~Scarlett O'Connor Scott~
Gunnar could sleep through anything. That was something Scarlett had discovered long ago. It served him well when the kids were young and would cry during the night. She would have to punch his arm to get him to wake up and take his turn. So it was that night, when the phone rang after 1 AM. She had gotten up to take the call, walking out into the living room. She sat there, long after she'd disconnected, letting the tears roll down her cheeks. When she finally crawled back into bed, she put her hand on Gunnar's shoulder and shook him hard.
"Mm," he mumbled, trying to roll away from her.
"Gunnar," she said insistently. "Wake up."
He groaned and then sighed. "What?" he asked, his voice slurred with sleep. He looked up at her, his eyes barely open.
"Rayna's gone," she said, her voice catching on the words.
He pushed up to a sitting position, his eyes fully open now. "What?" he said, his voice stronger.
She sighed. "Maddie just called. Rayna passed away about an hour ago."
After a moment, he slid back down on the bed and pulled her into his arms. "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry," he said.
She'd held it together while she was on the phone with Maddie, held it together as she sat on the couch letting the news and its import sink in, but now, in the warm embrace of her husband, she couldn't hold it in any longer. She sobbed, deep sobs, sobs that made her chest hurt and her head hurt. She was vaguely aware of Gunnar's comforting arms around her and his soft soothing murmurs against her ear. He held her tightly and let her cry until she was exhausted. She took deep breaths, calming herself in the aftermath, clutching Gunnar's t-shirt in her fists. Then she finally said, "My heart is completely broken."
It was hard for her to believe she'd actually fallen back asleep, but when she woke again she was in bed by herself. The sun was shining brightly, although filtered through the curtains in the bedroom. She sat up and instantly she was overcome with a wave of sadness. She breathed in deeply to calm herself and then, pushing back the covers, got out of bed and went to the kitchen, where she could smell coffee brewing. Gunnar was sitting at the table, hunched over a notebook, sipping on his coffee. He looked up when she walked in and smiled sadly. "Hey," he said.
She tried to smile back. "Hey." She walked over and poured herself a mug of coffee, then joined him at the table. She reached for his hand and threaded her fingers through his, holding on tightly. "I can't believe I actually went back to sleep."
"I think you needed it. You were pretty wrung out."
She nodded. "Anyone call?"
"I talked to the kids. And Daniel." Scarlett perked up. "He said Maddie and Daphne were going to the funeral home to take care of arrangements. And then everyone's gonna gather at their house later in the afternoon just to, you know, be together."
Her eyes filled with tears. "I think it'll be good us being together." She let out a deep, shuddering sigh. "I just can't believe they're both gone now." Gunnar squeezed her hand. "I never thought nothing would hurt more than losing Deacon, but this just…well, it rocks me. Rayna was always so good to me. Treated me like family, always. I owe her so much."
Gunnar nodded. "We both do."
"We do, don't we?" She put her other hand on top of their joined hands. "No other label woulda let me walk away after I had my breakdown. She coulda forced me to do what I agreed to, kinda like that label tried to do to Maddie, but that was what was so good about Rayna. She understood and she protected people."
Gunnar sat back. "She sure changed my life when she signed us to Highway 65." He smiled. "Or, I should probably say, when you agreed to be signed by Highway 65."
Scarlett made a face. "What a crazy day that was. Me and you was fighting. The news about Deacon's cancer got out and that was hard on Rayna. But you'd never have known it. She was so focused on us. Taking care of us." Tears welled up in her eyes. "I'm really gonna miss her."
It had been good to be with family, at Maddie's. It had reminded Scarlett of how they'd all gathered together after Deacon died. Just like then, everyone still seemed a little shell-shocked. Not hearing Rayna laugh, not seeing her move from person to person, chatting them up as she always did, seemed wrong. Scarlett wandered into the library and sat down on one of the window seats, drawing her legs up under her. She leaned her head back and remembered the day of Deacon's funeral.
When she hung up the phone after talking to Rayna, Scarlett couldn't breathe at first. She gasped for air, panicked, thinking she was going to die too, until finally she gulped in a breath. When she finally could make her lungs work, she slowly slid down to her knees. She heard an otherworldly moan that she finally realized was coming from her.
Deacon was dead.
Gunnar appeared in front of her, his eyes wild with fear for her. She couldn't speak, just kept making anguished noises, her hands shaking. She barely croaked out the words "Deacon dead" before he knelt in front of her and took her in his arms. She remembered sobbing then until she was literally sick to her stomach.
At the funeral she had a headache she'd had since the day Deacon died. She'd been mostly numb since her initial breakdown. She and Rayna had cried together, but she had tried to stay busy to keep from having time to think about living the rest of her life without her uncle.
Gunnar had commented once that she was like a whirling dervish and that it was okay to just be still, but she had snapped his head off and he let her be after that.
The funeral was filled with music, songs he'd written. That had been Rayna's request and while Scarlett had worried it would feel too sad and maudlin, she was surprised at how comforted she felt.
She was afraid she wouldn't be able to read the words she'd written and, in the end, she had just spoken from her heart.
"Deacon Claybourne was my uncle, but he was so much more than that to me. He was always there when I needed him and, as I got older, he was more of a father figure to me than just an uncle. I would never have made it in the music business if it hadn't been for Deacon. Without his support and encouragement, and sometimes some tough love, I would have probably never tried, or stuck with it. When I wanted to go home to Mississippi, back when I blew up my career, he told me I was crazy, but he didn't stop me. And when I came back, he didn't tell me 'I told you so'. He just welcomed me back.
"Deacon was a man who was chased by demons for a long time, but he finally figured it out. He and Rayna had probably the greatest love story I ever knew and I think he finally figured out he deserved to be happy. And he was. He had the family he always wanted. His wife. His daughters. His grandchildren. I never seen him as content and happy as he was once he found that.
"Deacon and Rayna were my role models, both for my career and my life. I don't know what I'm gonna do now without him to rely on when I need advice or an encouraging word. I know my sadness ain't nothing compared to Rayna's or Maddie's or Daphne's. But, next to my husband," – she nodded towards Gunnar – "he was the best man I knew and I will miss him every single day for the rest of my life." She looked over at the casket, draped in flowers. "Godspeed, Deacon. I hope you know what a difference you made for so many people and how much we all loved you." She touched her fingers to her lips and then tears welled up in her eyes. She took a deep breath and then she walked down the steps and sat next to Gunnar, leaning her head on his shoulder.
She sighed and then drew her legs up to her chest, laying her head down on the top of her knees. She wasn't sure how they were all going to find the courage to go through this again.
Scarlett felt drained, as they drove back home in the dark. The streets were mostly quiet and she was too. She could feel Gunnar look over at her and she looked at him, smiling gratefully, knowing he understood she needed the silence. He took her hand and just held it and she felt soothed. As they pulled up in front of the house, she thought she could see someone on the steps. When she got out of the car, the figure stood up slowly. Suddenly Scarlett knew who it was and practically ran up the walkway and threw her arms around her childhood best friend.
"How do you always know when to come?" she cried.
"I can just feel when you need me," Zoey said, hugging Scarlett close and rubbing her back. "And I knew this was one of those times."
Scarlett stood at the front of the church, in the same place where she'd stood twelve years earlier at Deacon's funeral. She looked out over the crowd and focused first on Gunnar and her children, then looked over at Maddie and Daphne, and finally Zoey. She breathed in and tried to smile. "I first met Rayna Jaymes when I was a newborn. Course, I don't remember that, but I know she and my Uncle Deacon come down to Natchez when I was born. I think Rayna must have been seventeen or eighteen then, so pretty young herself. I saw her a couple more times when I was little, but I was too young to really remember those times either. And then she and Deacon split up, turned out for a very long time, and I didn't see her again for years.
"I met her the last time when I was twenty-four years old. I had just moved to Nashville and Deacon invited me to the Opry to see her perform. I was so overwhelmed, because, you know, she was my role model. I had grown up singing her songs and I wanted to be just like her. She told me then I was family and she sure made me feel like that. Even when things weren't good between her and Deacon, she still looked out for me.
"Rayna and Deacon, they was a complicated but beautiful mess. Their story had more twists and turns than you can imagine, but at the center of it, always, was love. A deep, soul-changing love. Anyone could see it, in the way they looked at each other or how they held hands even. I wrote a song about them once, a long time ago. I'm burned to ashes, split down the middle / If anyone asks it hurt just a little / I died inside the day I let you go / But I don't wanna let you, I cannot forget you, I will never let you know. I think that's how they felt being apart. I think that's how Rayna's felt these past twelve years, without Deacon. You could see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice, feel it when you caught her alone.
"But this ain't supposed to be sad. What I really want to do is tell you what Rayna Jaymes meant to me. From the first time she heard me sing, she always had my back. She believed in me a hundred percent. Even when I let her down – and I did that big time – she looked out for me. She cared about me. I know it cost her a lot to let me go, but it was more important to her not to force me to do something I couldn't. That's when I knew for sure I'd walk to the ends of the earth for her.
"She always made you feel like you were the only person in her world at that moment. She was nurturing – with her daughters, with her artists. And she was always your champion. I don't think nothing was more special than seeing her standing on the side stage at a concert cheering you on like she was your number one fan. She had that ability to make you feel like you could move mountains. And then you did, because she truly believed you could.
"I think I was always a little bit in awe of Rayna. Even though she truly was my family, after she and Deacon got back together, she was still also the great Rayna Jaymes. My idol, from when I was a little girl. I still always wanted to be like her. I still do. I've never known anyone with more grace and kindness than Rayna, nobody who would give you a second chance like she would, letting the past be the past.
"She was the strongest person I knew. She knew everyone was depending on her and, even when she might have liked to be taken care of, she took care of everyone else. There wasn't nobody quite like Rayna Jaymes and there probably never will be again. I'm going to miss her, but I'm truly glad I knew her and got to be part of her family." Tears welled up in her eyes. "There's an old song that kind of sums up how I feel right now. It goes, I will see you again / This is not where it ends / I will carry you with me / Til I see you again." She choked on the last words. "That's how I feel today. I'll see you again, Rayna, and until then, I carry you in my heart."
She stood there for a moment, looking out at all the people who had come to pay their respects to Rayna. She felt uplifted by that, even as her heart ached with sadness. She took it in and smiled a little, then took a deep breath and headed back down the steps, to take her place next to Gunnar. And then she leaned her head on his shoulder and grasped his hand tightly.
