Chapter 17: What Could Have Been
Soft, freshly fallen snowflakes tangled in Rorie's eyelashes. Louis sat beside her on the bench, their hands just touching. Everything was quiet in the world, and so loud in his head.
He didn't notice the stamping and the shouting at first, not until they were almost upon them, and he was forced from his own mind and into the cloud of noise and emotion the other party brought.
James and Al were arguing like only brothers can. Not that Louis would really know, growing up with sisters, but he had always associated these siblings, at least, with noise.
"We're not telling her," insisted James. "We can bruise an eye each and we're done."
"I think if anyone has a right to hit him, it's Lucy."
James scoffed. "She wouldn't hit anyone."
Al's tone was matter-of-fact. "And neither would you."
James shook his head, shaking snowflakes about with reckless abandon. "It's the principle of the matter," he said.
Louis closed his eyes and just kind of wished them away. He could sense Rorie tense beside him. A part of him registered that he should feel bad that her otherwise pleasant afternoon was being trampled upon, but the memories were only weeds disguised as flowers and there's a difference between knowing you should feel something and actually feeling it.
"Louis!" James called out to him.
Louis raised his hand in a sort of wave thing in reply. It meant 'hi' yet also 'please go away, you are too loud and I can't be bothered.'
"What do you think?" They were right in front of them now.
James obviously wasn't a believer in providing context, but Louis let it slide. "Who is it?" he asked. "I'll punch them for you."
"Matthew Davies, and thank you, Al doesn't want to fracture his fingernails."
"That isn't it," said Al, sounding annoyed. Luckily an annoyed Al was Louis's favourite kind of Al to deal with.
Mind the sarcasm.
Louis scrunched up his nose. "That twat? I'll definitely hit him then."
"What did he do?" Rorie asked.
Louis wished she hadn't. He didn't want to be reminded of how close she was to his cousin. He hoped he could sink into nothingness before he'd have to untangle this mess. At times like these he just tried to remind himself that not even their existence was certain, let alone such fragile concepts of the future, and that none of this even mattered. It was a sour hollow lie, though, and he choked at the thought of it.
"What did he do?" The question was repeated. This other voice was soft, yet stone-cold.
Lucy stood at the door to the greenhouse, an ambiguous figure shadowed behind her.
For the first time, perhaps ever, James fell short of words.
Louis didn't even know what it was that Davies has done to Lucy yet his stomach still sunk when he looked at her. It was something in her trusting brown eyes, her sweet nature. You didn't want anyone to hurt her, not in any way.
Even Al changed course. "It doesn't matter, Luce," he said, scratching at the back of his big head of hair in a way that said the opposite, that it did matter, it mattered a lot. "We've got this."
"No," she said, with this steel-like certainty that caught them all off guard. "I want to know."
It was nearly Rose's birthday. The thought sent an excited thrill through her stomach. Seventeen. Legal.
Let it be clear that Rose Weasley never was the skipping sort. She was more of a stomper, you know the kind. But as she made her way back up to Gryffindor Tower there was something very like a skip in her step, a little extra bounce that spread throughout her, so even as she walked she smiled.
Nobody was going to get her down.
Then she ran into Scorpius.
It was probably unkind of her, to want to point out that he looked rather ratlike when he scowled, but he really did. She opened her mouth to say it (Not in a mean way, she'd want to point out. She wasn't feeling mean.), but before she could get the words out, he'd walked on.
He just strode right past her.
"Excuse me?" she called at his back.
The very way he stopped made it look like that last thing he wanted to do. "What?" he asked, tersely.
Rose gaped like a fish. What, exactly? "Will you come to my birthday dinner?" she found herself asking.
There was something in his eyes and the tense line of his mouth that made him look pained. All he said though, was "Sure, Rosie," and went back on his way.
Rose watched him go with a tight feeling in her stomach.
Lucy was surprisingly calm.
So calm in fact that she was sure she was radiating this overwhelming sense of calmness, calmness that anyone around her would be able to pick up on, and maybe then feel it too.
Maybe it wasn't calmness.
She'd stayed very still as she listened, eventually having managed to drag the story from her reluctant cousins.
There was a part of her, quite deep down, that felt like a string that had been pulled taut then snapped, and a part of her that wanted to yell and cry and scream.
But most of her was calm.
"Are you sure you don't want me to punch him?" Louis had asked, and looked like he meant it.
Lucy couldn't actually imagine Louis punching anyone, and even if he did, he didn't appear strong enough to actually cause any harm. She didn't want anyone to get hurt, but it was already to late for that, and Lucy had her magic, she didn't need someone else to defend her. She could do so herself.
"Be careful where you stick that thing," Louis had said, eyeing her rowan wood wand. This was later, when they stood alone in that corridor and Lucy had surprised him with a request.
Lucy smiled, overly wide. "I'll be very careful."
Louis had looked almost fearful, and had vanished almost as quick as her smile had, and Lucy had felt herself deflate, and a sadness and sense of stupidity crept over her and to it she said no, and she paced back and forth, back and forth, concentrating on breathing, concentrating on calm.
Lucy wasn't a violent person. She hated the idea of wanting to hit him, to curse him, but that didn't change how much she wanted to. She just felt so stupid. She felt betrayed. And she couldn't understand how somebody could even do such a thing.
She felt sad for what could have been, for what she let herself believe.
She had no idea what she was going to do, what she was going to say. Maybe she should just leave, hide away from Davies and pretend none of it had ever happened.
But she couldn't do that.
Frustrated, she started pacing again.
Rose first heard about it at dinner, though some part of her had registered the whisperings in the corridors.
Her mind was fixated on her own problems as she mindlessly shoveled in food, but her ears pricked at the sound of her surname. It wasn't enough on it's own to properly grasp her curiousity, it was when she worked out exactly who they were talking about that had her setting down her fork.
Her cousin Lucy never captured their attention.
Isabelle Griffin laughed the loudest, but their whole group was doing so. Rose couldn't quite grasp what they were saying, just that it didn't sound nice.
"What happened?" Rose asked.
A few people looked slightly chastened for a moment. It was Rose's cousin they were talking about. But the Gryffindors tend to do exactly what they want to do, whether or not it's what you'd prefer them to be doing.
Teagan Finnigan said, "She went off her nut at Matthew Davies. Like, completely bonkers."
"She did what?" asked Rose.
"Yelled like a mad man."
That didn't sound like Lucy to Rose. "How do you know this?" she asked.
Teagan shrugged. "Issy."
Rose looked to Isabelle. She didn't need to ask, it was in her expression.
"I heard from Laura Churchly."
"Who the shit is Laura Churchly?"
"Fourth year Hufflepuff."
"How do you know-" Rose gave up halfway through her question. "Why was she yelling at him?"
Issy examined her nails. "Apparently he was leading her on."
"That doesn't make sense," said Rose.
"It was something to do with Quidditch," said someone else.
Rose looked again to Issy, who sighed. "He was pretending to be into her to get inside info on Quidditch."
This still wasn't making any sense to Rose. "But Lucy doesn't know anything about Quidditch."
Isabelle shrugged. "Don't know why else he'd be interested. She's clearly a freak."
Rose felt the anger welling up inside her. "She's my cousin."
Isabelle didn't flinch from Rose's narrowed eyes. "You never even talk to her."
Was that true? Rose looked away. Her gaze roamed the Hufflepuff table, looking for her cousins's dark head.
She only saw it when Lucy got to her feet and left the Great Hall with hurried feet and her head down. Before even making a conscious decision Rose was standing herself.
"You're all horrible people," she told her friends.
In the Entrance Hall, Lucy kicked at the wall. It hurt. She threw herself down on the floor and tried not to cry.
"Luce-"
Lucy looked up, angry words already on the tip of her tongue, but they died when she saw who it was. "Rose?" She didn't sound angry, only completely surprised.
"Hi."
Rose didn't ask permission, just sat down beside Lucy. Both their backs rested against the wall. A large part of Lucy wished she'd just disappeared through the entrance to her common room, out of reach of any more looks, any more words. Somewhere where no one could hurt her.
"Are you alright?" asked Rose, with very intense brown eyes.
Lucy nodded.
Rose lurched into what she had to say next without context or preamble. "I don't know why they're giving you the hard time. What about him? He's the shithead. No one's saying anything about him. How's that fair?" She looked to Lucy like the other girl would actually have an answer.
Lucy shrugged, unable to meet her cousin's eyes. "I guess I deserved it. I overreacted."
"Don't you dare say that again."
Scatterings of people were occasionally leaving the Great Hall, alone or in groups of two or three. It was nearly time for dessert, and not everyone stuck around for it. If they'd spare a curious -or otherwise motivated- look towards Rose and Lucy, Rose would fix them with a withering glare. No one approached.
Lucy didn't reply. The rational part of her mind knew her cousin was right, but the rest of her...
"Lucy, look at me."
Lucy did.
"You did nothing wrong. He's a twat. They're all idiots, they'll say anything. Please don't let it get to you."
"I'll try," she replied, less than convincingly.
"Repeat after me."
"What?"
"You heard me. Repeat: My name is Lucy Weasley and I am fantastically brilliant."
Lucy couldn't help but smile, just a little. "I'm not saying that."
"Yes, you are. You're not leaving until you do so."
"You're mental."
Lucy didn't say it unkindly, yet still it reminded Rose of the discussion at dinner and her resolve doubled. "Say it. Now."
Lucy pulled a face. "My name is Lucy Weasley... and I am... kind of alright."
"Not good enough."
"I'm great?"
"I'll wait here all night."
Lucy let out a breath of air, like a laugh, and she said, with rolling eyes and a I'm-only-saying-this-because-I-have-to tone, "My name is Lucy Weasley and I am fantastically brilliant."
Rose cheered and clapped. "Yeah, you are!" She got to her feet. "You're coming to my birthday dinner, alright? It's tomorrow. We're meeting here just before curfew."
Lucy smiled. "Sounds great. I'll see you there."
"Bye cous'."
"See you."
Lucy's positivity lasted as long as it took for a group of girls she didn't even know, who, on leaving the Great Hall, pointed and laughed at Lucy with little to no decorum.
She ran over her best hexes in her head before muttering to herself, "I used to be nice," and disappearing into her badger hole.
Al didn't throw a punch or land a hex. He had a startlingly civil conversation with his brother, said goodbye, and went back to his common room.
He looked there and in the dorm for Scorpius, and didn't find him.
He gave up looking the moment he saw Jez and her blue dress and her smile. They disappeared under the invisibility cloak and out of the tower and Albus worried no longer.
AN: I am SO TIRED this is probably RIDDLED WITH ERRORS i am very much soz etc etc
Half a year between updates and it's a short chapter and mostly set-up aww I am the worst awww. Feel free to leave a review letting me know that I am the worst and how I shouldn't even bother. Luv yas. xoxo
(Post Script: I made this document all up and moved on and nearly completely forgot to actually post it. If you're actually reading this some kind of miracle has occurred. Save the date.)
