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Cosmoswithchaos

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A/N: We try to keep our writing two chapters ahead for our posting schedule, but i've decided to post this chapter two days early to kick my butt in gear and get chapter nine finished! Enjoy :-)


She Keeps Me Warm

Chapter Seven

"... And now I try hard to make it,

I just want to make you proud…"

( Perfect - Simple Plan )


The week dredged on, utterly uneventful, much to Pansy's dismay. One would think this would give her relief, but it proved to be exactly the opposite. Pansy woke each morning with bated breath, certain it would be the day she deemed The Great Fallout.

Astoria did little to hide her smug grin or sneer in her direction when opportunity arose. Despite the younger girl's obvious contempt for Pansy, she hadn't spread a single rumor yet - and that was what had her completely on edge.

Pansy refocused on her surroundings, peeking at the beautiful witch strolling by her side. She'd made a new habit of spending evenings in the library with Hermione. They'd received quite a few wayward glances here and there, but nothing so out of the ordinary to cause alarm. Slytherins and Gryffindors were chummy, didn't you know? She snorted at the thought. They were partners for class, so it wasn't that unusual.

Smiling, as she casually brushed her fingers along the back of Hermione's hand, her grin widened as a fierce blush crept up the girl's neck. Pansy stepped ahead to yank the library door forth, allowing Hermione to slip inside. She followed behind, watching the girl's mess of curls bounce with each step. Hermione Granger was radiant, and it was incredibly endearing that she honestly had no idea.

They headed for their usual table tucked into a small alcove in the corner of the vast room near the Restricted Section; it was quiet, private. Hermione dropped her bag to the floor, plopping into a chair while Pansy sank gracefully into the seat beside her.

"Did you finish that essay for Professor Binns?" Hermione inquired, pulling a large tome from her school sack. With a snort much louder than she meant to let escape, Pansy retorted with a chuckle, "Trash Bin? Can you actually say you stay awake during those lectures?" That earned her a smack on the arm, but there was laughter evident in Hermione's eyes. "I'm not even taking his class, thank Merlin!"

"Not taking History of Magic?" the brown haired witch sputtered, eyes wide. "But there's so much to learn! Are you crazy?" Her eyebrows were nearly invisible, they'd risen so high.

"Bloody hell, Hermione! You're probably the only seventh year still putting up with the ghost." Pansy scoffed at Hermione's huff of annoyance. Her smile grew warm as the girl leaned close.

"Fine, Miss Parkinson," she drawled, eyes half-lidded. "What excites you at Hogwarts?" Pansy cocked a brow at Hermione's sudden confidence. Her response died on her lips as the book she had been flipping through crashed loudly to the floor.

Both girls startled, nearly flying from their chairs. Astoria Greengrass stood before them, innocently examining her nails while letting out a soft, "Oops". Heat flooded Pansy's cheeks as she fought to contain her composure. She longed to reach for her wand and hex that smug expression clear off the witch's face. She might even use something a little stronger than a stinging hex.

"Can we help you?" Hermione asked politely, but Pansy could hear the slightest shake in her voice.

Astoria, ever oblivious, pulled the chair out opposite the two witches and grinned wickedly. "Isn't this just cozy," she mockingly cooed, pointing her manicured nail to the space between them.

Hermione instinctively hardened her features. When she spoke, her voice was positively baleful, and Astoria's mouth dropped into a deep frown. "Listen here, you silly little girl. I don't know what you think you're up to, but you'd be wise to drop the games and leave."

Pansy reached her hand under the table to give the girl's leg a squeeze of reassurance, although she wasn't sure if it was really for Hermione, or herself. Astoria narrowed her eyes and leaned in before growling, "You seem to have forgotten who has the upper hand in this… predicament! Do. Not. Threaten. Me." She spoke the last sentence through clenched teeth, cutting her gaze sharply towards Pansy.

She refused to sit a second longer and allow the little bint to speak that way. She pulled her wand from its holster and leveled it at Astoria's head, standing so abruptly that she nearly knocked her chair over. Astoria laughed freely, as if Pansy was some huge joke.

"Really, Pans? Did you forget our last meeting so quickly? You did hit your head quite hard… clearly not hard enough to make you forget about the mudblood!" She spat the insult as if it literally left a horrid taste on her tongue. At that, the last thin thread of Pansy's patience snapped.

Astoria's scream rang through the back wing of the library. Both girls stood, horrified as large black bats began to crawl and fly out of the girl's nostrils. She sprinted away from the scene, leaving Hermione wide eyed and Pansy clutching her side in stitches.

"Absolutely...disgusting!" she managed to wheeze out between bouts of giggles. "Bat-Bogey hex? I didn't even cast a spell!" She looked to Hermione, hoping she might have an explanation.

"Ginevra Weasley!" Hermione hissed.

To Pansy's surprise, the tall redhead stepped out from behind the nearest bookcase, looking absolutely gleeful and just a tiny bit nervous.

oOoOoOo

Ginny reluctantly came out of hiding, not quite meeting Hermione's gaze. She chewed her lip, guilt smeared across her face. Hermione allowed herself only one small moment to panic before the inevitable had to happen - she had to tell Ginny. Everything.

She sighed heavily, studying Pansy who looked every bit as panicked as she was feeling.

"I'm just going to go and… uh… let you handle this," Pansy rushed, grabbing her bag and high-tailing it out of the sanctity of the Library.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Hermione sank to the floor, not bothering to fend off the impending tears now prickling her eyes. She knew she had to share her revelation with those closest to her, but she had been certain she'd do it on her terms. Astoria just had to come along and mess up everything!

She felt Ginny kneel beside her, and soon her ginger friend was enveloping her in a warm embrace. "Hey, 'Mione… shh.. It's alright!" Ginny whispered.

Hermione hiccuped, trying to slow her erratic breathing to something more manageable. She buried her face in her hands, unable to muster the bravery to face her friend straight on.

Where's your Gryffindor courage, you coward?

"What did you hear?" she questioned, afraid to know the answer. Ginny gently took her hands and lowered them, giving her a look both mixed with love and sympathy.

"Enough…" She chuckled apprehensively and twirled a long strand of hair around her finger, a habit Hermione noticed she did when she was anxious. She dropped the strand, taking Hermione's hands once more. "Look, 'Mione. Whatever that was… I'm okay with it."

With those words, Hermione exhaled deeply, relief flooding her system, and a fresh bout of tears flowed free. These feelings were so new and hard to understand, but Pansy made everything feel absolutely right.

Hermione had always felt somewhat of an outcast. She was muggle-born, and that alone set her apart from so many in the Wizarding world. Something as minuscule as who she wanted to be with shouldn't even matter, so why was she so bloody terrified?

She took one last calming breath. Her previously erratic breathing had slowed down to a normal pace as she wiped the mascara stricken tears from her cheeks. She scowled at her fingers, reminding herself that this was exactly why shouldn't fuss with makeup!

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you… that you had to find out like this." Hermione sniffled, her nose feeling just as infested with bats as Astoria's must. "You're one of my best friends, Gin. You deserve my full honesty." She lowered her head, attempting to keep her eyes from welling up again.

Ginny giggled, surprising Hermione so much that her eyes instantly dried. "What on Earth could be so funny?"

"Hermione, it's okay. Honest!" Ginny made little to no effort to hide her amusement. "Even if you had told me, I can't say I would've believed you!"

"I can't honestly say I would've been able to tell you with a straight face, either. It all happened so quickly! One moment she's being an almighty pure-blood, and the next moment we're snogging in the Slytherin dungeons!" Hermione pulled her hands to her lips, having spit out more details than intended.

"So is that when Pansy slipped you the Amortentia potion?" Ginny smeared a sarcastic grin across her face as Hermione stitched into a fit of laughter. "Now, start from the beginning. Spare no details!"

Hermione's heart beamed as she told her best friend the story of her newly acquired feelings for Pansy, along with her fears of the entire school finding out at the hands of Astoria. But mostly, she was happy to have someone listen to her.

"So…" Ginny spoke after listening intently to Hermione's confession, "...are you going to take house points because I hexed that snake?" She pouted, jutting her bottom lip out for added effect.

Hermione looked at her like she'd grown a second head. "Gin! Are you kidding me?" She slapped her friend on the arm, whispering, "I just told you I'm gay and that's all you come up with?!" Both girls dissolved into a fit of laughter, clinging to one another until it died down. Some of the worry and guilt she'd been dragging around finally eased away.

Hopefully everyone takes it this well.

oOoOoOo

Pansy threw the door to her chambers open, moving swiftly to the desk opposite her bed. She dug in a drawer, pulling out a bit of parchment and a self inking quill.

"What are you up to, Pans?" Daphne questioned from her spot on her bed. "I haven't seen you look this determined since you spread that rumor fifth year about poor Marietta Edgecomb." Daphne kept a straight face for all of five seconds before bursting into giggles.

Pansy bit back a grin, glancing up only briefly to respond, "She had it coming." She crossed the room, climbing on top of her duvet and drawing the curtains. Settling in, she stared at the blank parchment, not having the slightest idea how to begin.

Her walk back from the Library gave her time to calm herself, and think rationally about the situation. She was done walking on eggshells, waiting for Astoria to pop out at any moment and try to take her down. She had a feeling Hermione was telling the little Weasley all about their adventures, and she knew it was time to own up to her own feelings.

That brought her to her current state of stress. She needed to owl home, and she needed to do it now or she never would.

She placed her quill tip to the paper, letting the words flow before she could stop herself…

Dearest Father,

I'm sure you're curious as to why I'm writing. Unusual of me, I know. Before you have a conniption, yes… Everything is fine, mostly. I need to be honest with you, so I'll start by asking you to please, please try to understand. I've spent 18 years perfecting myself so that you would be proud. I've done everything you've ever asked of me, and I think I've been a good daughter.

Things have not always been easy for us. I know we have never been close, not since Mother died, and I've never felt open to you like a daughter should. I've been a stranger to you for a very long time, and I've been a stranger to myself. I haven't been honest with who I am, Father. It pains me to write to you this way, but I can't hide any longer and our current separation doesn't allow for this to happen face to face.

I don't want to grow up and play the perfect wife at a man's side I do not love. I don't want to bear an heir for some prestigious pureblood family as a duty. I don't want to marry out of obligation.

I want to live, Father. I want to love - freely. And I want it on my own terms. I can't continue on as the girl you think you've molded for society. I am not her, and refuse to pretend so any longer.

I am gay, and completely besotted with a girl who makes me feel like it's okay to be who I am. She is good, Father. I can only hope that you will learn to accept me, and in return, her.

Please don't be angry with me. This is who I am. I've spent countless hours begging my whole being to be normal, to fall for Draco Malfoy and be a dutiful partner. What is normal, Father? I am! Please accept this… accept me.

Still your little girl,

Pansy

She scowled aloud as a few stray teardrops splashed onto the parchment. Sniffling, she carefully rolled up the letter and tied it shut with a green ribbon. Wiping her eyes, she drew back the curtain to find Daphne eyeing her curiously.

"You okay, Pans?" the girl questioned delicately. Pansy offered a small smile and nod, making her way out of the room and through the Slytherin Common room, determined not to whip out her wand and incendio the carefully written letter. She exited into the dungeon corridor, the Owlery her destination.

oOoOoOo

Draco reached the top of stairs, entering the Owlery and instantly freezing. There on the landing sat Pansy, muttering words of encouragement to herself and pulling at her hair like a mad woman.

He approached her, yanking her hand away from her head before she did any real damage.

"Bloody hell, Pans! Are you trying to go bald?" He sneered at the unkempt behavior.

She frowned up at him with sad eyes, and he instantly regretted his behavior. "What's wrong?" he spoke gently.

"I'm telling him. Father. And I'm bloody terrified, Draco!" Her voice was slightly hysterical, but he understood her concern, his own letter burning a hole in his robe pocket.

He smoothed his hands over her shoulders, offering what little comfort he could. "He adores you, Pansy. You know how our fathers can be… cold, but they care. Let's not get worked up before the ball has dropped."

Pansy exhaled shakily, but gave him a meek smile. He watched as she carefully tied her parchment to the leg of her old owl, sending it on its way. She leaned up to kiss his cheek before slipping away.

Draco turned to the rows of owls, whistling for his own to come down. The large Eagle owl rested upon the railing ahead, eyeing him expectantly. Pulling the parchment from a fold in his robes, he held it gingerly, contemplating his intentions. Pushing the doubt away, he quickly tied the letter and instructed the majestic animal to deliver it first thing at breakfast in the morning.

He turned on his heel with a silly grin plastered on his features, a look that the Malfoy's generally didn't exude. It was done, and all he had to do now was hope he wasn't making a fool of himself. The parchment held ten simple words…

Ginny,

Meet me on the pitch tonight, ten pm.

D


A/N: This was a giant feels fest! Oops. I'm crying with Pansy, brave girl! That letter holds my heart.

Are we all ready for more Drinny? I sure am!