Interlude: PRT HQ
Upon return to her cubicle, the Ward's Social Worker scanned Sophia's fighting report into the system, flagged it as a potential probationary period violation for Shadow Stalker and emailed it to Director Piggot.
She'd tried her best to get the in-school suspension reduced, but they had Shadow Stalker's civilian identity dead to rights with actionable information.
Punching another kid in front of two teachers?
Talk about failing the intelligence test.
Then she spent the next hour going over Wards paperwork, changing regulations, and new: which was usually synonymous with unnecessary, Youth Guard mandates. New costume compliance revision dated March 26, 2011: Specifications of improper swimwear. New costume compliance revision dated March 28, 2011: All female Wards skirt lengths to be worn no more than four inches above the knee due to increase in paparazzi activity. New costume compliance revision dated March 28, 2011: Revocation of previous Visor Tint Restrictions for all West Coast Protectorate capes and PRT Squads due to ineffectiveness of Blue-Green Laser scans. New costume compliance revision dated March 30, 2011: All female Wards skirt lengths to be worn a minimum of five inches above the knee due to Gully getting snagged on a fire hydrant.
The next item in her inbox was a new Youth Guard mandate regarding secret identities for Wards and scheduled social functions.
Apparently a Cape Mom in Atlanta threw a hissy-fit that her daughter had a patrol scheduled the same night as Cotillion.
"What the fuck is Cotillion?" she thought.
Turns out it was just a fancy name for a school dance.
She browsed through a dozen pages of informational obfuscation to mine the small nuggets of meaning the author couldn't have hidden more completely if they tried.
Protectorate must show proof that all Wards have attended a school dance once per school trimester, or submit to on-premises Youth Guard oversight of the 'authenticity of their collective academic social experience.'
Except Brockton Bay schools work on the Semester system, so in order to be in compliance they'd have to go to one in... three weeks. She pulled up the school calendar.
Too late to crash the mixer at Immaculata tonight, and it looks like they just missed 'Spring Fling' last week, and 'Tolo' is three weeks out...
"Wait, there's that event next Friday, and it's an all-district invite. Great! Shadow Stalker could attend as well."
She scheduled all the Wards to have Friday, April 8th off and make them go, with 'Tolo' as a fallback to catch whoever blew off the first opportunity.
Up next, a twenty page 'summary' of two paragraphs from a daily activity report concerning an email titled Re: Young Buck snorting pixie sticks.
"What's that quote? 'Fantastic cosmic powers, tiny, tiny brains…' I guess teenage stupidity blossoms even under Eidolon's watchful gaze." she thought as she drafted a memo to Maintenance to remove all powdered sugar products from vending machines before Clockblocker heard about this.
On her desk, the phone rang.
No mystery who was calling, since her co-workers would either drop by or just send an email.
She answered the phone, "Yes, Director?"
Clockblocker lounged in the break area with his laptop before his scheduled patrol, checked his official PHO account, and wondered why he'd been sent links to the same video file three or four times.
He put it through security scans before opening, no way he was gonna get yelled at for making that mistake again.
The attached note said, "My fave is the girl who goes aggro at 1:53, it gets really good after then."
Sophia stormed over to Kid Win on Console duty. She said "No questions, just track my PRT phone, OK?"
He complied since Sophia looked annoyed enough already. "Aren't you supposed to be at Track Practice right now?" Kid Win asked.
Sophia swatted the teenage Tinker in the back of the head, "You always ignore the 'No' part of 'No Questions'? It's complicated. Just track it, 'kay?"
Kid Win pinged her phone and said, "It's inside Winslow High. You lost your PRT phone?!"
"No shit, Sherlock. Can you tell me where inside?"
Kid Win pulled up Fire Department architectural records, and pointed to his best guess for the location of the triangulated signal.
"That's the hallway where my locker is..." she thought. "Oh crap, did I just put them there and forget?"
Sophia glanced at the time.
"Maybe I can run there and back before anyone…"
Overhead speakers blared, "Shadow Stalker, report to the Director's office immediately."
After Sophia left Dennis laughed like a hyena until he could no longer breathe. He stumbled over to the console still cackling.
"Chris, you have gotta see this one, it's been put to music..." and pressed play.
The Wards Social Worker stood off to one side of Director Piggot's desk.
Sophia knew she was in 'damage control' mode.
"What had that PR asshole told her to do if a reporter or something cornered her?" Sophia tried to remember, "Don't volunteer info, say only short yes or no type answers, give 'em nowhere to go."
The next half hour blurred together as she tried to explain the fighting report in front of Piggot: So you got pranked by the track team. Yes. Then you chased them down as seen in this video to extract revenge. Yes. Then you returned to the scene of the crime and removed evidence. What? The banner. Yes. Then you left the cafeteria, ran down and punched a girl. Yes. Is she on the track team? No. Then why did you punch her? Um... You do realize this isn't reflecting well on you? ...yes...
Sophia left the office feeling chewed up and spit out from all of Piggot's lecturing.
Since all the activity had happened in her civilian identity, most of the punishment would fall on her there too.
Forcing her to patrol from now on with a Ward or Protectorate member who could keep up with her shadow assisted leaps technically wasn't a punishment, but it sure cramped her style.
The worst part was the last ten minutes breaking down all the 'should-haves.'
Should have reported it to school administration, should have talked with the Track Team instead of chasing them, should have left the fucking banner calling her a 'Thundercunt' hanging there for everyone to see, and on and on and on with the should haves.
"Fat bitch even said I should have run in the rain with Track Team? Seriously, screw those assholes."
Sophia's train of thought was interrupted when she entered the Wards room by Dennis, as usual.
Dennis pressed play and fast paced guitar music started to blare from the laptop.
Cyclic chanting joined the guitar and Clockblocker joined in with the melody.
"Nuh na na Na~ na na Na~uh~…"
"THUNDER!"
Sophia watched video of Madison's purse spill open, "Turn it off Dennis", she said.
"THUNDER!"
A closeup of the first banner as it unrolled filled the screen.
"No way, I just started it."
"THUNDER!"
Video of some old cartoon of a guy who could give Browbeat a run for his money in the beefcake department held a sword in the air and flashed back and forth with footage of motherfucking Kenny Eastman with that damn vibrator in practically the same pose.
"I said turn it off Dennis…"
"YOU'VE BEEN…"
"Wait, wait… here's the best part…."
The second banner unrolled intercut with several angles of Sophia's snarling face to end with a still image of her bordered by the final word on the banner underneath.
"…THUNDERSTRUCK!"
Sophia lunged at the redheaded jokester.
"That's it, now you're gonna…"
Clockblocker froze her and took a picture of Sophia's snarling face identical to the paused video in the laptop held up beside her.
"Oh yeah, that one's a keeper."
Kid Win said, "You do realize when she unfreezes there's a shallow grave in the woods with your name on it, right?'
"Yeah, but I'll be out on patrol by then and she'll have to take over Console duty from you."
Clockblocker checked his email one last time before he closed his laptop.
"Hey, y'know if the vending machine has any pixie sticks?"
