Peer pressure. We all know what it is; we hear about it on the news or listen to presentations in schools. The definition of the act is as follows; Pressure from one's peers to behave in a manner similar or acceptable to them.

For the past week I had been unintentionally, and in some cases, totally intentionally been peer pressured. I had gotten it numerous times from Carlisle and Esme. Rose always had to put in her two cents. Even Alice had a comment for me. I was getting extremely fed up and ready to scream.

After my discussion back in August withCarlisle, I had figured it would be the end of the topic of my parents. And it was. For the month of September. And then a few days into October Esme started to casually bring it up. I had been so busy with the soccer season in full force and a bunch of AP classes kicking my ass that I really didn't have time for much of anything.

I was still talking with Edward whenever it worked with our schedules. But we had both learned that keeping busy was best. I dropped everything when he knew he would be able to call me and he wrote me seemingly thousands of letters. I wrote back to him and tried to send short little emails whenever I could. And somehow, we were getting through it. The pain of separation didn't lessen, it just grew easier to handle.

A week before Charlie's birthday Esme asked me if I wanted to go grocery shopping with her. That should have been enough of a warning right there. But no, I was in such a desperate need to get away from Trigonometry that I jumped at the chance. I thought the conversation about my not visiting the cemetery in Ohio was postponed, at least until December.

I hate when I'm wrong.

The shopping adventure started out innocent enough. We went to the health section because Carlisle was currently in phase and roamed through the aisles, laughing at some of the products. But then, when we moved into the dairy section, thing started to get curious. Esme was noticeably more thoughtful and it looked like there was something she wanted to say.

But, whatever she wanted to say, she resisted. And then, oh man, we slowly arrived into the meat section. Something about that butcher made her feel the need to speak very freely. Though I had to give her credit, she was much more surreptitious than Carlisle had been.

"We should pick up some flowers to put in a vase," Esme commented. Eh, normal enough. We were near the floral section and the flowers looked bright and beautiful.

"Definitely," I agreed, not completely interested.

"Did your mom like flowers in the house?" She asked, glancing at her shopping list and over at some sliced ham. Her tone was neutral, and it wasn't totally unusual to mention my parents.

"She loved violets," I answered, picking a loose thread on my sweatshirt.

"Hmm," Esme hummed, still not meeting my eyes even after I looked back at her. "Maybe you should grab a bouquet before you head down to Ohio next week. I'm sure she'd like it."

Esme started to push the shopping cart farther along the aisle but I had frozen. I looked over at her, kind of shocked that she would be the one to bring it up. And I couldn't decid if her nonchalant commenting irritated me more than Carlisle's blunt approach.

"Or not," I muttered and started walking past her down the wide aisle. The wheels of the cart squeaked in protest as she hurried to catch up to me.

"Wait, wait, wait! No fair! I'm in heels!" I ignored her and kept walking, my pace increasing. "Geez! Where did you learn to speed walk like that? It must have been Carlisle. . .wait!"

I turned around suddenly and Esme halted, hot on my trail and looked surprised. "What?" I asked sourly, I was trying not to sound like a bitch, but at the moment I really didn't care.

"I really think you should at least consider it," she pleaded. I could tell she was concerned but I was too annoyed to really care. This was one of those things that I didn't feel like discussing with anyone, much less Esme.

"Why? Because it would have been his 40th birthday? Does it really make a freaking difference? He's not here and neither is she." I took a breath as my fingers involuntarily curled to my palms. "Can we please just drop it?" I exhaled, trying not to get too worked up. Even though it sounded like a question Esme and I both knew there wouldn't be much more said about this.

And I had hoped that Carlisle and Esme would respect my decision not to go to the cemetery. But again; I was wrong.

A couple days later Carlisle tried Esme's approach. He failed miserably as well. Though again, I had to give him credit for trying. And that's completely metaphorical, realistically there was no way I was happy with either of them.

Carlisle gave it a shot when I asked him for help. It was the dumb Trigonometry's fault really. I just wanted to know one thing about a triangle. But Carlisle, he jumped on the chance to share his knowledge with me. He grabbed a stool and slid next to me. I grimaced as he enthusiastically launched into a lecture about the fucking triangle.

For the next twenty minutes I listened toCarlisle tell stories about the glory days. Well, not really listen per say…I was actually really trying to finish the homework and block out his exuberant tales. After he finished recounting college and assuring me I would love it, he made a smooth transition to medical school while I silently groaned and pulled out a biology textbook.

"Oh Bella, you will love college," he sighed wistfully and promised me for the nineteenth time. I sighed as well, but there wasn't anything wistful about it.

I gritted my teeth and nodded, not taking my eyes off of the boring page in front of me.

"Where'd your parents go college again?"

Damn Trigonometry.

I ground my teeth harder together. With Esme's conversation still fresh in my mind I was more prepared forCarlisle's comment. It's not like I didn't know where he was going with this.

"Don't go there," I mumbled trying to sound light.

Carlisle sighed, his perky college telling attitude going away. "Could I at least ask why you don't want to go?" he asked exasperatedly and earnestly.

"You could," I allowed, "but I'm not going to answer." I flipped through a few pages, not bothering to look over at him.

"Why? Why are you so sure that this wouldn't be good for you?"Carlisle vented, his voice getting more heated and frustrated.

"I do not want to be having this conversation Carlisle," I said firmly.

He sighed again. "I don't get you. You can devout yourself to a soldier and open yourself up to that pain, but you can't go and say hi to your parents."

I got defensive. My head snapped up and I met Carlisle's gaze. "Those are two completely different things and you know it. I would appreciate it if you would let this be and trust that I know what I'm doing. You're not helping. You're just making it harder. It would be awesome if you would stop."

"I just want to know what you think you have to lose,"Carlisle insisted.

He struck a particularly sensitive spot. "What do I have to lose? Everything! Do you know how hard it is to move past something? I've moved on. And if I go and visit them and talk to them like I actually believe they were here, it would just give me a false hope that they are going to come back! But they aren't. They wouldn't even be able to hear me. Happy?" I asked, adrenaline beginning to course through my veins from the argument.

Fortunately,Carlisle could see how upset this was making me and he was frustrated as well. He was a reasonable man, he knew when he wasn't going to get anything accomplished. He moved to stand up from his stool as I watched him emotionlessly.

"You're wrong. You haven't moved on." And then he walked slowly out of the room, not glancing back. Normally I always got the last word, but now all I could do was silently watch him leave.

And that was the end of it. You'd think.

Then again, I really don't know why I expected Rose to go without commenting on the situation. I guess I was just hoping. The next day I drove her home from soccer practice, just like always. We had a huge game next week against the other high school in the city. We had a bit of rivalry going on. . .so our coach had kicked our butts. I had thought I would get to listen to Rose complain about it but she had a different agenda.

"What the fuck Bella? Why are you totally fighting with Carlisle and Esme?" Rose exclaimed as soon as we got into the truck and shut the doors. I raised my eyebrows, unimpressed. She continued to stare at me as I checked the mirrors and backed out.

"I'm not. It's just some small disagreements."

Rosalie snorted incredulously. "Bull fucking shit. That's not what I heard."

"What did you hear?" I exclaimed, looking both ways across the road and then giving her a look as I waited for a car to pass. "I didn't know you and Esme were playing phone tag!"

"Oh shut up. Mind telling me why the fuck you are being so fucking rude?" My mouth fell open as she continued to drop the F bomb.

I looked over at her pointedly. "Could you go like one sentence without needing to go to confession? That'd be great." We were both tired from the practice, each of us equally irritated with life.

"Holy shit! So here I was, all excited for a road trip to Ohio. I mean, I was prepared for you to be sad, I got that, it's normal. But none of us get you Bella! You're not sad; you don't want to talk to them or even think about them, like a normal person would. I don't know how to deal with your complete disregard!" She vented exuberantly her voice growing more and more frustrated as she went on.

"Then don't deal with it!" I snapped as I pulled to a stop at the red light. I strummed my fingers against the steering wheel.

Rosalie huffed. "You don't need to be a bitch to the rest of us because Edward isn't here."

I was positive she was trying to piss me off. And boy was she succeeding. "What the fuck? This has nothing to do with him! This has to do with you guys stick your noses in my business!"

She gave me an offended look which I only saw out of the corner of my eyes. "We need to stick our noses in your business because the only person you will listen to is thousands of miles away! We all get that you miss him. But you have other people here who love you that you shouldn't ignore, just because our names aren't Edward and in my case, don't have a penis doesn't mean we don't care about you!"

"Even if I hadn't met Edward I wouldn't listen to you." I wasn't purposely trying to be a bitch at that moment. I was actually trying to point out a relevant fact.

Rose narrowed her eyes. "So you can honestly tell me that if Edward really wanted you to do this and was giving you the same argument the rest of us are, you would ignore him and be a fucking bitch?" She arched a perfectly thin eyebrow in my direction.

"I'm not being a bitch!" well…maybe a little. "I just want you guys to leave me the fuck alone! In case you've noticed; you're not helping."

She appeared unaffected by my tiny explosion. "So you'd tell Edward that?"

I shut my mouth and stayed silent. Instead I glared out the windshield. I wasn't going to lie to her too.

Rosalie exhaled, taking my silence as the answer she wanted for her question. "Yeah. Exactly."

I dropped her off at her house without another word. Rose was annoyed with me and I was really fucking irritated with her. I was tense and defensive for the rest of the day and well into the day after that. And it finally was looking like I would be able to slide past the date without any more helpful hints.

As Rose slid out of the car and was about to shut it, I spoke, without looking in her direction. "If you honestly think I'm not sad and that I don't think about them, you don't know me at all," I said simply.

Speechless, Rose shut the car door slightly gapping at me as I pulled out of her driveway.

When I got home from a late soccer game the day after that I went to check my cell phone, the mail box and my laptop. There wasn't an email from Edward but rather Alice. I smiled when I saw who it was from. I was glad that she would be fun to hear from, a nice change from the rest of my family and friends.

Hey Bella!

How have you been? I'm going to get straight to the point.

I know this probably isn't something you want to hear, and Edward made me promise I wouldn't say anything, but I can't. I lost my parents too Bella and I know how you feel. But in some ways I have no idea what's going through your mind. Losing your parents is difficult, it's awful and tragic. The only way I even came close to getting through it was by going to the graveyard and talking to them. It really does help. I wish I was as lucky as you and were able to go and visit them. I'm not saying go visit the cemetery for me; if you are going to go, you have to want to go. But I really think that you should listen to your friends and family Bella, they know what they're talking about.

You aren't the only one who has lost someone. Think about Carlisle, do you ever see his parents? Or what about his younger sister? Don't you think he knows somewhat how you feel? People die everyday Bella, and I'm not saying that your parents weren't very special people, it's just a fact. And as a result of those deaths people have figured out ways to deal with them and they want to help. Just let people help you. I haven't led you astray ever; trust me on this. Don't shut people out, Carlisle, Esme, Rose… we are all your support system. Please just give it a shot.

Edward is going to Kill Me,
Alice

I sighed and shut the laptop after I finished reading the email. I slumped over to my bed and fell face down into it. I laid there for a minute, just exhausted, mentally and physically. I was way too tired to be mad at Alice. I was just done.

What Alice said was true. What Carlisle and Esme said was true. What Rose yelled at me was true. All of them had good points and logically I should just get it over with and listen to them. Some part of my mind knew that it could possibly make me feel better. But the other half was just simply unwilling to accept it.

Memories that I had been fighting for the past four years started to come back to me in an overwhelming flood. I had been trying so fucking hard to move past, to stay with the now. But all the well wishers over the past few days were just tearing down the defenses I had put up, and I didn't feel like it was going to in any way benefit me. They didn't know how hard I tried to make everything better.

I turned my head so that it was tilting to the side. I sighed and closed my eyes. For just the slightest of moments, I was no longer lying on my queen sized bed in Carlisle and Esme's house.

Instead I was years back, relaxing in my small twin sized bed in my quiet little room back in Ohio. It was time for school. I was 13. Junior high. . .well I wasn't quite sure what I thought about it yet. I had just started voicing my concerns to my mom about the classes and teachers and my friends just the night before. She had listened while correcting her papers yet still giving me her complete attention. I felt better when I went to sleep and it carried on to the next morning.

I could smell the coffee brewing. Dad had always started it for Mom so she wouldn't have to wake up earlier. I heard the sound of rushing water as my mom showered. I curled my legs closer to me and burrowed under my fleece tie blanket my mom and I had made last year.

I remembered getting out of bed and dragging the blanket with me. I covered it around me like a cape to keep my body warm and slowly trudged down the stairs. Charlie was sitting at the table. He was already dressed in his uniform, his hair still damp from the shower he had taken previously. There was an opened Diet Coke sitting next to him as he scanned the newspaper. I normally wasn't one to be mushy, but I felt like kissing him good morning. I walked over and gave him a feather kiss of the cheek my lips brushing against his clean, close shave. I smiled as I smelt his shaving cream and he grinned back at me looking up from the newspaper.

With my blanket still wrapped around my body, I sat down. We had small four person table in a nook of the kitchen with my cereal. I was just about to dig into the Captain Crunch with my spoon when my mom walked down the stairs to the kitchen. I was barely awake but my eyes bulged out when Renee walked in.

"Mom!" I exclaimed, horrified. Mom's hair was damp from her shower and wrapped around her body was a towel. And that's about it. I hadn't been awake till then.

She laughed warmly at my horrification and went to pour herself a cup of coffee. "What?" she giggled. My mom had the best laugh in the world.

"I think she looks good," Dad smirked. My mom turned sassily over to him with her raised eyebrows. Then she grinned and gave him a wink before going back to stir her coffee.

I made a gagging face. "Coming from the man who won't allow me to say the word bra," I complained. Charlie looked over at me, his eyes twinkling like they always seemed to.

"Foundation garment!" He scolded, doing so just to tease me. I rolled my eyes and went back to the Captain.

"Bra!" I challenged.

"You're a bra!" Renee grinned as she looked over the rim of her mug and grinned at me. Her eyes shined just like Dad's.

"Your mom's a bra," Charlie threw in. Mom and I both looked at him with our eyebrows raised as far as humanly possible. It had been a joke between me and Mom, the saying "your mom," I smirked when I realized Dad had been listening in on that the whole time.

"My mom needs a bra…" I trailed off, faking a grimace over in my Mom's direction. She rolled her eyes exaggeratingly.

"Foundation garment!" Charlie went back to correcting. I grinned over at both of them. I loved my parents to death. It was weird at 13 to be such good friends them, but my parents thought that I was mature and as a result we had a very good relationship. I was their world and they would have given me anything I wanted on a platter had I asked. I loved them so much that I would never.

Our family was amazing. I never imagined my life to be anything other than what it was then. I got my teasing ways from my Mom and my sarcasm from my Dad and together, all three of us had the best times in my opinion. The thought of change never crossed my mind. I didn't know what I would do without them.

And suddenly I was back in my room. I wasn't 13 years old; I was no longer just starting in Junior high. I didn't have the curiosity about the future, high school, boyfriends and the rest of the world. I was 18 with a totally different life. I was focused on college and my future and I had found someone I love immensely. It's insane to think about what a difference five years was. You can just be turning 13 one day and then suddenly you're in your senior year of high school.

I wished I could go back and tell the young girl wrapped in her blanket what I knew now. I wanted to tell her how she could have better dealt with the nearing death of her parents. But I couldn't; I was that young girl just more evolved, yet no less scarred from the past.

I knew I was so fucking fortunate to have Carlisle and Esme. Most orphans my age would have ended up in the foster care system because couples want small children to adopt. But Carlisle and Esme are some of the kindest people I know and they took me into their house saving me from that kind of life. They weren't dumb and I knew I should be listening to them. But my emotions were far too controlling for me to act on rationality.

I heard a throat clear from by the door frame. I wasn going to apologize to Carlisle or Esme, whoever it was. But I was too tired. I lifted a foot in the air and gave a grunt of recognition before my leg fell back against the bed with a soft thud.

"Not exactly the welcoming I had pictured. . ."

My head whipped back as the voice ran through my mind and was recognized. My body sprang up, darting to look at the person leaning against my door frame. My eyes widened hugely.

"Edward?"


Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
How to Save a Life, the Fray


-Told ya he wouldn't be gone long.
-When I said you'd love this chapter; I meant the end. Next chapter is going to blow your fucking minds. (; I think since I have the day off today, and I'm so excited for you to read the next chapter, and I just love ya'll, that I'll be posting within a couple days.
-Bella's parents were killed in a car crash. This is why no one in her family drives a car. Trucks all the way.
-When I said blow your fucking minds, I meant: guns, reuniting, LEMONS, tears, cuteness and much more. One of my favorite chapters I've written.