For the few of you who have a problem with Edward's past/guns/guys in suits/puppies/whatever, look for the * in front of paragraphs to know that the section until the next * is about that. Don't send your complaints to me please.


Dear Bella,

I bet you're surprised to be getting a letter. At least I hope I can still surprise you. But I know this letter won't reach you for at least a week, and I just needed to talk to someone…without really talking to someone. Don't be mad at me?

Remember that mission I told you Emmett and I were going on? We just arrived back at camp yesterday. When I think about if I'll enlist in the army after I'm discharged, I'll have to remember this assignment. Please don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I just wanted to write this down and get it out of my system.

I've been trained extremely well for deployment by the military. So I didn't realize that I was sorta nervous to travel to the village with Emmett. This is my job though, as of now it's my career. I should have been more prepared for what I saw. But things have been so tame around here lately that I've almost forgotten that there's more than giving school supplies to kids.

The sniper assigned to our mission was very good. His name was Josh and he was a really friendly guy. And he was as normal as a guy could be. I envied that he was able to be so nonchalant about what he did for his country. He had a spotter who worked with him named Mitch. There were two other sergeants from a camp only a few miles away, Jake and Martin. The six of us actually got along really well. It was a well combined group.

We arrived at Jake and Martin's camp and took a helicopter to a location near the village. Emmett and I were selected partially because he and I had gone to airborne school. So, we parachuted down to the ground and hiked about a mile and made camp right on the edge of community. The village was located in a dip of the earth, so our spot on the hill overlooked all of the people and left us hidden.

Since I have the best shot of the four of us, Josh spent a day enlisting my help with a sniper rifle. He had two and there were four men that we needed to take out. Emmett and the other guys kept watch and planned the attack. I was never really sure what Mitch was doing, he appeared to be looking in some type of scope.

I fucking hate killing people Bella. I promise you that I don't like what I do. But Josh did his job amazingly well. I took out two of the men. The first one was right next to Josh's first kill. They had been shacked up in a hut for about a day, and we had been waiting for them to come out. They both went down at the same time, each of us only needing one shot.

Sorry. I shouldn't even send this. But I have to keep going. Josh was stalking his own second shot while Mitch helped me locate the one man left. We spotted him dragging a sobbing woman away from her home. I couldn't do anything because we were too far of a distance and I didn't want to hit her. Once he heard Josh's gunshot he looked around confused and the woman got away. Anxiously I pulled the trigger on him. I hit his arm. But he didn't go down; he just stumbled back and grabbed the wounded arm. And then I shot him again and he went down.

God I'm the worst fucking boyfriend ever. I'm not sending this letter. You do not need to be exposed to this shit. But if I feel like I'm talking to you, then maybe it'll make it easier. I don't feel like I'm cut out for the army. Josh told me that with my precision I could have fooled him as a trained sniper, he'd put in a good word for me. I don't want that praise. I don't want to know that I'm good at killing people. No matter how evil they are, I still feel like I'm taking away someone's father, someone's husband. There is someone in the world that is going miss those men whose lives I took.

But you know the only thing that lets me sleep? It's knowing that those women could have been you. It could have been you that motherfucker was dragging out of her house to do repulsive things with. And that image filled me with so much rage that I had to pull the fucking trigger without another thought. This hadn't been the first time they had done this. That woman who got away keeps me going too. That woman could have been Esme, or Alice, or even Rose.

I'm sorry. You deserve more than me.

Sincerely,
Sergeant Masen

Holy shit.

I loved that Sergeant Masen more than anything in the entire world. My heart clenched as I read the letter once more. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes as my frown grew deeper. I pictured Edward, alone in his room with no one to talk to about what had happened.

I felt awful. I felt awful for so many reasons but the biggest one was that Edward had wrote this letter over two weeks ago. And he hadn't said anything to me about this mission or what had happened when we were on the phone or web cam. It made me feel like worlds worst girlfriend. But the other reason I felt horrible was because Edward thought he wasn't good enough for me. I had assured him time and time again that he was the best thing for me. I wished he didn't beat himself up.

I sighed sadly as I folded the letter up. I was curious how the letter reached me. Emmett, maybe?

There wasn't anything I could do right now. I knew Edward had just gone to bed and I couldn't call him. And he was 8000 miles away…which was always a problem. I hated feeling this helpless. It sucked.

Alice and Esme I'm sure picked up on my doleful mood, but they respected my privacy and didn't say anything. Instead they just continued to flip through their magazines uninterestedly. We had been in the waiting room for over twenty minutes. I had brought Edward's unopened letter with me, knowing I'd probably need something to read. And now I was regretting that.

Today was Alice's 24 week check up. She had been getting even more pregnant and today was the day she was going to find out the sex of the baby. I knew I had about three minutes to put on a happy face, but I had just gotten miserable. Esme and Alice had met me here after school and we were still waiting.

Frustrated, I slouched farther in the uncomfortable chair. If I had know this was how he was feeling when he had gotten home from his mission -instead of two weeks later- I could have said something, or done something to help him. But he wrote this two fucking weeks ago, and I was annoyed that I hadn't even had the chance to say anything. Why hadn't someone written a handbook on this shit?

I wasn't sure how I felt about Edward being a good sniper. I didn't think anything less of him for killing two horrendous men. I wasn't appalled that he could kill people so easily. That was his job. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I loved him for it. He had saved tons of women and villages by pulling the trigger. He was a hero. It was me who didn't deserve him.

"Alice Brandon?" All three of our heads whipped up in the direction of the women in blue , smiling brightly. "Right this way," the nurse smiled. Esme gave Alice a hand getting out of the chair and the three of us followed her out of the waiting room and down the hallway.

Alice had gotten her casts removed the week before and I was still thanking God. No more pee trips! And trust me; with her baby jumping on her bladder there had been a lot of them. But now, she could walk and better yet, shower on her own.

The ultrasound technician went right to work after the nurse finished taking weight and vitals. It was so amazing to see a little gray fuzzy baby on the screen and see Alice glowing. But regrettably, my heart wasn't in it this visit. I just kept going back to Edward's letter. I'd have to apologize to her later. Fortunately for me, Esme had enough marvel for the both of us.

"Is daddy going to be joining us?" The technician asked, looking at the watch on her wrist. I mentally shook my head in disdain. Nice move lady.

Alice's eyes tightened, "Actually he's inIraq. So no, he won't be able to join us today, or for the birth." The woman looked taken aback by Alice's sharp and bitter tone. Alice continued in a tone dripping with mock politeness, "It would be just great if you'd print out a sonogram for him to see."

Lately with Alice's hormones in overdrive, she decided she hated the army. That's actually not accurate to say because sometimes she loved it. But as of lately, she hated all the rights of female soldiers, and she hated that her boyfriend was gone, and then there was something about a tattoo that I hadn't quite followed…

Needless to say, today was one of those days she had the, send your own damn boyfriend off to war and bring mine back, attitude. The woman blinked, confused but than closed her mouth and nodded without saying another word. She went on to point out the heart, the head, the toes…etc. Then finally, still treading lightly on Alice's moods, she asked, "Would you like to know the sex of your baby?"

"Yes!" Alice exclaimed excitedly. She looked over at Esme and me, and shooed us away with a hand gesture. It was going to be a surprise evidently. We didn't get to know before Jasper. And that was something that I could respect. So we took that as our cue to get out of the small room.

Esme had to jet out of their and get back to the office for a hysterical bride, so I waited in the scarcely occupied waiting room. I took out my cell phone and did nothing in particular with it. I just didn't want to feel like a loser.

*After about a minute some guy came in through the sliding doors. I looked up at the man who was wearing a pin striped suit and looked very prestigious. Instead of looking back down, I noticed that he ignored the sign telling people to check in before taking a seat. Instead of doing so, he sat down in an empty chair a few next to mine. I sat up straighter.

I was about to go back to ignoring him when he cleared his throat and extended his hand to me. "Hello, I am Mark," he smiled weirdly. I tried not to look creeped out and gave him my hand to shake. He was about 40 by the looks of it, but he had wrinkled lines all over his face from stress most likely, not laughter.

"Hi," I purposely didn't offer my name. I was still a little sketchy about men in suits. Mark seemed to notice this.

"And do you have a name?" he asked, trying to smile comfortably at me. I pursed my lips, resisting the furrowing of my brows. I may have answered less hesitantly had he at least checked in or something.

"Isabella," I nodded. Something told me not to give him my nickname, or my last for that matter.

"Ah," he nodded, "that means beautiful in Italian." Really? I thought sarcastically, I had no fucking clue buddy. "Do you go by Bella?"

That was a red flag going up. This didn't feel like casual conversation. "Sometimes," I replied, looking back at my phone, hoping he would take a hint.

"Is your boyfriend here with you today?" he asked. My head whipped up and I stared at him, an eyebrow raised. He chuckled at my expression, and his laugh made me want to punch him. "Don't be alarmed, I was merely asking because you are in the birthing unit."

Decent cover. Didn't mean I believed him though. "I'm waiting for a friend. I'm not pregnant," I answered flatly. No longer trying to be polite.

Mark rushed to defend himself with the weird cheery tone, "Yes, yes of course! My apologies. You seem far too young to be a mother. If I'm not mistaken you only look like a senior in high school."

I didn't comment.

He continued as if I had readily agreed. "Come to think of it, I do believe I have seen you before! Yes! You were with that basketball player, Elliot Parker? Yes indeed, that was most definitely you." My mouth almost fell open.

If that didn't scream red flag I didn't know what the fuck did.

"You don't say," I muttered rudely. This guy was stalking me. Sweet. Edward and I would be having words. For some reason, my gut was telling me this man was someway related to the shooting back in October.

Oblivious to my distaste in the conversation, he continued like we were old buddies. "It is good that you two are not becoming parents. A baby would ruin his promising basketball career."

"He's not my boyfriend."

"He's not? Hmm, you two seemed so close. He is so protective of you, is he not?" What the fucking hell? This man was pissing me off. The more he talked, the more I just knew this had something to do with the creep disproportioned nose guy. And the way talked made it seem like he had been following me.

My head whipped back in his direction, getting ready to give him an angry ass rant. Or Elliot, my promising basketball star of a friend would shoot him. "What the hell? Okay Mark, leave me the-"

Alice interrupted my string of swear words with a perky greeting. "Hey Bella!" she smiled happily, an envelope tucked into her oversized purse. She looked positively stunning with her glow. "Ready to go?" she asked joyfully. I looked away from Mark and over at her. She seemed pretty pleased with the result of the test.

"Yeah," I glanced pointedly at Mark before sticking my phone in my pocket and standing up.

*"It's been a pleasure Miss Swan," Mark nodded at me as we walked past him. I said nothing and continued on my stride. Alice's brow furrowed in confusion to my rude attitude but then shrugged it away; too thrilled to be bothered by it.

Alice started chatting away excitedly away we excited the building and made our way to the truck. She was rhetorically asking the best way to tell Jasper what they were having. I nodded or shook my head at some of the times and let her continue her bubbly talking. I was happy for the two of them. I knew those two would make kick ass parents.

*While she chattered the way home, I realized something. I had been running through my conversation with Mark. All of it had been strange and unsettling but then I remembered he called me Miss Swan at the end of it.

I had never told him my full name.

o0o

"I'm nervous,"Alice stated while she impatiently strummed her fingers against the keyboard. I think she was telling me this, only for the sake of talking.

"Why? Is he going to be disappointed?" I found that hard to believe. Edward had mentioned in passing the Jasper was actually getting excited about the prospect of becoming a father.

I was waiting anxiously to find out the sex of the baby just like everyone else. So Alice let me stay in the room when she was on the webcam with Jasper and we'd both find out at the same time. The internet in Iraq had been down for a couple days, so the wait was killing me.

Alice rolled her eyes. "No! Well maybe…but I doubt it. I mean, do you think he will?" She looked at me, panicked. I stifled a chuckle.

"I'm sure he'll be fine with whatever it is," I assured her. I was hoping it was a girl, named after me. I mean, we didn't have to call her Bella. I was fine with Isabel, or maybe even Izzy.

Alice nodded in agreement. Then she glanced down at the screen and her face lit up excitedly. "Oooh! He's on! Should I answer?"

I gave her a look.

"Right," she nodded.

Within seconds we were both looking at Jasper's anxious face. I smiled in greeting and fell back on my bed to give the two of them some privacy.

Jasper's accented voice rang with love. "How was your appointment darling?" I closed my eyes and let the two of them converse.

"It went great, I'm getting really big," Alice answered excitedly. I scooted out of her way so she could turn to her side and show him her bulging belly. We were both sitting on her bed, well actually I was lying by the pillows and she was at the edge with the laptop.

"You look gorgeous Al," I looked over to see her beam happily. Pregnancy really suited her well.

"How's our little guy doing?" Jasper asked adoringly with the concern of a proud father intertwined in it.

Alice smiled as she rubbed her hands up and down her stomach. "He's good; he's getting big and strong and starting to kick."

I got it a few seconds before Jasper did.

In marvel Jasper asked in an amazed whisper "Did you say he?" I sat up, wanting to see his face. His eyes were wide and he had a boyish grin on his face, eagerly waiting for her to answer.

Alice giggled and nodded, looking down at her belly. My mouth fell open in gleeful surprise.

Isabel's out. Ben's in. I could roll with it.

Damn that'd be one cute baby boy.

"Oh my God Al, that's amazing!" Jasper exclaimed excitedly. I knew if he had been here this would be one of those sweep her into his arms moment. I wished they could have been together when the news was shared.

I was texting Rose, trying to give the two of them privacy while they conversed excitedly. It was fun to hear them planning names and nurseries and where they were going to take him. It was going to be awesome to watch the two of them become first time parents, I was excited.

Finally, Jasper remembered that I was still there and he said goodbye to his glowing girlfriend. I was anxious to talk to Edward so I jumped up when I heard them exchanging goodbyes. Then Jasper left the screen and Alice slowly unfolded herself and got off of the bed. I told her she could stay if she wanted; it was her bedroom. But still enjoying her newfound freedom due to the cast coming off, she winked and slipped out of the door.

I smiled brightly as Edward slipped into the view of the scream. He grinned crookedly at me while getting situated cross legged. He had just woken up and showered, so he was looking fresh and fine with his uniform already on.

We exchanged the normal greetings. I was always so smiley when I got a chance to see Edward. It made my entire week brighter. It was the next best thing than him actually being here.

A few minutes into our conversation I brought up that Alice was having a baby boy. Edward grinned, amused. "Yeah I just heard. Well…everyone on base heard. Jasper made a loud announcement consisting of 'I'm going to have a son! I'm going be a dad!'" he chuckled, shaking his head.

I grinned, sharing my happiness for them with him. With Alice being pregnant and Jasper talking about her all the time, I think both of us had been thinking about our future more than normal. No matter how it all worked out, in the long run, I was sure I would marry Edward and have kids with him. This wasn't going to be a relationship that falls apart. We were going to last. And when we finally had kids, years from now mind you, Edward would be just an amazing father.

We shared a knowing look, each of us thinking that someday that was going to be us.

*"So, do you know a Mark?" I asked casually, trying to sound neutral and not give anything away.

Edward didn't seem to think anything of my question. He shrugged, "Yeah probably. Why?"

"Well. I'm pretty sure one is stalking me," I kept my casual tone. Edward rolled his eyes. I blinked at him. Then he realized I really wasn't kidding. He leaned forward, at my full attention.

"What do you mean?" he asked seriously, protectiveness lacing his tone.

So I told him about the appointment and the man I had talked to in the waiting room. I made sure to stress that he somehow knew my last name and he knew that I had been hanging around with Elliot since Edward had left. When I finished expressing my concern Edward pursed his lips and remained silent.

I waited for him to say something, having already talked myself out from the details. I had waited for months to ask more about what had happened back in Ohio. I had thought of tons of different scenarios and I was still waiting for answers. And today, I felt like I would finally get them.

Finally Edward sighed. He rubbed his face in his hands, and suddenly he didn't look bright eyed and bushy tailed. He looked really tired. When he looked back up at me, his green eyes were no longer shining. They were not even focusing on me. They were checked out, remembering other times. "I never thought my past would catch up with me like this. You have to know that. I didn't want you to be in this situation."

"I believe you," I told him sincerely.

Edward went on without acknowledging me, his eyes still hazy. "My dad was such a bastard. My mom was the nicest woman in the world. And my childhood, it kinda sucked. I didn't really know what I know now, but yet, I got the sum of it. It's a miracle I didn't turn out like them."

I was thoroughly confused. And I wanted to understand God dammit…"Edward you're not making any sense."

He blinked; his eyes suddenly back in the present and focusing solely on me, his gaze burning. "Bella, my dad was the one who got my mom killed. He was a fucking mafia king."


I can't watch you choose.
To pour salt in your wounds.
Now all I know to do.
Is say a prayer for you.

Please don't be ashamed whether you win or lose.
I just want you to know that I'm proud of you.
Don't be afraid when your fight is through.
I just need you to know that I'm here with you.
Proud of You, 10 Years


-Ba Dum Chink.
-Mafia king? As I read it back it sounds a little dramatic...oh well. You'll get all the details FINALLY reveled next chapter. (With a cliffie I promise you'll all hate;)
-Alice's is having a boy! Name guesses? Oh, and I have really no clue how military operations work, as I'm guessing many of you don't. So for the stuff I got wrong (which I know is pa-lenty) I'm sorry.
-U.S. Open anyone? Rory McIlory kicked absolute ass. He's the definition of kicked ass from this point on. Anyone make Brenner proud and watch? (And yes, I am aware I need more of a life...)
-As always, thank you for your kind, encouraging reviews!