Title: A Life of It

Author: Roguie etc…

Part: 8/?

Fandom: Once Upon a Time

Characters: Emma/Killian

World: AU Modern

Rating: T, with the likelihood it will change to M over time, because I'm weak like that.

Warnings: Child abuse, bullying, mentions of potential molestation, all the bad things you'd expect to find in a poorly executed foster care system.

Spoilers: It's AU, so not likely.

Summary: Everywhere she was sent, he was there, her savior, the boy with blue eyes. He should have meant nothing to her, just another person that had to leave, but he meant everything. Against all odds, he kept coming back.

Disclaimer: OuaT is not mine, if it were, tackle hugs and sweet kisses would be our norm. Also, there would be way more, *cough*, sword practice scenes between our Captain and his Swan.

A/N: Um… all I can say is yell at my muse, not at me… I'm not the one doing this. I mean, I knew there'd be hard feelings and everything… but… eep! Also, the warnings are heavy for this one, we have an out of control teenager that's in a pretty hefty freefall right now. Drugs/Sex… we only left out the rock 'n roll. But hey… four parts and almost ten thousand words today… yay?

~~~?~~~

Killian Jones escaped the foster system when he was seventeen years old, and not the way he'd expected to get out. He'd lived the worst of it: beatings, bullyings, starvation, indifference, and in one instance that resulted in his own broken hand, a foster father that was far too interested in him than was acceptable. Breaking his hand on that man's face turned out to be the best thing he could have done for himself. His foster father brought him up on assault charges to cover his own illicit activities, leaving Killian to rot in juvenile hall for months until one day, out of the blue, a lawyer appeared on his behalf. Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Killian went along with the lawyer until the charges were gentled, his sentence was reduced down to time served, and he was a free man.

The face on the other side of the door that stood between Killian and freedom, however, was one he'd not been expecting to ever see again.

"Liam?"

The broad smile that split his brother's face, his familiar blue eyes dancing in the sunlight, told Killian everything he needed to know. It was over.

Liam had aged out of foster care years before, splitting the time since between work, his education, and finding Killian. The foster system was such a mess that no one could help him locate his little brother until Killian ended up with a criminal record. Once that record popped up in the system, it was easy for Liam to hire a lawyer to defend him while at the same time working out the paperwork to take permanent custody of his brother.

The relief that swept over him had no words to describe it. He couldn't even deny the tears in his eyes as he fell into his brother's embrace, letting the strange man who'd once been his best friend hold him for a long time. It took even longer to stop the shaking that went through him, starting at his fingers and coursing through his entire body. Shock, Liam told him as he led Killian to his car, sitting the kid down and holding his hands until the tremors ceased.

Fuck, he felt like such a pansy, shaking and crying in front of his brother, but Jesus, God, he was free!

That night he told Liam everything, every little detail about his life from the moment children's welfare had separated them to the moment Liam pulled him out of juvie and brought him home. He told him about the first night he'd met Emma and held her under the stairs, he told him about being her rock when she needed someone to hold onto, he told him about the night he'd let her down and ruined the bond they'd had between them. He told Liam of the years between the last night he'd seen Emma and the day he went to juvie, of taking off from the next house he'd been put in the second time he'd been beaten in as many days. He told him of the starvation he'd faced on the streets, his heart too broken to truly care what he was doing at the time, the humiliation of being found by children's welfare because he'd been so fucking high on heroine that he'd fallen asleep in an entrance way to a building half a block from the children's welfare office. By the time he woke up and was sober enough to realize what was going on, he'd been taken in and placed in a new home. He told Liam the absolute worst of it, that he'd been sixteen when he was put into the last home; the other children in that house were so quiet and subdued that it was a shock to him to see them. He was pulled out of public education and put on a home schooling rotation with the other kids. He was sequestered away from everyone and everything, not even allowed out of the house to see if he could begin making friends in the neighborhood. At first he wrote it off as one of "those" houses, where the beatings would begin in the morning and end when someone was unconscious, but the second week he was there, the very night after children's welfare came to assess how he was settling in, the foster father came to his room.

Before the man tried a thing, he'd explained to Killian exactly how life would be in his house; the bile rose in Killian's throat as he thought of the other children, the ones who had been there longer, the ones who were living this nightmare. When the man reached for his blankets, Killian was off the bed in a heartbeat, his fist connecting with the man's face before either of them had time to blink.

He kept hitting him, over and over until the bones in his hand shattered and still he continued to beat the man. He didn't stop until the foster mother called the police and had Killian dragged out in handcuffs, screaming, screaming, screaming out his horror. If they'd let him go, he'd have gone back and beaten the man until nothing remained, but instead they took him to the hospital, where doctors did everything they could to repair the shattered bones. He fisted that hand for Liam to see, showing him the scarring from where bone had come through, from where they had to go in with pins to put everything back together. He showed Liam the fingers that no longer bent the way they should, his hand next to useless no matter how hard they'd worked on him, but Killian wore those scars and that destruction with pride. If he'd saved one little kid the horror that man was putting them through in that hell they called a home, then he would have gladly lost the hand entirely.

Inevitably, the conversation came back to Emma. She was the biggest regret Killian had in his relatively short life.

Liam sighed softly, watching the tortured memories flow through his brother's expressive blue eyes. "How old would she be now?"

Killian shrugged, glancing over at the calendar that hung on Liam's kitchen wall. "Fourteen, just about fifteen."

"Do you want to find her, brother?"

"Doubt it would make much of a difference now. God knows where she's been sent to, I mean, Christ, I let her down so hard, Liam, she'd probably not even speak to me if I did find her, anyway. I took a ten year old that trusted nobody, made her trust me, and then crushed her so that I could be popular. I mean, who does that kinda shit? She probably hates me, and it's well deserved, too."

"Killian, listen to me, and listen hard: you were a stupid kid. You did your best by her when you could, but you went retarded for a night. Unfortunately, fate stepped in and didn't let you make that up to her the next day. So, you have two choices: you let it go and forget about her, let the girl move on with her life as if you never existed or we do what we can to find her, you can apologize, ease your guilty conscience, and with any kind of luck she'll forgive you. Teenaged girls though," Liam blew through his teeth, shaking his head, "They're pretty vicious when they get going. If you choose option two, be prepared for it."

Killian dragged his hand through his hair, groaning softly. "Fuck me."

Liam laughed, "Yep, that about sums it up. So, what do you say? Option one, or option two?"

Killian groaned again, shaking his head in disbelief. "Two."

Liam snorted. "It's your funeral, little brother."

~~~?~~~

In the end, the only reason they actually found Emma was because Ruby and her grandmother had never moved from their neighborhood. No matter how many houses Emma had been bounced through over the years, she and Ruby stayed in touch; fortunately for the girls, the house Emma moved into a few months before was only two doors down from Ruby's, much to the joy of both the girls.

Killian watched them from a distance for several days, coming and going from the same high school he'd attended so briefly. It was with great reluctance that he allowed Liam to re-enroll him in the same school as the girls, gritting his teeth against the urge to just run the first morning he stood on campus. Thankfully he was an entire semester behind most of the guys he remembered at this school, able to keep himself a grade back as he finished up the credits he'd been unable to finish the year prior. Unfortunately, that left him in several classes with Ruby Lucas. The bitch stare he received the moment he stepped into his home room class almost forced him back out the door, her cold, dark eyes pinned to him and following his every move as he took a seat as far to the back as he could manage.

When the bell rang to move them to their next class, he found himself pinned in place by the tall brunette, her glare only darkening as the class wrapped up. "You come anywhere near her, I will castrate you."

Killian gaped up at the girl who used to be his friend, blinking back the hurt that flashed through his blue eyes, lowering his gaze to the top of his desk. "I'm not here to cause any trouble, Rubes. I just want to get through the last couple months of class without, y'know…"

"Being a total douche that breaks little girls' hearts?"

Killian sighed, scratching behind his ear in discomfort. "Ruby, please, I was a stupid kid and I got moved the next day…"

"And you had no fucking clue did you? No clue how much she depended on you? What you meant to her? Jesus Christ, Killian, I had to put her back together when she waited for you the next day and you never came. Do you have any idea how long she waited? She was too afraid to go to your foster parents in case you hated her, so she waited every single afternoon for weeks! WEEKS! She sat on that stupid fence every night until dark, until I dragged her home, until she finally went to knock on your door and your foster mother had to tell her you'd been gone since Halloween. I mean, I get it that maybe you couldn't get out to say goodbye, but you could have called her, or written her, or something instead of being a total douche bag coward and letting her hope and suffer. She cried, Killian. She cried, a lot. She cried so much she scared her foster parents. She didn't stop crying until the day they told her they'd have to move her on if she didn't start acting normally. After that day, there wasn't anything of her left. Have you ever met a girl who has no self worth? Have you ever seen what that does to them? Should I tell you about her next foster home? Her next foster brother? She was so fucking desperate to replace you in her heart that she let him…" Ruby cut off, going pale as she realized how deep the secret was she was about to reveal to the person who had hurt Emma the most in her short little life.

Killian reared back, his eyes going wide, the blue darkening to black as the meaning behind her words hit home. "Let him do what, Ruby?"

"Does it matter now, Killian? What's done is done."

"It fucking matters. Tell me!"

"All I'm saying is this, you guys have this thing. You come into her life. She clings to you. She depends on you. She trusts you. You leave her and she's broken. She picks up the pieces and puts herself back together, a little less than she was before, a little more than she ever should be. Just when she starts settling in to this new her, you come back and the cycle starts again."

"I'm not leaving again, Ruby, you don't understand, everything's changed now."

"I understand more than you do. Emma's not that little girl that looked at you with stars in her eyes. She's not sweet and innocent. People that you could have protected her from took that from her. Maybe not everything, but they took enough. She's not the Emma you knew, I don't know if you'd even recognize her now."

Killian ground his teeth together, his jaw clenching, his temple pulsing as he fought to control his temper. He knew that he deserved every word Ruby had to say to him, but right now, all he could think of was Emma.

"Show me."

"You don't want to see it, Killian, trust me. Hell, I don't want to see it."

"Just fucking show me, Rubes."

She shrugged and led him out of the classroom, down the hall and entirely out of the building. They walked across the courtyard for a few minutes before coming out at the football field. The shock of blonde hair on the lowest level of the bleachers was unmistakable. Killian's heart clenched in his chest as he watched her while they approached.

"Why isn't she in class?"

Ruby shrugged. "She doesn't really bother with class much. She can pass the tests without too much trouble, so as long as she keeps her grades above a B, they let her go. She's one of "those kids" to just about every teacher here. Nobody cares about "those kids"."

Killian watched in shock, his jaw dropping as she climbed onto the lap of some random guy, her breasts pressed into his face as she reached up to the next level of seats and grabbed a pack of smokes from another guy. Killian's jaw clenched as he watched meathead number one grab Emma's ass through her skirt, squeezing her hard, the blonde only giggling as she fell backwards, planting her ass on the bench, throwing her legs over his lap and lighting a cigarette from the package.

"What. Is. That?" Killian bit out through teeth ground so tightly together that his jaw jumped with every syllable.

"That's our Emma."

"Fuck that!"

"Hey! Douche bag!" Ruby reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him to a halt before he could charge into the jocks that were manhandling his girl. "Listen up; this is what she needs to be to get through what's happened in the last few years, okay? This Emma doesn't get close to anyone. This Emma doesn't trust anyone. If a butt grab gets her a free smoke, then this Emma let's her ass get mauled. If a blow job gets her a ride home, then let your imagination fill in the blanks." Ruby's voice softened as she pulled Killian away from the bleachers and back towards the school. "She… she hasn't let it go stupid far, so we have that to be thankful for. It's just… it's her way of taking control of her body and the people around her, when before… she wasn't able to do anything."

Killian's twisted hand met the brick of the school wall, the bite of pain enough to bring some clarity to his aggravated mind. "Ruby, I'm going to ask you a question and you're going to answer me very fucking clearly, get me?" He waited until she nodded before taking in a deep breath. "Are you telling me that in one of those fucked up houses we got sent to, she was raped?"

Ruby hesitated but shook her head. "No, not exactly."

"Ruby!"

"Listen, it's hard to talk about okay? She was broken up over you, broken up over losing one of the best houses she'd ever been in; they sent her to a group home for a while before sending her to this last place. There's a guy, her foster brother, that jackass out on the bleachers with her… he hasn't done that with her yet… but anything else, yeah, she's been down for it. He calls her his sister and then grabs her ass, shows her off to his buddies, it's the most fucked up thing I've ever seen, but she just goes with it."

"How long?"

Ruby sighed. "Going on a year now. It's getting pretty serious, she thinks she loves him."

"Fuck me," he groaned, scrubbing his hands across his face.

"I don't know what seeing you is gonna do to her, Killian… I mean, maybe she can come back from this, but…"

"She could get worse."

"She could just go for it, he's been pressuring her, she's been reluctant, but…"

"Jesus."

With a sigh, Ruby stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him close. "Just thank God it's not just me fighting for her anymore. Maybe together…"

"Oh, well, isn't this a sweet little reunion."

Both Ruby and Killian spun around to face Emma as she stood in the hallway, flicking the last of her cigarette out the door. Killian released Ruby and took a step towards Emma, his good hand held out, palm up.

"Emmie," he began, cringing when her eyes narrowed, a sneer curving her pretty lips.

"Oh, please. That little girl is long gone, Killian, it's just Emma now. 'Course, it's always been just Emma, anyway, hasn't it?"

"Em, please, let me…"

"Let you what? Apologize? Make it up to me? Worm your way into my life again just to tear it apart when there's something else you'd rather be doing? Save it, Killian. You helped a little girl through some bad times, no need to feel responsible for her now. I'm all grown up now, I got this."

"Fuck, Em, would you…"

She went to turn away from him, heading back out into the courtyard when he flashed forward, grabbing her with his good hand and spinning her back to face him.

"Let go of me!"

"No."

"I'll fucking scream so loud your ears will bleed."

"Then start screaming… I'm not letting go 'til you listen!"

"You don't get it!"

"I get more than you think, pretty girl!" With that, he lowered his head, capturing her lips with his own, forcing her into a gentle kiss into which he tried to push all his guilt, anger and sorrow from the last three years.

When she stopped fighting him, her body gentling against his, he let down his guard, relaxing into the kiss, realizing only as light exploded behind his eyes he'd played right into her hand. With a gasp he fell backwards, crashing against the lockers, his knees weak with the pain that was radiating out from where her knee had connected with his unprotected bits.

"Don't try that again," Emma glared down at him coldly, turning on her heel and walking out of the building without a single glance back.

"What. The. Fuck?" he wheezed out, resisting the urge to whimper as he dragged himself to his feet, gingerly readjusting himself in his suddenly uncomfortable jeans.

"Told you, not the Emma you knew." Ruby shrugged, lending him a hand as he slowly began moving down the hallway towards their next class.

Killian's jaw twitched in determination, his blue eyes suddenly set as he glared out the window of the next classroom he walked into, watching Emma slip back into the crowd at the bleachers, watching her lose herself to the assholes using her for her body.

"What's his name?" Killian hissed at Ruby, gesturing out the window with his jaw.

"Neal. Neal Cassidy."

He scratched at his ear, his eyes narrow. "Shall I leave the introductions up to you, Rubes?"

"Emma's gonna kill me."

"You're a big girl, you can handle it."

"I hope you know that I won't be doing this for you, douche bag," she sucked her lip between her teeth, frowning out the window as Emma snuggled down into Neal's arms, all while he peered down her shirt with a wink at his friends.

"I would despair if you did."

~~~TBC~~~

Remember, much like magic, all muses come with a price. This muse's price is that little review box down below. Please don't make her chase you for payment, it seems a bloody awful waste of her time, wouldn't you agree?