I do not own "Divergent" but I do own "My Divergent". I also own any and all mistakes.

Sorry this chapter is short.


CHAPTER 20

~Tobias~

I'm sitting here watching Max argue with Marcus and it's the funniest thing I've ever seen, Max's face is turning red which is drowning out the pink hair. Every time I look at him I have to bury my face in my arms on the table in front of me, which causes Tris, Eric and Larhea to start laughing and in turn causes me to start snorting like a pig.

"I told you that we can't police the factionless sector anymore than we already do numb nuts. Jesus Christ, this fucking moron wants to take a nose dive into the chasm." Max is ranting now but he's still telling the truth. "Shut the hell up Tobias!"

"I'm sorry man, I can't help it, its just too damn funny." I laugh out loud. "Tris got you good and picked the best day to do it to." By now I think the whole room is laughing, well apart from Max and Marcus. Hell, my dad is even laughing.

Oh my god my sister is evil but damn good at pranking someone.

"I really wish you would watch your mouth Max." Marcus is glaring at Max.

"What fucking faction do you think you're in asshole? If you don't like the way we talk here then you can take your ass back to selflessville! I don't give a shit!" Max snickers at himself when he says this which makes me start convulsing in laughter again.

"You know what? I've had enough of this shit. You don't have to go home but you can't fucking stay here; except for Andrew." Max grins at my dad, then turns back to Marcus. "This meeting is fucking over, now leave!" Max screeches like a damn woman and I laugh harder as I get up to leave.

"Tobias." Larhea grabs my arm and pulls me in my office.

"What's up babe?" I'm still laughing a little as I wrap my arms around her waist.

"Um" She pauses and and give me a weird look. "I'm pregnant, baby."

Yeah, I'm not laughing anymore.

"Really? Oh shit!" I kiss her lips and smile because lets face it; I'm a huge kid and kids love to be surrounded by other kids. "I'm gonna be a dad…holy hell this is awesome!"

"Seriously?" Larhea looks shocked. "You're excited about this?"

"Hell yes; aren't you?" I take a seat on the couch that I got because I was jealous of Tris having one. "This is great news baby. Granted, I may be a big kid myself, all the time." I pull her in my lap as she nods in agreement. "So at least he or she will have someone to play with."

"Oh my god I love you, you big doofus!" Larhea laughs with tears streaming down her face and then kisses the shit out of me.

"What's going on in here?" Tris laughs while bouncing on Eric's back. Pour guy.

"Woman, what did I tell you about bouncing like that?" Eric winces as she continues to bounce. "I'm about to put you down if you don't stop that, baby."

"I can't help it." Tris says as she tries to stop breaking Eric's back. "It's the damn coffee that I drank this morning."

I'll probably regret this when Eric kicks my ass but oh well. "Hey Tris guess what? Larhea is pregnant!"

"Holy shit really!" My sister screams and accidentally kicks Eric in the nuts and they both fall to the floor. "What the hell Eric?!" Tris yells at the poor giant wheezing bastard as he grabs his nuts.

"Woman, are you trying to kill me?" He says in an abnormally high pitch voice causing me to laugh.

"Oops," Tris giggles as she helps him off the floor. "Sorry baby." She turns and looks at me. "Wait…" She lets go of his arm and he falls to the floor again. "You're having me a niece or nephew?"

"Yes." Larhea laughs at her and points to Eric.

Tris looks over her shoulder rolling her eyes as she pulls Eric to his feet and kisses his lips. "Sorry baby. I'll let you punch my brother for that if you want to."

"Hey, I'm not the one that kicked him in the nuts!" I yell as I pull my pregnant girlfriend in front of me to protect me from my best friend.

"No but you knew how excited I would get, and how hyped up on caffeine I am right now, so this is all your fault." Tris says as she pulls Larhea from my lap and hugs her.

I jump up and quickly move toward the door to make a run for it but Eric catches me by the back of my pants and proceeds to give me the biggest wedgie ever. Seriously, I think I heard my boxers rip as they dug into my ass.

"He just split you another crack, brother!" Tris laughs so I give her the finger as I dig my boxers out of my ass crack with my other hand. "It's a good thing he knocked you up now; huh Larhea?"

"Come on guys, I need some food." Larhea laughs at my pain as she kisses my cheek before walking out of my office with Tris.

"After you Tobias." Eric grins at me.

"Fuck that ladies first, asshole!" I point to the door.

"No, I really insist that you go ahead." Eric chuckles at me when I rapidly shaking my head.

"ERIC!" We hear Tris yell from the hallway. "MOVE YOUR ASS!"

"Yes dear." Eric looks scared as he moves past me to leave the office.

I chuckle at him and the fucker slaps me across the face hard before hightailing it down the hall, laughing his ass off the whole damn way.

"Paybacks a bitch asshole!" I yell as I run after him.

I turn the corner and Larhea is standing there with her hands on her hips tapping her foot. Eric and Tris are standing behind her laughing at my terrified expression, no doubt.

"I love that you're an over grown kid but that kind of language will stop when this baby is born." Larhea points her finger at me before turning to Eric and Tris. "That goes for the two of you as well."

"Yes dear." Tell her like the perfectly whipped baby daddy and boyfriend that I am and kiss her while I discretely flip the two laughing assholes off.

"And the middle finger crap has to go as well." I look at Larhea stunned that she noticed that shit. "I see everything Tobias."

"You are no fun baby, but I'll try." I kiss her lips and submit to my woman as the two idiots continue to laugh at me.

"You are whipped like crazy, dude." Eric taunts me as we make our way to the mess hall.

"So are you, you damn moron." I point my finger in his face.

"Yeah, but I already know that, and to tell you the truth I love being whipped by your sister." The asshole says and I feel the urge to elbow him in the ribs, so I do it, fucking hard.

"And I love to whip her too." The fucker continues so I plug my ears and hum loudly like the kid that I am because I seriously don't want to hear that shit.

As we make it to the mess hall the door flies open almost nailing me in the damn face. Max storms out and moves past us glaring at Tris.

"You are going down you little shit!" He yells but continues to stomp his ass down the hall.

As we enter the mess hall everyone stands up and begins to applaud my sister, and I could have sworn her head just grew three sizes as she takes bow then fucking curtsies.

My kid is going to be as screwed up as her, I just know it.


Okay, so yeah, I really love this Tobias.

He reminds me of the Tobias in "Crazy in Key Largo". For some reason I have this thing with making his character off the wall and bat shit crazy.

Laters…