Author's Note:
Thank you so much to the Reviewers from chapter one! It was a delightful response: red lighting; Elislin; Guest; Guest.
The Finale really... really... *shakes head* Nope.
Shout out to my beta: MonkeyPajamas!
Jane sat across from Dr. Borden, her gaze flickering down to her hands. It seemed twiddling her thumbs was a nervous habit.
"Jane, may I ask why you called an extra session?" Dr. Borden asked after a few minutes, patiently waiting for her to explain.
She nodded, still looking down at her hands. "Something happened, and I know I need to tell the FBI, but… I don't want anything to change or for anybody to look at me differently."
Dr. Borden nodded understandingly. "Would you like to share with me what happened?"
Jane looked at him, reluctant to tell him. "Are you going to tell Mayfair? Or anybody?"
"I've told you before, these sessions are confidential. I will not be telling anybody." He reassured her.
In a way, she actually hoped that he would tell them this though. She just couldn't get Oscar's words out of her mind - how he wanted to pull her out of the mission instantly. Maybe this way she would be. "You know that I don't always stay in my safe house after work. Usually I just walk around or go on the subway - it helped me feel normal," she explained. Dr. Borden nodded, they'd talked about this before - he'd encouraged her to go out as long as she was safe. "And although, I've made sure that Weller and my relationship is completely platonic, I… may have interacted with other males."
"I see. Has one of those males caused you any hassle?" He asked, genuinely concerned.
"Not exactly." Jane answered, still looking at the tattoos on her hand. She looked up at him and relaxed ever so slightly. His calm demeanor towards Jane was contagious, making her feel calm and comfortable. She felt safe here, in this room. Safer than she did almost anywhere else. She knew Borden wouldn't judge her, would just accept what she told him at face value, helping her work through it. Jane couldn't exactly pinpoint when she had come to trust Borden and hold him at a higher standard than others, but she was pleased he was in here. Because, if he wasn't, she wasn't sure how she would have coped with everything - nobody could replace him. And it was this unplanned but naturally comfortable friendship which made her able to say the next two words. "I'm pregnant."
This time was surprisingly harder. She didn't realize it until now, but she was more nervous about telling the FBI about the pregnancy than she was about telling Oscar. In fact, she'd been slightly excited to tell Oscar.
Dr. Borden, to his credit, kept his expression neutral. "And do you know who the father is?" He inquired.
Jane slowly shook her head. "Not really, I remember his face but don't really know anything about him." It took her a second to realise that this was the first time she had directly lied to Borden - sure, she withheld information from him, especially about Oscar, but never lied. She looked up at him to see him nodding; if only he knew she was lying.
"How do you feel?"
She took a breath, almost biting her lip before confessing. "Excited." She paused. "Terrified. Blessed…"
"Those are all common feelings associated with pregnancy." Dr. Borden assured her. "Have you had any thoughts about what you wish to do with this news?"
"What do you mean?" Jane questioned, not entirely sure what he was asking. "I don't want to tell the team, nor Mayfair. Not yet, at least."
"Jane, I suggest you to inform your team immediately, and to step down from active duty." Dr. Borden advised calmly. "But, we don't need to do that now, there are many options which you may wish to look into while deciding what you want to do about the pregnancy."
Jane was thankful that he wasn't pushy on the subject of telling anybody else, she desperately did not want to do that. However, the question he was asking was suddenly being the sole focus of her mind as she processed it and worked out all of the options. "I… never considered anything else apart from keeping this child - and I am not going to change my mind on that."
He nodded. "Very well. I will prepare effectively for our next session, to aid you with your pregnancy." Dr. Borden informed her supportively. "We will take this one step at a time, for now, would you like me to help set up a doctor's appointment for you?"
Jane nodded. "Yes please."
Jane yawned softly as she turned off her alarm clock; she had been feeling a little more tired lately, but tried to not allow it to show. It had been just over three weeks since she discovered that she was pregnant. Not much had changed since then; her relationship with Oscar was the biggest change - his concern over her was sweet and she found herself falling in love with a whole new side of Oscar she hadn't known existed.
She sat up and sighed contently, her morning sickness had slowly dissipated. She knew she was one of the lucky women, her nausea only lasting a few weeks in the beginning of her pregnancy, which thankfully didn't draw too much attention to her. However, looking down at her hardened belly, she knew that she now had a noticeable bump.
It made sense that she was showing. When she went to the doctor, he'd worked out how far along she was. Looking at the date, she knew she was now exactly 13 weeks pregnant, a lot further along than she had originally predicted.
Dr. Borden had brought up the subject about her informing the team on a more regular basis and - more importantly - starting desk duty. Until this point, she'd been very dismissive of both ideas. However, now things were becoming more real. She was pregnant - she'd heard the heart beating last week and that was proof enough; and she didn't want anything to go wrong. Also, if she was at a desk, it would ease Oscar's mind too.
Jane never thought she would be thankful for rain, but it gave her the excuse to wrap up in thicker clothes which was a lot more effective had hiding her bump than she had predicted. Checking in the mirror, she was pleased that there was no obvious bump, she just looked a little more poofy - but that could easily be dismissed by the jacket she had chosen.
Within half an hour of leaving her safe house, she was standing in Mayfair's office, still wearing her outdoor jacket.
"Can I help you?" Mayfair asked, standing up from behind her desk.
They had just been called into the briefing room as Patterson had decoded another tattoo. "Yes. I was wondering if I could…" She hesitated, debating on what wording to use. "Not go out on any more cases."
Mayfair raised a surprised eyebrow at her. "That surprises me." She replied. "Is there a reason for that?"
Jane took a breath, she had to get this out now. "There is. I'm…" she idly gestured to her stomach. "Pregnant."
The surprised expression on Mayfair's face was almost comical. "Excuse me?"
"I didn't properly consider… protection… and I'm pregnant." Jane elaborated, probably unnecessarily. "Dr. Borden advised me to withdraw from active duty, and I agree with him."
"Wait here."
"Wait, You're not going to tell anybody, are you?" Jane asked, quickly halting her.
Mayfair graced her with a short look. "No. Take a seat, Jane."
Jane obeyed and took a seat, feeling immensely more sick than she had been in a weeks - although, this feeling wasn't from morning sickness, but more nerves about what could happen. She glanced around the room, not moving from the seat. It only took fifteen minutes before he saw the team disperse - they must have finished the briefing for the newest tattoo - and her stomach churned when she saw Kurt heading her way.
Kurt caught her eye from outside the office. "Hey, why weren't you in there? Patterson's computer connected a tattoo to an active crime ring," he said, entering Mayfair's office.
"I'm not going on the mission with you today, I have a few things to… take care of." Jane replied, looking up at him, but remaining in the seat.
"What's going on, Jane?" Kurt sat down in the chair next to her. "You've been… off… recently. You know you can talk to me, right?"
Jane nodded, she knew his response was genuine, but he didn't know what can of worms would be opened if she had been truthful and open with him the entire time. So much would have changed. Although, looking at him now, she knew it was too late to truly believe that she trusted him completely - the only problem was, she didn't have any reason to not trust him. She sighed.
"There's just a lot on my mind; dreams." She told him, not sure what she should tell him. She knew she couldn't tell him she was pregnant now. Not at work, before the case started, not in Mayfair's office. He deserved better than that. But right now, them being in the same room, she wanted to tell him - she owed him that much. "Maybe we can talk later? After you've solved the tattoo?" She suggested.
Kurt reached over, holding Jane's hand lightly. "Of course. Are you sure you want to sit this one out? Apparently this one," Kurt paused, finding the tattoo on Jane's lower leg, "this symbol is being used as part of a drug shipment operation. Should be interesting," he teased, trying to get her to come with them on the case.
"I can't, I have a few things to discuss with Mayfair." Jane replied apologetically, keeping her sentences and explanation short.
"Okay, but later, right? Dinner, maybe some drinks?" Kurt asked, standing up to leave; Reade and Zapata were waiting for him, ready to go.
Jane nodded. "Sure, dinner later sounds fine." She watched him give her a confirmation nod before he walked off. She didn't have to wait long until Mayfair walked in.
"Right, as you are a consultant and not an official member of the FBI, there are some forms that you need to sign." Mayfair told her, handing her one.
Upon reading it, she looked up in shock. "A waiver?"
"You need to sign that - you are here under your own free will and if anything happens to you or the baby, we are not accountable."
Jane simply stared at her for a few moments before signing the document - this was not what had expected.
Jane changed for the fifth time, trying to dress appropriately for anything Kurt could have planned, whilst keeping her bump effectively hidden. She heard a car door and quickly pulled on a jumper and her coat, thankfully it was still cold outside. She quickly jogged to the door, opening it before he had a chance to knock. "Hey, Weller."
Kurt glanced at Jane, unable to take his eyes off of her. "Hey, I uh… I thought we'd go get some pizza. Totonno's is a bit of a drive, but has the best pizza in the city."
"Sure." Jane agreed, she turned away from him and collected her bag. As she turned back she offered him a smile. "You look nice."
Weller smiled, gently placing his hand on Jane's back as he lead her out to the car. "So, that tattoo actually lead to something bigger today, of course," he started. "Turns out the ATF was also on the case. Reade is with them right now, trying to plan the next step."
She looked at him once they were both in the car. "Shouldn't you be with them?" Jane asked him, hoping she wasn't interrupting anything important related to the mission.
"There's no place I'd rather be," he said, smiling at Jane before he started the car. "Besides, Totonno's is legendary, everyone needs to try it at least once."
"We could have waited until you finished solving the tattoo." Jane pointed out, looking out of the window at the road. She loved going to new places, seeing something for the first time was magical.
"You won't get rid of me that easily. Reade can handle it tonight. We'll get the update in the morning. Tonight is all about pizza." Weller laughed.
Jane turned her attention back to him, she hoped - really, truly hoped - that he meant that, that he wouldn't give up on her. She wondered if she should mention now that she wouldn't need the update, but felt like now wasn't the right time to correct him. "Pizza night it is." She replied, smiling.
They drove along 278 as Weller pointed out the piers and other interesting sights out on the bay. About 30 minutes later, he turned inland, parking near an unassuming brick building.
"Are we here?" Jane questioned when he parked, looking around for Totonno's.
"Right here," Weller led the way around the corner to the pizza place. "You have to try their white pie."
Jane closed her eyes as her senses were filled with the scent of delicious flavours, she felt her stomach growl. She opened her eyes and looked at Kurt. "If it tastes as good as it smells, I'm glad your brought me here."
Kurt smiled, "It's even better." He walked up to the counter, ordering a large pie and drinks for them to share.
As they sat down, she knew he was expecting her to start the conversation, but couldn't find it in herself to bring it up. For a moment, she let herself wonder if the old Jane - Taylor - would have been more upfront. "How's Sarah and Sawyer?" She inquired.
"Sarah got a promotion, so she's starting to think about moving out. It's weird to think about them not being there, but Sawyer's looking forward to it. He's talking about his new backyard and all the toys he thinks he's getting."
Jane smiled fondly, almost chuckling and what he said about Sawyer. "It's going to be quiet without them at your place, how will you cope?"
Weller smiled. "Let's see, I won't have Sawyer's cartoons blaring at 6am on a Saturday. Sarah's hair products won't be crowding me out of my own bathroom. I'll finally have some privacy. I don't know if I'll mind," he laughed.
She laughed in response, shaking her head amused. "So, that's why you also smell so bad, you can't get into your bathroom." She teased.
Kurt laughed, "Hey, now!"
Their gentle teasing was interrupted when the server brought out their pie, a delicious smelling pizza covered with crispy romano and mozzarella cheese, and two beers.
"Oh, sorry. Could I have an orange juice instead please?" Jane asked the waitress politely.
The server nodded, taking one of the beers away with her.
Kurt looked at her, concerned, all hints of teasing gone from his face. "What's really going on Jane?"
Jane looked down for a second, staring at the pizza before looking up at him. "I'm-" She sighed, here goes nothing. "Kurt, I've been lying to you, about… What I've been doing when I wasn't at the FBI."
Weller's voice was low, "What? What do you mean?"
"I… hooked up with a guy and got pregnant." Jane spluttered out. She didn't technically lie.
"What?!" Weller shouted, causing a few other patrons to turn their way. "Who did this? When? How did this happen, Jane?" He asked, bringing his voice lower, but still angry.
"A guy, a few weeks… months… ago, sex." Jane answered directly and plainly. That was the easiest way to avoid over explaining and slipping up. However, she didn't like his reaction so far. She wasn't sure what she expected, but his reaction was so different than Oscar's, it took her by surprise.
Weller sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "You know you can't go out in the field, right? You're on desk duty."
She nodded solemnly. "That is what I was discussing with Mayfair this morning." She admitted.
"You really don't know who the father is?" he asked. When Jane caught his eyeline, she could see he was hurt.
Jane slowly shook her head. "If I did, don't you think I'd tell you?"
"We'll have to get a DNA test, the sooner the better. If we're lucky, maybe he's…" Weller paused. "How are you feeling? Morning sickness? Do you need anything?" He asked, his protective instincts kicking in.
"I've looked into getting a DNA test, but there's risks until the baby is born." Jane informed him, wanting to refrain from doing a DNA test just in case. She didn't know if Oscar was in the system, but if he was, they needed more time to figure out the next step. "I'm fine, morning sickness appears to be over. At the moment, I'm just… trying to figure out what to do."
"You've been to a doctor right?" Kurt asked. Jane could see his mind racing. "And all the pills, those prenatal vitamins and stuff. We could pick some up on the way back. Do you want to talk with Sarah - she would be able to help."
Jane smiled appreciatively, obviously she couldn't tell him that Oscar had all of the prenatal vitamins sorted for her, but it was sweet how supportive he was being. She was actually expecting him to walk out on her. "I've been to a doctor and he's advised me on everything. Dr. Borden helped set things up. But thank you."
"So, um… how far along are you? A few months, you said?" His asked, his voice gentle.
"13 weeks." Jane answered, staring at him. "But I've only known for a few weeks." She added, not wanting him to think that she had been lying to him for months - about this anyway.
"Okay…" his voice trailed off. "We'll figure out who did this Jane, I promise. We'll get child support and just, you aren't alone," he promised.
Jane nodded. "Thanks. There is something you can do for me now," she admitted.
Weller perked up, "What, Jane? Anything."
"Cut the pie." Jane said, pointing down to the slowly cooling dinner. "I'm starving."
Weller laughed. "Pizza it is." He cut the pie and handed Jane a large slice, the cheese falling off the edges, before getting a slice for himself.
Jane didn't hesitate to take a bite, humming in satisfaction. "This is delicious." She said.
"Best in New York," he said, taking a bite.
Thank you for reading!
There's another part coming up! But, it was getting super long and it felt natural to finish the chapter here.
