I threw a bunch of clothes on my bed and huffed. It was around noon and Edward and I would be leaving in a couple hours to Duluth, all expenses paid (thank you Esme.) And now I was packing a suitcase and had no fucking clue what I was supposed to bring. I wanted the weekend to be about me and Edward, I wanted him to enjoy it and I wanted to feel pretty myself. It had taken Edward some convincing yesterday, but he finally came around. And now I was as excited as I had been skydiving, but I was also just a little freaked out. I was in the process of selecting a swimsuit when I was interrupted. I was a little tense and the simplest thing made me want to screen.
"Bella?" Esme called from somewhere in the upstairs. I huffed yet again, this time making it even more dramatic.
"What?" I grit my teeth and asked loud enough for her to hear me. Esme's caramel head of hair popped into the frame of the door.
"Got a minute?" she asked, completely oblivious to my utter frustration. My teeth grounded further into each other.
"Sure." She turned out the door and I assumed I was supposed to follow her. She walked to the end of the hall, past Edward's bedroom where he was laying in his bed texting on his new phone, he looked up when I passed and smiled crookedly. I continued to follow Esme until we got to Carlisle's office, the last door. Diffident about what was about to occur I walked in it with her.
Carlisle was sitting as his desk, dressed ready for his shift at the hospital. Esme went to perch on the arm rest of his chair while I sat down across from them. I had the sense I was about to get lectured.
Esme stared at me, making me wonder what I had done. But then the hint of a smirk played across her lips which told me this was going to be bad. Angry Esme is way better than amused Esme. Wordlessly Carlisle pulled open a drawer to his desk and rummaged through it until he found what he was looking for and pulled it out into view. My eyes widened as a box of Trojan condoms landed on the desk with a thud.
I shuddered. I didn't even want to think about why he them in his desk.
This was just the way my life went. I had come to accept it. Carlisle and Esme were insane people and I loved them and their comical –only from a bystander's perspective- ways. This was just one of those things that had been coming. I wasn't even surprised. Instead I just stared in boredom at the box.
"Are you suggesting something?" I asked in an uninterested monotone. Esme bit her lip as her shoulders shook. Carlisle's eyebrows shot up in surprise to my lack of reaction. Then he frowned and folded his hands together, sitting up straighter.
Carlisle cleared his throat, staring me in the eyes, trying to appear with authority. "Despite my protests, Esme has given you a perfect weekend away from us. Despite my hopes you asked Edward to go with. And despite my prayers I assume you may in engage in activities that could lead to pregnancy-"
"And herpes!" Esme interjected cheerily.
Carlisle frowned deeper and looked like he was fighting an eye roll due to his wife. Then he sat up impossibly straighter and continued. "As I was saying, sex can have consequences. You got the depo shot two months ago, so that will most likely protect you from pregnancy and making myself, Edward, and Esme suffer the ordeal-"
"I'd be fine with an Esme Masen," Esme interrupted with a shrug.
Carlisle slapped his hand against his forehead and ran it down his face. Then he looked back up, trying to remain serious despite the exasperation in his eyes. "Anyway, I want you to have these-"
"Ha! Yeah right," Esme snatched the box up after I made no move to take it myself. There was no way I was going to touch their emergency supply.
Carlisle leaned in towards Esme and started to whisper vigorously into each others ears. I wasn't trying to pick up what they were saying, I didn't really care. I was actually thinking about what bras I should pack. But I did hear Carlisle's particularly whiny voice complain, "Come on Es! We agreed; united front. And then you went and threw in herpes."
"Herpes needed to be thrown in!" Esme argued, her voice get louder than his to the point where it was even really whispering anymore. I cleared my throat, letting them know I could hear them. They both looked up, startled. Then Carlisle looked at Esme who nodded sheepishly and put the box of condoms back on the desk, willing the sacrifice.
I raised my eyebrows. "Okay, yeah, thanks. But I'll pass. I bet Edward has his own stash. And if not. . .we'll import some from Canada. Anything other than the ones you two crazy cats need. Now, can I go?" Carlisle blinked rapidly at me. Then he nodded, raising his eyebrows. Without another word I stood from my chair and walked out the door.
I was being rude to them, and it could appear that I was a little on the cranky side. But I was just stressed. I had a closet full of clothes and absolutely nothing to wear. And I was anxious for tonight. But it was mostly the clothes thing.
Four hours later Edward and I were pulling out of the driveway with Edward driving my truck. Edward was quiet, but maybe it was because he sensed that I was stressed.
For the past four hours I had been a little crazy, and I could admit that. It literally took me 25 minutes to pick a bra to wear. And even now I wasn't sure I made the right choice. And then I had to think about lingerie, I did have an unused stash of it that I had accumulated from Victoria Secret over the years, but how was I suppose to do that? Was I supposed to wear it and jump him, or was I supposed to just walk out, bearing it all? I packed a little of everything just in case. My stomach felt like it was permanently going to be in a giant bundle of twists and knots.
After the bra crisis was over I went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. Was I supposed to curl my hair? Straighten it? I was going to be wearing a little make up, but what was too much? And then back to the hair! Maybe I could put it into a pony…but that would be uncomfortable lying down…we would be lying down…right?
Would by head be against a surface and Edward on top of me? The thought made me shiver with eagerness. I didn't want to be on top, I would feel awkward. Though a bunch of girls said it hurt less when you are on the top. Shit, how bad was it going to hurt? I promised myself I wouldn't cry no matter if it did hurt that bad. I didn't want Edward to get freaked out. I wanted this.
So for the next few hours I was pretty much freaking out about everything. I mean everything possible I was freaking out about. I wished it would have been a more spontaneous of an occasion. I didn't want this to feel forced and not full of love like it should be.
An hour into our trip I hadn't said much at all to Edward. Actually the only thing I had said was, "Why does Miley Cyrus suck so much?" and had turned the radio channel immediately. Edward didn't know who Miley Cyrus was, he hadn't gotten word that she was also Hannah Montana, so he didn't make much of a comment. And I went back to staring out the window.
I was watching a hawk chase another hawk across the sky when Edward turned down the radio slightly. I had been thinking about candles; if they were better than natural lighting or if they would burn down the general forestry. But if they were better than I would have to go buy some, and I didn't know which ones to buy! I sighed quietly and glanced at Edward. He kept glancing from the road to me, his face expectant.
"Are you okay snicker doodle?" he raised his eyebrows after I didn't say anything, looking at the road and then back at me in concern.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I rushed to reassure.
Edward's eyes narrowed slightly, not believing me one bit, but also not calling me out. "Are you hungry?" Actually I was a little bit. But I didn't want to eat some fast food and feel bloated later.
"Nah," I shook my head.
Edward's got narrower this time him wanting to see that he didn't believe me. "You ate an apple for lunch, four hours ago."
"I had an energy bar before we left," I protested pathetically.
Instead of arguing with me farther he just left out a large, defeated sigh and stared out at the road. I sighed quietly once more; I had just made him mad. Great.
I chewed on my lip for the next eight miles, wondering what I should say to apologize. I felt bad for not thinking about Edward and what he was feeling all day. He had not wanted to this yesterday. But he was going to do it for me, because I wanted this, and I was being a bitch.
Unknowingly my lips began to quiver. Edward however did notice. I was looking out my window when he snatched my hand into his and gripped it with tight gentleness. "Hey," he said, concerned. He rubbed his thumb against the back of my hand soothingly. I blinked a few times and looked hesitantly over at him.
"What's wrong?"
I shook my head, not knowing what to say but also not trusting my voice.
"Hey. Bella. Talk to me," he pleaded softly, staring directly into my eyes, silently urging me to confide in him.
"I'm just-" I stopped, took a breath, "it's nothing. I'm fine."
"No," he pressed, "you're just what?" I pressed my lips together, mad at myself for not being able to tell him everything running through my mind. I didn't want to scare him away.
"Are you afraid?" Edward asked softly, his voice full of the wish to understand.
I shook my head back and forth profusely, "No, I'm just," I paused and searched for the right word, "overwhelmed."
Edward's grip on my hand tightened slightly. "Bella, maybe this is too much. Don't get me wrong I want this too. But I'll be back, and when I come back, I'll stay and you won't have to deal with me leaving soon."
"No Edward. I'm excited too, I just need to relax," I gave him a somewhat convincing smile. And when that didn't change his frown, I also frowned and gave him a look, begging him not to press the issue.
And thankfully he didn't.
Instead we spent the next two hours of the ride in almost comfortable silence. Edward didn't let go of my hand the entire ride. Except when he pulled into a dirt road where he revealed some food that he had brought. It wasn't fast food, so I decided to humor him with compliancy. I noticed him texting someone but didn't say anything, because it really didn't spark my interest. I was too busy thinking about sheets. Do we go under them? Or not?
After we finished our small snack Edward continued to drive. I didn't go to Duluth often; I hadn't personally driven there so I didn't have the best idea of what roads we should be taking. So when Edward took an exit off the highway we were traveling on, I didn't think anything of it.
And then he took a series of other turns that caused me to sit up straighter in my seat. I didn't recognize this from our previous drives. I also didn't think Edward knew his way around that well yet. But I just watched as he turned down a series of other roads like he drove this everyday.
Then he drove down a dirt road which I was absolutely positive I had never been on. Finally after we traveled down the bumpy stretch he turned the engine off. The road had ended in a large circle that looked like it could be used to part multiple cars. There was a path that had the same worn dirt as the road that lead into the trees.
"Where are we?" I asked uncertainly as Edward unbuckled his seat belt. I followed suit. He held up a finger and opened the door letting him out. He then jogged around the front to open my door for me and help me down.
"Detour," he smiled the tension that had been building up in the truck dissolved when the door opened. I was just thrilled that he wasn't angry with me, so I took his hand and jumped out of the car.
I followed him, my hand latched with his as he walked around to the bed of the truck. He leaned in and pulled out two fleece blankets from our house that were folded nicely. I raised an eyebrow as he tucked them under his arm and started to tug me in the direction of the path.
"Where are we?" I asked curiously, my mood improving greatly with the wilderness air.
"A few miles out of Duluth," Edward said vaguely, lacing his fingers through mine. I watched our arms swing together in pace with our walking.
"I didn't exactly plan for a hike," I pointed out, looking down at my sandals. I said it mostly just to give him a hard time, which is what we did to each other.
"It's not a long hike," Edward promised, his signature crooked grin spreading across his face.
And true to his word it wasn't. We walked through the bright green canopying trees and wildflowers for only about fifteen minutes. Some of this was spent in light conversation, the rest in comfortable silence.
We reached the end of the trail and suddenly we were on a cliff. The water was directly ahead of us, but about 400 feet down until you could actually reach it. It was still very grassy until there was solid rock a few feet from the edge. The trees were still huddling over us protectively. And when I looked from one side to the next I saw more cliff and forest lining. I knew we were overlooking Lake Superior, since Edward had said it was only a few miles out from Duluth.
I hadn't noticed Edward letting go of my hand, I was too engulfed by the scenery. When I did realize it, I looked back behind me to see him spreading the blanket down on the grass. He looked up at me smiled softly. I returned the gesture and walked the few steps toward him.
"So how did you find this place?" I wondered aloud.
Edward sat down gracefully on the blanket and patted his side. I sat down next to him as he answered, "Jasper is quite resourceful." Ah, that had been who he was texting. Well, I thought with a mental shrug, made sense.
"It's stunning," I told him, leaning back against my arms, looking at his face which was golden from the setting sun. Edward smiled distractedly, looking out at the waves rolling in lazily.
I waited for him to say whatever he had to, knowing that face. I looked back up at when him when he started to talk, "Bella, I want you to know how much I love you. I know I'm not the perfect man for you to fall in love with, far from it, but somehow we're together. And you need to know how glad I am that we are. You were everything to me while I was still in Iraq."
I pursed my lips, watching as Edward looked away from the lake and at me. I came him a soft smile, wondering how on earth I ever wound up in this position. Then I leaned in and pressed my lips against his lovingly. I pulled back for a moment, "You're wrong," I whispered against his lips before pressing mine against them again. "You are the perfect man."
Before Edward could respond, probably in disagreement, I pressed my lips once more against his, but this time I can my tongue against his lips. His mouth instantly opened and my heart started pounding faster as our kiss deepened and a wild sense of desire was kindled in me.
Gradually, not breaking our intense kiss I moved. I placed one knee on one side of his legs and the other opposite of it. I moved my hands up his chest to his face where I placed them on each side of his face, holding his face against mine. All the while his hands wound down my back to softly but firmly hold my ass. When he flexed his fingers, squeezing my butt I groaned and involunantarily ground against his lap.
Kneeing in the position that I was, I could feel the affect I was having on Edward. His erection was hard and prominent against the inside of my thigh. I smirked against his lips as he groaned having felt my grinding. We broke away, both of us entirely breathless. Edward moved down my neck kissing and sucking in sensitive places making me throw my head back, granting him a wider access.
I moaned as his tongue trailed along the spot underneath my ear, that having struck a particularly pleasing nerve. Having gotten control of my breathing once more, I roughly moved his face back up to mine and our lips crashed together again. When our tongues met once more, him and I both groaned. Edward's hands wound under my shirt slowly sliding up against my bare skin until the reached wear my bra was. Just having his hands ghosting under my breasts make my shiver with pleasure, feeling moist heat in my panties.
Edward's hands dropped from my breasts, just after lightly ghosting over my bra. Without ever breaking our fierce kiss he went down to the hem of my shirt and helped me pull it over my head. Our kiss broke for only a second before his mouth attacked my again.
Abruptly, so fast that I hadn't even realized it was happening Edward had moved so that he was slowly laying me down against the blanket. My bare back with the exception of my bra straps laid back against the soft fleece blankets. Now it was Edward who had his knees on either side of my me.
I than realized he had way too many clothes on. Before he could go back to my neck I was pulling his own shirt over his head, trying to do it swiftly without awkwardness. I had seen Edward shirtless plenty of times…but God. Does it over get old? Breathing heavily, I ran my hands down his hard muscular chest lightly, making Edward close his eyes and shiver lightly.
When he opened them again, I noticed for the first time the lust and desire burning deeply in the green eyes of his. I squirmed under him, thrilled at how much he wanted me.
Before long both of us had shed our pants and we were left only in underwear. Edward was leaning on his elbows above me, running his hand on the side of his face while we kissed. Feeling devious I moved my hands on his back slowly before coming to the hem of boxers. I fingered them hem as Edward slowed down our vigorous kiss, curious as to what I was going to do. With a glint in my eyes I started to pull them down, his large cock springing free. I pulled them down until they were at the length that he could just kick them off.
I couldn't help but look down between us at his manhood. Edward raised slightly up, watching me look at him. When I looked back I raised an eyebrow with a small smile on my tender lips.
"That's supposed to fit?" I asked rhetorically. Edward chuckled and nuzzled his nose against mine.
"In theory," he smirked. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.
I couldn't ignore the ache in between my legs as I rubbed my thighs together, needed some type of friction. Edward had moved so that he was propped on one elbow and his other hand was sliding under my back. I arched my back up to give him better access to my bra clasp. With great skill, Edward matched to unhook the clasp and since I was wearing a strapless bra he gently pulled it away from my body leaving me completely exposed to him.
With my hands running lightly through his hair, I watched his reaction. At first he didn't even look down to my breasts, he was looking at me adoringly. I smiled, fighting the self consciousness I was feeling. Really, I had nothing to feel self confident about. I had had breasts since I was 12, and I didn't think there was a single thing wrong with me being confident in my bra size.
Edward's eyes didn't change, and he didn't make any sudden movements as his eyes lowered. The only movement there was, was our chests rising and falling in sync. Then, very slowly he leaned his head down and placed a kiss in between my two breasts.
My eyes fluttered closed his face trailed up to my right breast and his other hand fondled my left breasts. I groaned and wiggled under him, growing wetter at the sensation. My eyes almost flew open when his lips found their way onto my nipple, taking the rosy bud in his warm mouth. The ache between my legs was growing impossibly more unbearable.
I moaned loudly as he sucked harder making me arch my back up, desiring more. The sensation was enough to drive me insane. I fisted his hair and tugged lightly. And when I thought my senses couldn't go into more of an overdrive, his hand that had been teasing my breasts and rubbing my other nipple did something else. I gasped loudly as his fingers lightly pinched the bud, sending electricity down to my core.
"Edward," I moaned, raising my back even higher off of the ground. All conscious thoughts had left my mind the moment his lips found my breast. Now I was just making primal noises that I didn't seem to care I was making. His lips released me before trailing his tongue across the valley of my breasts and taking my other bud into his mouth. This time though, he ever so lightly used his teeth, making me cry out with pleasure.
I ground my legs against his cock, desperately in need of sustaining. He responded my rubbing his length over slowly up and down my panties making him groan at my heat.
Before I knew what was happening, Edward's mouth released me and his free hand went down to pull my panties off of my legs, but not before waiting for a look from me. I was left laying completely exposed in front of him. I could honestly say that I did not feel weird or even uncomfortable. Edward's held nothing but love and passion for me. Why would I create irrational feelings of rejection when none existed?
Keeping his eyes locked with him, his hand traveled down between us and very lightly, he touched the aching part of my body. I groaned as his fingers touched my wet lips. I hadn't realized how wet I actually was.
"God," I moaned in desperation, I needed the need to be sustained.
I felt his hard on rub against my thigh and though I wanted to do something for him, something told me he was ready for me, just as I was ready to receive him. By now I was rubbing my legs fiercely to creation any friction. I whimpered and he chuckled patiently before moving his hands down to open up my thighs. I was reluctant for the friction to stop but his warm strong hands guided them open for him.
Sweat was on our bodies as he slowly moved into me. I was taken aback by the feeling and cried out. It wasn't painful persay, it just felt...intrusive. Edward stilled above me, watching me carefully.
I closed my eyes as my head fell to the side, I let out a breathless laugh, "If this is it, I'll be disappointed."
I opened my eyes to see Edward rolling his eyes, his concern fading slightly. "You're okay?" I nodded. "I love you." I grinned.
With my assurance, Edward slowly continued to slide into me, stretching me the farther he went. I wouldn't say it was painful, just kind of uncomfortable. I let my nails dig into his biceps as he concentrated on pushing into me all the way.
Edward stopped moving and I was sure he had gotten all the way in. Here's the thing, a few years ago my hymen broke when I went horseback riding. Sex isn't suppose to be painful if done right. Edward wasn't some 15 year old fumbling boy, he knew what he was doing, and I trusted him with my body. After a few moments of Edward stilling, I was ready for more.
I met his eyes, and he must have seen my twinkling lust as he started to slowly pull out and then push back in with enough force to make me moan. Edward got a steady rythm of pushing into me so that after just a few times, my body was starting to respond in primitive ways. I threw my head to the side, groaning as Edward hit a particularly sensitive spot. I unvoluntarily clenched my walls and Edward responded the soft, "Shit," and moan.
I felt it everywhere in my body as we pushed against each other. My core coiled tightly and I squeezed around him. Edward's lips captured mine as they had done so many times and I responded eagerly, letting out more moans at the things my body was feeling.
His mouth left mine and traveled down once again to my breast. I knew what was coming, but it didn't stop me from letting out a loud, "Ahh!" as Edward's lips sucked on my nipple. I arched my body up instinctively. I groaned, I was so close, the energy that had been building up felt as if it would make me explode. With one final thrust I came. I can't say exactly what was happening in my mind at the time, I just knew that what I was feeling was the most natual, most amazing thing a person could.
When it was over I felt as if I would never be able to regain my breath. My chest heaved as Edward, who had been letting out loud yells of ecstasy of his own, let his head fall next to mine, gasping for breath himself.
Finally and somewhat miraculously, we were able to get our labored breathing under control. Edward managed it before I did, and when I let out a final sigh he was positively beaming at me.
"Holy shit," I breathed, closing my eyes and smiling.
I felt a hand tuck a stray moist strand of hair behind my ear and opened my eyes. Edward leaned down and placed a tender, loving kiss softly on my lips. I was aware of the stunning sunset over the horizon from our spot on the cliff, but nothing was more stunning than the man gazing down at me, completely in love.
"And just think," he smiled softly, "we can do that for the rest of our lives."
I wanna break every clock
The hands of time could never move again
We could stay in this moment (stay in this moment)
For the rest of our lives
Is it over now hey, hey, is it over now
I wanna be your last, first kiss
That you'll ever have (that you'll ever have)
I wanna be your last, first love (that you'll ever have)
Till you're lying here beside me with arms and eyes open wide
I wanna be your last, first kiss for all time
Anberlin, Inevitable
-Was this a realistic first time? Nope. Is this a fanfiction. Yep. Do most people have a problem with that? Nope. For that, I'm glad(:
-Clarification: Bella's nerves at the beginning of the chapter was mostly just a filler. I didn't feel like doing a lemon the entire chapter. She wasn't concerned about the act of sex itself, just the specifics. Some could say she was being immature. But really, Edward doesn't expect her to be 30. He's never thought of her as immature.
-Some sadness next chapter, the last chapter with Edward home...on that cheery note, have a good weekend!
