Chapter 9

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Just like he suspected he would Harvey very much enjoyed going to dinner with Mike and Jessica because he got to see a side of both of them he hasn't seen before as even at the office, when no one's around, they are worried about someone who doesn't know the truth seeing them so they hold back a bit, where at dinner they were clearly completely open and Harvey liked seeing that.

Having just got business cards from Harvey, who told him that there are cards with his real name in his office for when he is ready, Mike is sitting in on a meeting with Harvey, Jessica and other important members of the firm discussing a licensing agreement for one of Harvey's clients.

Looking around the room Mike knows that is a big deal for him to be in the room and so he is paying complete attention, not wanting to let his mother, or Harvey down, but then all of a sudden his phone starts to ring and he curses himself for forgetting to put it on silent.

"Protocol in a meeting is to put your phone on silent." Harvey tells Mike, being pretty sure that he should have learnt that during his time at the DA's office.

"Um…" Mike says, pressing buttons on his phone.

"And if it does ring, you answer it." Harvey tells him.

"Oh, yeah."

"Not in here." Harvey tells him.

"Don't feel the need to rush back when you're done." Jessica tells her son as he stands up, Mike being able to tell from her tone of voice that she is less than happy with him.

"Who is this?" Mike asks once he is out of the room.

"Dude, it's Trevor." A voice that Mike hasn't heard in months say.

"Trevor? What's going on?" Mike asks, knowing from experience is that what's going on is Trevor likely needed his help.

"I'm in jail." Trevor reveals, "I tried to hop this bus at Port Authority. I was drunk. It's all messed up." Trevor reveals and as he knows Trevor's voice well Mike is pretty sure that he actually means it, "I know after what happened I don't have the right but…." Trevor starts to say but Mike cuts him off.

"I'll be right there." Mike tells him, not even needed to think about it as he hurries out of the firm.


Not long after he got the call from Trevor the two of them are sitting in a dinner, Mike having bailed Trevor out, it having costed him a lot to do so.

"Do you have to get right back to the office?" Trevor asks Mike as they slide into a booth, sitting across from one another.

"I got a little bit of time." Mike admits, remembering that his mother said not to hurry back so she may not question if he's gone for a while.

"I'm sorry, okay. I'm gonna pay you back." Trevor assures Mike.

"Yeah, you better." Mike tells him, completely meaning that, "Your bail cost me a hell of a lot."

"I will but the thing is, I don't have the money." Trevor reveals.

"What are you talking about?" Mike asks shocked, "I may not know specifics but I know you're clearing at least ten thousand a month with what you're doing." Mike says as because of his job as an ADA he made sure not to know the specifics of what Trevor was doing.

"It went out as fast as it came in." Trevor reveals.

"Came in?" Mike questions, knowing what Trevor is implying but not sure whether he believes it.

"I quit. I'm not dealing anymore." Trevor reveals.

"Bullshit."

"I'm serious, I even sold my bong." Trevor says as he reaches out, and after making sure no one is around he takes Mike's hand, "You've always said that you'd believe me when I wasn't high, well I'm not high now, and I'm telling the truth." Trevor tells him, "I want to give this a real shot." He says and honestly Mike truly, truly wants to believe him.

"Tell me what happened." Mike says, not moving his hand away from Trevor.

"Mike…." Trevor starts to say.

"I'm serious Trevor. If I'm going to believe you I need to know everything." Mike tells him.

"I almost got caught." Trevor reveals.

"Of course." Mike says, pulling his hand away as he should have seen that coming.

"No, Michael, it's not like that." Trevor quickly says, "I know I crossed a line last we saw each other."

"Yeah, no kidding." Mike says bitterly as what happened last time he and Trevor were together is something he hasn't told anyone, not even his mother or Katrina, partly because he knows that if either of them knew they would do whatever it took to send Trevor to jail.

"And I never said I'm sorry, but I am, Mike. I'm so sorry." Trevor tells him, "Once I realised what I did to you I started to fall apart and the reason I didn't go on the run that would have gotten me caught is because I was so guilty over what happened." He tells Mike, "Please, Mike, give me another chance."

"I need some time to think." Mike admits as usually he would say yes right away, but after what happened last time he and Trevor saw each other he needs time to think.

"Take all the time you need, just don't give up on us yet, Mike." Trevor requests as right now he needs Mike in his life more than ever, and the two of them drift into silence, "So, I know that with you working at the DA's office you can't defend me yourself, but do you happen to know someone who can?"

"I'll see what I can do." Mike tells Trevor, "And I should get back, if I'm gone too long then people are going to start asking questions." Mike says as he pulls money out of his wallet to give to Trevor.

"Okay." Trevor says with a nod, as he takes the money, "Maybe we could do something later this week." He suggests.

"Yeah, maybe." Mike says before getting up, "It was good to see you, Trevor." Mike says before walking away.


Hours later Mike is lying in his bed, but he's not thinking, instead his mind is on Trevor. Even after what happened between them last time they saw each other Mike can't help but admit that it was good to see him again, and honestly he would like to give Trevor another chance because even after everything that has happened Trevor has a hold him that he has never been able to break, and Mike isn't overly sure that he wants to break it.

But, even though he would like to give Trevor a benefit of the doubt, even though he would like to believe that Trevor has changed Mike has been disappointed too many times in the past to go running in without thinking, which is part of the reason he walked away from Trevor before they could do more than hold hands as he knows that if they did then logical would have gone straight out the window, it always does when it comes to Trevor.


Having not gotten much sleep, Mike left home later than usually resulting him arriving at the office ten minutes later and upon waiting he got crap from Harvey for both being late and his phone call the day before.

Sitting in the back of the town car with Harvey as Ray drives, something which Mike never likes as after all these years he still isn't completely comfortable in cars, though he has gotten better at hiding it, Mike is only half listening to Harvey and Ray quizzing each other about music. Instead, Mike is thinking about everything that happened the day before thinking about Trevor.

"Okay, what was the name of the record label?" Ray asks Harvey.

"Marlin records." Harvey answers, "Who covered it in the late '60s?" Harvey asks curious.

"Ahh! I want to say The Stones, but… "Ray says, sounding uncertain.

"You need some guesses?" Harvey asks amused, but then, before he can answer there is a crash and a car horn and in a second Mike is back to where he was fourteen years ago. He sees it all again, feels it all again, the crash, the pain, the sounds of his parents dying, and he just sits frozen in terror.

As he is in such as shock of state Mike doesn't even notice Harvey and Ray get out the car, in fact what only feels like a second later, but in fact is a lot longer Mike feels someone put a hand on his shoulder.

"Mike?" Harvey asks, wondering what the hell is wrong with his associate, but in response Mike just raises his hands to protect himself as he looks at Harvey in terror, and it takes a few seconds before he realises that it is Harvey he is seeing, not the police officer who got him out of the car after the accident.

"Harvey." Mike says, forcing himself to take a deep breath, trying to force himself out of the past and into the present, "Is everyone okay?"

"Everyone's fine." Harvey says, though he very much doubts that Mike is, as seconds later Mike forces himself out of the car, pushing past Harvey, and onto the street, and as he does Mike starts to feel a bit better, though far from it, "I need you to babysit the client till I get there." Harvey tells Mike.

"What?" Mike asks, like he doesn't understand what Harvey is saying.

"The Client, Joy." Harvey tells him, looking Mike up and down, trying to figure out what's going on with him as he doesn't seem to have a single scratch on him.

"Right, okay." Mike says with a nod.

"Don't mention the deal. If she asks any questions just nod your head and look pretty." Harvey tells Mike and if Mike was thinking straight he would make a comment about Harvey thinking he is pretty, but as he isn't thinking straight he doesn't, to Harvey's disappointment, "Go." He says, referring to the cab he just called for Mike.

"Okay." Mike says, needing to force himself to make every step as he walks to the cab. Once he is in the cab Mike gives the address and as he does he reaches out and grabs the door handle and holds onto it for dear life, feeling complete terror at being in the back of a car again, and honestly Mike wouldn't be at all surprised if he arrived at the client's in the middle of a panic attack.


About an hour later Mike is meeting with the client, but Harvey is just arriving back at the office as he walks in to his office he is a little surprised when Donna follows him and closes the door behind him.

"What?" Harvey asks Donna.

"You need to tell Jessica about what happened on the way to Joy's." Donna tells Harvey.

"Why? It was barley a hit." Harvey says confused, though he can't help but think about the look of terror that was on Mike's face, and how much he hated seeing it.

"Harvey, trust me, she needs to know." Donna says, her tone completely serious, and it's that's tone of voice that makes Harvey realise that he is once more missing something and so he decides to tell Jessica.

"Fine." Harvey says, getting up and heading out of his office.


A couple of minutes later Harvey walks into Jessica's office, the door having been open.

"Harvey, I thought you were meeting Joy." Jessica says, sounding surprised.

"There was a complication, but don't worry I have it handled." Harvey says, closing the door, "I'm here because while I don't think it's a big deal Donna insisted that I tell you." He reveals, "When Mike and I was on our way to Joy's the car was hit, no one was hurt, but…..."

"Shit." Jessica suddenly says, looking worried.

"Okay, not the reaction I was expecting." Harvey says as Jessica suddenly stands up, "No one was hurt, Jessica. It was a minor fender bender." He assures her, walking towards her, "What's going on?"

"Don't you remember me telling you how Mike's biological parents died?" Jessica asks and in that second the answer comes to Harvey.

"A car accident." Harvey realises, Mike's terror starting to make more sense.

"Yes, but what I didn't tell you, and what I know Mike didn't tell you because he doesn't tell anyone, is that Mike was in the car." Jessica reveals and Harvey heart sinks at that as he can't even imagine how hard that would have been for Mike, "He watched and listened to his parents die, and because of his memory…"

"He never forgot." Harvey realises, Mike's actions after the accident making a hell of a lot more sense and honestly Harvey feels like a dick for putting in another car after that.

"Ever since Mike's had a fear of being in a car. He's always refused to learn to drive, no matter how many times I offered, and it's why he rides a bike everywhere." Jessica explains to Harvey, "How was he after?" she asks worried.

"He looked frozen, and scared." Harvey explains, "He didn't move until I tried to get his attention and even then his first reaction was to raise his hands to protect himself, before pushing past me and getting out onto the street."

"Which means he had flashbacks." Jessica says, pacing back and forward as she takes a deep breath, as for Mike flashbacks are vivid, and so real that he can't always tell the difference, "He won't want me to talk to him while people are around so I'll wait to the end of the day, but keep an eye on him Harvey." Jessica requests, worry for her son more than clear in her voice.

"Of course." Harvey says, honestly after everything Jessica just told him he would have done that without Jessica asking.

"Thank you." Jessica says and Harvey heads back towards the door, "Harvey." Jessica says, stopping him before he can leave as she realises a warning she has to give, and Harvey turns back around.

"When something happens to remind Mike of that night he doesn't make the best decisions, and he desperately tries to forget, which usually doesn't end well." Jessica explains to Harvey, honestly she wouldn't be surprised if Mike had contact with Trevor in the next few days and once he starts down that rabbit hole it usually takes a lot to get him out of it.

"I'll keep that in mind." Harvey says before leaving Jessica's office, not wanting to mention that he may have already made a huge mistake by allowing Mike to go and meet with Joy alone.


Ever since leaving Jessica's office Harvey has been sitting at his desk, thinking about Mike and honestly, not that he would admit it, worrying about how his associate is doing. Honestly it concerned him to see Mike in the state he was in earlier, but because he is determine to not admit that he cares he didn't let it show.

"Here he comes." Donna's voice says through the intercom and Harvey looks up to see Mike walking in, honestly looking better than he did earlier, though, because he is so good at reading people Harvey can see the fear that is behind Mike's eyes.

"Please tell me you didn't ask our client for a doggy bag." Harvey says as Mike puts a container down in front of him, being determine to act normally as he knows that Mike would appreciate that.

"What can I say? Stacy insisted." Mike says as he takes a bite of his sandwich, but before Harvey can respond Jessica walks in. As she does she clearly looks over her son, but doesn't make a comment.

"I just got off with Joy McAfee's general counsel. It seems she had an epiphany. She wants less on her plate, not more." Jessica reveals, causing Mike to tense as he knows this screw up is on him, "I thought you were going to close her. We need that doll money." Jessica tells Harvey, sounding angry at him as she assumes that the complication that he talked about earlier was this.

"I'm on top of it." Harvey assures Jessica, giving Mike a less than happy look.

"Harvey, it took five months to structure that deal. Please don't make me set fire to your desk" Jessica tells Harvey, "Come to my office at the end of the day." She tells Mike, "I need to talk to my son." She says, doing so to make it clear to Mike that it is a personal conversation, not a professional one.

"Okay." Mike says as Jessica heads out of the office, "I…" Mike starts to say once Jessica leaves.

"All you had to do was have tea with the dolls." Harvey tells Mike as he walks past him.

"Donna, schedule another tea party with Joy as soon as possible. And text me the names of her girls." Harvey requests.

"Oh, what a shock. You can't keep girls' names straight in your head." Donna says with a teasing look.

"Just yours, Debbie." Harvey says, "See, that's funny because your name is Donna." Harvey says and Donna gives him a less than impressed look.

"Harvey Specter. I got your order right here." A pizza delivery person says.

"I didn't order a pizza." Harvey says and the pizza deliverer opens the box to reveal a document.

'You've been served." He says as Harvey takes it and Donna walks out from behind her desk.

"Cab driver who hit Ray named me as a witness in a civil suit." Harvey reveals, "I need to pay Travis Bickle a visit."

"Harvey, if you let me go talk to Joy, I know I can fix this." Mike says, knowing that he wasn't at the top of his game because of the accident, but he didn't mean to screw up so much.

"No. You don't send a puppy to clean up it's own mess." Harvey comments, "Optimally, you don't even have a puppy." Harvey says as he walks back into his office and as he does Mike just stands with a look of disappointment on his face as he once more hears the sounds of the cash that took his parents away.

"Mike." Donna's concerned voice says, cutting through the sound of smashing metal that he is hearing.

"What?" Mike asks confused, turning to look at Donna who has a concerned look on her face.

"You okay?" Donna asks worried.

"I'm fine." Mike responds before walking away, both Donna and Harvey's worried looks following him as he goes.


As it turns out telling Donna that is fine isn't exactly the truth as the second Mike walks into the associate bullpen the others start to give him a head time so he just ignores them and heads straight into the kitchen where Rachel is.

"I feel like I'm back in high school." Mike tells Rachel, completely meaning it.

"They called you Speed Bump in high school?" Rachel asks surprised.

"No, they called me much worse." Mike admits and Rachel gives him a look, "Don't ask." As he really doesn't want to get into it.

"You need thicker skin." Rachel tells him, "If they see that they're getting to you then they're never going to give it up." She tells him.

"My skins plenty thick." Mike says annoyed as being a gay orphan who was adopted by an extremely successful black woman it's had to have been.

"Doesn't seem like it to me." Rachel says before walking away.

"That's because you don't know me." Mike mutters as Rachel walks away, as she does Mike's phone stars to ring. Pulling his phone out of his pocket Mike is a little surprised to see Trevor on his caller ID, and after a few seconds of hesitation he presses answer, "I told you needed time."

"I know." Trevor responds, "But no matter what you decide I want to pay you back for posting bail." He admits.

"Trevor, you've owed me forty bucks since fifth grade. I wrote it off, okay?"

"Look, I meant what I said, I want us to try again, a clean state." Trevor tells him, "So, if you don't want to see me, I'll mail you a check." Trevor says, and as he does Mike hears the other associates laugh, and as they do Mike comes to a decision.

"Okay." Mike says.

"Okay, you'll give me another chance?" Trevor asks.

"Okay, let's hang out tomorrow night." Mike corrects, "Nothing crazy, though, all right? I have to be up early."

"We can crochet panty hose if that's what it takes for us to be cool, if that's what I takes for you to realise I'm serious." Trevor tells him.

"I think we can do a little better than that." Mike says, feeling amused and a little better than he has basically all day, "Why don't we, um… why don't we say Rex's, 7:30." Mike suggests, doing so because Rex's is a place that they used to always go to.

"First six rounds are on me." Trevor comments.

"If you're serious about paying me back, the first hundred rounds are on you." Mike informs Trevor.

"All right." Trevor says with a laugh and Mike hangs up. One he does Mike walks over to his desk where he picks up the work he needs to go and, ignoring the comments that the other associates are making, makes his way to the file room. Planning on shutting himself away down there as he knows, after what happened that that is what is best for everyone.


From the second Mike sat down in the file room, and put his music on the rest of the world slips away, but as he works Mike has to fight to keep the memories of the accident from overwhelming him.

As he has completely lost track of time Mike and isn't paying attention to his surroundings Mike can't hold in his surprise when he feels someone put their hand on his shoulder, causing him to jump and turn around.

"Mom." Mike says, taking off his headphones.

"Are you okay?" Jessica ask as she sits down on the table, next to her son.

"I'm fine." Mike says, completely lying.

"Don't lie, Mike." Jessica tells her son, "Harvey told me what happened on the way to Joy's."

"He did?" Mike asks, sounding surprised, "How'd he even know to tell you something. It wasn't a big deal."

"Donna told him to tell me." Jessica explains.

"Right." Mike says, realising that he should have seen that coming.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jessica asks her son in concern.

"Not really." Mike says, completely meaning that.

"Mike…."

"Mom, I'm okay." Mike assures her, cutting her off before she can say anymore.

"You don't look like it." Jessica says, it being clear that she is worried for her son, "I know what it looks like when you have flashbacks, and I know what this would have done to your fear of driving, of being in a car being driven."

"It was fourteen years ago; I shouldn't still be afraid." Mike tells his mother, his voice vulnerable.

"Mike, it doesn't feel like fourteen years to you because you remember it like it just happened. It's perfectly normal, and it's okay for you to be afraid." Jessica assures her son, being as comforting as possible.

"I felt the smash and I saw it all again… I heard it all again… felt it all again… smelt it all again." Mike reveals, his voice full of pain.

"I'm sorry, Mike. I'm so sorry." Jessica says, moving to pull her son in for a tight hug, "You're okay. It's not happening again." Jessica assures her son.

For a little while Mike takes comfort in his mother before pushing away.

"Pack up your stuff, I'm taking your home." Jessica tells her son.

"I've got work to do." Mike tells her.

"Mike, you've done more work today than most associates do in a week." Jessica says as she knows her sons sorting system and she knows which is the work he's completed and what he hasn't, "It's time for you to go home and get some sleep." Jessica tells him and Mike once more goes to object, "No arguments, Michael. I'm taking you home." Jessica tells her son, Mike knowing from her tone of voice that he has no chance of getting her to change her mind.

"Fine." Mike says with a sigh, "But I'm going to my apartment, not to the house." Mike informs her mother.

"Okay." Jessica says, not at all surprised that he is insisting on that, "Let's go." She says and Mike picks up all the files and the two of them head out of the filing room.


After a car trip where Mike was so scared that Jessica took her sons hand to help with his fear, Mike has arrived home to his apartment with his bike, which Jessica had her driver put in the trunk.

As soon as he gets in his apartment Mike puts his bag down on his coffee table, takes off his jacket and tie and heads straight over to where he keeps his 'hard' alcohol, even though he knows he can't get drunk as he has to work that doesn't stop Mike from pouring a large shot of tequila which he downs quickly before going over to his bag to do his work, knowing that he isn't going to be getting much, if any, sleep.


Just like he suspected Mike didn't get any sleep and after going to Joy to try and make up for his mistake Mike made things so much worse and because of that Mike is positive that either his mother or Harvey are going to fire him.

Walking into the Rex's at exactly seven thirty Mike looks around and he sees Trevor sitting at a booth and so he walks right over to him.

"Hi." Mike says as he slides in.

"Hi." Trevor responds, "I ordered us beers." He reveals.

"I think I need something harder than that." Mike admits.

"I'll get shots then." Trevor says with a grin, knowing what Mike can be like when he drinks shots and honestly he prefers Mike when he is like that.

"Good." Mike says as Trevor orders shots and Mike takes off his jacket.

For a few minutes Mike and Trevor sit in silence until the shots come which they both drink.

"So, want to talk about it?" Trevor asks curious.

"There's not much to talk about." Mike admits, "I did exactly what my boss told me not to do and it blew up in my face." Mike says as he pulls out his wallet to pay for the next round.

"Dude, I told you, I'm taking care of this." Trevor tells Mike, trying to stop him from paying.

"It's probably my last hours of employment." Mike admits.

"I should pay." Trevor says, trying to get Mike to put the wallet away, "All right, put the wallet away." He says, knocking the wallet out of Mike's hand, but as he does Mike's new business card falls out, which Trevor picks up, "You're working for your Mom?" he asks shocked, once he reads the card.

"I'm working at her firm." Mike corrects, "Technically I'm working for her protégé." He admits.

"But you're going by Ross?" Trevor asks surprised.

"Yeah, I don't want people to claim special treatment." Mike explains, "Only a few people know who I really am." Mike admits.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Trevor asks, looking hurt.

"You're kidding, right? Mom's a taboo subject with us." Mike tells him, leaving out what they both know which is that Trevor is a taboo subject around his mother.

"True." Trevor admits, "How long you been working there?"

"Not long." Mike admits.

"Well, in that case I'm definitely buying the next round, as celebration." Trevor tells him before heading up to the bar.


Forty minutes later both Mike and Trevor have had a few shots and they are both rather tipsy, and Mike is feeling a lot better than he was feeling.

"This is good." Trevor tells Mike, "It feels like how things felt when things were good."

"Yeah, it does." Mike confirms, having decided half an hour ago to ignore the part of him that is saying this is a bad idea.

"From the gentlemen across the bar." The waitress says, placing a shot in front of Mike.

Looking across the bar Mike sees a pretty attractive blond man, hold up a shot of his own and smile at Mike, and Mike smiles back as he does Trevor makes a noise that almost sounds like a growl.

"Trevor?" Mike asks, turning to his friend in surprise, but before he can react Trevor's lips are on his, kissing him passionately, possessively, it being clear that he wants to show the man who brought Mike a shot that Mike is his and no one else.

As he kisses Mike, making a show about it on purpose Trevor looks over Mike's shoulder and as he does he sees two people at the other end of the bar, two people who he recognizes and knows that he has to get away form as fast as possible.

"Let's get out of here." Trevor whispers to Mike as he pulls away.

"Sure." Mike responds and he and Trevor head out of the bar, as they do Mike notices the two men Trevor noticed and right away that wanting to be with him isn't just Trevor's only reason for wanting them to leave the bar, but even knowing that Mike still leaves the bar with Trevor, not realising that he left his business card on the table.

"Okay, what's going on?" Mike asks Trevor once they are a block away from the bar and Mike once more has his jacket on.

"Why do you assume something is going on?" Trevor asks, trying to keep his voice from giving away the truth.

"Because I saw those guys." Mike tells him, "Who are they? Either you can tell me or I'm walking." Mike says, trying to be stern, but standing up to Trevor has always been almost impossible for him.

"They're just some old friends. I pissed them off by quitting and I really don't want to deal with them tonight." Trevor admits, completely lying as he moves closer to Mike, "I'd rather be with you." He says before kissing Mike once more.

"You're really serious, aren't you?" Mike asks once he and Trevor break apart, feeling the for the first time in years, that Trevor might be close to the man he fell for all those years ago.

"Yeah." Trevor says, completely lying, knowing that if he is going to get what he wants from Mike then he has to get him to believe that, "We're gonna have to go to your place, though." He admits.

"I got a better idea." Mike says as he honestly wouldn't put it past his mother to check in on him and her and Trevor coming into contact with each other never ends well.

"Oh?" Trevor asks with a smirk and Mike explains his idea.


Twenty minutes later, Mike and Trevor, their lips on one another's, make their way into the hotel room that Mike has got them for the night, and the second the door is close behind them Mike puts down the bag of supplies he is holding and he and Trevor start to remove each other's closes. Mike once more ignoring the part of him that knows how much of a bad idea once more letting Trevor in like that is.