Life sucks.

It's been said by many far greater than me, and it will continue to be said for all eternity. But I finally grasped the true concept of the meaning, and what it feel like to really be living in one giant suck fest.

I've also come to realize that I am a spoiled little bitch. I've been moping around for the past two weeks, missing Edward and hating life for not being able to have him. Did I stop to think about the starving people in Africa who didn't have a house or food like me? Nope. Did I stop and think about the people whose husbands or wives have died? Hell no. Did I think about global warming and how it's going to destroy us all? Maybe in passing. . .but the bottom line was; I was mad at myself. I had life so good and for some reason I expected to have a boyfriend actually with me. At least I had one.

The first day without Edward while he was on a plane flying to Iraq was the easiest. I never thought it would be, but I found it strangely easier to deal with than the days that followed. I finally drove home and arrived at an empty, silent house without Edward. But I felt a sense of mental exhaustion that just left me at peace. Yeah, I cried the most that day, but it was still easier. I had been dreading the day for months. The moment had finally came and passed. I was just relieved I wouldn't have to do it over again.

The first four days after that were impossible. That whole sense of exhausted serenity was completely wiped out of my system after that. I went from sad, to depressed, and then onto lonely, then I was proud and then I was happy and then back to sad in less than an hour. And it was like this for three days straight. The happy was the quickest passing of all those emotions. I was just glad that Carlisleand Esme had decided to work full days so I could be overly emotive alone.

The sad thing about the entire situation was the fact I knew our relationship completely worked. I was a homebody, I didn't really go out partying or anything like that, I was content to be alone and left to my thoughts. I couldn't be sad for long because I knew this was the relationship that worked perfectly for me. I could concentrate the next year on doing my best with senior year and my sports, I didn't have to try and work in a boyfriend to that. Edward would work me in when he could and I would be available whenever he needed, no matter how short of time, because unfortunately I wasn't the one who decided when we were able to call each other.

I knew I'd have the emotional strain of a long distance relationship, but I almost looked forward to proving that we could do it. I trusted Edward completely and I was secure enough with myself to know that he really did love me and would never hurt me. That only left the worry of being in love with a soldier, and that was the biggest issue I had and the reason for much of my sadness.

After those dreadful four days were over, I got. . .bored. I mean the sad, lonely, proud, etc, cycle kept coming, though it started to lessen. But beside that I realized I still had like six weeks left of summer and now I had absolutely nothing to do with it. I tried to think about what I had done last summer but none of that sounded excited, well, nothing sounded exciting without Edward. He had become my best friend, the person I wanted to do everything with. And now, I was just so utterly, complete bored.

I also gained seven fucking pounds.

I was a bored eater. So for the three days I sat around totally bored I ended eating a lot more stuff than I should have. I eat a half gallon of ice cream all by myself and a bunch of the left over cookies that I didn't send with Edward. The other stuff I ate I didn't even necessarily like, I just needed something to do.

Once the first week marker had passed I stepped on a scale and realized how much I had gained and I decided that that form of boredom wasn't working out real well for me. So I decided maybe I could do something more productive with my misery induced boredom.

So I did the most boring thing ever in some people's minds. I golfed. I golfed everyday for the next week, playing at least 18 holes a day, sometimes an extra nine, sometimes an extra 18. I practiced on the driving range for hours and putted senselessly after that. Unfortunately my mind sometimes wandered to Edward. I started to wonder why I hadn't gotten a letter, an email, a phone call or even a text from him. But instead of pursuing that line of questioning I pushed it out of my head repeating the phrase, no news is good news, over and over again.

When I wasn't golfing or sleeping I started to run more. I had to run captains practice with Rosalie for the soccer team starting in less then two weeks and with the shape I was in there were going to be freshmen kicking my ass. I had forgotten that I enjoyed running too.

Ares was also getting antsy. He was too young of a dog to be spending all of his time napping. He wanted to be out and about. Edward had taken him when he went running in the mornings until our Duluth weekend. And since then Ares has been bored. So I decided he would make a fantastic running companion. We both wanted to exercise with Edward, but since he wasn't here we were going to have to put up with each other instead.

On the two week marker of Edward's leaving I got up and went on a jog with Ares as Esme had continued to give me space, so neither of them could go out golfing with me. So I loaded my clubs into the truck as usual and drove off to the golf course leaving Ares to lay out in the sun with a bone.

I went to the driving range first and said hi to the old man who had been there every day at the same time as me. Then I got situated and started to swing my club and take some shots. I turned my iPod on loudly and worked like a machine, swinging through ball after ball and sending them launching in the air, one after another, oblivious of anything else.

About eight songs, and half a bucket of balls later I saw someone standing near through the corner of my eye. I finished my swing and turned to find Brenner stretching out his arms in the lane next to me. I really hadn't had a conversation with people since Edward had left –don't ask or wonder why, it's just what had happened- and I was slightly nervous about my social skills.

I took the ear buds out of my ears and let them fall to my sides. "Hey," I greeted him with a grin.

"What's got you out here everyday?" Brenner asked, moving to pull his elbows behind his head. I started to speak, "not that I'm complaining, this is where you should be given your awful game."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm just, catching up on practice time."

Brenner chuckled as he swung his club loosely back and forth then he looked up at me with a smirk. "Why do you need to catch up? It's Rosalie who should get her butt out here every once and awhile."

"I haven't been playing much since state," I admitted, distractedly glancing down at my phone. I didn't think I would play a round this morning. For some reason I just felt like going home for awhile.

"I noticed, haven't seen you around much. You better have a damn good excuse," Brenner said, mockingly lecturing me.

"I'd say it was a pretty good excuse," I smiled, Edward's face flashing in my head. The best damn excuse of my life. . .

"I swear to God, if you say boys you're off the team," he threatened. I blushed and grinned at the ground. "How is Mr. Eduardo anyway?"

I wasn't prepared for the overwhelming longing I felt to have Edward until he was mentioned. Someone else saying his name made him real again. Being asked about him because I was his girlfriend made me realize how proud I was to be his girlfriend. It's hard to explain how much I missed him and what I had been thinking these days.

"It's Edward," I corrected, scrunching my nose up. Eduardo?

"No," Brenner disagreed, far from diffident, "I'm pretty sure it was Eduardo." And Edward would now, and forever more being know to Brenner as Eduardo because he had seen my reaction to the name. I laughed, annoyed at him, but glad to having his irritating ways back.

Then I heard the sound of my laugh and I realized that this was the first time I had been able to laugh since Edward had gone back. And it felt good. I didn't want to be moping for the next year; I wanted to be happier again. And this, laughing, I was taking it at as a good sign.

I grinned widely, and went back to taking shots, the ball flying noticeably straighter. "Is he back in Iraq?" Brenner asked, raising a confused and exaggerated eyebrow at my smile.

My smile only faded slightly. "Left two weeks ago" and I'm so proud of him. Damn the cycle.

Brenner nodded and started to swing at a few balls. "He's a good guy Swan," Brenner approved.

"Yeah," I smiled, "I know."

I was at the driving range for longer than normal, and when I had finally hit through four buckets of balls I decided it was a good time to go eat lunch. So I loaded my clubs into the truck and drove back home, still in a good mood from my talk with my golf coach.

On a whim I decided to get the mail before I pulled into the driveway. I pulled the truck to a stop next to the mailbox and reached out to grab the small stack of papers and ads. Before driving into the garage I flipped through the envelopes of bills, letter from Edward, ads. . .oh.

A huge grin spread across of my face as I squealed excitedly and my heart immediately started to race. I pulled into the driveway anxiously and grabbed my keys and the mail before darting in the house to look at the envelope closer. Sure enough it was addressed to me in Edward's script. This would be the first I had heard from him in two weeks, the lack of communication had been killing me, and all of the sudden none of that mattered anymore.

I slid the envelope open carefully and pulled out the ink covered paper. Tears threatened to prick my eyes because I was so happy to hear from him.

Dear Bella,

I miss you so much baby.

This past week has been hell. Don't worry; nothing too dangerous has been happening over here. The first day back here, when I woke up in my small twin sized bed and found your warm, soft, small body not curled up next mine was the worst. I laid in bed, knowing I was probably going to be late and thought about you. But that's nothing new, I think about you all the time.

Emmett says hi by the way. He misses you.

The guys love the cookies. . .at least the few that I gave them. They're sensational and I miss your baking already. And Esme's cooking. Tell her I say hello. It sucks not being with you so much. I don't want to have to be here. I don't know if I want to do this anymore.

Did you know that statistically if a guy and girl are in a serious relationship the guy loves the girl more? I think it's a pretty true statistic since I can't figure out a way to write how hard I fell for you and how much I love you. And no; I did not just happen to make up that, so stop smirking you little brat.

I realized we never really talked about what you're going to do after you finish high school this year. Shouldn't you be taking a bunch of tours of all the colleges fighting for you? One of my buddies here was a former football recruiter of the Midwesta rea and knows 'all the inside dirt' as he put it. You're so smart you should be going to Harvard you know.

Our internet connection has been down for the past few days and they don't know when they'll be able to get it back up. As soon as they do I expect to see pictures in my inbox. My laptop screen saver sucks ass, it's an eagle. It would be so much prettier if I had a sun flower instead.

June feels like forever away. I don't want to miss so much of your life. Write down everything that's happening. I want to know everything. No detail is too small. If you got an A on a test, fuck I want to know it! I don't want us to loose connection and when I come back not be able to talk about things as easily as we can right now. That would fucking suck.

It's been 18 days since our perfect night on the cliff. When I look at the number 18 written, it doesn't look like a long time. But that night feels like it was a life time ago. And yet I remember the feeling of first holding you so clearly, that I am sure it will forever be etched into my brain.

I've deployed before, I've traveled to Iraq time and time again but this is so different. The warm days still fade to freezing night out here, but you've given me hope that someday this war will be over and we won't have to be here any longer. Until then, that's a lot more 18 days until I get to feel you against me, the way your small arms wrap tightly around my body like I'm the only man in the world.

You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know I've said that, and I don't want to sound like a pansy, meeting you, was such, such a good thing Bella. And this isn't going to be a good thing that comes to an end. This is going to last, I'm sure of it. I promise you I'll work ten times harder than any other man does in a relationship just so we can have a chance to live a happy, normal life.

How are you holding up? Love you.

Sincerely,
Sergeant Masen

I smiled and propped my head in my hands as I read over the letter again. Edward was in this just as much as I was. We would be fine.

Alice came over that night with Jasper in tow. Honestly, I loved Alice. She was single handedly the most fun person I had ever met. I was sad that Jasper and her would be leaving the next day. It appeared they were dropping like flies. First Emmett, then Edward and now the last two soldiers are headed back to Iraq.

Last time the two had come over Edward had been here to entertain Jasper and they talked about. . .guy things? But this time Jasper was lingering silently in the background while Alice and I chatted. I felt bad; Jasper was the one soldier who I didn't really know all that well. I knew that Edward trusted him with his life and that was good enough for me. But I didn't know his favorite color.

Carlisle had arrived home before Esme. Jasper and Carlisle seemed to have bonded at the cabin, so Jasper felt comfortable launching into a conversation with him about deer and hunting. Alice and I decided to take Ares out on a walk and take our conversation into the dimming sun.

"How are you doing?"Alice asked as we started to walk down the driveway following Ares lead. Ares kept darting back and forth in between us to smell everything excitedly.

"I'm good. Today was a good day," I informed her. I was kind of proud of myself. I might finally be getting out of my slump.

"Did you hear from him?" she asked, genuinely curious.

I nodded with a smile. "I got a letter this morning."

"I'm glad. I knew it was going to work out with you guys."Alice gloated. I rolled my eyes and nudged her shoulder playfully.

We walked in comfortable silence before I voiced a thought. "Do you think it's possible for someone who has never had their heart broken to find true love? To find the person they're meant to spend the rest of their life with?"

My mom, Renee has always told me that dating in high school was fine. But she also went on to say that you should get out there and look for other men too because you never know what you do or don't want. She told me this at one of her co workers daughter's wedding. The girl had met her husband at 15 and married him at 23, never having broken up.

I wanted Edward in my life forever. I couldn't imagine a lift where we weren't together when we had the chance to be. I didn't want to break up with him just to discover that I didn't want anyone else. But I didn't want to ignore my mom's advice, especially if other people agreed with her.

"Yup. Definitely. Without a doubt."Alicesaid firmly within seconds of my question. I looked over at her with a raised eyebrow, caring for her to elaborate. "What? Not everyone meets the love of their life at a young age. And some of the ones that do are cautious and need to look for other people to realize what they have. You're a mature, smart person who met someone who loves you more than breathing and you're barely 18. But I don't think that's wrong."Alice looked at me as if she suddenly realized something. "Why? Are you thinking about leaving Edward?"

My mouth fell open in shock and my eyes widened in surprise. I could never even think about doing that! Alice seemed to take my expression as me surprised she figured it out.

"Bella. Edward has given himself you completely. He loves you so much. It'd kill him if you all of the sudden decided you didn't want him anymore. I really doubt he would move on from something like that. For him, there's no life after you."

My heart clenched, the image of Edward in pain making me weak at the knees. "Alice! I'm not going anywhere! I love Edward," I assured her firmly.

Alice let out a relieved huff. "Good."

I was a little shaken from Alice's outburst, but we continued our walk around the block until we arrived back at the house.

We were walking into the driveway when a sleek black Mercedes came slowly crawling down the street. I hated when people did 60 down the street, but this car had dark tinted windows and was going at a speed of like three miles per hour. I lowered my eyes, not wanting to stare as it passed us. When I looked up I realized it hadn't passed, it was waiting right in front of us.

The black window went down. A man who had hair the color of mine which was straight and tied in a sleek pony tail behind his neck appeared. He was wearing a formal suit with a pressed tie, looking like an upper class business man. He couldn't have been older than 40 at the most. And the dude was creepy. His skin was completely pale and he had dark eyes. And a disproportioned little nose. If he hadn't looked so surreptitious I would have laughed at the nose.

"Excuse me? Is this the residence of Edward Masen?" This voice made me shiver. Blah was the word that came to mind.

Alice looked at me curiously, I shot her a clueless look before glancing back at the little nose guy. "Yes it is," I told him shortly.

"You must be Mrs. Masen then?" he inquired, smiling politely.

"No. I'm Bella Swan. Edward's my boyfriend." This guy was giving me the creeps. I was rushing to talk, eager for him to drive away.

"Oh, yes, yes, of course. Well, thank you for your help. All the best," before I could ask who he was, the window rolled back up and he sped off, now doing 60. I was left standing with my mouth open, still ready to speak.

"That was weird,"Alice pointed out as he started to slowly walk up the driveway.

"Tell me about it," I agreed, still frowning as I thought about the guy.

Edward didn't say anything about having any relatives he had left, or having had friends he wanted to see when he was here. He never mentioned anything about this strange man, and it left me with an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that that man wasn't one of Edward's buddies.

Alice left. Then Jasper left. I was sad. That was currently becoming the story of my life.

I would have been sadder that I wouldn't be seeing Alice for awhile had I not been distracted. But when I went to bed I was still deeply thinking about the man, worrying I may have said too much.


I don't wanna have to be here
I don't understand it now
Cause its been 18 days,since I first held you
But to me it feels just like, it feels like a lifetime
I'm trying hard to re-arrange
Some say its the hardest thing to do
But that's another 18 days without you..

Time after time I've been through this
You show me what it means to live
You give me hope when I was hopeless
As my days fade to night, I remember that state of mind
I'm soaring straight into your heart, and I'll fly high

And I know what they say about all good things
Will they come to an end?
But I'll fight this time, so that we might
Have a chance at this.
18 Days, Saving Abel


-Kind of a boring chapter, I'm aware. But I wasn't going to have a year go by in one chapter. I'm not that good of a writer.
-A lot of people thought that Bella would fall in love with "sketchy guy" no. I don't believe in stories where the couple falls apart as the plot. I personally like/write stories where the couple is a united front and faces whatever together.
-3,000 reviews? What the hell...damn I love you all(: