DISCLAIMER: I do not own Oregairu. I only own a damaged brain. I just insulted myself, didn't I... Oh... and also, this is supposed to be OOC.


Her eyes trailed my body like a predator eyeing its prey. Her curvaceous body screaming at me to feel them up. Her hips swayed seductively with each move she made towards me.

Both of her legs rested beside my waist. She was straddling me while I was eyeing her godlike figure. Her long blonde hair, her shining blue eyes…

I moved my hand towards her bare thigh. I could feel her moaning as I caressed her thighs. She leaned in as I did the same. Our lips met, leaving zero distance between us.

Her soft yet rough lips tasted like something beyond this world. I moved my hand near her breasts. Her slender and soft hands trailed my hard abs. I wanted to taste every part of her body right now…

The tingles that were sent to my body due to her tongue clashing with mine, were unavoidable. Our lips parted as we broke the kiss due to lack of air. A thin line of saliva still connected us.

I turned my gaze towards her watery eyes. They were filled with lust. She wanted more and so did I…

I moved my hands near her nether region as she planted her lips on my shoulder. Her teeth clenching my skin as I unbuttoned the shorts she was wearing.

"H-Hach… Ah…" Her soft voice falling against my ear sent tingles down my spine.

I grabbed her long member with my right hand as she started letting out bigger and louder moans.

"S-Stroke it…" She whispered into my ears.

I moved my hand up and dow-

Eh?

Stroke it…?

I hastily moved my head around to come face to face with her.

Short blonde hair, Blue eyes…

Wait… didn't she have long hair?

"H-Hacchan…"

"H-H-Hayama…?"

"Hacchan what's wrong?"

"BWAAAAAAHHGHGH!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as the nightmare finally ended.

"E-EH!? Hachi-kun, what happened!?" The lady beside me asked

"G-GIVE ME A BUCKET! I'M GONNA PUKE! I'M GONNA PUKE!"

"Hachi-kun calm down!"

I finally managed to calm down. I looked around to find myself in a dark room, laying on my own bed thankfully with no Hayama around. But a half naked onee-san beside me. A white blanket covering both of us.

*Sigh* I let out a very tired sigh.

"I thought I was gonna die."

"Hachi-kun, what happened?"

"Nothing… I just had a terrible, terrible nightmare."

"Oh… That so… Come here. I'll comfort you." Haruno said while spreading her arms towards me.

"H-Hai… Wait a minute… WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED!?"

"Aww… don't sweat the small stuff, Hachi-kun. Come here, let Onee-san take care of you~"

"I DON'T NEED THAT! GET OUT OF MY ROOM, WOMAN!"


*Tap*

*Tap*

*Tap*

Here I now stood in front of my elder sister. My underwears scattered on the ground. An annoyed expression formed on my face.

"Umm… Hachi-kun?"

"…"

"Ehehehe…"

"Care to explain, Haruno?"

"Hai! Your underwear smells Wonderful!"

"I DIDN'T WANT A FEEDBACK YOU PERVERTED WOMAN And Give them back this instant!"

"But Hach-"

"No Buts!"

"Hoh… Would you go through the front instead?"

"Don't make my words sound perverted! And I'm heading to school now so don't you dare touch my underwear during my absence."

"Haaachi-kuuun~!"

"Oi! W-What are you doing! Don't pounce on me! W-Wha! Why are you taking your clothes off?! D-Don't strip Dammit!"

"Haaaaachi-kuuun!"

"Don't be creepy Haruno!"

"But being creepy is your forte though!"

"Oye! Don't love me and insult me at the same time woman! And Get Off Me!"

"But at least give me a goodbye kiss! Haaaachi-kuuun!"


I slid on the shoes and closed the locker. I turned my head to the side to find a familiar blonde hair standing in front of me with his usual thousand watt fake smile.

"Good morning, Hacchan." He said while I retorted by backing up a meter faster than the speed of sound.

"HIIIISSSSS!" I hissed at the blonde.

"U-Umm… Hach-" The enemy stepped a bit closer.

"HIIISSSSS!" I backed away another meter.

"Hacchan you alri-"

"HIIIIIISSSSSS!" I hissed one last time as I then tried my best to run the opposite way.

"For some reason that really hurt you know…" Hayama deadpanned.


Phew~

I thought I was done for this morning. I barely even managed to escape from the classroom without that bastard noticing me.

I slid the door to my clubroom open. The cold air that was formed in the room hit me full on. The two coldest student spent their time in this place… of course it would be cold.

The same old black hair tied in a ponytail came to my sight. The red glasses that she wore on as well. Not to forget the cold aura that she emitted.

"Yo." I said upon entering the clubroom. Yuigahama's not here yet, huh…

For some unknown reason, Yukinoshita's eyes widened as she saw me entering. Her hand moved quickly as she pulled out her cellphone. Her fingers hastily moved to… dial someone's number…?

"110!? I think there's a suspicious looking man st-"

"Sorry to disappoint but I'm your clubmate… not a criminal." I deadpanned

"Oh… Hikigaya-kun…? Uh… I apologize then. I'm afraid it's a false call."

"…"

"Sorry for mistaking you for a criminal, Hikigaya-kun." You totally don't seem sorry.

"Yeah, right…"

"I can't be helped though… It's probably because of your rotten eyes. Or maybe because of your rotten personality. Or maybe-"

"Yeah, Yeah.I know. All of me is rotten."

I took my usual seat as the black haired beauty giggled behind her hand. The ice queen of Sobu High. The unapproachable beauty who has a rather unique way of speaking. Or what you would call a rotten mouth. No wonder she doesn't have any friends.

"You don't have any friends either, Hikigaya-kun."

Heh!? Esper!?

"No. You were just thinking out loud."

Huh?!

"I was? Did you also hear the part where I called you a beauty?"

"W-W-Wha? O-Of course I did." You obviously did not…

*Creak*

"Yahaallo~!" And in comes Yuigahama Yui.

"Yo." "Hello, Yuigahama-san."

"Hikki! Why'd you leave me behind!"

"Because I didn't want to be seen with you, you idiot."

"G-gah… So blunt! Yukinoooon~!"

"Yuigahama-san you really should maintain a safe distance with him. There is no telling to what he is capable of." Yukinoshita warned Yuigahama.

"As you already know, I have no lack of money or women. So there's no need for me to become a criminal." I said

"That's right Yukinon! Hikki wouldn't do anything anyway!"

"That statement of yours just proved that a disfigured face isn't the only bad trait of yours." Disfigured?! Cold woman! That's seriously cold!

"D-Disfigured face…? Let me tell you that I have been called handsome by many women."

"Ara… I didn't even think you were familiar with the word handsome." Yukinoshita said. Oye, Oye… just because someone's not good looking doesn't mean they don't even know that word.

"Says the one with flat chest."

"W-Wha! Out of comebacks already?" Woah… that was pretty fast, Yukinoshita-san… I honestly thought you would stumble for atleast ten seconds.

It's gonna be another quiet club session eh? Well, not that I mind though. I sat on my usual place with a light novel in my hand while Yukinoshita had some big book in hers and Yuigahama… well Yuigahama's just being Yuigahama…

"That's mean, Hikki!"

Heeh! is everyone an Esper here!?


His shining blue eyes met my dark grey ones. His hands cupped my cheeks. His head leaned in to find my lips. My own lips tasted hi-

EMERGENCY EXIT ACTIVATED

"WAAAAGHGH! NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN!" I let out a scream upon waking up from a nightmare.

"Uwaah! Hikki what's wrong!?" A startled Yugahama asked.

"First you doze off, then you scream our ears off. Could you be any more disgusting?" Yukinoshita said without even looking at me. This woman doesn't ever lose her cool does she?

"Setting that insult aside… That dream was definitely disgusting." I said to no one in particular.

Yeah, that's right. It was disgusting. Yeah… It totally was. It was right?

"Hikki, you okay?" My eyes landed on Yuigahama. First thing that came to my sight was her bigger than average breasts. Tch… and people say Asians don't have boobs…

W-Wait a minute…

Yosh!

"YUIGAHAMA!" I shouted at Yuigahama, nearly startling everyone.

"H-HAI?"

"Yuigahama, let me touch your boobs! I need to confirm if I'm gay or not!" I shouted as I ran after Yuigahama.

"UWaaaH! H-Hikki! N-No way!"

"I-I K-Knew It! I Knew you were a d-despicable man from the very b-beginning!" Yukinoshiya screamed at me while also pointing her finger at me.

"Yuigahama!"

"N-NO Hikki!"

"Y-Yuigaham-san! I'm calling the police!" Yukinoshita started tapping away on her phone.

No! Yuigahama! Wait! This is a matter of life and death!

Huff…

…Huff

Maan… this girl's a fast one.

I turned my eyes towards Yukinoshita who was reading the scene with a disgusted look formed on her face. I turned my gaze a little lower, towards her nonexistent chest.

…Nope…

"Yuigahama! Wait!" I shouted

"W-WHA!? Why y-you! Don't you know FLAT IS JUSTICE!?" Yukinoshita screamed from behind.


I slid on the shoes and pulled the bag over my shoulder.

I felt a cold metal like object touch the right side of my neck. The object even had a wet feeling to it. I turned my head around to find a girl with braids standing behind me with her lips stretched into a big smile.

"Hakkun, ready to head out?" Meguri senpai asked, her hand containing a can of MAXX Coffee.

"Ah… No. I've got a Senpai with greyish braids to ditch." I said

"HOoh… Is she disturbing you, Hakkun? Don't worry I'll scare her off if I see her disturbing you again!" She said with her fists curled into a small fist. I don't think I wanna know if she's just playing dumb or is she really that dumb.

"All my insults fly over your head, don't they?" I deadpanned.

"Eh? What do you mean, Hakkun."

"Don't even bother, Senpai. Let's just go."

"Uh… Okay! But Hakkun! Here! It's for you." Senpai said while shoving the can of goodness towards me.

Heh!? That's for me!? AWw You sweet little thing.

"Have I told you how much I love you, Senpai?" I said while taking the can in my hand.

"Ungn! I love you too, Hakkun." She said with a bigger smile than before. I felt my cheels reddening just by looking at her smile.

Heh!? Instant reply!? What is this!? Does this girl have no shame!?

"Let's go, Hakkun~!"

"HUH!? Don't cling so close to me! You're gonna give me a heart attack!"


Shiromeguri Meguri. You can say she's the closest among all other acquaintances I have. Probably because all my rotten stuff go over her innocent head. She's the exact opposite of what I am. She is most of the times pretty oblivious to her surroundings and for some reason, that obliviousness hits the roof especially when she is with me. Oh and I forgot to mention that she lives right beside my apartment.

"I'm home." I said upon entering my apartment.

"I'm here too~" Senpai said upon entering as well. Her arm still wrapped around mine.

"Senpai, you know… You should really release me if you wanna live." I said to Senpai.

"Eh? What do you mean, Hakk-"

*SWOOSH* A cold stainless steel like object swooshed through the middle of us. Resulting in me jumping back a meter and Senpai staying oblivious to everything.

Heh!? What is this demonic aura!?

"Ara~ You guys aren't hurt are you? Sorry about the knife… My hand slipped. Whoopsie~" Haruno while flashing a demonic smile.

"Don't whoopsie my ass! Hands don't just slip like that!" I shouted

"Hoh? You sure, Hachi-kun? Want me to demonstrate again?" Scary, woman! Scary!

"Ah! Haru-Senpai~!" Senpai said while walking towards Haruno with a smile.

"Ah! If it isn't Bitch… Ara~ I mean Meguri…" Haruno said while Senpai still smiled. Times like these… I'm really glad Senpai is dumb.

Huh!? The demonic aura is increasing!

"U-Umm… Senpai, I just remembered that I have some work to do. You should probably leave now. I'll call you later." I said while trying a fake smile.

"Heeeh? But Hakkun, you never call me even if you say you will though!"

"W-What!? I will this time. For sure. See? I even have your number on speed dial." I said with my phone in my hand. I have a total of seven numbers registered here. No wonder you're on speed dial.

"Hoooh… You do have me on speed dial!" Senpai said as she leaned her head in to peek at my phone. Her bossoms pressed against my arms.

OYE! What Do You Have A Death Wish Or Something!? If You Wanna Die Then Go Do It Somewhere Else, Woman! Why Are You Trying To Take Me With You!? I'm Seriously About to-

*SWOOSH* Another deadly knife missed my cheek by a centimeter.

"Wahhggh!" I Shouted as I backed away.

"Tell me, Hikigaya-kun… You don't mind, right?" Heh!? Mind what!?

"Eeeh!? Haru-Senpai!?" Senpai shouted as Haruno pounced on her while I watched from the sideline.

"You've been awfully clingy lately huh, Meguri?"

"No…. Haru-Senpai~!"

Heh!?

"Who do you think you're calling Hakkun, HUH!?"

"N-No… H-Haru-Senpai, Not there…"

Heeeh!?

"Shut up and let your Senpai teach you a lesson!"

"E-Eh! H-Haru-Senpai! N-Not there! I'll Become an adult! S-Stop! I'LL BECOME AN ADULT!"

HEEEEEEEHH!?


For some reason, I felt really pumped up to write this. Well, here you go folks. I also cant believe that my last chapter was actually a success. Lets hope this one does good as well. And always remember!

Favs + Follows + Reviews = Ejaculation! Err... I mean Ejection... of new chapter...

For more info visit 'twogirlsonecup dot com'

Well, anyways... Thats all for now. I'll see you all 2 months later. Until then,

Sayonara~