Thanks again for the amazing reviews:) To those asking, I plan on updating at least every weekend, with the occasional Monday or Friday (like today). I'll try my best to maybe get a chapter up during the week, but I'm usually too busy with school and sports. Anyways, on with the chapter.

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, they belong to the amazing Richelle Mead.

Chapter 3-

Rose POV:

Over the next few days, I only got worse. And I knew it. Anxiety attacks came frequently, and the only way to stop them was to fall asleep.

But that didn't work, because when I slept, I had nightmares. Images of him flooded my dreams. Sometimes it was Dimitri with bright red eyes, and sometimes it was him lying on the cave floor, neck snapped, with cold dead eyes staring up at me. Both make me sick.

I don't remember the last time I ate. Yesterday? Two days ago? It didn't matter.

I knew in my heart that Dimitri wouldn't want me to do this to myself, that he would want me to be strong for Lissa. But he had been my reason for getting up in the morning. He kept me strong, and he inspired me to do my best every day. With him gone, no one was here to do that anymore.

I loved Lissa so much, and I would do anything to keep her safe. But right now, she doesn't need me. She has Christian, and plenty of other amazing guardians that would jump at the chance to guard the last Dragomir.

I don't deserve to be a guardian, not when I didn't even have the strength to save the man I loved. I don't deserve to live at all. I don't deserve to have people like Lissa in my life. Why do they even love me? All I've ever done is disappoint them.

These dark thoughts swirled around in my head until I was pulled into Lissa's mind for the first time in what felt like forever.

She was sitting cross-legged in Christian's lap, and he was sitting on her bed. Eddie and Adrian were both in the room as well, Adrian in the desk chair and Eddie on the floor. They all had grim looks on their faces, and I knew from the way they spoke that they were talking about me.

"I just don't understand why she won't open up to me. I'm her best friend, doesn't she trust me?" Lissa said, a tear leaking out of the corner of her eye. I could feel the darkness bubbling up in the back of her mind, threatening to explode. I took it from her without a thought.

"Of course she trusts you babe, but she needs time to herself to figure things out. You know she will Liss, this is Rose," Christian said. The calming words soothed her, and she wiped her tears away and relaxed back into his arms.

Adrian spoke next, "I don't know guys, this doesn't seem like typical Rose behavior. She's always been the strong one. I've seen her aura, there's always this cloud of darkness surrounding her. It's getting worse. I mean, she didn't even act like this when Mason died. There's something deeper going on."

At the mention of Mason's name, Eddie looked up from where he sat fiddling with his hands. Though we shared no bond, I knew what he was thinking. He was torn between selling out my relationship with Dimitri, and covering for us once again. He chose the latter.

"Yeah, Mason's death was hard on her, but I think everything's just finally catching up to her. Between losing Mason, the attack, the darkness, and all the other shit she's been through this year, she just snapped. She needs time to heal, and the best thing we can do right now is support her," Eddie finished confidently.

While I was grateful for his support, he was wrong. I can't come back from this. The only thing that got me through Mason's death was Dimitri. He was my lifeline.

Christian nodded, agreeing with him. Adrian didn't look so convinced, and I felt through the bond that Lissa wasn't really either.

Unable to take any more of this, I pulled out of her head. Closing my eyes, I took a few deep breaths.

I need Dimitri. I need him here to hold me. I need him to whisper soothing words to me in Russian. I need him to tell me that everything will be okay. I need him.

I stood up from my bed. I can't take it anymore. I start pacing around the room, my legs shaky and weak from laying in the same spot for so long.

I run my fingers through my hair, over and over and over, stopping occasionally to throw something off my desk or kick something around. Soon my pacing turns into a full on rampage, breaking things and screaming until my room is unrecognizable even to me. When I finally collapse on the floor in the middle of the room, I'm vaguely aware of the silent tears running down face.

All I could think about was how much of a failure I've become. I failed Dimitri. I failed Lissa. I failed myself. All I could feel was pain.

When I calm down, I get up and slowly walk into the bathroom.

Looking into the mirror, I don't even know who I am. The girl looking back at me is not Rose Hathaway. She is not the young, fiery girl that threw a book at her teacher and called her a fascist bastard. She is not the girl that once tied Jesse Zeklos to a tree. Scratch that- multiple times.

No, this girl has cold, hollow eyes. She is broken.

Looking passed my reflection, I take a deep breath and open the cabinet, taking out the thin razor that I took from Lissa when she was cutting herself.

Hey, it worked for her, why wouldn't it work for me?

I angled the blade towards my skin, pausing before letting the cool metal cut into my wrist. The cut was shallow, but blood still poured from the wound and into the sink. It was mesmerizing.

Braver this time, I went a little deeper, letting the pain consume me. It felt nice to focus on something else for a change.

I kept going, each new cut going deeper and longer than the last. I knew I was getting dangerously close to passing out. There was blood everywhere. The sink, the mirror, the floor. Tears ran constantly down my face and onto my arm, mixing with the blood.

My vision blurred, and my head smacked the bathtub as I fell to the floor. As dark, red blood pooled around me, my last conscious thought was that hopefully, I'll finally get to be with Dimitri again.

Dimitri POV:

The second day of crawling was much, much easier. I no longer felt like my body was being torn in half, and I think I made it pretty far.

By the third day, I was finally able to get back on my feet and walk a little bit. Well, more like stumble. Using the trees for support, I more or less was able to make my way through the forest.

My head was pounding, and my whole body ached. Do it for Rose.

Oh god, she must be heartbroken. Thinking of her like that, scared and alone, made me long to be back even more. I can't bear the thought of her being like that.

Thinking of Rose gave me the extra push I needed to keep going. Ignoring the searing pain in my muscles, I continued on, not stopping to take a break.

An hour later, I was starting to faintly see the academy's lights in the distance. The relief that flooded my system almost made me collapse. I'm so close.

After that, I lost track of time. The only thought on my mind was getting back to Rose.

The last few meters were hell, but somehow I made it. I fell over in a big heaping mess once I reached the wards. I laid there for a few minutes, unaware of my surroundings as I catch my breath.

Once my eyes were able to focus and my heart calmed down a little, I saw a familiar face hovering over me.

Princess Vasilisa.

"Guardian Belikov? Guardian Belikov can you hear me?" Lissa asked worriedly.

After blinking a few times I answered her, or at least I attempted to. "I- I… yeah," I was so dazed, I couldn't even make out a full sentence.

"Oh god, here, let me help," She closed her eyes and placed her hands on my chest. I watched her face scrunch up in concentration as she sent a burst of her magic through me. I've never been healed before, but it was a feeling that there's no way I'd ever be able to describe. Warmth spread over me like a blanket, and I felt all my bones move back into place and soon I felt good as new.

I sat up pain-free for the first time in days. Not wasting a second, Vasilisa started rattling off questions at a speed that could rival even Rose.

"What happened back there? How are you alive? How did you make it back? Ohmygod I can't believe you're actually alive! You must be starving!" She trailed off, lost in thought, although I had only one thing on my mind.

"Princess, I have to go see Rose," I said anxiously, ignoring her previous questions. My heart was threatening to beat out of my chest at the thought of seeing Roza again.

At Rose's name, her face fell. My heart dropped. Oh god.

"What's wrong princess?" I tried to keep my voice steady, but I know that I didn't do a very good job.

"Dimitri… she's in rough shape. She's been going downhill ever since the attack, and no one knows what's wrong with her. She won't talk to anyone, not even me." Lissa finished in a whisper.

This is what I was afraid of. Without me here to help, who would be here to help with the darkness?

"I have to see her," I said frantically.

"Dimitri, I don't know if that's a good idea." No. She doesn't understand.

Seeing the look in my eyes, she sighed.

"Fine. Come on, I'll come with you." I let out a breath of air I didn't know I was holding. Standing up from the grass, I turned around and pulled her up with me. She was still weak from using spirit.

"Princess, what were you doing out here all by yourself?" I asked. There was a long pause before she answered me.

"I needed some fresh air. Everything's just been to much. The attack, Rose, honestly the list just goes on and on. I can't even imagine what you went through out there, Dimitri. I understand if you don't want to talk about it right now. Oh, and please just call me Lissa" I nodded in response.

We spent the rest of the walk to the dorm in comfortable silence. I could see why Rose loved Lissa so much, just her calm presence helped to sooth my nerves a little.

As we neared the dorms, my pulse started to quicken. I had no idea what to expect.

My heart hammered as I knocked on the door.

"Rose? Roza, it's me," I said, my Russian accent thicker than usual.

Nothing.

I tried again, knocking harder this time. I was practically yelling her name.

Nothing.

My blood turned to ice. Time slowed down.

"Dimitri, something is seriously wrong."

She'd barely finished her sentence when I slammed into the door, effectively releasing it from it's hinges, and falling to the ground.

Wasting no time, I strode into the room, taking in my surroundings. There was glass all over the floor, along with broken frames and other things that I couldn't make out. It was a disaster.

But no Rose.

Blood pounded in my ears. I couldn't breathe. Turning around, I saw a light on in her bathroom. Making my way over, I took a deep breath, and opened the door.

Time stopped. Someone started screaming. Lissa.

What laid before me was the most horrifying thing I had ever seen in my entire life.

Rose was sprawled out across the floor. There was blood pooling around her, and a razor in her right hand. Her hair was ratty, and there was a very large bruise forming on her head. I had no idea if she was even alive.

I rushed over to her limp body, pressing my fingers against her cold neck. I nearly sagged in relief when I felt her faint pulse. Turning to Lissa, I asked her a question I already knew the answer to.

"Can you heal her?" She shook her head.

"I'm too weak," She said between her sobs. She was begging for Rose to open her eyes. I'm surprised she was able to get out a coherent sentence.

No. It's not over yet. She'll make it. She has to. She's my Rose.

With tears streaming down my face, I took her frail body into my arms, and I ran.

Longest chapter yet! Hope it makes up for the slightly longer than usual wait. You guys better be ready for some hardcore Romitri next chapter:) On another note, I kinda love the idea of Lissa and Dimitri becoming really good friends. They're both just so caring, I think their personalities would go nicely together, don't you think? (Not in a romantic way, duh) Let me know what you thought this of this chapter please, I really love your reviews.