Attention reader, the following was discovered in a giant crater. Due to the sheer amazingness of this work of art, many people thought it was written by god himself… as a suicide note.
-Anne Frank the Hedgehog
The following is a parody, uploaded for the mentally handicapped enjoyment of myself.
This is a ¨Fan-Fiction Parody,¨ as in a parody of fan-fictions…
Bad ones.
Chatper 1:
Paladin awoke and banged his head on the bottom of Tim's bed like a fat guy belly-flopping into the water.
¨Ouch,¨ said Paladin, looking as attractive as usual. Paladin crawled out from under the bed and stood up. ¨Good morning world, said Paladin¨ said Paladin. He looked around and noticed Tim was already gone. Tim had classes every day so Paladin wasn't surprised. He walked over to the Living Room and was shocked to find that nobody was here either. Odd, usually John was on the couch in the mornings, Yiffing it up and such. He noticed that John's Body pillow with Valentine from Skullgirls was clean…
Too clean.
Paladin walked over to the couch.
Eden was nowhere to be found.
Paladin sprinted over to the fridge, praying to whatever religious deity the reader may-or-may not worship, that his precious Scottish friend, Grumpy, was alright. Paladin flung open the door and saw that Grumpy was also missing.
¨NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!111!¨ cried the man-candy known as PaladinPizza. He banged on the door for several hours, until he noticed that there was a secret passage underneath. Paladin got down on his hands and knees.
¨Maybe I should to see if Lexi is okay?¨ Thought Paladin.
Nah, Lexi was probably going at it with Shaggy and Zarya, and Paladin, being the perfect delicious man-candy that he is, didn't want to spoil her fun. So Paladin crawled through the hole for several minutes until he fell into the locker of Sonic, the fastest, coolest, blackest, and second smartest thing alive!
¨Whoa bro, what're you doing in there?¨ said Sonic.
¨All my friends are missing except Lexi who is most likely getting AIDS from Shaggy and Zarya.¨ said Paladin.
Sonic said ¨okay¨ and Paladin said ¨Can you help me¨ and Legolas said ¨Nice boyfriend sonic¨ and Sonic killed Legolas with his ball disease and then said ¨k¨ and then Paladin said ¨Hooray¨ and then the narrator passed out from not being able to read because the writer doesn't understand punctuation holy mother of god.
Paladin followed Sonic around for an hour or so until Lunch, when everyone tried to rape Paladin but I won go into detail because right now I'm literally in Health class and I don't my teachers to think that I'm more autistic than they already perceive me to be.
Everyone was trying to get some of Paladin until Knuckles Jr put a stop to it all. Knuckles Jr. was red.
¨Everyone, calm down.¨ Knuckles Jr. cried. Knuckles Jr. was red. Everyone stopped and looked at Knuckles Jr. Knuckles Jr. was red.
¨We need to help this traveller find his friends!" explained Knuckles Jr, who was red.
¨And why should we do that?¨ asked Shadow.
¨Because it'll finally give us something productive to do in our lives,¨ said Knuckles, who was a baby.
And so they started a planet wide search for everyone and found clues to the location of the friends of Paladins. So they sent him there and they all went back to Lunch.
