SIX WEEKS IN THE LIFE OF…
The morning brought the promised flapjacks, along with enough side dishes to feed a small army. The men had no trouble making fast work of all of it. Ezra had toyed with his food, eating barely a quarter of what was on his plate. When he realized he was once again being scrutinized he sighed slightly.
"It is hard to believe any of you can work an undercover assignment. Your subtly is non-existent."
"That could be 'cause we aren't aiming for subtle. You feeling OK?"
"Yes Josiah, I feel fine. Frustratingly tired, but fine. How I can be so perpetually exhausted when I have done nothing in days – make that months – is beyond my comprehension."
"That's exactly why you're tired. Your body isn't used to having to do much more than breath, and even that you were getting help with. It's gonna take a while to get that energy back, and then to get yourself back in shape."
"Be even worse if Vin hadn't been giving you all those muscle massages and physical therapy the whole time." JD looked up from shoveling the last forkful of his flapjacks to his mouth as he realized the room had gone quiet. Five faces glared at him, while one stared open mouthed. Ezra Standish near speechless was a rare sight.
"Muscle massages?" Ezra finally sputtered out.
Vin's glare to JD intensified. The young man continued to look puzzled, but answered Ezra when he realized no one else seemed inclined to do so.
"Well yeah. He was there every day anyway so figured he could take care of that stuff for you. What?" Vin had gone beyond glare into a murderous scowl.
"IF I'd wanted him to know about that, I would have said something JD."
"Well how was I supposed to know if was some kind of secret. It's not like I told him Josiah quit or anything." He was silent for a second. "Crap."
"Crap indeed JD. Anything else you want to say?"
"Nah Chris – think that covers it."
"You sure – maybe about Buck's dr-"
"Chris shut up!" Buck interrupted.
"Everyone please – cease." Ezra had recovered his speech but was clearly in shock. He spoke softly, but the intensity cut though all the commotion. "I think gentlemen, we need to have a conversation. Clearly there are some events you have not felt the need to share with me. I think that oversight needs to be addressed."
"Ezra, you're really not up to this yet."
"Bullshit." They were all caught off guard by the crude response from the generally urbane speaker. "You have been telling me since I revived that I can't handle things, and I will grant you that last night I reacted poorly to the flood of memories. But I survived, and I will survive any future revelations. What I cannot accept is this secrecy, this concealment. I want to – hell, I need to know what transpired during my involuntary absence." No one made a move to respond. Ezra groaned softly. "I am on the outside looking in. I feel I am no longer a part of all of this. There is a puzzle on the table in front of me, and there are too many pieces missing for me to understand the picture. Please. Help me."
Looks passed between the team, with all eyes eventually settling on Vin, who in turn looked to Chris. Both men nodded to each other, and the tension in the room began to dissolve.
"OK, couple of conditions first." Chris looked down to make sure he had Ezra's full attention. "You start feeling tired, or overwhelmed, you have to let us know. You don't have to do this in one sitting. Or even in one day." Ezra nodded.
"Second, you gotta try to hold your temper. Don't give me that innocent look Ezra. You can go volcanic with the best of us when you get pissed, and I'm betting you are going to be pissed at us before this is over. You have to give yourself time to process what we tell you. Give us time to explain things."
"That sounds ominous. I shall endeavour to control my responses."
"Guess that'll have to do. Third, let us get this mess here cleaned up. We can go sit in the living room, or your room."
"Stalling?"
"No. This is going to be a bit of a session Ezra. Might as well try to be comfortable."
Twenty minutes later they were settled in. Ezra remained in the wheelchair. As much as he hated the contraption, he wanted to be able to move if he felt the need. He knew he couldn't bolt out of the room, but at least he wasn't trapped in a seat to soft for him to have any control. Josiah was seated at the edge of the large rocker, tilting it forward and not making use of its soothing motion. Nathan set himself near the wheelchair. He didn't think Ezra would need any medical attention throughout this, but better safe than sorry. Buck and JD took over the sofa, with the bigger man sprawled out trying to look relaxed. The constant tapping of his foot on the floor shattered the illusion. JD curled in the opposite corner, feeling responsible for all of this and not quite knowing why.
That left two guilty looking men taking up their positions. Vin had pushed a small armchair into a far corner spot. The only way he could be further away from Ezra would have been to have left the room. Chris was closer, straddling a straight-back chair he'd grabbed from the kitchen. It was turned so he could rest his arms on the back, and he now did, facing his inquisitor.
"Where do you want to start Ezra?"
He turned to Josiah. "You quit?"
"There were what you might call extenuating circumstances."
"So in other words, you quit."
"Yes. I'm sorry. I couldn't accept what had happened. What was happening. It was just too much for me to cope with. When the Agency denied us the option of leave to take care of you, of each other, I simply didn't want to be there anymore."
Ezra looked over to Chris, who simply nodded.
"Why," he then asked, "would you need to take leave? I appreciate that I am a tad bewildered right now, but I am quite certain when I awoke I was in a facility designed to see to my every need. There was no motivation for you – any of you, to take any kind of sabbatical. Certainly no reason to walk away." His voice was going up. Nathan shifted in his seat and Ezra took the cue and calmed himself, leaning back again in his chair.
"Not the same as having your friends there. But I must confess my noble intentions failed to see the light of day. I chose to wallow in doubt and pity and remorse rather than stand by you and the others. I retreated, on the pretense of trying to find meaning to all of this. Truth was I simply could not accept, and couldn't be around people who did. It was too painful, and I ran." He looked at the others. "It isn't just Ezra I owe an apology to."
"Don't owe us anything Josiah." Buck spoke. "None of us dealt with this the way we should. Only important thing is that we are here now – all of us."
"No, that is not the only important thing." Ezra disagreed. "I don't even need to hear the tales the remainder of you will tell – although I fully intend to. I may be out of practice, but I can read you all like a paperback novel. This team fell apart. You allowed yourselves to fall apart over me! Of all the asinine, ill-advised, irresponsible, jack-ass, ludicrous, bone-head…" he stalled, running out of breath and insults. He took several deep calming breaths, which did little to actually settle him. "Do you not understand that this team is worth so much more than that?"
"Do you not get that we weren't a team anymore without you in it?"
"Flattering, but false. I will not try to dissuade you of your belief in my worthiness, regardless of my own views on my insignificance to the team. That is a discussion for another day." Chris tried to interrupt again but Ezra plowed ahead. "This team functioned before I joined, and it should have continued in my absence. Now – Buck. Drinking? I assume from the reference Chris let slip it was more than the occasional sampling of draft."
Buck tried to sink lower in his spot, at the same time scowling at JD for starting all of this. "Well, maybe a few more than usual." Ezra tilted his head and favoured the man with the same look he gave to a poker player making an obvious bluff.
"Damn it Ezra – I felt like drinking. Yeah, you're right. We were falling apart. Shouldn't have happened, but it did. Nobody to blame, or maybe everybody. But we weren't us. And in the middle of all of that I'm supposed to be finding a way to keep everybody happy. To make sure we keep laughing? How the hell was I supposed to do that. Sure couldn't do it sober. Not that I did any better drunk."
"Keep everybody happy?" Ezra barely whispered. His face had gone pale, but Buck was on a roll now and hadn't noticed. He kept going, looking at his teammates as he spoke.
"Yeah – happy. I'm supposed to keep them happy. And you tell the kid to stay optimistic in all of this. Nathan's supposed to keep up all on the straight and narrow. Ya already heard how Josiah did about keeping the faith, and guess you can figure that Chris didn't excel at keeping us together. Kind of hard to do when we were all self-destructing." He finally turned back to Ezra. "So I guess we didn't – Shit, Ezra. You OK?" They all turned and saw how still the man had become.
"You read the letters?" He slowly turned to Vin. "You gave them the letters?"
"Thought it might help everybody cope a bit better. Clearly not one of my best ideas."
"Cope? You gave them the letters? Oh dear Lord. Of course. I am an idiot. I – you all – the coma. It was – I was…"
JD had leapt to his feet and brought Ezra a glass of water, holding it for his as he squatted beside the chair. "Easy Ezra. Breath slow." He rubbed gently on his friend's neck. "Here, sip slow. Take your time." Nathan watched with concern, but at the same time smiling slightly at how perfectly JD was handling this. At the moment, he may have been the only one of the group Ezra wasn't angry with, and that made him the perfect calming influence. Eventually, the stunned look faded from Ezra's face as he tentatively took a few sips.
"I was dead. At least, brain dead?"
"Deep coma Ezra. I can give you all the technical talk, but yeah, you were gone to us. We were told you weren't coming back." Ezra looked to Nathan clearly asking for more detail.
"You were shot 4 times in the chest." Ezra's hand reflexively sought out the scars. "Two damaged the lungs, one hit your heart. You tell me to stop if this is too much information." Ezra shook his head, his eyes telling Nathan to go on. "Your heart stopped three times all together. Obviously, they brought you back, but you went quite a while without proper oxygen." He paused for a moment. "Had a small stroke while in surgery." Ezra's grip on the arms of the wheelchair tightened, but he said nothing.
"They told us all of this. Told us not to expect a miracle. You went into coma and became unresponsive."
Ezra held up his hand and Nathan stopped speaking. "Give me a moment please." Ezra whispered.
"Want us to leave you?"
"Dear God no. Please."
JD took the frightened man's hand. "I'm not going anywhere. None of us are."
For several minutes the only sounds in the room was the anxious breathing of the seven inhabitants.
"Vin?"
"Yes Ezra?"
"You gave them the letters?"
"Yup"
"So you read yours – the one with all the instructions I mean."
"Uh-huh."
"That's why I was in the long-term care home. You were following my request."
Vin nodded.
"Chris – exactly how long was I in a coma?" There was no answer. "Buck? JD? Is anyone going to answer that for me, or must I find a calendar somewhere."
"Six months."
"To the day Nathan?" He nodded the reply.
"Vin? Please Vin. Look at me."
The sharpshooter couldn't raise his head. He could not bring himself to look his friend in the eyes. To admit to him that he had, in fact, pulled the plug on him. Executed him.
"Vin – Please." There was no movement. Ezra tried to propel his chair across the room, but lack of strength and emotional exhaustion overwhelmed him. JD stood and moved behind him, gliding the chair over. Ezra reached out a trembling hand and place it on Vin's shoulder.
"I – I am so sorry. I never should have put you in that position." Vin looked up, stunned, to see tears streaming down Ezra's face. "I – I am deeply sorry."
"Ezra – how can you even look at me?"
"You're right, I shouldn't. I haven't that right. But never before in my life have I had anyone who would make such a sacrifice for me. Never did I dare to dream that anyone would care enough to honour my wishes in such a profound way."
"Ezra – I ended your life."
"Really? I would have sworn I was here with you now."
Vin stared, eyes moist. "You know damn well what I mean. My God. I pulled the plug on you Ezra."
"As I was so cruel as to ask you to do. I didn't ever imagine you would be put into such a horrific position. That I would put all of you through this." He looked around at the others with regret, then back to Vin. "Don't misunderstand me Vin. We will still be having a talk, because I feel that may be the only of my wishes you respected, despite my directive to put your own concerns before mine. But now, all I can ask is that you can please, find a way to forgive me for doing that to you."
Vin smiled and leaned in to embrace his friend. "Not a damn thing to forgive Pard. And don't ever make me do that again."
Ezra tried to argue that he didn't need a rest, but his inability to hold his head upright while pleading his case defeated his goal. He reluctantly allowed Buck to settle him back into his room, assuring the others this discussion was not over. He reiterated his concerns as Buck settled him onto the bed, and by the time the blankets were pulled over him, he was sound asleep. Buck rested his hand softly on the slumbering man's head.
"Don't fret about it Ez. We heard you – more than you think. And we're not done with you either. Not a significant part of this team my ass. Damn fool." He smiled at the sleeping man as he quietly left the room.
TBC
M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7
