Dr. Cornwell
I found Lavender Brown sitting in the window in her room. I watched her silently for a long moment from outside her door. She was so still that at first I thought she might be sleeping. It would not be surprising as she had received strong doses of Haldol and Ativan after a confrontation with one of the residential bullies this morning. I stepped into the room and cleared my throat to announce my presence.
"Don't even bother, Doctor. I am not in a cooperative mood today," she said in a voice devoid of any emotion. It was almost haunting to hear her sounding so dead after the intensity of our first meeting.
I stepped closer to the motionless girl. She appeared so frail as she sat with her legs drawn in, her thin frame outlined by the sun through the window. If I hadn't seen our two largest males nurses struggle to control her the day before, I would have doubted she even had the strength to get into the window. "Why are you feeling so uncooperative today, Lavender?"
Her face turned towards me slowly. Her features were strained as if in some sort of pain that she was attempting to conceal. She then returned her gaze out the glass. "She is waxing, so my self-control wanes – as does my patience," she replied softly, a hint of annoyance in her final word.
I followed her gaze. I then understood she was referring to the half-moon hanging high in the afternoon sky. "I see…" I said; a complete lie of course; I had no idea what she meant by the comment. I could only assume it was related to her magical delusions.
"Are you afraid you may hurt someone else?" I knew I had limited opportunity to speak with her before she closed off completely, so I decided to evaluate the crucial information first.
Lavender laughed then, but just as her voice was, the sound was empty of any true emotion.
I shivered.
"Of course I am afraid I might hurt someone. That is why I am this way!" She shook her head as if she thought I was the insane one.
"How would you hurt them, Lavender?" I had to push her. I had to assess the severity of violent thoughts especially after this morning's incident.
"I don't know. I don't want to know. All I know is that I must constantly resist the urge or else..." Her body tensed. Her nails dug into her skin along her forearm leaving wakes of raised fleshed behind.
I was relieved that she did not have specific plans of harm. "Is that why you haven't been to the dining hall? Are you afraid to be around the others?" No one had witnessed Lavender consume anything since her arrival which was quite concerning. Was it her appetite keeping her from eating, or something more ominous? I needed to know in order to help her.
She snorted in true amusement. "No! I don't go to the dining hall because your food smells like arse." Her nose scrunched in disgust, and her lip curled.
I laughed. I had to agree that the food at St Dymphna's left much to be desired, but I found it a bit surprising that she could smell the kitchen from across the complex. "Is there something else you would rather have? We do have a few alternative menus available. I could allow you meals in your room for a few days until you become more accustomed to everything."
She considered me for a long moment. "I suppose that would be okay." She paused. "I don't eat meat though..."
"So you are a vegetarian?" I did not remember reading that in her file. No wonder she despised the food so much. It was all mystery meat of some sort.
"No. I just prefer not to be tempted by animal flesh." Her gaze returned out the window again. I knew I was being dismissed.
"Thank you for your time, Ms. Brown. I will have dinner brought to your room tonight. Please don't hesitate to contact me if you need anything. I will return tomorrow."
She nodded but remained silent. I believed I had gained some trust with her. Hopefully, our next meeting would be even more productive. I hesitated to prescribe any medication until I knew exactly what I treating, but if she didn't reveal more to me soon I might have to make a judgment call based on the information I had.
"Doctor?" Lavender called after me.
I stepped back into her doorway. "Yes, Ms. Brown?"
"Is he alright?" I met her grey eyes. They revealed the intense remorse that was absent from her blunted tone.
"Who?"
"Luther, is he going to be alright?" Her words this time were filled with genuine concern.
Remorse; that was a good sign. "Only his pride will suffer any long-term effects, but it would be best to avoid confrontation with him in the future, I think. He is one to hold grudges, I am afraid."
She nodded slowly. I could not read her expression.
"Have a good day, Lavender." I smiled and left the room.
---------------------------------------------
I don't know what I was expecting to occur with the meeting between these two difficult and complicated patients, but I am quite sure it was not anything close to what actually happened. The morning I brought Lavender Brown to meet Unidentified Male 276 (or 'Sir' as we called him, since he responded to nothing else) was an eventful one.
Ms. Brown had been quite relaxed that day until her eyes fells upon the man that sat alone in the corner writing quietly in a journal. His dark hair fell over his eyes as he worked, apparently unaware of our presence. In an instant, she was across the room throwing herself at the man and screaming loudly, "Murderer! Murderer!"
Before the staff could intervene, Sir stood in one fluid movement and grasped the flailing arms of the incensed woman above her head. He then pulled her close and hissed into her ear just loud enough for me to hear, "Do not judge me for things you know nothing about, Ms. Brown?"
I was amazed. It would seem that these two really did have a connection. What could it all mean? Certainly there couldn't be any credibility to their magical world, could there? Perhaps, they were related...
I froze as I watched the strange couple curiously. Sir reached his long, spidery fingers out to touch Lavender's scarred fleshed along her collarbone which was now exposed beneath her disheveled scrubs. I could see her body cringe at the contact, and then she collapsed weakly at the man's feet sobbing hysterically.
To my astonishment, Sir knelt down beside the young woman and locked eyes with her. "Greyback?" He whispered simply, and she nodded, still in tears. He then extended his hand which she took, and he led her to a seat at the nearby table. He began to pace back and forth.
"Help me, Professor," Lavender whimpered as she drew her knees to her chest.
Sir stopped and looked over at her with a raised eyebrow. "I suppose that was what I was once called. I had forgotten that…" he mumbled with a soft laugh.
"Forgotten?! What? How? I mean…' bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death'… how can you not remember that, Professor?" Lavender protested; her voice was tight with desperation.
A half smile appeared across Sir's face as he paused his movements to consider her words, "Ahhh, yes." His eyes glazed over then, and he suddenly appeared to be lost in memory.
I stepped closer. "Who is he, Ms. Brown?" I whispered as I kneeled in front of her.
She looked over at Sir and sighed, "Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master and dark wizard…one of the most powerful of our time." She paused. "Probably the most powerful now…" Her eyes swelled with tears.
That was the connection. He must have instructed her during school. The timing of their stories matched up. Perhaps he was involved in the same brutal attack that had affected Ms. Brown. Or perhaps he had been the assailant. Now that would be an interesting twist. Could this be a case of folie a deux, shared madness? It was rare but the pieces seemed to fit. I would have to do some further investigation.
Sir, or Mr. Snape, laughed darkly at that comment. "Beware whom you trust Ms. Brown. She seeks to eradicate your memories; to make you as powerless as any ordinary Muggle; and much worse. She does not know your truths and never will. To her you are nothing but a mental patient." His voice was smooth and low, almost hypnotic. I almost found myself beginning to believe his words.
Lavender's eyes widened, and I saw her swallow hard. "He is right. You cannot understand, Dr. Cornwell. I am sorry."
"Make me understand, Lavender. Tell me what happened to you," I urged as I sensed that this encounter with Sir had opened her up, and her reaction to his words only reaffirmed my previous suspicions.
Her eyes were shadowed with frustration. "Fenrir Greyback attacked me during the Battle at Hogwart's after I was cursed off the Astronomy Tower by Death Eaters. I am lucky not to be a werewolf or dead. Instead I am just hideous and dangerous." She yelled with clenched fists and I felt the crackle of electricity in the air around us. The others in the room must have felt it too, because everyone suddenly stopped and stared at Ms. Brown with fear in their eyes.
Magic schools, potion masters, witches, wizards, werewolves; everything this girl said seemed so outrageous. How could I possibly believe her? And yet, as I looked at her, I felt myself wanting to believe her in a way I had never felt with other patients.
Mr. Snape laughed again and looked over at me. For a moment our eyes met, and I felt a chill travel down my spine. It was as though he was able to see into my thoughts; his manner oozed of knowledge. Then he nodded and a slight smile crossed his features before he broke eye contact. A strange uneasiness soaked into my being.
"I told you! I knew you wouldn't believe it!" She spat.
"Alright, Ms. Brown. I am sorry, but it all is a little hard to digest." I paused as I studied Ms. Brown. "Please calm down. I think it is time you returned downstairs." I stood and my patient followed with one last look back at Sir. He had returned to his journal, and so we left him as we found him.
As we passed the nurses' station, I paused to grab Sir's chart. I made a quick note of today's events, including Ms. Brown's theory to his identity. Then I did something highly unusual; I decreased his anti-psychotic dose significantly. Maybe my "Muggle-medicine" really was clouding his mind, or perhaps I was getting drawn in too deep. Regardless, I my curiosity was overruling my better judgment.
Severus Snape
Lavender Brown. A familiar name. A student. My student. Fenrir Greyback. Hogwarts. Dumbledore. The Dark Lord. Lily. Harry. Lily. The scent of the dungeons. The sound of a simmering cauldron. Spinner's End. A playground. Hogsmeade. Butterbeer. Screams. So many screams. Lily. The smell of charred flesh. A lifeless form on a cottage floor. The pain of Cruciatus. The freedom of a broomstick. The feel of power through a wand. Elf Wine. Lily. Lily. Lily.
A sudden flood of memories hit me like a tidal wave, but they passed by so quickly I could hold none long enough to make any sense of it. I was drowning as I struggled against the current. I felt myself gasp.
I looked down at myself and then around the room. A deranged looking man was having an argument with an unseen opponent. Another man was staring blankly as if frozen. An unattractive woman in the corner was mumbling about government spies in her bedroom. All around me insanity was calling loudly.
It was a strange moment of clarity that I knew would disappear almost as quickly as it came, but at that moment I suddenly realized I did not belong here. I was not crazy. Deep down I had always known that fact. I never trusted these doctors. They knew nothing of what they were dealing with, but somehow they had managed to make me forget. Forget it all…
No, not forget but bury. I had buried the memories and believed them the thoughts of a madman. How long? How much time had passed since…
I reached up to touch my neck.
How had it ended?
I looked down at my forearm. A faded remnant was all the remained of the Dark Mark.
More fragmented memories washed over me. More tortured screams. More unnecessary death.. More pain. So much darkness.
Perhaps it was better to keep it all buried; to feel nothing, to remember nothing and to rot my days away here. Yes, ignorance would be undeserved bliss. Ignorance was my reward.
I sighed as I felt the fog descend upon my mind once again.
Lavender Brown
My parents were visiting today. I glared at my mother from my perch in the windowsill. "I need my wand. I am going crazy without it..." I saw my mother cringe at the word 'crazy.' I rolled my eyes. "You don't understand. I am going to explode if I don't get a release soon..."
My father snorted. "We heard you already had, Lav..." His eyes were filled with disappointment which stung more deeply than any words he could have possibly spoken.
"Take me out of here," I begged pathetically. "I promise I'll do better. No more outbursts, no more visions, no more suicide attempts...please...please..." My hands gripped the sill tightly as I ignored the desire to fall to my knees in front of them.
My mother was sobbing into my father's chest. My father shook his head sternly as he comforted her. "You know those are promises you can't keep. You need help."
"Send me back to St Mungo's then," I pleaded.
"They have nothing left to offer you. They won't have you back." How could he be so calm? Why couldn't he see how desperate I was?
"Hell, I'll go live with the werewolves then..." I growled and my mother let out a wail which made me cringe in shame. I hated to see her hurting like this, but I hated being here more. Why had they forsaken me? "Seriously...it makes more sense than me being here. These people think I'm crazy for believing in the things that keep me sane...do you have any idea what that is like?"
"Have you forgotten that both your mother and I are Muggle born? Of course we know what it's like..."
Touché, I thought. "What do you expect me to do here?"
"Comply with the doctors' orders. Have some faith and maybe something may come of this," my mother said softly between sobs.
"The doctor tells us she has begun a new medication. Give it some time, Dear. Please?" My father added.
Living with the werewolves still seemed like the preferable option, but I chose not to express these thoughts again. I let out a defeated sigh.
My father nodded his approval as my parents stood to leave. "We should keep this visit short. I think it's best for all of us that way."
My mother sniffled as she reached into her bag. "They said you could have this..."
I rolled my eyes again as she handed me a small package. I knew what it was without looking; it was the damned lavender-scented bath soap she always insisted I use. She believed it would help calm and relax me. I think it also reminded her of my childhood, a much more pleasant time for all of us. While I lived at home, the entire house oozed of the scent. It was practically sickening and clearly ineffective otherwise I would still be there instead of here, but I thanked my mother anyway.
With that, my parents left with matching sad glances over their shoulders. I pretended not to notice or care.
As soon as I could hear their footsteps no longer, I collapsed to the floor as emotion overtook me. After several minutes of indulgence, I pulled myself to my feet and wiped the tears from my face before things got out of hand.
Severus Snape
I dreamt for the first time in over eight years last night. I dreamt of her. She was alone in our park on her swing. She was unaware of my eyes upon her as she tipped her face towards the sky enjoying the sun on her features. She laughed as she pumped her legs harder and faster, driving the swing higher. Her fiery red hair and pale dress billowed in her wake. I held my breath in anticipation, knowing what she planned.
When the swing refused to give any more to her, she freed herself from it. She then flew gracefully through the air to land softly several meters away. She laughed joyfully, and I clapped my hands.
Then it was over. Then I woke up.
I closed the journal and put down the pen with a heavy sigh. Something was different today. I could not quite describe it, but my senses seemed sharper somehow. It was as though the fog in my head was beginning to truly dissipate.
I stood from the bed. Cold. The tile felt cold. I had never noticed before (or maybe I simply never cared before). Yes; something was definitely different.
A/N: The dream sequence was inspired in part by a work entitled "This is How I Remember You" by *musabenedetta on . I appreciate any feedback you might have. Thanks!
