this look like the dining hall Tobias, and why the hell don't you ever buy groceries?" I ask him tapping my foot.
The asshole just chuckles as he shakes his head. "Because your wife is the best cook that I know and you guys always have leftovers! Duh..." The dummy says right before receiving another hard slap in the back of the head from my little wifey.
"You ass, that's only okay when your sister says that shit!" Eric growls at my brother.
I look at my idiot brother then look at my idiot boyfriend before rolling my eyes at them both. "This has been a blast guys, especially when I got knocked to the fucking ground but I want some dauntless cake so you two can kiss my lily white ass!" I tell them both before walking out the door and headed towards the chocolaty goodness.
~Tobias' flavor of crazy~
Once my mean ass sister has left the apartment I turn to Eric expectantly but the asshole has his eyes closed and he's fucking sweating bullets.
What the Abnegation? I mean hell!
I shake my head at the weird fucker before breaking the silence. "Dude what the hell did you want to see me for, and why did you want it to be a secret?" I look at him for a second then continue questioning the silent jackass. "What the fuck is wrong with you Eric?"
Eric opens his eyes and ignores my questions at first. "Well lets jump right to it then shall we! Have a seat." He says motioning to his couch.
I sit down and look at him and I realize that he looks really fucking nervous. "Well" I roll my hand in his face. "We don't have all day because if I know Tris, she'll be back in about 10 minutes either happy that she got to the dining hall before Uriah and was able to snag a piece of cake or pissed the hell off because he beat her there and ate it all." I tell him causing him to nod and start pacing the damn room.
"Okay dude, you know that I love your sister more than anything! I mean the woman has had me whipped from the moment she jumped off that train and open her crazy ass mouth without meaning to, and you know I'll take care of her right?" The big love sick jackass tells me nervously.
I think I know where this is going.
"I know we haven't been together that long but when you know, you know; right?" He keeps rambling. Oh man this is great.
Finally I decide to take pity on him and grab his shoulder to stop his crazy pacing. "Eric, are you asking for my blessing to marry my sister?" I ask him just to help the pour fucker out.
"Yes!" He breathe out in relief. "You are one of my closest friends Tobias but I really fucking love your sister, so please don't hate me."
I roll my eyes at my dramatic and very whipped friend. "Well I think it will be quite the show when she makes you jump through hoops to get a positive answer out of her. You know how she likes to make people squirm, and you my friend, will be a squirming mess of a man when she's done with you! So with that said, my answer is yes because I would love nothing more than to watch you squirm. Also, I would love nothing more than for you to become my brother in law, but if you hug me I will punch you in the face!" I tell him with a straight face which is pretty fucking hard considering the situation, and the look of nervousness Eric's face is fucking priceless and funny as shit.
God, I wish I had a camera with me.
"You think it's gonna be that bad?" he asks wide eyed then gives me a strange look. "Why in the hell would I hug you?"
"Beats the shit out of me and Yes I do think it will be that bad, but since I'm the nicest guy ever I'll give you a valuable piece of advice!"I grin and continue. "Whatever you do, do not ask her in public! She loves attention but she hates being put on the spot like that. My complex and crazy little sister is a walking contradiction on a massive level! Trust me on this you'll live longer and ultimately get what you want." God I love fucking with people almost as much as Tris does! Almost!
I know for a fact that Tris will say yes as soon as the big dummy pops the question! She hasn't told me this, but based on how much the crazy girl loves and adores the giant jackass tells me that she won't hesitate to scream yes at the top of her lungs.
"I plan on asking her in private anyway so..." Eric chuckles for a second. "...I've got that covered!" Eric tells me causing me to nod.
"What is it that you have covered Eric?" I hear my sister ask from the doorway.
Eric and I both let out manly screams and I think that I just about piss myself. Damn she's like a crazy sneaky ninja, and sadly she is just as fucking deadly.
"You both scream like little bitches!" The little shit laughs at us.
Tris stops laughing and looks at Eric and I both very fucking critically. "So what did I walk in on?"
Eric and I both remain silent for some damn reason causing Tris to huff out in annoyance then rolls her eyes.
"What in the crazy freaking hell guys? Speak now boys, or forever hold your fucking peace!" Tris yells, effectively shocking us out of or; well, shocked states.
I can't contain the laughter that breaks free, nor can I contain the weird snort that leaves my nose accompanied by a little bit of snot. Damn that is nasty. "Oh my God! What a fucking coincidence!" I laugh louder causing Eric to stomp really fucking hard on my damn foot as I grab a tissue and wipe my nose.
"You too are really fucking weird..." Tris shakes her head before walking down the hall. "...but you already know that; don't you?"
"Hey sis!" I yell getting her attention again. "Why do you have cake in your hair? It looks like someone took a shit on your head." I point out as I continue to laugh at her expense. "You do know that the cake is supposed to goes in your mouth, right?" She turns back to me, and if looks could kill I be 6ft under in a matter of seconds.
"Uriah." My tiny, crazy sister growls like a giant scary lion. "The big shithead thought it would be so damn funny to see the last slice of cake in my hair." Tris tells us with an evil look in her eyes. "So I covered him in mustard, and you know how he hates that shit! It was pretty damn funny watching him try to run and puke at the same time!" She chuckles once then storms off into her and Eric's bedroom.
Poor Uriah; he never stood a chance against Tris. No one ever does when it come to shit like that...
"Well," I slap Eric's shoulder as I stand up. "I hope you weren't planning on asking her tonight, or this week." I laugh as I walk to the door. "Oh and Eric..." I stop for a dramatic affect and slowly grin at my soon to be brother in law. "...Good luck man." I laugh at the look on the big scaredy cats face as I wave my fingers at him before walking out and slamming the door behind me.
God he's so much fun and very easy to fuck with, now that my sister owns him, and his balls.
I'm now seriously thinking of taking Eric's man card after this conversation...
There you have it people!
Tobias' side of life is just as crazy as Tris'!
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