CHAPTER 9
PRETENSIONS
"Clarke."
"Clarke!"
"CLARKE!"
Someone grabbed her hand making her stop working. "What?!" Clarke answered, obviously irritated.
"What is wrong with you? You're drowning yourself with work. It had been two weeks since you were kidnapped. You are entitled to rest Clarke. You are entitled to feel emotions, whatever it might be." Raven replied, worried etched in her face. "Stop pretending that you don't care what happened to you because I know you do. You're just putting this façade and it's making me worried. It's making US worried about you." Raven emphasized.
Clarke leaned back against her chair. She closed her eyes for a while. Raven was right. It had been two weeks but it's still fucking hurts.
She was betrayed by the woman she loves. And she was keeping herself busy by not thinking about HER.
She bit her bottom lip to stop herself from crying. She was done crying her heart out. She will not cry anymore over her. She won't!
"Clarke…" Raven's voice was soft now. "I'm here. You know you can tell me anything."
She shook her head. "No Raven. Please don't."
"But Clarke… you need to open up with me. I'm your bestfriend."
Clarke shook her head again. "Just not now." She replied softly.
Raven nod her head in understanding. "Whenever you're ready then."
Clarke nods. "Are the models ready?" She asked.
"Octavia makes sure everything is alright." Raven replied. "You really kind of scared the models you know. We thought they were all going to quit."
"I'm sorry." Clarke lowered her head. "It's just that… you know… stuff."
Raven nod again. "Yeah. They knew what happened so they kind of understand."
Clarke nods again. Yes, the citizens of Polis knew she was kidnapped and her life was endangered but they didn't know that she fell in love with her kidnapper. That she felt betrayed by the person who sworn to protect her. That she was an idiot to believe what they had was true. It was all lies. Lexa was a liar and she wants nothing to do with her anymore.
When Raven left her office, she continued to sketch another designs to make herself busy again.
"President Griffin." Lexa greeted Abigail with respect when the President came to visit her. Lexa was detained because she was also part of Pike's major plan to conquer Polis. She accepted her fate. If she was being honest, she has no reason to go back in the real world. Clarke hates her and she deserves it.
"Lexa." Abigail Griffin nods and then sat down in front of her.
No one dared to speak for a few seconds. Lexa was waiting for Abigail's angry tirade but it never came.
"I'm sorry Ms. President." Lexa spoke up first. "I admit that I betrayed your trust when you took me as a bodyguard for your daughter but…" Lexa's eyes moved away from Abigail, "But I-" She swallowed hard, unable to speak.
"You fell in love with my daughter." Abigail continued that made Lexa widened her eyes and stared at her.
"You knew?" Lexa asked, her voice filled with worry.
"I have eyes, Lexa. I could see it in both of your eyes how you care about each other. I was just waiting for you to speak up." Abigail replied calmly.
"I'm so sorry. It was never my intention to-"
Abigail cuts her off, "Clarke was there with you when I knock at your door before all of this happened right?"
Lexa's cheeks reddened. Her mouth form an O. She was caught. This is so embarrassing.
"Don't worry. I'm not mad at you, Lexa. I already spoke to your sister Anya. She told me everything."
Lexa lowered her head. "I wasn't going to trade your daughter for my sister. I have another plan in mind to save them both from Pike. But everything went downhill when one of Pike's men caught us. That morning, I was supposed to leave alone but-" Lexa lifted her eyes directly towards Abigail. "Pike said that he has eyes inside the mansion so when Clarke asked to come with me, I agreed." Lexa breathed deeply. "I thought she would be safe with Lincoln for the time being but…" She explained.
Abigail urged Lexa to continue.
Lexa breathed again. "I love your daughter, President Griffin. More than my life."
Abigail was silent for a while. And Lexa tried to keep herself from crying in front of her.
"I will give you pardon, Lexa. You will be a free woman once you testify against Pike and his men." Abigail offered.
Lexa's eyes widen. "I'm not worthy of your pardon-"
Abigail cuts her off again, "Worthy or not, I want to give it to you. You saved us from Pike. Without your back up plan with Lincoln and Anya, my life and my daughter's life will be put in danger. You saved us, Lexa. You deserved a pardon."
Lexa's eyes started to tear up. "Thank you, President Griffin. I will not disappoint you."
Abigail stood up and offered her hand, which Lexa immediately accepted.
Abigail withdrew her hand and said, "Clarke would be happy to see you, Lexa."
Lexa shook her head. "It was very clear to me that Clarke never wanted to see me again, Ms. President."
"I think you should explain yourself to her." Abigail said but Lexa was quiet, "Think about it. I gave you both a second chance. Make use of it." She smiled at Lexa but the brunette smiled back sadly.
With that, Abigail walked away but Lexa was still undecided if meeting Clarke would be a great idea. To be honest, she was scared that the blonde would never forgive her, let alone see her. It was her fault. She doesn't deserve a woman like Clarke.
One week had passed since Pike's trial and Lexa's freedom. She stayed at Anya's apartment trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life. What she wants to do with her relationship with Clarke. She was sulking inside the apartment.
She heard the door unlocked and was surprised to see Anya. Her sister is the new bodyguard of Clarke appointed by the President itself. At least with that, she was positive that Clarke would be safe from any harm. She was grateful that Anya accepted the offer.
"Why are you here? Where is Clarke?" She panicked. "You know you can't leave her."
Anya rolled her eyes. "Relax. It's my off. And Clarke is safely tuck on her bed probably waiting for you to woman up and face her."
This time, it was Lexa who rolled her eyes. "Just go back there, Anya."
Anya glared at her. "Seriously Lexa? What the fuck are you doing with your life? I came here to tell you to talk to her. You both are miserable to be with. And to be honest, Clarke is not very easy to handle with. We barely talk. Or should I say, we don't talk at all. I don't know if she was irritated at the fact that she sees me not you or the fact that I'm your sister and she hates you."
Lexa winced. That hit her hard. She shook her head. "To be honest, I don't know either. Maybe she really hates me. Oh no, erase that. She really does hate me." She exhaled a deep breath. "I betrayed her."
Anya took a deep breath too; she sat beside Lexa on the couch and put her arm around her sister's shoulders. "Just talk to her and finish what both of you started. So that you can both move on with your lives. Give yourself a closure, Lexa."
That broke Lexa's heart. She nods her head. "One day, I'll face her." She mumbled.
As soon as she saw Anya opened the car door for her, she rolled her eyes. "I told you I want to drive by myself. If you want to follow me, then use your own car." She said in mere annoyance.
She knew she was being rude but seeing Anya instead of Lexa was really making her mood sour.
She knew she was angry with Lexa. She still is. But the brooding commander never made a move to see her after the trial. Her mother casually told her one morning that she set Lexa free in exchange of being a witness against Pike and when she heard the news that the trial was finished; she was expecting to see Lexa at her door. But her ex-bodyguard didn't show herself up and that broke her heart. Now she was convinced that she meant nothing from Lexa.
"Let me drive this once. There's someone who wants to see you." Anya replied casually.
That made Clarke's heart beat erratically. She already knew who that was. She clenched her jaw and nodded wordlessly.
Lexa's nerves are killing her. She was pacing back and forth inside the apartment. She wants to see Clarke but she doubted if she was ready.
Anya forced her to meet Clarke today. She also doubted if Clarke wants to see her. The blonde made it very clear that she doesn't want to see her ever again.
Taking a deep breath, she made up her mind. She might regret it but it was for the best.
Anya opened the door to her apartment with Clarke following behind her.
Clarke tried to calm her beating heart but unsuccessful. She doesn't know what to expect. Would she slap Lexa or kiss her senselessly? She doesn't know what would her reaction be upon seeing the woman she fell in love with.
Clarke heard Anya's expletive curses from the bedroom.
"What happened? Where is she?" Clarke asked.
Anya emerged from the room; on her hand was a piece of paper. She saw how Anya gritted her teeth, purposely avoiding her eyes, as she gave the paper to her. "It's from Lexa."
"I thought…." She looked at the paper and read it. Her eyes became blurry as she continued to read the letter from Lexa.
Clarke, I'm so sorry I couldn't meet you. I know you couldn't forgive me because I betrayed you. Still, I ask for forgiveness. I will also respect your wishes Clarke. You will never see me again. You can now live your life before I ruined it for you. I wish you happiness. I would never forgive myself for hurting you. I don't deserve you. I'm so deeply sorry. -Lexa
Clarke clenched her jaw, she crumpled the paper. "Where is she?"
Anya shook her head. "She just left. She took all of her clothes. She didn't tell me where she was heading. I'm so sorry, Clarke. I didn't know."
Clarke was deeply hurt. She never thought that Lexa would do this to her. Of course Clarke, she never said she loved you. You just assumed.
"Clarke, I'm really sorr-"
"Just don't." Clarke shook her head and made her way towards the door. Her heart was shattered again. Lexa hurt her again.
Three months had passed since Lexa left. Clarke still can't believe that Lexa never tried to contact her. She was deeply hurt.
"Clarke, are you okay?" It was Octavia's turn to ask. They were inside the bar, and Clarke was obviously not in the mood to flirt with other girls. She was drinking her heart out.
"I'm fine, O. I just want to drink." She replied.
"It had been three months, Clarke." Octavia started slowly as if gauging her reaction. Clarke didn't react so she continued; "You were a walking zombie for three months ever since Lexa left. And before that, you were an angry lion Clarke. I don't even know which is better, Angry Clarke or void of emotions Clarke. Please talk to us. We're here for you. Raven and I."
"Raven is not here. She was flirting with my bodyguard." Clarke replied nonchalantly, trying to avoid the subject.
Octavia's eyes instantly searched for Raven. Her glare intensified when she saw Raven with Anya at the corner of the bar. "Such a flirt." She gritted her teeth.
"Tell her what you feel, Octavia." She deadpanned.
"What?" Octavia reacted innocently.
"You know what." Clarke rolled her eyes, "You're in love with Raven but you're just too coward to admit it. You both are cowards." She replied.
"I'm not-"
"Don't even try to deny it." Clarke said.
"I don't have any feelings for Raven. We're all bestfriends here." Octavia immediately replied. "Stop it with the teasing. Raven is walking towards us now. Shhh!"
Clarke just shook her head.
"So, how was it? You're getting laid again tonight huh?" Octavia can't help but ask earning a glare from Clarke.
Raven smirked. "You really want to know?"
Octavia slapped her arm. "Gross."
Raven laughed, "Anyway, I tried to convince Anya to tell us where could Lexa possibly be."
Clarke's ears perked up. "What did she say?"
"She knows where Lexa is. Lexa contacted her a week ago. But she made a promise to Lexa that she will keep that information to herself." Raven answered.
"Fine! She doesn't want to see me again then let her. I don't want to see her ever again too!" Clarke said in frustration.
"Lucky for me, I snatched Anya's phone earlier. So we could all see their secret conversation." Raven wiggled her eyebrows to Octavia.
"What?" Clarke and Octavia gasped in unison.
"How did you manage to get that from a skilled woman like Anya?" Octavia asked, unbelieving.
Raven smirked. "I have skills too. Anyway, Clarke said that she doesn't want to see Lexa again so we don't need this anymore, right?"
Clarke snatched the phone away from Raven. "Great. There's a lock code." She said, hovering at Anya's phone.
"She might have mentioned her lock code to me." Raven smiled again.
"This is unbelievable. There's no way Anya told you her code." Octavia looked at her suspiciously.
"You know what, the important thing is, we will be able to know where Clarke's hot bodyguard is, okay?" She punched the code on Anya's phone.
The three of them hovered on Anya's phone.
Clarke reads the message, "She's staying at Ton DC."
Octavia interrupted Clarke, "Ton DC is a small island at the east side of Polis. What is she doing there?"
"My sister is staying with Luna, Lincoln's sister."
They were all shocked to hear Anya's voice.
Raven smiled at Anya as she handed her phone to her. Anya rolled her eyes. "You think I didn't notice that, huh?"
Raven grinned.
"I gave you an idea, yes, because I don't want to get involved. I promised Lexa that I wouldn't reveal her whereabouts. But now that you have the information, it's up to you Princess to use it or not." Anya said then walked away.
Raven and Octavia looked at Clarke. "Now what?"
"We're going to Ton DC." Clarke replied with determination in her eyes.
