Chapter 21
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It has been a little over a week since Mike had his first session with Doctor Jenkins, since Jessica attempted to go make Trevor pay, but was stopped by Harvey, and after spending another day home with her son Jessica returned to work, but she, Donna, and Katrina have been taking turns checking in on Mike, and even Harvey has made excuses to come by the house, though to Mike's disappointment none of them will let him do work.
Since his first session with Doctor Jenkins Mike has gone a few times to see her, even though it isn't easy for him he has been talking about what happened, and because of that he is pretty sure that he is having less flashbacks and less nightmares.
Ever since Mike's been off work Harvey has been managing all his work on his own, but after the morning he has Harvey knows that he needs some help, and as much as he wants to he knows he can't call Mike in, and so he has decided to take Mike's advice and ask the one person who can do some work for him.
Arriving back at the firm after a meeting Harvey doesn't go straight to his office, instead he goes to Katrina's.
"Harvey." Katrina says surprised as he walks in, honestly she was pretty sure that he didn't even know where her office was.
"Katrina." Harvey says as he closes the door behind her, "I know you mainly work for Louis, but I need you to do something for me, and Louis and Hardman cannot know that you're doing it." Harvey informs her, knowing that he doesn't have to explain why that is.
"What do you need?" Katrina asks, looking up at him.
"Travis Tanner is accusing me of fraud." Harvey reveals, it not even registering that that name will likely mean nothing to Katrina.
"Travis Tanner? Mike told me about him. Wouldn't accusing you of fraud be completely hypocritical?" Katrina asks, remembering what Mike told her.
"It would, he doesn't care." Harvey reveals, "Four years ago I had a case Randall v CM, I won. Tanner's claiming that I buried evidence and he has a memo, that I never saw, that would have been a smoking gun for the other side." Harvey explains.
"So you need me to go through the boxes and see if there is anything you missed?" Katrina asks, catching on to Harvey's line of thinking.
"I didn't miss anything." Harvey says, completely believing that, "I need you to tell me what's not in there." He explains.
"I can do that." Katrina assures him and Harvey nods and heads to the door, "Harvey." Katrina says before he can leave and Harvey turns back around, "Why are you asking me to do this?"
"Because Mike trusts you." Harvey simply says before leaving, trying not to think about how much he would like Mike to be helping him on this, but because he knows that Mike can't, because he knows Mike has to heal, Katrina's his second, and only other, choice.
At the house, trying not to go completely insane due to boredom Mike is watching Star Trek while writing in a journal. Honestly he really didn't like the idea of writing down what happened to him when Doctor Jenkins first suggested it, but he has found that it helps him after having really bad nightmares.
Even though he isn't sure whether he is ready to be around a lot of people, especially people who don't know everything that happened and will be wondering, Mike is determine to let his mother agree to him going back to work on Monday as he is pretty sure that if he doesn't go back to work soon he is going to start to get worse instead of improving.
It has been a couple of hours since Katrina talked to Harvey and ever since she has been in the file room with Donna searching through Harvey's old files to find, or not find, something.
"Did you find what you're not looking for?" Donna asks Katrina as she moves past her.
"No, did you find what you're not looking for?" Katrina asks curious.
"Nope." Donna answers as she starts to look in another box, "Oh, my, god it's so stuffy in here. How does Mike handle spending as much time as he does in here?" She asks curious.
"I don't know; I've been asking him that for weeks." Katrina admits.
"And been giving him crap about it." Donna comments.
"Of course." Katrina answers, but before she can say more there is a knock on the door, "Kevin, trusts and estates?" Katrina asks Donna, trying to guess who it is.
"No, it's too meek. It's gotta be a woman." Donna comments, "Who is it?" Donna calls.
"Harold. I need a stapler."
"I was right." Donna says, giving Katrina a look.
"There are files everywhere. If we don't do something he's going to be suspicious." Katrina says concerned.
"Pop a couple of buttons and mess your hair." Donna suggests as she messes her own hair, being glad that Katrina is wearing top and skirt otherwise they could have never pulled this off.
"I love the way you think." Katrina says with a grin, recently she has started spending a lot of time with Donna and the two of them have started to become pretty good friends.
"I know." Donna says with a grin, "Come in." Donna says and Harold walks in and the second he does he looks completely shocked, "Hi, Harold, honey." Donna comments.
"Is this why it says, "Do not enter?" Harold asks shocked.
"We're kind of busy in here. Do you mind if, um." Donna says, clearing her throat, "You know, you just don't bother us anymore?" Donna asks and Katrina really has to admire her acting ability.
"Sure. No problem." Harold says before hurrying out.
"Yeah, he didn't notice the files." Donna notes.
"You're brilliant." Katrina says with a smile, "And I've got to go because otherwise I'll be late for Louis's settlement conference." Katrina says before hurrying out of the file room, fixing her clothes as she goes.
After leaving Donna in the file room Katrina went to join Louis in the settlement conference for the case they are currently working, and once that was finished Katrina has made her way to Harvey's office, arriving just as Daniel Hardman was leaving.
"Um, I think I didn't find something." Katrina informs Harvey.
"Let me not have it then." Harvey requests and Katrina walks over to his table and sits down.
"During the two years before our car was manufactured, there was this mid-level quality control manager named Sarah Layton, who wrote several reports on other CM car models but never on ours." Katrina explains to Harvey.
"So she's not relevant to our case." Harvey comments, honestly having expected something better.
"It would appear that way, but after May 5th, 2006, she never wrote another report ever again. That's kind of a coincidence, isn't it? That on the exact date that our car went into production, she disappeared from CM's records?" Katrina asks, having looked into specific details as she knows that that is what Mike would have done.
"She could've just been fired." Harvey suggests.
"Never filed for unemployment." Harvey answers.
"Could've quit."
"No exit interview."
"Permanent unpaid leave." Harvey reveals.
"Gets out of any records. And nothing to tie her to our car. She wrote that memo." Katrina explains.
"Very smart." Harvey realises.
"Thank you." Katrina comments.
"I meant them, not you."
"I'm pretty sure that the fact that I found it makes me even smarter." Katrina admits, "And before you say anything you better be nice to me because I know where she lives." Katrina reveals, having heard enough from Mike to know that Harvey is about to make a comment.
"Where who lives?" Louis asks, walking into the room.
"Mike's grandmother. Jessica said she wants to meet me, wants to meet people in Mike's life after what happened." Harvey lies, it being the first lie he can think off, though if it was Mike who was in the room he would have come up with a very different excuse.
"Oh." Louis mutters, "Deposition tomorrow, be ready." Louis tells Katrina before leaving.
"Give me the address and tell Donna to hurry up. I'm taken to the world down here." Harvey says, standing up and putting on his jacket.
"Harvey, there is one problem." Katrina realises, "If this woman was involved in the original cover-up she's not gonna want to talk to a lawyer who isn't on her side anymore." Katrina points out.
"Well, I better thing of something on my way down there." Harvey comments before leaving, honestly having missing the banter he would have had with Mike, though to tell the truth in the last week he's been missing everything about Mike.
Hours later Jessica is arriving home and as soon as she walks into the house she smells something good and so she heads to the kitchen where she finds Mike cooking a feat that is pretty impressive when Mike only has one good hand.
"What you making?" Jessica asks her son curious.
"Pasta." Mike comments, "I'm pretty sure it's the only thing I could make right now." Mike admits.
"How were you today? How's your pain?" Jessica asks her son.
"Getting better." Mike admits, "I only took my medication at lunch, I didn't need it any other time." Mike explains.
"That's good." Jessica tells her son, sounding glad about that, "How was your appointment with Doctor Jenkins?" Jessica asks.
"It was okay." Mike says with a shrug, honestly not wanting to talk about it, "What's going on at the office?"
"Nothing much, except…." Jessica starts to say, then trails off, not sure whether she should say what going on with Harvey as she is pretty sure that it will make Mike want to work.
"Except what, Mom?" Mike asks curious.
"Travis Tanner is accusing Harvey off fraud." Jessica reveals.
"What! Tanner, since when is he back?" Mike asks shocked.
"Since now." Jessica reveals, "He's reopened one of Harvey's old cases, said he has a memo that Harvey buried."
"Harvey would never do that!" Mike says passionately.
"I know that, Mike, but it doesn't look good." Jessica explains, "Donna and Katrina are helping, but they haven't been able to find the memo."
"I need to go back to work tomorrow. I need to help." Mike argues.
"No." Jessica tells her son.
"Mom, I have to help Harvey." Mike objects.
"You're still healing." Jessica tells her son, "Harvey can manage without your help for a few more days." Jessica tells her son, "I'm still not sure that you going back Monday is a good idea, it might be too soon, but I know for sure that you can't go back to work tomorrow. I'm not going to allow it, not as your mother or your boss." Jessica tells her son.
"Fine." Mike says, sounding annoyed, "But I'm definitely going to work Monday." Mike says as a lot of his bruises have started to heal and he can even see out both eyes again, "Dinner's ready." Mike comments, after a brief moment of silence.
"I'll get plates." Jessica says and before too long mother and son are sitting down and eating together, it being clear that mike is a little annoyed with his mother.
Two days have passed since Harvey asked Katrina to work for both him and Louis, and judging by the conversation she just had with the man Katrina is sure that Louis is getting suspicious about what is going on and in her time at Pearson Hardman Katrina has realised that a suspicious Louis isn't a good thing.
Which is exactly why Katrina is waiting by the elevators for Harvey.
"We've got a problem." Katrina tells Harvey as soon as he steps of the elevators.
"What now?' Harvey asks torn between annoyed and concerned.
"Louis, he knows you're' hiding something." Katrina explains as they walk.
"That's not a problem, because if everything goes like I expect there won't be anything to hide." Harvey reveals.
"That's good. I've worked with Louis long enough to know he won't stop looking if he thinks something is being hid from him." Katrina admits.
"You really like working with him, don't you?" Harvey asks, a little surprised by that.
"Yeah, I do." Katrina confirms.
"So, I've got no chance of getting you to work for me." Harvey jokes.
"Please, we both know that the only associate you want to work with all the time is Mike, and he's coming back Monday." Katrina tells Harvey.
"So he is still coming back Monday?" Harvey asks, trying to hide how happy that makes him, though he is a little concerned that it will be too soon, "Jessica hasn't gotten him to change his mind?"
"Not as far as I know." Katrina responds, "Last time I talked to him about it he was pretty determine." Katrina admits as they continue to walk and they walk into Harvey's office where they find Louis sitting on the couch.
"Where's your gatekeeper? Any Tom, Dick, or Harry can just waltz right in." Louis comments as Katrina walks across the room.
"Well, I don't see any Toms or Harrys here, but…" Harvey starts to say.
"Okay, can we just please cut the small talk and you let me know what I'm not privy to?" Louis asks
"I don't know what imaginary world you're skipping through right now, Louis, but you're there all by yourself." Harvey says as he walks over to his desk and sits down.
"Right. So first your meeting with Katrina, then Donna's not at her desk for days. You think that I don't know that there's a power struggle going on between Jessica and Hardman?" Louis asks and Harvey doesn't answer, "Harvey, look, I admit that I haven't always been, um, well-behaved, but I can help you on this. You just gotta trust me." Louis comments.
"Louis, go away." Harvey says annoyed and Louis gets up and heads out of the room, leaving Harvey and Katrina.
"That was harsh." Katrina comments.
"You're kidding me?" Harvey asks annoyed.
"Look, I might be out of line here, but he came in here hat in hand." Katrina comments.
"Have you met him?" Harvey asks as Katrina walks over and sits down across from him, "This guy gets one whiff of what we've been hiding from Hardman, I guarantee you it's his office he's in, not mine."
"I know; we can't trust him." Katrina says with a sigh as she's come to realises that, "Over the past few weeks I've seen a lot of different sides of Louis, and I've seen that all he wants is to be you." Katrina reveals.
"Isn't that what everyone wants?" Harvey asks with a smirk.
"I'm serious, Harvey." Katrina tells him.
"Well, I'm sorry. That's just pathetic." Harvey comments.
"I think it's more complicated than that. I think…." Katrina starts to say, but before she can say more Harvey's phone starts to ring.
"Harvey Specter." Harvey answers.
"Harvey, it's Lawrence Kemp. Give 'em what they want." Lawrence says.
"Good."
"Is that it?" Lawrence asks.
"You want a medal?" Harvey asks annoyed.
"For what it's worth, I never meant to put your reputation on the line, and the memo never crossed my desk." Lawrence reveals.
"Goodbye, Lawrence." Harvey says before hanging up.
"They're settling?" Katrina asks once Harvey hangs up, "You wanted that?"
"Wanted it? I goddamn orchestrated it." Harvey reveals, "CM pays what they should have in the first place."
"And the suit against us goes away." Katrina realises.
"And Daniel Hardman's none the wiser." Harvey reveals, "Where the hell's Donna?"
"She's' in the file room. Hasn't found that document." Katrina reveals, knowing that because she's checked in on Donna several times.
"There is no document." Harvey says, a look of realisation coming to his face.
"So you believe him?" Katrina asks, a little surprised by that.
"Not really. I just remember who we're dealing with." Harvey says before getting up and walking out of his office, leaving Katrina who leaves herself a few moments later.
A few hours later, after what feels like a very long day, Jessica is only just arriving home. As she hears the TV on Jessica heads to the living room where she finds her son sitting on the couch, with a bowl of popcorn and a beer, watching TV.
Seeing the sight Jessica takes off her shoes and walks over and sits next to her son, stealing some of the popcorn.
"Bad day?" Mike asks concerned.
"Yep." Jessica confirms, "Tanner's still coming after Harvey and Hardman found out that we were keeping the whole thing from him."
"That's not good." Mike realises, looking concerned.
"No, it's not." Jessica tells her son, "it's going to be a rough few weeks, with Harvey in the line of fire, are you sure you want to come back now?" Jessica asks her son.
"Harvey being in the line of fire makes me want to come back even more." Mike reveals, and under normal circumstances Jessica would question her son about that statement, but with everything else she needs to address she lets it slide, "Most of my bruising is gone, all of my stiches have been removed, and it's mainly just my ribs and arm that are hurting, and that pain I can handle without medication." Mike tells his mother, "It's time, Mom. I want to go back to work."
"Okay." Jessica tells her son, with a sigh, not sounding all that happy about it, but she is pretty sure that forcing Mike to take more time off won't end well.
"That's not the only thing I'm ready for." Mike admits, causing his Mom to turn to look at him, "I want to go back to my apartment."
"Mike…." Jessica starts to say, thinking that is a really bad idea.
"I know you won't like the idea, but If I'm going back to work then I need things to start to go back to normal." Mike admits, "It's no longer a crime scene and I know that you had guys in there to clean everything and replace anything broken, including the bed, and I think I'm ready. I can't stay here forever."
"You could if you want." Jessica tells her son.
"No, I can't, and you know it." Mike tells her.
"Well you don't have to go back there; I'll buy you a new apartment." Jessica tells her son, her offer being completely serious.
"I don't want a new place, I loved my apartment." Mike admits, "He took so much from me that night, I'm not going to let him take my home too."
"I really don't think this is a good idea, Mike." Jessica tells her son, trying to think of a way to stop him.
"I know, but it's what I'm going to do." Mike tells her, "I think I'll move back on Sunday." He tells his mother.
"Okay." Jessica tells her son, though she intends to spend the next few days trying to convince her son not to do this, and the two of them drift into silence as they watch what Mike is watching.
Two days have passed since Mike told his mother that he was going to move back to his apartment ever since then Jessica has tried, several times, to convince Mike that it was a bad idea, but he has hasn't given in.
Having come with her son to his apartment Jessica is standing next to him as he stands in the doorway of his apartment, looking at the place with wide eyes.
"I told you, you don't have to come back here." Jessica tells her son, "If you really feel that you have to live alone I'll get you another place, pay for everything, I meant it when I said that." Jessica tells her son, thinking that it is a horrible idea.
"And I meant what I said." Mike says, stepping into the apartment, "I'm not going to let him take this from me." Mike says and even though the apartment makes him remember every second of what happened he is determine not to let that overwhelm him, "I'll be okay, Mom." Mike assures her, not overly sure whether he is lying or not.
"If you're not your room is always there, and you can call me any time." Jessica tells her son, having a bad feeling about this, "I've arranged and paid for a car service for you for the next seven weeks. I put the number in your new phone." Jessica reveals.
"I don't need a car service." Mike objects.
"Yes, you do. You can't ride your bike with your arm in a cast." Jessica tells him.
"Actually…" Mike starts to say.
"Let me rephrase that, you will not ride your bike when you're in a cast." Jessica tells her son, "In fact." She says, before turning to where Mike keeps his bike and getting it, "Your bike is coming with me."
"Mom…" Mike starts to object.
"Mike, if I leave your bike here you will ride it, and that won't end well." Jessica tells her son, "Are you completely sure that you're going to be okay here?" Jessica asks concerned.
"I'm not sure I can answer that yet, but I want to give it a try." Mike says, "How about we order pizza, and watch a movie and I can see how things feel." Mike suggests.
"That sounds like a good idea." Jessica says and both she and Mike head over to the couch, Jessica knowing that if she had her way then Mike would never spend another night in this apartment while Mike knows that as hard as it is he has to try living at his place, as it's something he needs to do, for himself.
A few hours later Jessica has, quiet reluctantly, left her son, and Mike is his apartment alone. Everywhere he looks Mike remembers what Trevor did to him, and where he did them, but he also remembers the good times he had in the apartment, and even though it is incredible difficult to do so Mike is trying to remember the good rather than the bad.
Becoming tired Mike decides to head to bed, but the closer he gets to his new bed, the more the bad memories come to the front of his mind.
"No, you are not taking this from me." Mike says out loud, not caring about how crazy it may make him sound, "He's not here." Mike says out loud, "He's in jail. I'm safe. They're just memories. Memories can't hurt me." Mike says, trying something that Doctor Jenkins suggested he try when he has flashbacks.
Pausing for a few minutes Mike takes several deep breaths, repeating to himself, that they're just memories, that they can't hurt him, before taking the last few steps to his new bed. As he climbs into the new bedding the memories of what happened come back to Mike in full force.
"Focus on something else." Mike says, remembering another tactic that Doctor Jenkins suggested, and as he does he forces himself to re-play his birthday dinner in his head, and once he does that he remembers time he spent with Katrina, and his Mom, and Harvey, and even Donna and then, a lot quicker than he was expecting, Mike has falls off to sleep.
Having been only woken by one nightmare, which he was able to get to sleep again after, Mike got up even earlier than usual and headed into work, reluctantly using the car service as he had no other way.
As he makes his way towards the elevators Mike can feel himself becoming more self-conscious as while most of his bruising has heled his eye and nose are both still slightly yellow and the black cast on his arm is hard not to notice.
In the last two weeks Mike has only seen Jessica, Donna, Harvey and Katrina from the firm, and they all know the truth. They all know what to do and what not to do around him, they know how to act, and while Mike is very glad off that fact, he really doesn't want anyone else to know, he can't help but worry about how he'll react if someone who doesn't know does something he isn't expecting.
As he gets closer to the elevators Mike sees a familiar person waiting and he realises that he is about to find out just how he reacts to people other than those he is closest to.
"Good morning Louis." Mike says as he walks closer to the older man.
"Mike." Louis says, turning around to face him, "You're back, that's great." He says and Mike is surprised to realise that it sounds like he is telling the truth, "You're in a cast." Louis says surprised, deciding not to mention the bruising that is still clearly on Mike's face, but the cast is hard not to mention.
"Yeah, for another seven weeks." Mike says as they step into the elevator, "But I can still work."
"Good, that's good." Louis says, not sure what else to say.
"Yeah." Mike says, and then he remembers something, "Thank you for the card, Louis. Katrina gave it to me, it was really nice." Mike admits.
"You're welcome." Louis responds, "Like I said, I'm glad you're back." He responds as the two of them step out of the elevator and go their separate directions.
"Thanks Louis."
A little while later Mike arrives at the bullpen and honestly he is glad that so early as none of the other associates have arrived yet. Once he puts his bag down at his desk Mike realises that he really doesn't want to wait for the other associates to arrive and so heads to the room of documents that need to be shredded, grabs a box, and heads to the file room.
When he walks into the file room Mike is surprised that he isn't the only one who is going to do some shredding so early.
"You know that paper doesn't put itself in the machine, right." Mike comments.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Donna asks, turning to look at him.
"Me? You're the one that looks like you're burying a dead body." Mike comments confused about why Donna is acting the way she is.
"It's six in the morning. I come in here to shred in peace, and you walk in and scare the crap out of me." Donna comments.
"I'm sorry, 'shred in peace'?" Mike asks, wondering what the hell is going on.
"Do you have any idea how dangerous this machine is?" Donna asks.
"Okay, I'm sorry. If you want, I can help. I'm actually hear to do some shredding myself." Mike reveals.
"You know what? Never mind. You've ruined the whole thing." Donna says heading to the door, and leaving Mike in confusion but once she reaches the door she pauses and turns around, "I'm really glad you're back, Mike." Donna tells him, completely meaning that, with a supportive smile.
"I'm glad to be back." Mike says as Donna leaves.
A little while after Mike started to shred in the file room Harvey and Jessica are both arriving at the firm.
"Did Mike decide not to come back today?" Harvey asks Jessica as he was expecting Mike to be with Jessica and it happens to be the only reason he is at the firm so early, so he can't help but feel disappointed when he doesn't see the younger Pearson.
"No, he did." Jessica tells him, as they walk towards the elevators, "But he also decided to move back to his apartment last night." Jessica reveals.
"You're kidding." Harvey says, sounding completely shocked, and angry as he can't believe that Mike would ever consider going back to that place after what happened, he doesn't ever want to step foot in that apartment again and he wasn't the one who was attacked.
"I wish I was." Jessica admits, "I told him I'd by him a new place, pay for everything, but he said he wasn't going to let Trevor take his home from him." Jessica explains, "I don't know how it went or whether he's okay. All I know is that the car service that I arranged for him while he is in a cast has already picked him up and brought him here." Jessica explains.
"Which means he's ready to work and probably waiting for me, good." Harvey comments and Jessica is about to comment about how happy Harvey seems about that fact, when Harvey starts to speak again, "What times the meeting with Alison Holt?"
"This afternoon." Jessica reveals.
"Are we seriously going to hire someone Hardman suggested?" Harvey asks.
"We're going to meet with her, and decide where to go from there." Jessica informs, "I need you to keep an open mind about this Harvey."
"I will, I swear." Harvey says.
"Right." Jessica says, not overly sure she believes him.
"Six thirty am and Mike Pearson-Ross is already in the file room." Katrina says as she walks into the file room and sees Mike.
"I wanted to avoid seeing the other associates." Mike reveals as he starts to shred the last of the papers he has to shred.
"Good call." Katrina tells him, walking over, "How'd your bad idea turn out?" she asks curious.
"It was hard, but I managed." Mike admits.
"Mike, you know you don't have to prove anything to anyone." Katrina tells him, "You don't have to live there anymore. Your Mom said that she'd get you a new place, and I think it will be good for you if you take her up on that offer." She explains as with Mike's memory, and what happened she is pretty sure that staying in that apartment will just be torture for him.
"I appreciate your concern, I appreciate Mom's concern, but if I need to do this Katrina, I need to try to get past this. Moving will be letting him take something else for me, and I can't allow that." Mike tells his best friend.
"That's not true, Mike. Moving will be putting your mental health first. I know you'll remember what happened no matter where you are, but at a new place it won't be as quiet as bad." Katrina says, knowing that because she and Mike have talked in detail about his memory.
"I don't see it like that, and I have to go see Harvey." Mike says before walking to the door.
"Mike. Dinner tonight?" Katrina suggests before he can get to the door.
"Sure." Mike responds before walking out, leaving his best friend in the file room.
A couple of minutes later Mike walks into Harvey's office Harvey isn't there and so he walks over to Harvey's vinyl and just starts looking. Mike has only been looking for a few minutes when he hears footsteps and he turns to see Harvey walking in.
"Good, you're here." Harvey tells him, as he walks in, closing the door behind him, "I need you to get caught up on everything to do with CM and what Tanner has done." He tells Mike.
"Got it." Mike says, starting to head to the door.
"Hang on, Mike. There is something else we need to talk about." Harvey says and Mike pauses and turns around, "Sit down." Harvey says and Mike walks over and sits on the chair, and Harvey walks over and sits down across from him, "I got a call from Wolf this morning, he offered Trevor a deal, and…."
"He refused it because he wants to go to trial, because he wants to put me through it." Mike finishes, "I know." Mike comments, "I figured that's what he was going to do."
"You did?" Harvey asks, sounding slightly surprised
"I've spent a lot of time with a therapist in the last two weeks, and she's been helping me, not only with what happened that night, but with working though other memories of him, helping me see what was really going on, what he was really doing." Mike explains, causing Harvey to realise that Mike isn't saying Trevor's name, "A trial gives him another chance to control my life, to make me suffer by making everything he did to me public. I've realised that our entire relationship was him trying to control me, using me, this is another chance for him to do this." Mike reveals, talking more about what has happened in therapy than he has said to anyone.
"That's not the only thing a trial is." Harvey tells Mike, "It's a chance to make Trevor pay for what he did to you, that's what you should focus on." Harvey says, honestly even though he stopped Jessica from doing the exact same thing he is seriously tempted to Rikers and kick Trevor's ass himself.
"I'll try." Mike tells him and the two of them drift into silence as Harvey tries to figure out the right way to say what he needs to say.
"So, you moved back into your apartment?" Harvey asks, breaking the silence after a few moments.
"Let me guess you think it's a bad idea too." Mike comments, not at all surprised.
"I just don't understand why you would go back there." Harvey admits.
"It doesn't matter where I live Harvey, I'll still remember every detail of that night, every second of the time I spent in pain waiting to be found." Mike reveals and Harvey feels overwhelming guilt, still feeling that he should have found Mike sooner, "He took everything from me that night…. He broke me, and I couldn't stop him." Mike says, pain in his voice as tears come to his eyes and honestly Harvey would like to pull Mike into his arms, protect him, and never let him go, but he refrains, with great difficulty, "I couldn't stop anything he did, I couldn't control anything, but what I can control is where I live." Mike explains, "I choose to live in the apartment I love, I choose not to let him take my home from me too. I don't know if it's a good idea, I don't know if I'll keep living there, I just know that I need to try to." Mike tells Harvey.
"Okay." Harvey says, getting up and moving closer to Mike, "But he didn't break you, Mike. He hurt you and he betrayed you, but you haven't let him break you." Harvey tells him, "You've kept going, you've kept living, kept fighting, that's not you being broken, Mike, that's you refusing to be." Harvey tells him, sounding amazed by him.
"Thanks Harvey." Mike says, feeling touched by Harvey's words.
"You don't have to thank me for telling the truth." Harvey tells him, "Now, enough talking, it's time for you to get to work."
"Aye, aye, Captain." Mike says before getting up and heading out of the room.
"Mike." Harvey says, stopping him before he can leave, "If you need time to go see your therapist take what you need, just tell Donna when and how long." He requests.
"Thanks Harvey." Mike says gratefully before leaving, though he is honestly not sure that he will take Harvey up on that offer.
Instead of heading straight to his desk to work Mike makes his way to Rachel's office as honestly he would prefer to get this over with rather than waiting all day for her to find him, maybe when he's not prepared not to react negatively.
"Hey." Mike says from the doorway of Rachel's office, where she is sitting at her desk.
"Mike!" Rachel says happily, getting up and hurrying towards him, planning on hugging him which Mike was expecting, but as he wasn't expecting Rachel to hurry towards him he can't help but raise his hands to protect himself and as Rachel gets closer he moves back.
"Please, don't." Mike says when Rachel throws her arms around him.
"Mike?" Rachel asks surprised and completely confused, as she removes her arms from a tense Mike.
"I…. got to go." Mike says before running out of the office as fast as he can, not overly sure where he is going to go, but knowing that he has to get away as can feel a flashback coming in full force as terror rises inside of him, though neither reaction was caused by the hug as he was expecting it, what he wasn't expecting is Rachel hurrying towards him, and now he cannot control what that is doing to him.
