Lavender Brown

I left the bedroom and headed down the stairs. At the base of the stairs I found a wall. I turned, "Accio shoes," I mumbled and my brown oxfords came tumbling down the stairs. I slipped them on, feeling Snape's eyes on me. I leaned into the wall assuming a door existed in it somewhere and felt it give.

I emerged through a door disguised as a bookcase into what seemed like a dimly-lit sitting room with wall to wall books. I briefly scanned several the titles through the years of dust - Muggle and magical literature and history, herbology, potions, even poetry - before moving to the front door. Tucking my wand away in the back of my bra, I left out the front door and started walking down the quiet morning streets.

Why was I so upset? Severus had both apologised and promised to help me. I should be satisfied, not infuriated.

I grabbed my hair in both hands and pulled, feeling the tug on my scalp as I groaned. My head still throbbed from my hangover, but at least the nausea and the vertigo seemed to have passed. I kept moving forward with no particular goal in mind.

Did I really expect him to get all googly eyed and declare deep romantic feelings for me? I could not even imagine him capable of such things. What then? What had I expected?

I sighed. I was upset with him for not giving me what I wanted when I did not even know what it was I wanted. I searched the sky as though it might hold some answers, but found nothing but more questions.

"Why him, Lavender? It is absolutely mental to be pining over Professor Snape." But no matter how I tried to imagine him as I'd seen him back as a first year student, intimidating, demanding, and abrasive, I could not. Instead I remembered the wizard who had snuck into my room at St Dymphna's, the sad dark eyes dimmed by medications but still full of question and pain; the one who had whispered into my ear in the cafeteria that day when he had stopped my confrontation with Luther, 'Even for a Gryffindor, the squib is far below you. Do not waste your energy on him, Ms Brown;' the man who had silently allowed me to sob into his robes without judgement.

I sighed and tried to draw up the hatred and anger from my final year at Hogwarts, but even that fell away when I remembered the feel of his hands on mine and his voice in my ears as he guided me to create flame without a wand.

As my feet kept dragging me forward, I considered that Severus was not exactly the most attractive man, but that argument was dismissed quickly due to pure hypocrisy as I felt the disfigured flesh beneath my fingertips at my shoulder. Besides, once you got past the persona, he was not exactly unattractive either. The dark knowing eyes drew attention away from the deep crease always present between his brows above the sharp nose. His thin, angular, frame balanced well with his agile almost elegant fingers, and concealed his true strength. His silky deeply resonant voice had the ability to lessen the sting of his acerbic tone if allowed. And his brilliance, wit, skill, and power could make one forget completely that he seemed not to know of the existence of combs or shampoo.

"You are pathetic," I said to myself, laughing. "Maybe Dr Cornwell will take you back, because if you weren't mental then, you are now."

When I finally looked up, I realized I had come to a quaint little park. With another sigh, I settled into a swing, hearing the rusted chains creak and metal supports groan. Closing my eyes, I inhaled, held my breath, and tried to relax. I pushed all thoughts from my mind and started to swing.

Severus Snape

Of all the places Lavender could have wandered to, it had to be this place. I dragged my fingers over my scalp and took a deep breath before approaching her.

She did not look at me as I approached. "How did you find me?"

"This is where I also go to think."

She nodded as she looked up at me. "That was the house you grew up in?"

"Yes." I stepped closer.

"Why did you bring me here?"

"I had to bring you somewhere, didn't I?"

"No actually. You didn't even need to come to the Leaky." She chewed her lower lip as she looked away.

I shook my head and sighed. "Is this how all of our apologies are going to play out? My attempting to apologise, and you finding ways to make me repeat that?"

She laughed and her features brightened for a moment. "Quit being such an arse and maybe you wouldn't have to apologise so much."

"Perhaps."

She was quiet for a while, as she swayed gently back and forth on the swing. "Is this where you met Harry's mum, then?"

I crossed the gap between us and pulled the witch close, bringing her off of the swing, locking eyes on hers. "What did he tell you about Lily?"

Her eyes widened as she grasped at my hands. "That you two had grown up together here. Were childhood friends." She swallowed hard. "And because your were close, her murder convinced you to change sides." Her thoughts reflected her worlds. In her mind's eye, I saw Harry's interview in the Prophet. I read the words she'd read about my supposed allegiances and why. They were accurate but thankfully vague.

"You must learn to close your mind, Witch." I released her, and she stumbled back with a gasp.

She stared at me, quiet for a long while. "It's true, isn't it?"

"What?" I did not look at her.

"You cared for her?"

"Yes."

"Loved her even?"

"Always." My eyes burned as my body tensed.

She sat back down onto the swing, a finger idly tracing the scars at her collarbone. She said nothing as her eyes searched the grass in front of her. "That's it, isn't it?"

"What is what?" I hissed.

"Your 'twisted sort of debt' to Harry? It's all about his mum."

I sighed as so many memories crashed into me. I had watched her swing on the very same swing on which Lavender now sat. I showed her magic beneath the now dying oak tree across the way. I told her stories of a world she'd not yet known under the willow by the pond up the pond a bit further. We would return here each summer and relive those memories with laughter, until… until the year she did not return.

I turned away, but then I felt her presence beside me. "It is my turn to apologise," she whispered.

My jaw tightened. She understood more than I thought I had ever revealed to her.

"You were right. I have been ridiculously selfish and self-centered. I never stopped to consider how it must feel to have not known all this time what had happened after all the sacrifices you must have made to do what you did."

I watched her from the corner of my eye.

She sighed. "Not all scars are visible."

"I do not want your pity, Ms Brown."

"I'm not offering any. I'm not sure you deserve pity or sympathy, but I appreciate what you did, nonetheless. Thank you."

Before I could resist, her arms were about my waist and her body was pressed against me in a tight hug. I pulled my hands back as she buried her face into my sweater. When her contact continued, I shook my head and lowered my arms around her shoulders.

"Thank you," she whispered again. "For taking me home from the Leaky last night and preventing me from doing something I would have regretted this morning. For joining me on my crazy quest. For teaching me to focus my energies. For believing in me when no one else would. For protecting us seventh year, and for all the things the world will never know you did for us." Her grip tightened and she looked up at me.

I cleared my throat. "Are you still interested in pancakes, Lavender?"

She released her grip and stepped back. With a nod, she smiled.

As I escorted the witch back towards the house, she walked close to my side. We passed the house and continued down the block.

"Where are you taking me?"

"There is a pub down the way. If I remember right, they serve an acceptable Sunday brunch. Although it has been quite some time since I have sampled it, so no promises."

She nodded and ran her fingers through her hair trying to settle the wild fringe.

"It's a lost cause," I snorted.

She frowned. "You really know how to make a lady feel special."

I snorted again. "Lady?"

"I thought you were done being an arse?" Her frown deepened.

I shook my head. "You ask too much."

She stopped and turned toward me, regarding me with narrowed eyes. "You are teasing me?"

I raised an eyebrow. "And if I were?"

She smiled, and after a long pause laughed. "I did not think you capable of it."

I shrugged and continued down the sidewalk.

"Or that." She ran to catch up. "A shrug?"

"Yes." I slowed as we arrived at The Hilltop, aptly named for its position at the top of a small hill at the beginning of the block. I pulled the door open and waited for her to enter.

She eyed me suspiciously as she moved into the pub as though she thought I might attempt to trip her as she passed.

There were a few other patrons already enjoying plates of food and coffee in their booths and a few others at the bar. All eyes watched us as we found a small booth in the back.

Lavender flipped open the menu as her stomach growled loud enough to be heard across the table. She glanced over at me.

I raised an eyebrow at her over my own menu.

She shrugged. "I'm hungry."

"You should have eaten the toast."

She laughed. "Yes. I suppose I should have, but then I would not have had the pleasure of this brunch date with you."

I frowned. "This is not anything remotely resembling a date."

"Yes. I admit the ambience is a bit off for a first date. And brunch is more like a third or fourth date event. Of course you did bring me breakfast in bed this morning so it does seem like we are all out of order anyways." She winked.

I narrowed my eyes. "Now you seem to be teasing me."

"Am I?" she said with a spark in her eye that I hadn't seen before.

A middle aged muggle woman in an apron with a notebook in her hand interrupted us. "What can I bring you two?"

"Oh. Um. The buttermilk pancakes, coffee, and orange juice, please." Lavender replied.

"Eggs Benedict and a coffee," I said.

"Coming right up," she smiled and moved away.

She laughed. "I was guessing biscuits and gravy."

"I usually get the pancakes."

She feigned a look of shock. "Are you one of those who just can't bring themselves to copy a fellow diner's order?"

"It is not a situation in which I commonly find myself."

She nodded. "Well then, I will share mine if you will share yours." Her stomach growled again.

"I thought you did not eat meat."

Her eyes narrowed again. "I don't remember telling you that."

I shrugged. She hadn't. I had read the exchange between her and Dr Cornwell in her chart at St Dymphna's.

"I am reconsidering that choice." She chewed her lower lip as she glanced up at me and down to her fingers on the table and up again. "I..um… well I guess I feel more hopeful these days."

"In what way?"

"I mean, that there is actually some other option to help me with ...my condition." She picked at her cuticles, not making eye contact.

As I reached across the table planning to take her hand, the waitress interrupted.

"Here you go." She dropped down two coffees, an orange juice, and two plates of food. "Enjoy."

"Thanks," Lavender replied and grabbed her utensils. She smothered her pancakes in maple syrup and cut a large bite. She took a gulp of orange juice and glanced over to me. "Mmm. This is the best hangover I've ever had." She laughed. "I do not remember learning about finis infirmum in potions."

"It is a Slytherin secret. You will not find it in any recipe book or text. And it is not a simple potion to brew."

She chewed her pancakes thoughtfully. "So that's how they did it!" Her eyes narrowed. "Those Sunday mornings after Hogsmeade weekend. I knew they all couldn't just be better at holding their drink. That's so unfair."

"As with most things in life." I took a bite of my breakfast.

We ate in silence for several minutes.

Finally, Lavender cleared her throat. "You do think you can help me, don't you? That wasn't just something you said to offer me comfort."

I thought about inquiring why she would think I would lie in order to comfort her but changed my mind. I had been awaiting this moment with hesitation since I first revealed I thought I could help her. "Yes. But you are not going to like it."