Hello everyone, I wanted to post this sooner but every time something stopped me. I'm sorry.

This first part is taken from Angie Sage. Chapter 19:

Pamela had lost count of days since Brian's death. She had returned to her house which Alther had been able to repair. The memory of that night was vague in her mind. All she remembered was Brian's eyes when sacrificing himself for her.

There were times that someone knocked on the door but she never responded. Hearing the baby's crying sound had turned into a habit for her. Pamela no longer had the will in her to do anything or even live.

The guilt she felt had mingled with sorrow and was driving her insane. She couldn't help to think that Brian could be still alive if he had never met her or if she wasn't so foolish to accept his love and marry him.

The baby was turning purple from crying but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't find enough reasons to get up and feed him. The door was knocked again and she heard James calling her name. As always, Pamela didn't respond to his threats to break the door down.

A cracking sound came and James broke the door open. He ran in from the force followed by two scribes. Pamela glanced up for a moment then looked back at her silver wedding ring. It was the shiniest part of her since she still wore the same dress as the night she had lost Brian.

Blood had stained her dress and some of his blood had dried in her hair from sleeping on his injury.

"Lady Pamela, it's been days since your delivery." voiced the scribe like a machine. "The baby needs a name. Please cooperate." the scribe waited for her to answer but when she didn't he looked at James for help.

James sat beside Pamela and shook her. "Come to your senses." he picked up the baby and pushed it into her lap. "He's dying." he was now shaking her violently. "Are you going to kill this baby and yourself just because Brian died?" he shouted at her.

How loud he was. It gave Pamela headache. She wanted to call Brian to make all the noises leave but she didn't think he would hear her with her low tone. Pamela remembered all the times he couldn't hear her and when she called his surname he would always answer. He had mocked it himself that no one else would be named after an insect.

She wanted to hear his laughter again so she gathered all of her energy. "O Beetle Beetle." Pamela moaned and burst into tears when he didn't show up.

Fed up by her, the scribes wrote the baby's name as 'O Beetle Beetle' and left the house swiftly. Pamela couldn't stop crying now. James hugged her but she disengaged herself when recalling how Brian hated James embracing her.

Offended, James stood up and looked at her. "You know how much I love you but you never even bothered to think why." he let out a sound of exasperation in between her quiet sobs. "At first it was your beauty, then your bravery at your army's first day. Those were attractive to anyone but what made me love the most was your bold personality. I loved how you always managed to handle everything even the hardest things." he took the back of the sofa. "Handle this!"

"I couldn't save him." screamed Pamela that rose the baby's voice. "I am nothing now. I fought like I always had but what did I gain?" she cried harder that made eyes blur. "I lost Brian and my friends that had filled my family's empty place. It's not something that I can handle. Just leave me, I don't mind." she closed her eyes shut to not look at the baby lying on her lap.

James caressed her bruised hand and crouched beside her. She opened her eyes and saw him smiling soothingly. His handsome face, his long wavy brown hair that reached his shoulder, tanned skin and blue eyes had made him confident that she would accept him. He knew it was too soon to propose again that she read his mind and pulled her hand out.

He glanced at his empty hand. "You're too cruel, Pamela. I can't leave you even when you push me away." he laughed bitterly and walked to the door. "I'll go get help." with that he shut the door behind him.

Pamela groaned and looked at the baby and then at her bird on the crown bracelet. She stayed like that, like in a dream until she heard footsteps and Sarah Heap walked in with James.

She let out a quiet shriek when she saw the baby still in blanket and Pamela's right cheek covered with dried blood from sleeping on Brian's wound.

"Oh my, look at this child." Sarah gasped and ran to her. She pushed the baby onto James's hands and took Pamela's shoulder cautiously. "You've been like this the whole time? Let's go, you need to change." she asked quietly and took out a napkin for Pamela to wipe her tears.

Pamela grabbed the armrest of the sofa to stand up herself. Her hand slipped and she fell back onto the chair. "I can do it. I must." she mumbled and attempted to stand up again but her legs had gone sore and the negative impact of the night Brian had died was more than she thought. She fell again and James put the baby on the sofa and ran to her aid.

"Let me carry you." he wanted to do it immediately but the disapproving look on Sarah's face made him think twice about his actions. James held her arm and Pamela looked up at him. She hated to be weak and it pained her to be like this.

Pushing herself to be brave she smiled and took James's hand between hers to release her arm. "I... I am Pamela. Nothing will happen to me." she looked at them both without even a single glance at the baby. "I must be fine. There's no way around it." she held the table for support as she went into her bedroom.

The sight of Brian's coat still hanging on the bedframe made her finally accept the truth. Tears ran to her eyes once again as she closed the door shut behind her.

Pamela started digging the ground with an axe. She planted a small tree in the place and sat next to it. Brian had asked her to not look for revenge and she wasn't going to, but stepping down easily couldn't help her suppress her anger.

"Lady Pamela," her guard's voice came from behind her that forced her to tear her train of thoughts. "Her royal majesty is here to see you."

A smile painted on her lips from hearing that as she stood up and wiped the dirt from her hand. "Escort her." she ordered calmly and went to sit at the small table that was set near the waterfall.

Cerys climbed up the cliff and waited for Pamela to say something but when she didn't, she went ahead and sat across her.

"What brings you here?" asked Pamela in a calm manner that she had mustered after Brian's death.

Her question seemed to upset Cerys as she creased her eyebrows. "Pamela, please stop acting like this." she voiced but Pamela only stared at her with confusion. "How can you disappoint us all like this after all of those great plans that only you could accomplish?" her eagerness turned Pamela's smile into a grin.

"Am I disappointing you? What are you talking about?" she knew what Cerys was talking about but didn't want to open the subject.

Cerys took a deep breath as if forcing herself to form the words. "Do you even know how much I tried to think and act like you?" she said desperately.

Pamela didn't look at her and stared at the glass of water in front of her. "But?" she knew how bothering her calm mask was.

"If we are enemies then you are my most respected and trusted enemy. But why are you acting so vague?" inquired Cerys.

Taking a sip of the water, Pamela played with the glass. "You tried to think and act like me?"

"Yes,"

Pamela placed the glass on the table and let the sharpness of her thoughts reach her eyes as she finally looked up. "Then you must know why I am acting like this." she challenged.

Cerys gulped. "That is... what is making me anxious."

Pamela laughed quietly at that. "There were time that I considered you a friend and sometimes even a sister so you can ask me all you want. In honour of those days." she offered bitterly.

"Are you belittling and humiliating yourself?" asked Cerys quietly.

"I am." Pamela answered swift and curtly as she held herself accountable for Brian's death.

Cerys let out a deep sigh. "So much that it's unbearable?" Pamela nodded once in answer. She was glad that Cerys was getting her aim. "So are you going to reflect these days in your later decisions?" Pamela's blink of approval made Cerys's eyes widen in horror. "Do you really mean it?"

"I may be on the verge of failure and must watch you win but you can't expect me to accept defeat easily. That's too absurd." Pamela exclaimed and leaned onto the table with one arm. "You want the crown? Have it. I'll give it to you gladly. But..." she had succeeded in making Cerys doubt becoming a Queen. "What I have and you don't is army, time and influence. I am still Pamela, the woman whose appearance collided with the rain returning to the Castle and the shadow of the solar eclipse vanish. Call it luck, or anything you want. In people's eyes I am the Castle's luck."

Cerys too leaned on the table. "You are wrong. I only have the royal blood on my side so yes, that makes you advantageous but on the other hand it makes you vulnerable. You have too many things too lose." she tried to threaten but her voice was soft since she felt sorry for Pamela.

"Yes, that might be the case and the very reason why I came all the way here. I had to find my true intentions." Pamela took off the hairpin Cerys had given her and placed it gently on the table. "I will use everything in my body and soul to fight you. Because I won't be an empty shell of a Queen but will be the true one." she smiled delightfully when saying that. "Ah, and thank you. The decision you made that night to not lend me the army to save Brian made things much easier for me." she got up gracefully. Cerys was staring at the hairpin as teardrops kept falling from her eyes.

"I know you didn't kill mom. Alther tracked the poison and found that plant." Cerys closed her eyes. Her nose had turned red from crying. "I didn't know and thought... I really wanted to help but for a moment_"

Pamela cut through her words as anger washed over her. She leaned down and brought Cerys's chin up to look her in the eye. "Then bring Brian back. Bring him back and I won't need anything else." she grimaced. "You can't. No one can. That army could've saved him. I'm trying to not hold you responsible Cerys since you had every right to not want to help. But, don't ever talk about him again cause it makes me lose it." she let go of Cerys's chin and stood straight.

Cerys jumped up. "I wanted to help. I just didn't have time." she confessed while wiping her tears. "I'm sorry."

Pamela turned to her. "I believe you." she still couldn't hurt Cerys and it pained her to prolong the subject. "Let's go to the palace. We need to crown you." she walked off silently.

Much had happened since Cerys's coronation. Pamela took little interest in life matters. The only thing that mattered to her was Beetle. She enjoyed seeing Brian in him as he was always considerate and ready to help. There were times that he thought just like her and she always tried to dismiss such thoughts.

It had been seventeen years after Cerys and Alther's death. The memory of the day was still vague in Pamela's mind. All she remembered was James telling her the plan prior to happening and then force her to drink dreamless sleep potion when she wanted to go to palace and stop it. She knew it was to keep her away from danger and that he had tried to save them but always found him guilty as well.

Despite her extreme anger at him on that day, James was still at her side. He had proposed to her several times since Brian's death but every time, Pamela declined. She knew well that no matter how hard she tried, she could never have another man in her heart.

Everyone had forgotten who she was since she no longer operated publicly but used her subordinates to run the Castle. She had passed the idea of banishing Tertius Fume to the Extraordinary Wizard Marcia by one of her men that was close to her. Thanks to Marcia, the Fearless brand was gone.

Pamela smiled as she looked at the colourful crystal glasses that she had grown used to play instruments whenever she felt uneasy. The memory of the day Brian had given it to her was still lingering in her mind. She took the two silver sticks to play that James knocked and came in. He had found a way to copy her keys.

Beetle who was sitting on the couch and working on his work as the Chief Hermetic Scribe, looked up and frowned. He never liked James. Especially the way he looked at his mother.

James nodded hello to him and walked to Pamela who didn't even turn and was playing with her glasses.

"Pamela, we have a problem." he said urgently but with a low tone so that Beetle couldn't hear. "I need to talk to you in private." he whispered but Pamela didn't answer as she didn't want to disturb her memories with Brian that were floating in her head.

She started tabbing on the glass to get the right sound. James eyed her with annoyance from the sound. He took the glass of the hanger and emptied it in the vase.

Beetle jumped up to interfere if he wanted to start another argument with her. Pamela laughed with amusement at them and continued to play with another glass, louder this time.

"Artemis is doing things." he whispered in her ear.

"Where?" she tested another glass. The sound was loud enough to have their conversation unheard by Beetle.

"At the port. She's spreading negative rumors about you and wants to come back." he answered and laughed so that Beetle wouldn't get suspicions.

Smiling as well, Pamela turned to Beetle. "I need to go out of town for a while. Are you okay by yourself?"

Beetle nodded and took her arm and stepped away from James. "Mom, don't go with him." he whispered. "I don't have a good feeling about him. What is so special about him to make you tolerant him?" his voice was clearly heard by James that made him suppress his laughter.

Pamela grinned at Beetle's similarity to Brian in his distaste in James. "James is a good friend of mine and you can't believe how manipulating he can be." she too whispered. "He's so good with words that I sometimes ask myself am I tolerating him or like him as a friend." she finished with a wink and took her coat.

She nodded at James to follow her and left the house and the bemused Beetle. James brought a horse and helped Pamela up after sitting on it himself. "I ordered the port labors to arrest them secretly." he informed Pamela and set the horse on run.

It was near dawn by the time they reached the port. Pamela's face had gone numb from the cold wind as she jumped down from the horse and followed James to the boats. She wasn't wearing anything warm so she had to hug herself to keep warm.

"They are at the basement of that yellow boat." James at a yellow and white ship that stood out in the dark. It was 10 boats away. He turned to look at that Pamela that he saw her pale face from cold. Without saying anything to raise her objection, James took the thick scarf around his neck off and wrapped it around her neck so that it was covering her mouth and nose. Pamela looked at him with suspicion that he laughed. "Don't worry, I'm not going to confess my love to you again." he said wryly and walked faster.

"You better not." Pamela retorted mockingly and increased her speed as well until they reached the yellow ship. Several men were standing in front of it. They all saluted when they saw her crown with a bird on top necklace. It had become Pamela's insignia. "Are they inside?" she inquired.

One of them stepped forward. "Yes, Lady Pamela."

Pamela glanced at James and raised an eyebrow. He had become expert at reading her moves. James gave them 5 bags of money from his large pocket and they left. They entered the ship and walked down the stairs to the basement.

Artemis, Ethen, a boy and a baby were there. The baby was sleep while they were all tied up. Artemis looked up angrily. Her face had become fuller and her dark violet eyes had lost the cunning look in them. Her eyes widened when she saw Pamela's necklace. Pamela smiled as she looked closely at her and the looked at Ethen. Her heart almost stopped at his resemblance to Brian. He had even grown a beard.

She gulped and took her eyes off him. "Open their mouths." she told James and he opened the fabric around Artemis and Ethen mouth while Pamela studied the confused boy who had black hair, white face and dark violet eyes. "Artemis, don't you remember my advice? Shall I repeat it?"

"I remember well." Artemis voiced just as bold.

"And the rumors against me to gain the throne is your answer?" challenged Pamela with a smile that was hidden by the scarf.

Ehen spat on the floor in front of her that made Pamela look at him with disgust. "How dare you? Our both family members are dead because of you." he yelled at her. "I heard how Brian was killed. I'll never forgive you for it." he finished.

Pamela laughed hysterically from rage. "Twenty-one years, it took you twenty-one years to worry about Brian?" she gritted her teeth. "Don't even try to use him as your defense." his way of speaking had made his resemblance seem less. She looked at the boy and then at Artemis. "All the compassion I offered you at Queen Mathilda's funeral is now in the past." she smiled dangerously and pulled the sword out of James's belt.

The boy was breathing rapidly from fear as she stepped forward and held the sword at Ethen's throat. "James!" she called loudly and James ran to her. "Take the children out. I'll deal with them later." she ordered firmly and didn't break her gaze with Ethen.

"Don't, Pamela, kill me." pleaded Artemis but Pamela only gazed at her coldly. James took the baby up the stairs and came back. He dragged the boy who was struggling up the stairs. It made Pamela wish for Alther with one of his brilliant Freeze spells.

As James closed the door behind him, Pamela looked back at Ethen. She tried to think coldly. She raised the sword above her head and Artemis screamed loudly. Pamela couldn't strike. Taking a step back, she let the sword drop beside her and looked at them both. "There's a door behind you. Go." she commanded coolly.

Artemis was still breathing heavily. "Why_" she started the Pamela placed her hand on her mouth and motioned her to be quiet.

"I'm not showing you mercy because of anything related to you two." she mumbled and sat in front of them. "If you want to live then you must be dead. No one! I repeat, no one must know that you are alive. Not even your children." she waited for them to vow before going to untie the ropes. "Everyone will think that you two are dead. If by any chance, I hear your names again, I won't even come personally and will have my spies kill you right away."

Once free, Artemis started untying Ethen's ropes who was glaring at her. "What about Harry and Rosaline?" her question made Pamela crease her eyebrows in confusion. "What about my children?" corrected Artemis.

"They'll stay close to me. In case I hear of you two again they will suffer." she threatened and glared back at Ethen. "Don't look at me like that. I am being so kind. Look at what happened to Queen Mathilda and Cerys. The person wearing the crown is always available to be killed. I'm actually doing you a favour." she walked to the stairs. "Now leave or I'll deal with those kids."

They snuck out the door and Pamela hid the sword in the corner. She climbed up the stairs. She was surprised when she saw James bickering with Beetle who seemed lost. She drew her scarf up to prevent her nose from freezing and walked to them. James stepped back when he saw her approach. "He knows." he whispered to her.

"And so I figured." Pamela took a deep breath and looked at the boy who was protectively holding the baby from the corner of eye. "Take them to shelter number two. And make sure they stay there." she ordered calmly and took Beetle by shoulder.

Beetle was shaken by her. "M...mom, did you...kill them?" he asked with difficulty. Pamela let out a loud sigh and looked at her new obstacle.

"Why did you follow me?" she asked after checking to see if anyone was around.

He wiped the cold sweat off his forehead. "I didn't trust James so I came to help if necessary but_" his voice trailed off as Pamela took off her coat and wrapped it around him. She then held him in her embrace.

His resemblance to Brian made her happy. She was happy that he wasn't like her. She would hate it if he was like her. "You did well... Beetle." she then drew back and caressed his face. "Forget everything about_"

"I can't." Beetle shouted and backed away. "I can't forget her scream. Mom, why were they so afraid of you?" he asked desperately.

Pamela jumped down from the ship and sat on the horse. "Come on. I'll tell you all about it in the way."

Frightened, he held the saddle. "Just answer me this one thing." Beetle demanded with a low tone that was much like Pamela's. "I saw your friendship with Alther, Witch mother Morweena's respect for you and soldiers recognize you. Are you just a well-liked person? Or are James's stories true?" his question caught Pamela off guard and made her look away from his eyes to decide. Beetle shook her hand. "Mom?"

She took a deep breath and replaced the grimace on her face with a smile that she had not used after Cerys's death. Pamela turned to his eager eyes. "I can't deny that I'm not a well-liked person, just as I can't deny any of James's words." she tried to keep her voice indifferent. "Come on, I'll explain everything."

Thank you for reading and please review. Bye