I don't own Divergent. I'm just putting my spin on it...
ENJOY!
~0O0~
CHAPTER 14
~Tris~
Lynn and I are currently sitting in my office just shooting the shit while we wait for Max to make a run for the restroom.
Lynn works in the infirmary as a doctor in training so she was able to get her hands on some very strong medical grade ex-lax and about five minutes ago while she was busy slipping a crushed tablet into his morning coffee I was in the restroom plastic wrapping all the toilet seats.
I needed a damn hazmat suit to go in there but settled for gloves and Tobias's favorite bandanna covering my nose and mouth. Oh god it was so freaking nasty in there. While I was doing that I had Eric shut the water off to the sinks and toilets so Max couldn't clean himself up.
"Fucking move, Tobias!" We hear Max scream loudly, then we hear a loud thump right before we see Max fly bast my office like someone set his ass on fire. I'll bet my last point that his ass really does feel like its on fire. I'm so diabolical it's not even funny anymore. Maybe now Max will learn not to mess with me because I am the queen of pranks.
Lynn and I get up quickly and rush towards the door, poking our heads out of my office to see Tobias laying on the floor looking like he's has just been run over.
I seriously think that, that's exactly what happened to him. Larhea is pressed against the wall looking all kinds of scared. Lynn and I can't contain our hysterical laughter when we turn to the direction Max ran and see Eric doubled over and gasping for air because he's laughing so damn hard.
"What the fuck did you do to him Tris? He just seriously ran my ass over." Tobias asks us with his eyes still closed while holding his junk. My big brother's voice is reaching decibel levels that dogs could more than likely hear from a mile away.
I think Max may have trampled my brothers nuts in his haste to get to the bathroom.
About a minute later Tobias slowly picks himself up off the floor with Larhea's help. He is swearing up a storm as he finally get to his feet.
I grin over at my big brother as I move towards Eric and begin rubbing his back. "Ask me no questions Champ and I will tell you no lies." I continue to laugh with Eric and Lynn.
Around five or six minutes later all hell breaks loose in the hallway when Max pokes his head out of the mens room, looking all kinds of crazy.
Oh god help us all; that smell is just terrible.
"What the fuck?" Max screeches like a banshee. "Who in the hell put plastic wrap on the goddamn toilet seat?" Max looks like he really want to kill some one because everyone's faces are turning red from trying to hold in their laughter.
"Eric," Max continues to yell. "Call my wife and tell her to bring me a change of clothes. Fucking pronto!" Max growls loudly as he glares at me.
"Yeah sure..." Eric manages to squeak out before he begins to wheeze once again, and it causes everyone to belt out their loud hysterical laughter.
"You all are fucking assholes!" Max turns to me with the meanest glare he could manage through his embarrassment. "Beatrice Prior, I know that you had something to do with this..."
"Oh no sir." I laugh and point at him. "I had everything to do with this. Trust me," I grin evilly at him. "You'll soon regret the decision in cutting my sick leave short. That is, if you don't already regret it." I tell him, still laughing really fucking hard, so I hope he understood me.
"Payback is a bitch Tris." Max tells me through clinched teeth as he continues to glare at me.
"Bring it on old man. I ain't scared of you." I tell him pinching my nose closed, so I'm sure I sound rather funny.
"Damn Max, you smell rank. Dude you need to start showering more." Lynn tells Max causing me to snort through my pinched nose as Eric walks back out of his office, holding his nose and still laughing at Max.
"Why the hell haven't you gone back into the bathroom to wait for your wife old man? We really, really don't want to smell your shit Max." Eric says waving his other hand in front of his face.
We may all be suffering from this prank for a while by the smell of things. Hey wasn't pecker, I mean peter placed in sanitation because of his low rank? If that is the case, then I seriously hit the jackpot.
"If I close the fucking door I'll suffocate." Max points out. "That shit stinks to the high heavens." Max growls then gags causing all of us to laugh harder. "What in the hell did you do to me you little shit? I mean really, my butt hole felt and still feels like it was on fire." Max whines causing us all to gag and start laughing harder.
"That, oh fearless leader would be a very strong medical grade ex-lax, Max." I tell him proudly then high five Lynn.
Eric walks over and hugs the shit out of me. "I fucking love you woman." He kisses me sweetly. "And I have a big surprise for you tonight, so we're getting off early baby, and we're going straight home when we do leave this stinky place; absolutely no pit stops, alright baby." Eric growls in my ear before nibbling on it seductively causing me to let out a loud sexy moan and slip my hand in the back of Eric pants to grab his muscular ass, much to my brother and Max's annoyance.
"Yes sir, baby." I wink at my big strong and very sexy man.
"What the hell have you done to your self you wanker?" Max's wife approaches us slowly. "Holy shit that stinks!" She yells and covers her nose. "Am I going to have to start buying you adult diapers?" Helen yells at her smelly husband for all to hear as she walks around him and tossing him a bag.
I know what Max is getting from all of us for Christmas. A shit load of adult diapers.
"Tobias call sanitation and I'm sorry for running you over like that but I had to fucking go!" Max yells at my brother causing everyone to laugh again.
I look at my brother with a wicked grin. "Hey champ, doesn't Peter work in sanitation?" I raise my brow in question.
My brother grins at me and painfully limps to his office as quickly as he can. Yeah he dislikes Peter as much as I do.
"Remind me never to piss you off Tris." Larhea laughs and she walk over and stands next to me, Eric and Lynn.
"Peter will be here ASAP." Tobias informs us as he wraps his arms around Larhea from behind and kisses her cheek. He is so sweet when he wants to be.
"Can you imagine growing up with her in abnegation she did this kind of shit all the fucking time. People seriously hated us there, which is unusual considering it is abnegation after all." Tobias tells everyone and we share a smile.
"Oh before I forget, I need to cancel our movie night tonight, champ" I grin at my brother just as Eric kisses my cheek.
Tobias just nods and gives Eric a weird grin. I wonder what the hell that was about.
"Did someone call for a clean up crew?" Peter asks walking down the hall towards us with Molly and two other guys just as Max walks out of the restroom.
"Yep, now I'm going home for the day." Max glares at me as I wave my fingers at him and give him a brilliant smile. "Come on Helen." Max says as he tries to grab his wife's hand.
"Don't even think about touching me until you take at least 3 showers. "Helen growls at Max. "Jesus Christ you smell terrible. I hope you've learned your lesson because Tris is worse than her damn mother. Even I know not to cross those two you damn dummy." She continues to rant at her smelly husband all the way down the hall causing us to let out another bout of laughter.
"Uh...yeah, you people are fucking crazy." I hear Peter mutter as he opens the restroom door and immediately starts to gag.
"Yep we are crazy and we're damn proud of it." I tell him just before Eric speaks up with an evil grin directed at Peter.
"We're also proud of the fact that we're not about to clean up Max's shit." We all laugh at the horrified look on Peter's face. "So how about you let us know how proud you are after you're done with that shit. Pun definitely intended asshole." Eric kisses my lips softly as we all enter my office and shut the door.
Holy shit what a day!
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