Author's Note: I will finish this story even if it kills me (JK, this chapter wrote itself- with help from some friends about what the date should be!). Next chapter should be the date and then... yeaaaahh.

*Distant chants of "Pan-Da! Pan-Da!"*

Disclaimer (Dark Side of the Moon): Since Kiku is not dating anyone in canon, it's obvious at this point I don't own Hetalia.


Feliciano was shaking in his boots, staring at the text on his phone. "V-Ve… Fr-Fratellone…?"

"What is it, Bastardo?" Lovino wouldn't admit it, but the way his little brother was shaking was starting to freak him out. "An-nd stop acting like a damn Chihuahua!" he exclaimed, his voice cracking in fear about halfway through.

"R-Ru… Russia is coming over…!" he panicked, running around the kitchen. "What am I gonna do? If he tries making another vodka sauce for pasta, I'm going to cryyyyyy!"

"I-Idiota!" Lovino screeched. "You're on your own for this one!" He promptly ran out the door.

"Fratellooooooo!"

Lovino walked back inside, his face shadowed but pale where Feli could see it. "Y-Your guest is he-here…"

Russia poked his head through the door. "Oh, goodie! You got my text message! I was worried it wouldn't send!"

"I-I just got it…" he squeaked out. "So, wh-what did you need to talk about?" Italy watched the other with wide eyes as the Russian started blushing. "Eh…?"

The Russian welcomed himself inside, sitting down at the kitchen table. "I need the advice on… romance…"

"WHAAAAA?"

Ivan glared, still a dark red. "Shut it. I need to know how to make perfect date." He stiffened, realizing his mistake. He needed the Italian to cooperate. "Please help me."

"W-Why me?" Italy asked, still shocked at all of it.

"Because you know him…"

"Huh? Who is it? Wait, him? Don't you have laws about tha-?"

"My boss and I agreed that our kind represents both genders, so he doesn't care," he interrupted. "And yes, he is male." He fidgeted quietly. "So you help now, da?"

Italy looked at his brother, who was just as confused as he was. "Um… S-Si, but… Who is it? Dates change depending on the person…"

"O-Oh…" Ivan flushed. "If you tell anyone, you are dead. I really… really like Japan," he mumbled, clenching his hands in fists. He pulled his scarf up to cover his nose, which he knew was red. The Italian was starting to freak him out. Feliciano wasn't waving his arms or talking or shaking or anything. "This was a bad idea-"

"No!" The copper-headed younger of the Italians screeched. "We need to figure this out!" The twins had an oddly identical look on their faces.

"I'll take the bastard shopping- you set up the date," Romano ordered quickly. "Follow our instructions and you'll do just fine, you asshole."

Feliciano nodded, hurrying out the house and muttering something about flowers.

Russia blinked. "Hm? But what about Ki-"

"Do not even consider going on a date with him in that coat." Romano stopped him, too focused on the fashion disaster to even care that Ivan was turning an alarmingly angry red.

"So what is Italy do-?"

"Don't worry about it! Now get in the car, bastard!" Romano headed out the room. "I know a place where we can get you some clothes."


Ivan shifted uncomfortably in the luxurious suit he was more or less forced to try on. It fit his frame surprisingly well, slimming whatever needed slimming and showing off his broad shoulders. He tilted his head, looking at his reflection in the mirror quietly. "So… What exactly is your plan?"

And his host was screaming rapid-fire Italian into his cell phone. Lovely. He frowned, waiting until the call was done.

"Okay, so here's the plan. Kiku likes fish and stuff, so you're going to take him to an aquarium here in Italy- he doesn't get to see the Mediterranean type much. Once you're done with that, you'll sweep him off his feet and take him to the beach just in time for dinner and watching the sunset or something like that." Lovino frowned. "We'll have to find something more casual than a suit… Ugh… Whatever, you're still buying this one- think of future dates."

Russia could feel his wallet getting lighter as the other continued blabbering. He sighed. "Um… All right…?"

He pursed his lips together in thought, trying to think of how this would go. "When should I be ready?"

"Vene is getting Japan. I think four is when you should head out to the aquarium. You can't screw this up, big guy." Romano led him and some clothes to the check out, glancing at his watch before quickly telling the woman "He'd like to wear this one out." He turned to the Russian as the lady kindly scanned the items and got everything on the bill. "You can change in the car. I got a nice shirt and slacks in one of the bags for you." Romano smirked. "Vene is getting you a meal ready for your seaside picnic. Any requests for wine?"

"Um… I think I will need vodka more than wine…" The tall man admitted quietly, a bit stiff. Maybe he could sneak along his flask?


How do y'all think the date will go?

I have things planned... *Evil laughter*

R&R?

~Dark Side of the Moon