Author's Note: If you're still reading this, thanks for sticking it out, I do appreciate it. Things have been a little crazy for me over the last year, but hopefully this will be getting updated more often in the near future!


"I can't even believe her." Cosima had considered the idea that the heat that had radiated off of her in waves would have dissipated by the time Lennox had come to pick her up, just ahead of Delphine's father. Cosima hadn't even been able to look in Francois' general direction; he knew all those years ago that she was nothing but trouble, and this probably only affirmed that people couldn't really change. With him, though, came the relief that her sister's husband had dropped the charges (which had caused Cosima to roll her eyes; he had been acting like a child to have them brought up anyway. It had been an honest to god accident).

"Cosima…" Lennox had started, not truly sure where he was headed, but it didn't matter, because she was still fuming as she unwound her dreads in the next room, rubbing oil through them in the mirror, wrapped in a towel.

"Why does she think that she can just march back into my life and throw things around like that? I can't believe she would pull something like that, risking my job, risking everything I've worked for in this city. I made my life here to spite the person I became when she left me. I was young, maybe, and naive, but I lost myself then. It took nearly losing my life to realize that I was better than that, that I deserved better than that." There was a silence that took over the apartment as she stopped to breathe, realizing just how much she had let this get to her. She just kept hearing it, over and over again, as if the needle of the record player was stuck on the same thread: I still love you. I still love you. I still love you. She hated the silence the most, because it was when it became the loudest. It drew on and she knew that he was trying to figure out a way to say something to her without completely setting her off. She pressed her lips together at her reflection in the mirror and adjusted her glasses as they perched on her nose. "Would you say something?"

"Well…" he started, trailing off a bit, chewing on his lip as he attempted to navigate rough waters as cautiously as possible. "She did come to apologize, didn't she?"

In the heat of those first few seconds that what he had to say registered with her, she felt her anger flare up again, but then she stopped, and took a moment to think about it. He wasn't siding with Delphine, but was pointing out a fact that she had not wanted to previously acknowledge. She had wanted to dismiss any amends that Delphine wanted to make, which was unrealistic and unreasonable of her. Of course her pride clouded over that pretty easily, but there in that moment, as she stared hard at herself in the mirror, she could see it so clearly. Delphine hadn't picked the event specifically to cause a commotion, but because she knew it was when they would actually exist in a commonplace, even for an hour or two. Instead, it had completely come unglued and the pieces had fallen around her ankles. She surfaced from her thoughts, realizing that he had asked her a question, and she had not given him an answer. "I hate it when you're right," she admitted a bit quietly, running her hands through her dreads so that they settled a bit, hanging down over her shoulders. Moving toward her bed, she dropped the towel and pulled on the tank top and shorts she had laid out for herself before emerging in the front room, pleased to see Lennox finishing up the blunt he had been rolling.

"Maybe," he conceded, a slight smile tipping up his lips. "But you always come around." Again, he was painfully correct. Somehow, in their years of friendship, he had gotten past all of the bullshit, all of the walls she had thrown up as a result of not only her failed relationship with Delphine, but in part to her upbringing and life experiences. Because of that, Lennox could reach parts of her that were so impossibly stubborn, and attempting to show her the right path, that there was always another way. He held the blunt up and sparked up a lighter, setting the tip ablaze. It burned for a moment before he blew it out and held it up to his lips, taking in a long, slow drag before flipping it around, passing it to her.

She put the blunt to her lips and drew in, allowing her eyelids to flutter shut as the smoke filled her lungs, a sense of calm overcoming her from the mere act of inhaling. It was so therapeutic, the one time it was easiest to talk with him, to be honest. She exhaled through her nose before taking another hit, allowing it to roll out from between her lips and in through her nostrils. Passing it back to him, she let her head hang a bit, sighing as she exhaled. "It's just so frustrating. I hate indecisiveness and yet here I am, torn between this impractical magnetism that I feel toward her and this bitterness I am trying so desperately trying to eradicate." She leaned back into the couch, tilting her head to look over at him. There was something so freeing about being able to talk to him; it was ridiculous how wise he was at times. A lot of the people around them didn't know that side of him, not like she did. He had been the one to take her in and he had never given up on her, not in any facet of her life, especially not now.

"What do you say you and I go out tonight? Tequila shots on me all night. If you wimp out, you pay for your own." There was a part of Cosima, deep down, that knew she should have said no. She knew it was a bad idea even before they got through the process of getting out the door. She knew that she would do and say things she would later regret and yet, she shrugged her shoulders a bit as he passed the blunt back to her, pressing it to her lips automatically despite the fact that she was lost in thought, debating his suggestion. After a moment, the light flickered back into her eyes and she glanced up at him, nodding, a small grin creeping onto her lips. He had started to say something, but then perked up. "Oh!" he chimed, perking up as he reached for his back pocket, producing her phone. "I grabbed it off the counter top before I left the venue to come get you. Thought you might want it."

Cosima waved her hands instantly, shaking her head. "Hide it somewhere. If we're going out drinking, I don't want to do anything or text anyone I might regret in the morning. I've been this long without it. One more night won't kill me." He cocked an eyebrow at her, as if to question whether or not she was entirely sold on the idea. "I mean it!" she assured him. He got to his feet and wandered down the hall, leaving her to puff on the blunt, enjoying just how much of an escape it was offering. Lennox reappeared a moment later, phone-free, and she beamed up at him, forking the increasingly smaller roach back over to him before waving her hand, as if to assure him she was finished smoking for the time being.

"Ready, Freddie?" He asked, causing her to chuckle, shaking her head in spite of the fact that she got to her feet and wandered back to her room to change, returning clad in a sleek, form-fitting black dress that complimented her every curve. He whistled at her in a faux-catcall, causing her to swat him in the stomach, unable to contain her laughter.

"Let's go."


"It's completely inappropriate to say I told you so, isn't it?" She knew that he was trying to be funny, but Dominic's particular brand of humor was not exactly helpful at the same time.

"While you are checking to make sure there isn't any cake left in my ears? Perhaps." She sighed softly, glancing down at the floor as he gave her a gentle pat on the back, informing her it was all out. She couldn't stop herself from thinking about those hours in that cell, about seeing the way Cosima had reacted when she had stupidly broken and told her a truth she should have kept to herself. It was selfish of her to still love Cosima, the other woman had made that painfully clear the night of her birthday party. In that moment, looking across at her, she hadn't been able to keep herself from spilling the darkest parts of her and it was so impossibly confusing. She raised a hand to press over her eyes, smoothing down her face. "How did things get so… twisted?" she posed, perhaps far more emotionally than she had intended. She needed the answer, but she also knew that he could not be one to give it to her. She knew that she couldn't actually get by with the excuse that they were just kids; far too many years had passed for that to still be applicable. She had the means and the ability and yet, she hadn't. She had no valid explanation, not one of substance, and she knew it. Couldn't that be good enough? Couldn't she just admit that she was wrong?

She was debating going back to the apartment; She had been staying with her parents while her sister's old apartment had been renovated so that she could move in and she was feeling the need to spend the night on her own. It didn't hurt that the apartment was over the bar her sister owned and her tab was sufficiently endless. She knew that sinking down into the bottom of a bottle of wine probably wasn't the greatest idea, but if it meant that she could meander upstairs and pass out in a bed that was her own? It sounded like the most viable option at the time. A room or two still needed a bit of work, but it was primarily in the kitchen. She was still so desperate for a home, a place of her own. Maybe it would help her escape the fact that she was trying to outrun her own demons. She had been so lost in the idea and the hope that she could maybe get away that when he spoke again, it jolted her back into reality.

"Are you going to be okay?"

Delphine blinked at him, her brow wrinkling slightly as she looked over at him, pressing her lips into a thin line. "You know, I am not entirely sure," she answered, her gaze searching his face for confirmation that it was okay to feel that way, which she found almost immediately. He leaned forward and hugged her tightly, rubbing her back. She pulled away and offered him a slight smile. "I think I am going to go to the apartment for the night. Maybe steal a bottle of wine from the bar."

His smile was kind, sweet. "Do you want any company?" He posed, and she knew he was only being genuine and concerned.

She gave a slight shake of her head, her wet curls swinging loosely around her face. "I think it'll be good to be alone for a bit. My father had some choice words for me earlier. He made me realize that it's important to take some time and reassess priorities."

He gave an understanding nod and another gentle hug before bidding her a good evening, leaving her to set about packing a bag full of necessities for the night and following day. It was a short drive down into the city and she parked in the garage about half a block down, slinging the bag over her shoulder as she made her way to the bar and up the metal stairs that ran up the side of the brick building. She unlocked the door and couldn't help but smile as she glanced around, thankful for such a respite from the chaos that had enveloped her life. She knew she could truly lay the blame on herself, and only herself, but it was nice to have a chance to catch her breath and find solitude with her thoughts.

Maybe Delphine's downfall would come from that aloneness and being left to sort through her thoughts. She got flashes from the night of her party, from just before Cosima had pushed her onto the bed and… well, led her on. She remembered asking a question, one that Cosima had deliberately not answered. Delphine could see it, when she closed her eyes, the small, perfect little imperfection that Cosima had not thought that she would notice. She had known, though, every inch of Cosima before she left. She had known her inside and out, so finding something new, something that indicated injury and pain, it was a difficult pill for Delphine to swallow. Her eyes were trained on the ceiling, having found herself on her back on the couch, one hand tucked behind her head. Was it truly that destroyed? Had she messed things up that horribly that they were far beyond any sense of repair? She had known from the time they were young that Cosima was stubborn and hard-headed, but she had never experienced it to such an exponential degree. She could feel Cosima's pain, knowing that this ran far deeper than she currently understood. She had seen that light, though, that had flashed briefly in Cosima's eyes, when she had told her she loved her, and she simply couldn't let go because of it. It was a shred of hope that she shouldn't have been clinging to, but it was all she had left. Cosima had been it for her, or that was what the younger version of her had been so convinced of. She still felt it, though. Maybe it was one sided, maybe she really had screwed up everything by being young, selfish, and perhaps a bit naive. Whatever the case, she wasn't quite ready to give up, but that would be a battle for another day.

She pulled a few things from her bag and changed her clothes, pulling on a gray v neck, black cardigan and a pair of black jeans, a steak contrast to her normal garb of color. It was a bit indicative of her mood, but she didn't seem all that bothered. She told herself she wouldn't spend more than a half hour at the bar side, and that if she was going to drink more than three glasses, it would be because she grabbed a bottle and retreated back upstairs. Maybe that had been her set agenda for the night, but she was unaware of just how likely it was that things would be subject to change.


"I really needed this," Cosima quipped with a relieved sigh as she and Lennox slid onto stools next to one another. He had recommended coming to somewhere a bit different from their usual dive, and she had agreed with his insistence that their top shelf tequila was the best in the city. When she had asked him to explain why, he had simply shrugged, insisting that it was beyond words, she would just have to experience herself. She should have probed further, pushed him into giving her answers, but she trusted him. More than that, she simply figured that perhaps he had friends that frequented there, which was why he had heard about it in the first place.

He flagged down the bartender and ordered two rounds, extra limes, and pulled the salt shaker toward them. Cosima was still, inwardly, debating on just how great of an idea it was that she was about to let tequila melt away every qualm she had been carrying with her in the passing days. She would undoubtedly hate herself in the morning, but for the night? It would be worth it. Holding up his first shot glass, a bright smile appeared beneath his bushy beard. "To letting go," he chimed. A soft clink could be heard over the soft sounds of music playing in the background.

"To letting go." Maybe she had never been much of a tequila girl, and often preferred wine, but he had been right. This was about wiping the slate clean and moving forward, or at least that had been the general idea. She should have known better, should have realized that nothing could ever truly be that simple, especially when it pertained to Delphine. She tossed back the shot, followed it up with the salt and then placed the lime to her lips, her face puckering slightly as she pulled it away. There was only a moment's hesitation before she repeated the process, not at all having suspected that when she lowered her hand, she would find herself face-to-face with the very source of her conflict and discord.

Behind the bar, Delphine stood, poised as ever with her thin fingers wrapped around the neck of a wine bottle, looking like a deer in the headlights. In that moment, Cosima felt like the universe was playing some cosmic prank on her; how was it that no matter what it was she did, they kept crossing paths? How was it that no matter which direction she tried to run, it always seemed to come around full circle, right back to Delphine? She had absolutely no faith in any type of divine intervention, but even she could no longer deny that this was sheer happenstance. Delphine eyes fell to the bar top in front of them and must have immediately taken in the sight of the empty shot glasses and the limes because she turned on the heel to set the bottle of wine down, reaching for the tequila on the top shelf. Wordlessly, she refilled their shot glasses and placed new lime wedges while discarding the old ones. She turned to the bartender and informed him, or so Cosima was sure she heard, that their drinks were on the house. She almost stood on the stool, to increase her height, to lean over the bar and tell Delphine they didn't want her charity, but she quickly understood how much of a mistake that would have been. Free drinks were free drinks, and if it meant they could both get trashed on her dime? Well, who was she to pass up such an opportunity?

Though she was sure to consistently drink water between shots, it would have been a bit too kind to say that she found herself to be completely and utterly hammered. It hadn't really hit her until Lennox had pardoned himself, recognizing a couple of guys on the other side of the bar that had waved him over. She had been halfway through another glass of water, when she couldn't help but notice as Delphine slipped behind the bar again, grabbing another bottle of wine, replacing the half full white she had previously grabbed. She turned around to find Cosima staring at her, a bit drunkenly, and offered a shy smile. Cosima was about four shots in, though, and she couldn't help herself as she found her mouth opening.

"How is it that I've been in this city for too long, haven't seen you once… and since the party… It's like you're following me, like I can't shake you."

Delphine stepped forward and set the bottle down on the bar, looking down at Cosima. There was a light pink dust on her cheeks, once Cos was familiar with, far more than she liked to admit. They had stolen bottles of wine one upon a time, getting drunk and giggling until they collapsed on one another and fell asleep.

"Do you want to shake me?" Delphine asked, and Cosima was a bit surprised at the warmth that bubbled up somewhere in the pit of her stomach. She knew it was the alcohol, but she couldn't keep from shaking her head, being far more painfully honest than she would have been if she had been sober. There was something about the smile that curled Delphine's lips that shouldn't have been calming to Cosima, but was. "Do you want to come sit with me?" She posed, nodding her head toward the corner booth where a lone wine glass sat empty on the table next to a closed book.

Cosima glanced back at the table, and then back to the woman in front of her, just drunk enough to consider her options. This was foolish, wasn't it? She was just getting herself into more trouble than she could get out of, right? Or perhaps, maybe this was why Lennox had thought it a good idea to come to this particular night. Did he know that she would be there? Had he spotted her there before? Her quest for answers would be left for another time, though. She gave a slight nod, already second guessing herself as she did it. What did it matter? What could it hurt? Maybe with her little boost of liquid courage, she would find an honesty the sober her wasn't ready to part with. As Delphine came around the bar and they started heading toward the corner booth, Cosima caught Lennox's gaze from where he stood and he gave her a knowing smile. As she slid into the booth next to Delphine, she felt a question on the tip of her tongue. "Do you work here?"

Delphine gave a half smile, shaking her head. "My step sister owns it."

Cosima sighed, shaking her head before propping it up against her fist, her elbow on the table, her eyes trained on Delphine. She was so different and yet, so very familiar. It was becoming harder and harder to discern why, exactly, she was so angry. "You know I don't believe in coincidence," she blurted, her eyes searching the other woman's face.

"Then how do you think you wound up in this bar?" Delphine posed, pouring her glass full of the red wine she had retrieved on her second trip to the bar. Her face remained placid, neutral of any major emotion.

Cosima hesitated, almost immediately sure that she could answer. "Because my friend has probably spotted you here before. And thought he was being smooth."

"Then why have you not gone somewhere else?"

Her brow wrinkled in response to this question and before she could stop it, the words were free falling from her lips faster than she could think to stop them. "Because you're not somewhere else. You're here."

A silence fell between them, and it was back again, even over the dull hum of the music. I still love you. I still love you. I still love you. I still love you. She wanted to stop thinking about it, especially with her so close.

"I… I am actually staying in the apartment upstairs. Do you… Would you perhaps want to join me? It is a bit quieter. Maybe we can talk?"

Oh no, Cosima thought. This was what she knew would happen and yet, before she could slam on the breaks, she was speaking again.

"I'd really like that."