It only took a few days for Chloe to convince Max to drive for a few hours every once in a while. At first, the speed had been entirely too frightening. But soon the highway was comfortable territory; driving it was straightforward, and there was very little steering involved, for the most part. It was much easier than the windy roads she'd practiced on.
Chloe seemed to enjoy the new free time, though she only seemed to spend it smoking and napping on occasion. Otherwise she just scrolled through the internet on her phone. Still, she obviously liked having breaks.
After a few days of driving off and on, Max could see why. It wasn't as complicated as it seemed, but it was uniquely taxing. Her muscles always felt stiff, and her eyes heavy whenever her turn was over. Still, they were able to travel for longer per day. In no time at all they were shedding their coats and packing them away as they plunged further into the Southern climate.
They found a place just outside of New Orleans, walking into the city and getting lost in the public transportation system. It was alright, though, because the streetcars gave them a view no matter where they wound up. The downtown area, backed up with traffic that was reckless enough to make Chloe look like a defensive driver, eventually gave way to enormous mansions with sprawling yards, palatial and starkly posh compared to the tightly packed little houses that made up the neighborhoods they'd passed.
When it became apparent they'd managed to loop back around to roughly where they'd started, Chloe nudged Max towards the door and they wandered into downtown. It was crawling with people, smoke billowing from cigarettes and blunts, groups of people passing them around in broad daylight. Chloe instructed her not to make eye contact, even though the guys offered to let them join. Never did Max think she'd see a day where Chloe would pass up free marijuana.
The streets were lined with so many interesting shops that it was hard to pick just a few to peek into. Some, which Chloe called Voodoo shops, were teeming with religious paraphernalia that Max couldn't even begin to understand. Most of the people milling through the shops seemed to be there seeking more of a novelty than anything else, but Max found many of the items to be ornately beautiful. If Chloe wasn't so freaked out by it all, she might have bought something.
Eventually they wound up on a street called Bourbon, and Chloe had herself in a tizzy with excitement for whatever reason, though it seemed rather unextraordinary after everything they'd seen that day. But when Chloe popped out of a building a minute or two later, a beer in hand, Max started to get an idea what the appeal might be. At least, for Chloe.
"Want one?" The girl wondered, quirking a brow as she tipped the brown bottle up for a drink. She seemed to think on it for a second, then swallowed thoughtfully. "Actually, how 'bout you just try one first?" She suggested, pushing her own bottle into Max's hands.
The brunette considered it for a moment, taking a regrettable sniff before reluctantly chancing an even more regrettable sip. Her tongue was out as she shoved the offending beverage back at Chloe, glaring.
"Why?" Was all she managed, knowing she wouldn't get an answer as Chloe launched into a fit of cackling. Max began to crack a smile as well at the other girl's antics, but it fell as she noticed them giving way to shaky sobs instead.
"Chloe?" She called softly, her hand finding the other girl's shoulder without a thought.
"Shit."
With that Chloe sat down on the curb, her legs spilling into the street as she hid her face in her knees. Not knowing what to say, Max could only sit next to her, wrapping an arm around her middle and waiting for her to stop shaking.
"I-I'm sorry." She mumbled, voice hitching. Max shushed her. She cried more, the skin of her hands and fingers pulled taught as she clamped down on the bottle.
When she emerged, she took a drink that was about half of the remaining liquid, coughing roughly. Then she wiped her face, took another drink, and sighed.
"I'm sorry. It's weird, thinking that I found her, but I left her there. I just… I don't know. I have the feeling I'm never going to see her again, and I-" She had to stop, calm herself down again.
"I'm here in New Orleans, having a beer on Bourbon Street without her. We always said we'd come here for Marti Gras and get trashed. And I… I don't know. It's just weird, and it kind of hurts. I know you don't want to hear it."
Max frowned. Chloe wasn't wrong. It was sort of hurtful to think that she wasn't enough. But she had to try to remember that Chloe had chosen her, one way or another. There was no point being jealous of Rachel Amber anymore.
"It's okay, Chloe. Sorry that I don't like beer."
Chloe laughed. It was still sort of sad, but at least she was laughing again.
"Don't apologize. Shit's nasty." Chloe replied, finishing off her bottle with a smirk that bordered on a grimace. Max smiled. "Whoo. Alright. I think I've got my emotions in check again. Yikes."
Chloe hopped up with that, tossing the beer bottle in a trashcan on her way into a different bar for another one.
"Alright, let's walk." She announced as she emerged victorious yet again. She slung her arm around Max's shoulders and began to lead them down another random street. It didn't really seem to matter where they were going, as long as they were moving. There was too much to look at to stop and stare, and it all sort of went by in an amazing, colorful blur.
And then it got dark, and they came to the shocking conclusion that they had no idea where they were or how to get back to the hotel. Chloe couldn't stop laughing. Max suspected she was a little drunk. She'd definitely had a few more beers while they traveled.
"Okay, so, we're fucking lost." Chloe admitted, shrugging. "But, on the bright side, I think that guy up on the roof over there wants us to come party." She mitigated, pointing.
Max felt her neck crack, knowing she moved it way too fast. But when someone says 'that guy up on the roof over there,' the general reaction is usually to look. Luckily, he wasn't about to throw himself off, as some dark part of Max's mind had suggested. He was safely tucked behind a rail, but he was waving at them furiously, gesturing for them to come over.
It seemed suspicious to Max, but Chloe was obviously interested. So, sucking in a breath, Max began to walk that direction, pulling Chloe along by the hand. She could feel the excitement radiating out of the other girl, and saw her waving up at the guy out of the corner of her eye.
After ducking under an open doorway, they found themselves at the bottom of a stairwell. It took a moment, but they guy from the roof stumbled down, breathing a bit laborious after racing down the stairs. Max took him in for a moment.
He could be cute, she supposed. He let his coppery hair grow a bit longer than most guys, and it suited him, highlighting a boyish charm that he had despite the half-empty bottle in one of his hands.
"Wow, I can't believe you guys actually stopped! I just won twenty bucks, so thanks!" He said as a greeting, grinning. Chloe winked in response.
"As long as we get up on that roof, you're welcome." She hinted. He nodded quickly, turning around and gesturing to the stairs.
"Yeah, we stopped you 'cause you looked cool, I guess. Everyone just started shouting about your hair and told me I had to get you to come up. I dunno whose place this is, I'm here with some friends from high school. We just graduated, so we came to celebrate, you know? I don't really remember how we wound up here, specifically. Uh… Wow, I might be really drunk. Did I tell you what my name is? It's Warren."
Max couldn't find it in her to really listen to everything Warren said, but he seemed nice. He smiled a lot. It put her nerves a little at ease, because it felt really genuine. Maybe she could relax.
They took the stairs all the way to the top, and were led into a small apartment. People about their age, some a bit older, milled about. The air was heavy with smoke, and the smell was so mixed that Max suspected it must contain at least seven brands of cigarettes and two kinds of marijuana. Just to ballpark it, of course.
A few people glanced up at them, several offering some form of greeting. Chloe responded to the collective crowd with a hearty "Yo." That seemed to be enough, for everyone returned to what they'd been doing. Warren nodded towards a room off to the side, and they found their roof access at last.
It was a window, and it had a drop that was a few feet more than Max really felt comfortable with. But when Chloe saw the view of the river beyond, she didn't hesitate to clamber up and drop herself over the ledge as she'd watched Warren do. Unwilling to be left alone in a crowd of strangers, Max took a breath and prepared herself.
"Don't worry, Mad Max. I'll catch you." Chloe called up. Max glanced at her, managing a small smile. The girl stood with her arms poised to cushion a fall, should Max manage to mess it up. It was definitely comforting, and it made it easier to slither down the wall and fall until her feet found the roof. She didn't stumble, but she still felt Chloe's hands on her back anyway. She stole one to hold, smiling as she turned around.
Warren had returned to his presumed friends, most likely to collect his money. Max felt awkward, abandoned in a crowd of unfamiliar people, but Chloe seemed to feel right at home. She trudged over to the side of the roof that faced the river, sitting on the ledge and coaxing Max next to her.
The view was definitely worth the trouble. The water reflected the moon and the lights, the waves sending ripples through the image. Boats occasionally went by, including an old fashioned paddleboat that Max did her best to take a picture of. It probably wouldn't come out, but it didn't stop her from trying.
Chloe must have been busy while Max was having her little photo shoot, because she produced a joint as soon as Max had put the camera away.
"Since drinking's not your thing." She explained. "We don't have to stay here long, if it's not your thing. But parties are significantly more fun if you're some sort of inebriated."
Max glanced around quickly to see if anyone had noticed.
"Should we do that here?" She whispered. Chloe snorted, pointing over Max's shoulder.
"They're passing a bong around right over there."
Max craned her neck to look. A group of about seven people were passing around what looked like an enormous version of Chloe's pipe.
"Oh." She managed, taking the joint. Chloe cupped a hand over the end to shield from the breeze as she lit it. Max sucked in a breath, and the other girl watched to make sure the paper continued burning before putting the lighter back in her pocket.
"You can have most of that." She added, winking at someone who passed her a beer, though Max hadn't heard her ask for one. "I get the feeling I'm gonna be set." She toasted, raising the bottle. A few nearby people lifted theirs as well.
Max rolled her eyes, trying to smoke languidly, the way that Chloe did. She let the smoke spill from her lips slowly, curling across the planes of her face and sifting through her hair before disappearing into the breeze. She caught Chloe staring, and it made her lips curl at the corners. But the façade was shattered as she choked at the end and wound up coughing roughly.
Chloe snickered, patting her back sympathetically and plucking the joint out of her fingers to steal a hit.
"Don't worry, Max. There's plenty of time to go pro." She promised, tucking the paper between the brunette's lips again. Max inhaled, letting it fall between her index and middle finger like she'd seen Chloe do, tapping the end with her thumb until the excess ashes crumbled off.
She turned her eyes to the street below, smoking leisurely. With a high creeping in, she wasn't noticing the other people so much. Tucked into the small section of ledge, decorative columns on either side making it a space only big enough for the two of them, she felt comfortable. The street was crawling with people, but they seemed far away from her perch, almost not real.
It was strange to look down on their lives, to think of them as small and indistinguishable from her vantage, and yet to know that they too had lived whole lives of their own, with their own significances. She looked at Chloe instead. Chloe hadn't stopped looking at her.
It made her flush a little, and she scrambled to take a puff, even if just to have something to do. Chloe didn't stop staring, though, even then.
"W-What?" Max asked lowly, biting her lip. Chloe shrugged, but grinned as if she wasn't all that uncertain. The brunette just huffed, taking the last hit and grinding out the burning end. She was just about to let the smoke out into the breeze, but Chloe caught it with her lips instead.
Her kiss tasted a lot more like beer than Max might have cared for, but she didn't have it in her to mind too much. She could see what was left of the smoke escaping between them as they parted for breath, and she had to clear her throat, but all in all she was feeling pretty damn stellar.
"If you wanted to kiss, you could have just said so." She eventually pointed out, quirking a brow. Chloe giggled.
"That's not as fun though. You feelin' alright?" She asked.
Max thought it was sort of a weird question, all things considered. It felt like she ought to be the one asking Chloe. But then, was she feeling alright? She hadn't really thought about it. How did she feel?
"…I thought about rewinding." She blurted. Why had she said that? Chloe had asked how she felt, not what was eating her from the inside out. It was so impulsive, she hadn't even considered it before it was out in the open.
Chloe blinked at her, then her brows furrowed.
"To before we came up? Dude, if you hate it that much-"
"No, Chloe-" Max interrupted, shaking her head sadly. "Back in New York. I didn't do it, and I don't think I ever could, but… But I thought about it. About making it so we never found her. And… I guess I'm just realizing that I'm-" She sucked in a breath, and it shuddered a bit, but she pressed forward. "I'm really jealous of her. Before I had even seen her, I couldn't help but hate her a little. Because you love her."
Chloe didn't look like she could find words, her eyes wide. Max realized she was oversharing, but she was in too deep to stop. Maybe getting high wasn't the best idea after all.
"Even now, we're here because you're trying to forget her, or mope about her, or something. But the thing is, I understand. I know you need this. It's selfish of me to think like I am. And I guess I never really thought I was selfish. I don't like feeling that way." She admitted, biting her lip.
"But I wonder, if things had been different, what would you have done? If she'd agreed to come back with you, what would you have done? There's no way you could have taken us both. There's no way three people could get all the way across the country in the truck. And I… I want to know, but I'm also scared to hear it."
"Max, I-" Chloe cut in, holding up her hand to request a moment to think. Max didn't feel like she was done, but she'd also talked a lot. So Chloe deserved a chance to speak too. It seemed like she was really torturing herself over the right way to say whatever it was she was going to say.
"Look, I… I'm going to sound like a fucking shitty person no matter how I say this, but… Fuck! I didn't really think we were going to find her." She spat, knocking over her bottle. It rolled along the roof, forgotten once it was out of sight, disappearing quickly into the darkness.
Max wasn't sure what to think, and didn't want to hurt Chloe by saying the wrong thing, so she waited for Chloe to elaborate. It took a while, but it came.
"At first, I thought I could do anything. I mean, yeah, I was broke and alone and didn't really have any leads, but I thought that if I just loved her enough, it would work." She said, her voice soft. It was probably hard for her to say that sort of thing out loud. Chloe wasn't very open with her inner musings.
"And when I met you, with your literal fucking superpowers… It made me feel even better about my odds finding her. But then… God. Max, I fell in love with you." She said, laughing shakily, her fingers winding into her hair. "The closer we got, the more I started to think we wouldn't find her. What were the odds, you know? She's one of so many billions of people in the world. It wasn't even about finding Rachel anymore, it was about staying with you."
Max swallowed. The jealousy that had been curling in her stomach began to feel lighter as Chloe opened up with her.
"When we actually found her I… I don't know. I was supposed to be excited to see her. I imagined it like this big thing; we'd, like, leap into each other's arms and hug it out and just squeeze until someone pulled us apart. But when I saw her, I just… I could hardly move."
Max recalled. She'd assumed they'd had their joyful reunion somewhere more appropriate than the middle of the café, but apparently they'd skipped it all together. Chloe looked down at her boots.
"It was like, I was so shocked to see her. And my brain was trying to, like, compute how this was going to work, you know? I was trying so hard to figure out how to keep both of you, how to explain things to both of you. And, at the same time, I'm trying to figure out how I even fucking feel. Because, on the one hand, I've loved Rachel since, like, forever. But she also never really… Well, I don't know if that was ever going anywhere. And after meeting you, and actually having someone who feels the same way… I don't know. I couldn't imagine going back to how it was with Rachel."
Max couldn't even begin to keep up. She listened, clinging on to every word, and it did ease her mind a bit. But Chloe had so many feelings storming inside of her... It made Max feel even more selfish about bringing her own jealousy up. Chloe had so much more to deal with. And what little insight Max had gained only made it all the more apparent that there was a lot more to it than she even knew about.
"…I'm mad at her for fucking off with Frank. I feel so fucking betrayed. But I'm also sort of… Glad." Chloe confessed, grimacing. "She gave me someone to be mad at, and… She made it easy for me to choose." She finished, still looking at her shoes as if seeing them for the first time. But her hand slid into Max's, squeezing firmly. "I'm sorry. I know that's not what you wanted to hear."
The brunette squeezed back, nudging her body closer so she could kiss Chloe's cheek. What Chloe said was sort of deplorable, but that in itself was a comfort. At least they were both sort of horrible.
"No, that's exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for talking about your feelings. Sorry if I made it really awkward." She murmured. Chloe giggled quietly, turning her face to steal a proper kiss.
Warren came over with fresh beers then, snapping them out of the moment they'd lost themselves in. The sounds of the city returned to the forefront, the chatter of several voices seeping in to fill what had seemed like silence around them moments ago. It was almost like time had started again, but Max didn't remember pausing it.
Chloe awkwardly accepted the drinks, and invited Warren, and the friend that had followed him over, to sit with them. Her name was Brooke, and Max could see from a mile away that she wanted to be Warren's girlfriend. The boy was oblivious, staring at Max very obviously. She got the feeling he was pretty dense.
As if they hadn't just had a very emotional talk, they both settled into chatting with Brooke and Warren. It was the first time that Max had really had a chance to properly socialize with people her age, other than Chloe. They had so many nuances to the way they spoke, and jokes that only they understood. It was really charming.
After warming up to the new company, Chloe offered up another joint from her cigarette pack. Brooke eyed it a little warily, but Warren, after staring in surprise for a brief second, declared "fuck it," and let Chloe light a hit for him.
He coughed even more than Max had the first time, but he also had the added handicap of only beer to sooth the ache. Max didn't envy him, and couldn't deny feeling superior as she blew her own smoke expertly. Brooke wound up joining in, in the end, and all four of them decided to leave together once they were nice and giggly, since it turned out they were actually staying close to each other.
Warren called goodbye to the other friends that had come on the trip, then helped boost everyone back up into the apartment before scrambling up the wall and through the window himself.
The streetcar was still running, thankfully, so they rode it as far as they could, then Warren began leading the way. All the while, he was chatting Max's ear off. She had long lost track of what he was talking about, the words he was firing off sounding medical and going right over her head. Brooke had started glaring at her, and Chloe couldn't stop snickering.
Thankfully, their hotel came into view, and Max sighed in relief. She picked up the pace a bit. It had been fun, but she was exhausted, and ready to curl up with Chloe after their talk. She felt like she needed it.
They said goodbye to their new friends. Warren asked if they could hang out again, but Chloe informed him that they would be leaving in the morning. He seemed pretty bummed, and maybe a little reluctant to leave. Brooke pulled on his wrist. When he remained unmoved, Chloe, smirking, pressed a kiss to Max's cheek. That seemed to do the trick. He look a bit dejected as he sulked away, leaving them to climb the stairs to their room.
Max collapsed into bed as Chloe snickered, locking the door with the chain.
"He so had the hots for you!" She crooned, making a show of doubling over. Max groaned.
"I know-"
"Holy shit, talk about dense as fuck! That girl, Brooke, was all over him. I feel almost bad for her."
She jumped, landing squarely next to Max, the mattress bouncing and sending her up a few inches before she tipped over onto Chloe. It didn't seem to be a problem, though, for Chloe just wrapped her arm around the other girl's shoulders, drawing her close as she laid back.
"I think we're due for some snuggling. Maybe some pillow talk." She announced. Max nodded, wriggling around to discard most of her clothing, waiting till Chloe had finished doing the same before scooting closer again.
Chloe's legs were soft, but cool against Max's as they slid to tangle together. The taller girl's fingers, twisted in the fabric of Max's shirt, dragging her as close as she could. Her nose, pressed into the crook of Max's neck, inhaled. Maybe she meant to memorize. She held the breath for a long time, letting it out as a sigh.
"I love you, Max."
It felt nice, and Max let it roll over her in waves. Then she kissed Chloe, slowly, without any sort of urgency. She was more than satisfied as they pulled away, sighing happily. But the other girl, apparently, wasn't on the same page.
"Um, hey?" She prompted softly. Max glanced up. "Could you, uh, say it?"
Had she not? Thinking on it, she couldn't remember actually saying it out loud before. She'd always reciprocated, but she was starting to realize that she usually relied on physical gestures.
"Chloe." She breathed, cupping the girl's face. "Chloe, I love you. I love you so much." She promised.
The girl let out a breath, closing her eyes for a moment. Apparently, she'd really needed to hear it. Almost immediately, her countenance shifted. Max could feel that she was happier. Had neglecting to say it so long really affected Chloe that much? She'd have to make a point of saying it more often.
"Thank you." She mumbled, snuggling in again. "It's been fucking weird, getting here. But it's gonna be you and me, forever, alright?"
Max nodded, smiling dreamily. That sounded absolutely perfect.
A/N: I'm trying, guys. Honest. We've been really slow at my main job, resulting in few hours, so I'm working two jobs again for the time being, meaning I have very little free time. Also I think I'm having a bit of a depression flare, so my motivation is about zero. Still, I work on chapters when I can. Little by little, paragraph by paragraph, we'll get there. Sorry for sucking, I will try to suck less in the future.
I know I'm super behind on replying to comments, and I try really hard to be on top of that, but it's a struggle lately. Just know, it was a comment that reminded me how much I love this story and that I needed to post a new chapter, so rest assured I do get them, and they mean the world to me. If I have some time between shifts tomorrow, I'll try to get through a few.
Not much more for me to say at the moment, other than thank you for your continued support and patience. I do still try, and I'm determined to finish this story no matter what, if only for my loyalists. Kisses guys, really. 3
KuroRiya
九六りや
