Hi…

It's been a while. I know. Over two years. Almost three. And I feel like I need to tell you all why.

I haven't been feeling well the past couple of years. Firstly, I was seeing a therapist because I'd had a hard time accepting myself. I have a lot of people in my life who seem to be very homophobic, and I didn't know how to accept the part of me that was suddenly bisexual. It was extremely hard for me, and only my closest friends know now. The people I know I can count on.

I was sick a lot. My immune system is literally fucked up, and all of a sudden, my stomach began hurting. Throughout the past almost three years, I've been sent to scans, I've had a gastroscopy and a ton of other testing. At one point, they even thought I had problems with my heart. After almost three years, my doctors have (somewhat) come to a conclusion. I'm saying somewhat because they don't exactly know what I have, but I have some kind of bowel disease, and I have a lot of gastric acid. Too much of it. And finally they've given me some medicine that helps. Sometimes. And sometimes it doesn't. A year and a half ago, I had to drop out of the gymnasium here in Denmark, which is kind of like high school in the states, except, well… I was seventeen when I started in high school here and you're like… eighteen when you graduate. So not completely the same. Anyway! I recently started in school again, this time a two-year course instead of a three-year course. I'm the oldest in my class. I'm nearly 22 and the rest are seventeen or eighteen, which is a little weird, but I get by. My stomach still hurts sometimes. It actually hurts as I'm writing this.

Next to my stomach aches, I've found out that I have some problems with my loin. I guess that's what they call it in English. Well, the small of my back, to make it simpler. My doctors think I might have osteoarthritis, but I haven't had that many tests done yet. My whole back hurts pretty much always. Sometimes it's nearly nothing, and sometimes I just lie in bed in pain as soon as I get home from school. I go to massages once a month to loosen up a little, and it helps. For a few weeks.

A few weeks ago, I began getting a strong headache. So much that I began crying, and I don't even cry when I hurt my knee (which is already injured) or when I break something. So it was pretty bad. I went to the doctor's office, and my doctor told me that I have tension headache, and that it might be chronic since it hasn't gone away for even a minute the past two weeks or so. So now I'm seeing a physical therapist about that. I'm actually going to go see him later today. In 45 minutes. It's gotten better, but it still hurts.

I guess what I'm trying to say is… I love writing. And I love getting response, and I love all my readers. Truly. But I've been in pain the past few years, and that's why I haven't uploaded anything. I've written a ton of stories, though. Writing is my passion. I've just counted how many stories I have. 290. I'm not kidding. There are 290 stories in my fanfiction folder on my laptop. And I want to post some of them. Not a single one of those stories are done, because I always get new ideas. But I want to finish them, and I want to show you some of them. And I might do that. If I get better. I've written a last chapter to Crazy Over You: A Calzona Story. Years ago. And I think I might just upload that today sometime after I get home from PT.

I hope you'll all understand why it's taking me so long to tell you all why I'm not uploading anything as of right now. I love you all, and I really want to continue writing and showing you what I'm up to. Tell me if you want one of my newer stories. I kind of love many of those. But if I do decide to start uploading again, it'll be in my own pace. Not a story every day, every week… Maybe not even once a month. But I'll upload, if you're really passionate about my stories. So tell me, please.

Love, Calzonamad