I woke up the next morning wrapped in Edward's arms. My eyes felt puffy as I blinked them opened and closed. Edward's body was warm and protective as he slept soundly, his face coated with serenity. I sighed quietly, instantly remembering what day it was. I gazed as him lovingly, reaching my hand up to stroke his hair away from his forehead.

I stayed still, just looking at him, memorizing the way his face relaxed completely when he slept. I studied the slight furrow of his brows, and the way his lips curved making me wonder what it was he was dreaming about. I froze in my mind how his arms felt around my body.

It was not like I would not see or feel any of these things again, but a year was a long time to wait for them. I had tried at one point to be an optimist and remember that it could be worse; I could never see him again. But the dread that thought caused me, made me screw optimism. Edward was going into a war zone, Edward was soldier. Bad things happened to soldiers. And that was as far as I allowed my mind to go before I stopped that train of thought.

After almost twenty minutes I slid out of his hold. I was careful not to wake him up. I just needed to get some fresh air –because that mostly just seemed like the thing to do in a moment like this- I would only be out for a few minutes. I didn't want him to wake up alone. So as quietly as I could I slipped outside to my balcony and collapsed in a chair.

Surprisingly I felt fairly at peace with myself. I wouldn't say I had come to terms with Edward leaving in a couple hours, and I wouldn't remember this peace when he was gone. But for the moment, I was just glad to be getting it over with. I had my whole life with Edward and his tour in Iraq would only make me fall more in love with him.

The frustrating thing about this was the fact that I knew that I could do it. I knew that I could be strong enough to be away from Edward for that long. And that made me just angry, because I didn't think I should have to prove it.

I was actually doing okay. At one point tears came to my eyes. Not because he was leaving and I would be on my own again. No, the few tears were from pride. I was so proud of Edward. My boyfriend was fighting in a war so others didn't have to. No one had forced him to join the army; he did it on his own because he knows what's right. He went through ordeals others couldn't even dream about because he wanted to keep people he didn't know safe.

Edward was like a character in a movie, who should be played by the best actor in Hollywood. He was so much more than average. I was so, so, fucking lucky that he wanted to be with me when he could have any other woman he wanted. I didn't understand why, but I loved him so much for it.

The door leading out to the balcony swung open and I looked back, even though I knew it was Edward coming out. He had his hands above his head, stretching with a giant yawn. I grinned at his disheveled hair and groggy eyes. He was pretty damn cute.

Edward frowned as he looked at me. I blinked in confusion and then felt the weight of tears on the tip of my eyelashes. I rubbed the tears off my cheeks quickly and wiped my eyes. He yawned once again, but now he was completely alert. He walked a few steps to where I was sitting and crouched down in front of me, taking one of my hands in his.

"Hi," he said boyishly, his eyes examining me. I felt bad for making him see me cry yesterday and I had decided to make it a point to hold it together just a little bit better.

"Morning," I smiled, showing him I was okay. I yawned, covering my mouth with my free hand.

"How's it going?" he asked, hesitant to believe my smile. I felt worse. I didn't want him wanting on egg shells around me. I was fine.

"I'm fine. Really," I added when he still didn't look convinced. "What about you?"

"I was worried when I woke up without you," he admitted, running his free hand through his messy head of hair. "I guess it's something I'll have to get used to now," he sighed. I frowned too. That would be something I had to adjust to as well. Army Wives made this shit look way too easy.

"This sucks," I sighed.

"Fuck, I know," Edward agreed, looking out over the backyard and woods behind it. I ran my hand tentatively through his hair, feeling the softness of it. It had grown out so nicely, the next time I saw him it would be short again.

"I'm going to miss you," I told him quietly, looking down at our entwined hands. I didn't want to, but I just had to let it out once. I wasn't going to burden him. I chanted it in my head a million times. But this just slipped out.

Edward clasped my hand tighter as he met my eyes, his lips curving into the tiniest of a grin. "If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together…there is something you gotta always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even we're apart, I'll always be with you."

I stared at him blinking every few seconds. What he said was beautiful and I loved him immensely for it, because it was very fitting. But something wasn't quite right about it.

"Who did you just quote?" I asked, knowing that while he was very sweet and creative, it wasn't exactly Edward's style to leave out a select choice of swear words when speaking.

Edward actually blushed. The faintest of pink spread across his cheeks before he looked down at my lap. When he looked back up he had a sheepish, almost embarrassed grin on his face.

"Winnie the Pooh…" he trailed off. I pressed my lips together and nodded seriously before a small giggle escaped from my mouth. Edward's eyes narrowed playfully at me.

"The deepest of all bears…" I teased in agreement.

"I know!" Edward agreed, and I was actually convinced that he was serious. I raised an eyebrow.

Edward quickly composed himself and cleared his throat. I smirked. "But what he -well I'm pretty sure Winnie's a he. . .ha a bear named Winnie, oh- said is true. You are the strongest, most brave person I've ever met, and keep in mind what I do for a living. You are incredibly smart and I cannot wait to see where it will take you. And most importantly I will never really leave you. I'll always be thinking about you. I hate to be one of those 'together in your heart' people, but I figure if we both think about each other, remember this past month and look forward to the future, it'll be like I never left."

I loved him so much for trying. I smiled, amused but also sad. "Do you really believe that?" Way to damper his mood Bella; good positive spirit.

"No, but I'm trying."

I nodded, "I'll try too," I promised.

"Come on, let's not go getting all fucking dramatic just yet," Edward said after looking into my eyes. He stood up, the morning light justifying his body well. He held his hand out to mr as he stretched from side to side. I smiled and grabbed onto it and he pulled up. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and settled it on my hip as we walked inside.

An hour later we were dressed and getting in the car, ready to head out. Carlisle and Esme had just left for work, having said their final goodbyes. Carlisle and Edward were speaking quietly for a surprisingly long amount of time. Ares was staring out the glass door as Edward climbed in the truck. If dogs could be cry, I'd definitely say Ares looked sad enough to be doing so. I glanced back and he put his paw helplessly on the glass, I could practically hear his whine. I didn't tell Edward; he knew how much his dog would miss him.

Our ride to the airport was mostly silent. I can't speak for Edward, but I was thinking back to our past month together. It seemed impossible that our time was up. It literally felt like yesterday since I was driving to the airport alone to pick up Edward, not knowing what to expect from him. I didn't really think I would fall madly in love with him and make love several times over to him.

The fall madly in love part, isn't really fair. I fell in love with Edward throughout his letters. I loved him before I even met him. I just had no fucking clue. And now, like a rug being ripped out from under me, he was departing.

It kept hitting me, harder and harder each time. It didn't seem real that Edward was actually leaving. For real. I wasn't doing a good job of wrapping my head around it. I had known it was coming for months, but now it was here, and every few minutes I would painfully realize it.

Edward held my hand tightly as we weaved through the crowds of the airport. After his bag was checked and loaded he was able to hold onto my side with his free arm. We walked wordlessly until we arrived at the terminal in which Edward's plane would be departing from. Edward led me over to empty seats away from everyone else who was watching us curiously.

Edward was wearing his standard camos, as he dove right back into his duties once he was back on base. He even had the dusty combat boots laced up. The only thing he was missing was his dog tags which were around my neck. He assured me that he would get a new set first thing back on base.

This was the second time I had ever seen him suited up. I couldn't help but think in the back of my depressed brain how incredibly sexy he looked. Of course as soon as that thought was out, I felt like crying again.

People were generally curious about the lives of soldiers. If you see one walking around in the mall, dressed in uniform, people are going to stare. They'll be polite and try to hide it of course, but eventually their curiosity will win over. And that's what was happening now. In their minds they were about to witness a tragic parting of star crossed lovers complete with sobbing and hysteria. As fun as that would be, I knew I wouldn't do that, and I ignored them.

Edward's thumb soothingly rubbed the back of my hand repetitively. I bit my lip. Then I released it. And then I bit it again. And before I could say anything, the first boarding call for Edward's flight was announced in a bored monotone voice. I let out a huge breath, not realizing I had even been holding it. I glanced slowly over at Edward, wanting to just have a nice cry already.

I stood up with Edward and he took both of my hands. I bit my lip again and stared up at him, not blinking as he stared back at me.

"So this is goodbye," I breathed disbelievingly. Edward's lips pressed in a grim line, his stare unwavering.

"Just for now," Edward said quietly, but with such assurance that I had to nod. Edward released my hand, suddenly remembering something. I watched as he pulled a small white envelope out of his jacket. "Here," he said, offering the envelope to me. I took the letter I had written him yesterday out of my back pocket and handed it to him in return. We had decided to write letters that he could read once he got on the plane and I could read once his plane had taken off.

"I love you," Edward said in a, for what it's worth tone. His hand came up to caress my cheek softly, his eyes boring into mine.

As I stared at him, my restraint slipped. In that instant no one and nothing could have stopped me from being in his arms. I literally threw my arms around his shoulders and his automatically came around my waist pulling me close into his chest. He hugged me so tightly to him, his arms all the way around my torso, that he lifted me to the tips of my toes. I buried my face in his chest, right where MASEN was stitched in. His embrace was all I needed right now, because I was safe.

"I love you too," I whispered back. My eyes pricked with the tears, anxious to be shed. I pulled myself closer to him, as if he could hold together my breaking heart in someway. I wished he could, because in my mind Edward could do anything. "I'm so proud of you," I couldn't resist adding.

"I'm proud of you baby," Edward mumbled in the crook of my neck, where his face was buried.

I pulled away, just far enough for me to be able to see his face and not break out of his hold. My hands moved from around his shoulders to the sides of his neck, resting them lightly on it. I looked at him seriously, trying to be stern despite the tears on the brim of my eyes. "You're going to come home to me Edward. Promise to God, you'll be safe." This could be the last time I ever saw Edward, nothing was ever certain with soldiers and war. And that thought alone pushed the tears rolling down my cheeks slowly.

Edward, seeing my heartbreak didn't hesitate. He pulled me back against him, crushing my body to his. "I promise baby, I'm not going anywhere," he whispered firmly, without a doubt. And Edward's promise was all I needed.

A second call for Edward's flight came up over the intercom. I was seriously getting ready to walk over and punch the dumb chick who was smacking her gum, totally unaffected by the destruction of my life.

I could have said a thousand different things to him. I had thought of millions of things over the past month, knowing this was coming. But nothing, nothing seemed to fit right now. This was even more difficult then I could imagine.

The misery I was feeling was horrendous, but not unfamiliar. I had felt this deep hopelessness, this sadness and pain before. When my parents died, I didn't think I would ever be happy again. But for the first time, I've truly without a doubt happy for the past month. It felt like my heart was breaking and taking away the newfound, beautiful happiness.

Edward leaned down to press a kiss on my lips. It was a kiss filled with so much. I felt his desire, his sadness, his passion, his love, and his care conveyed in the simple gesture. I kissed him back, burning the feeling into my memory to feel later. And then, we both unwillingly pulled away from each other. I looked into his eyes despite the fact I knew I would be showing him the despair filling mine.

"Stay safe," I said once again my voice cracking. I knew I had said it already, but having Edward leave for a year is one thing that I can deal with –hopefully- but having him never come back was something that I would not be able to make it through.

"I will." He leaned in to place a sealing kiss gently on my forehead. "I love you a shit ton," he added. I cracked a tearful grin as he put his forehead to rest on mine. He gave me a crooked smile filled with melancholy.

"Right back at you Sergeant," I smiled, blinking the tears back. I could feel a sob pushing its way up my throat and I was powerless to stop it. Edward smiled and we stayed still and silent for a moment. Then, the time had finally come. He released me from his arms, and I slowly slid out of his embrace. My arms around my torso, as if that could hold me together. I watched as Edward bent over to sling his bag over his shoulder and straighten up again.

"I'll be home before you know it," Edward promised as he kissed my forehead tenderly once more. I nodded, choking back my cries and trying to put on some sort of brave front for him. My hand fell out of his, our fingers dangling next to each other's for the shortest of seconds. And then he turned and started to walk towards the boarding entrance. I pressed my quivering lips together as I watched him walk away. I was counting the steps he took, separating us. Halfway to the door his head turned back, his face confirming that he was not handling this as well as he liked me to believe. His eyes, the uncertainty and pain, make me swallow back a sob. I raised my hand and tilted it to the right, encouraging him to go, I'd be fine.

I waited until he was in the tunnel and the door was completely closed to the plane. I didn't want to watch him take off, I would break down. I managed to stay as the wheels taxied across the take off strip before I had to leave. I navigated back through the same crowds I had just come through with Edward. People gave the tearful girl plenty of room to get out to her car. And I was thankful.

I made it all the way out to the truck. I had made it a habit in the past month to go in and sit in the passenger's seat because Edward liked to drive. So automatically I opened the passenger door once I was in the parking lot. When I looked across the inside of the cab and didn't see Edward climbing in; that was my breaking point. I slid into the passenger seat and slammed the door shut, just in time for the overwhelming sobs to rip through me the crushing weight of what just happened overtook me.

For literally 40 minutes.

The planes continued to fly overhead. People continued to pull in and out of parking spots around me. Employees went outside to take their usual smoke break. Everybody was continuing life normally, like nothing had happened; and nothing had happened to them. But to me, it felt like my world had just ended; that my heart was flying again to Iraq.

Finally my sobs soon turned to cries, and then softer cries and then I was hiccupping and wiping the tears away from my face. My eyes felt swollen and puffy and my nose was stuffy. I remembered the letter weighing nothing in my back pocket. The slightest ounce of enthusiasm shone through as I arched my back to wiggle the paper into view.

I tore open the small envelope and unfolded the letter in record timing.

Dear Bella,

You're asleep right now. I just snuck into your room in case you were wondering. God, you look so stunning. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. The fact that I love you is just a bonus. It's strange, writing you a letter when I'm lying right next to you.

By the time you're reading this, I'll be on a plane. If you've got to the point where you can actually read this…I love you. You'll do just find without me there. Even though I wish I didn't have to put you through this. You don't deserve it. Blame the damn government. Or George W. Bush. Unless you're a strong republican, in which case, I'm sorry. Are you a republican? I never did ask…

I feel like there is so much that we didn't talk about. Or so much stuff that we could have done. But then again, we crammed years worth of relationship in the past month. And it's been the best month of my life. When I'm an old man, with nothing to live for but the coming of my time, I'll think back to our perfect summer together, and how it was the happiest time of my life.

You are so much more than I had ever hoped for in anyone. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the most caring, warm, funniest and most beautiful woman on the planet. I look at couples now when we walk past them and pity them. Because I know that their love doesn't even come close to competing with what we feel for each other.

Remember when you told me you loved me? I think back to your face and the way you said it all the time. I love you so much for taking it into control like you did, and the way you told me, it was just so you. And it was perfect. I remember the light in your eyes. I had noticed it before we went out on the lake. Your eyes always sparkle, but that day they were shining, shining because of some type of epiphany. I could barely dare myself to hope you had realized that I was in love with you. Even though I had already figured out my feels for you and told you them –well, kind of- I was going to wait for you to tell me. I didn't want to freak you out, or scare you away. And that worked pretty damn well for me.

I have plenty of time to write to you about my feelings for you. I don't need to use up all my smooth lines right now. You'll get enough of those in the future. Oh, you're starting to wake up…did anyone ever tell you that you have weird sleeping patterns? Never mind, if the answer is anything other than no, I'll be extremely curious…

I miss you already. And I'm lying right next to you. I hate it that I have to go. I hate myself for doing this to you. I'm sorry, please don't hate me as much as I do right now. Though I wouldn't blame you. Please don't lose hope. I swear I'm going to come back soon. I know this isn't what you asked for, and Iraq is taking its toll on me too. We'll be together soon.

Sincerely,
Your Sergeant Masen


My eyes feel like they're bleeding
But I'm just crying
Is this what I ask for?

I hate myself when I'm away from you
I swear I'm sorry
Please don't hate me too
And I don't know if my heart will make
It through, I swear I'm sorry
Please don't hate me too

Don't fail now, hold on to hope
Cause I'm yours
I'm coming home to you soon
Cause the road is very worn
And it's begging me to come back to you
Distance, Secondhand Serenade


-GIANT frowny face ): This song makes me cry; strongly recommend it! It's okay ladies, we'll see him soon. And when he comes back, we're going get Edward's past. God I can't wait.
-Brenner's back next chapter, goodbye to Alice and Jasper and a sketchy guy will come into play. Oh, and majorly depressed Bella, but ya know.
-I 'm going to go be a cool kid and spend the next week doing stuff for National History Day. Eh. If anyone knows where the hell to find audio clips of Woodrow Wilson on the League of Nations, just give me a shout! Or just give me a shout because I'm going to want to punch myself in the face.