We were sitting in the diner with no conversation between us. I sat back, crossing my arms and looking out the window as I had been for the past few minutes. Sam had a shirt on this time, flannel again. This was totally his shirt, I was wearing Samuel Uley's shirt. The Samuel Uley that broke my bestfriend's heart. Well here comes that new wave of guilt.
"Hey there, Sam. Great to see you back here. I heard you and Clearwater finally spilt." Our waitress came to the table, ignoring my existence as I stared at her. She was another tall copper goddess, great. I read her name tag, Lizzy. Fuck Lizzy. I rolled my eyes as she put her hand on his arm, flirting, and looked back out the window. I so didn't want to be here right now.
"Yeah. We did." Sam's voice was deep and sounded a little distracted. I glanced back over to see him still staring across the table at me, fingers steepled and his nose resting on top. Her hand started to rub his arm and I rolled my eyes again, he was quite the hot ticket item apparently and knew everyone. I looked back out the window, waiting for the moment she'd take my drink order.
"Well what can I get you, Sam?" I looked over to see her looking at him grinning she sounded friendly and excited to take his drink order. She was also leaned closer but was using both of her hands to hold the pad of paper and pen.
"Lets take the lovely lady's order first." He motioned to me and I quirked a brow as she turned slowly and the grin disappeared into a sneer. I snapped. I was so done with this bullshit. He was Leah's and I was done playing around in his little game, whatever he felt for me was nothing and it was hurting me and him and Leah. Whatever I felt for him was hurting all of us too.
"Um..Actually I was just going. Sam, thanks for the jacket, totally warm now! Have a good one, you two!" I said this with a short laugh as I quickly undid the flannel shirt and laid it down on the booth next to me. I only had a tank top on underneath but at this rate I'd make it to the car and be able to hop inside to the warmth.
"Kai?" He sounded really worried now and I gave him a big thumbs up with my heart stuck in my throat. I almost wanted to cry but I wasn't sure what I had to cry about. I had hurt people and they didn't even know about it yet. I almost ran out of the diner, not looking back as I went.
When I got outside, I literally ran to my car. Unlocked it and slammed the doors shut, locked them and laid down in the seat with the heating turned up. My heart was still stuck in my throat as I started to feel like the seats were too big of a space, I shimmied over into the passenger's floorboard and curled into a ball there, turning the air flow to where it came out at my back. It kept reminding me of the warmth Sam put off when he was wrapped around me but not as warm and welcoming as his.
I stayed there for a while, until I heard someone knocking on the window, I peeked around to see a worried looking Sam looking down at me. NOPE. I leaned back against the heater on the floorboard.
"Kai! I know you're in there, the trucks been running forever. Let me in." He yelled against the glass and I peeked my head out from under the dashboard to glare at him.
"No!" I yelled back and slid back into my spot, wrapping my arms back around my knees.
"Then come outside and we'll talk." He said looking in the window again. I looked up at him.
"No. Now go away." I yelled at him and he glared down at me. I stuck my tongue out at him, he couldn't get me out of here. I'm sure with the super hearing I didn't need to yell but I didn't know how else to demonstrate myself.
"You're acting like a child, Kai." He yelled back at me and I glared. Okay I was totally acting like a child but this was just how I was dealing with it.
"So?" I was being bratty and I knew I was but the fact I was inside my iron fortress that was locked, gave me some confidence.
"I'll break the damn lock, Kai." He stated firmly and I rolled my eyes. When he growled and the truck door began to jiggle, I realized we were in an empty hidden parking lot. He would break the fucking lock and there would be no one around to see or hear him do it.
"OKAY! DON'T WRECK MORE STUFF." I yelled quickly and reached over, popping the lock up when it stopped jiggling. He yanked open the door, looking angry.
"What?" I asked meekly from my little ball under the dashboard.
"Get out from under the dashboard, Kai." He barked and reached down to pull me out.
"I'll get cold. The heaters on my back right now." I waved him off and hunkered down. He groaned as he took in my position.
"I'll keep you warmer than the shitty truck heater. All you have to do is get out of the truck, Kai." He spoke softly, trying to get me out of the corner I'd gotten myself wedged into with a honey coated voice.
I debated it for a few seconds and eventually nodded. He smiled and opened his arms as I shimmied myself off of the floor to the seat. I scooched closer to the end of the seat, my feet were hanging off the edge now and he immediately pulled me closer as he wrapped his arms around me.
"Can we just have adult conversations now? Does spending a night together not mean we can just discuss things, instead of you running out of a diner because some ditzy waitress was flirting with me?" He asked honestly, looking up at me and I looked away quickly. Okay maybe I wasn't as secretive as I thought when thinking 'Fuck Lizzy.'
"Please, Kai? I don't want to keep chasing after you, I mean I will but I really don't want too." He was practically begging me and the guilt was making me want to cry.
He should be saying this to Leah. I did steal him right out from under her. I looked down at him and the sniffles began, he frowned and tilted his head in confusion. Then came the ugly facial expression and the shaking as I tried to not burst into tears right here and now, I pinched my eyes shut and put my hands over them
"Kai? Babe, what's wrong? What's going on? Why are you crying?" He started to sound panicked as he tried to move my hands away from my face. The sobbing started and I tried to not make as much noise as I could while I shook. This was probably long overdue honestly, I hadn't cried in years. I may have been a little emotionally shut down for some time.
"Please? Just tell me what's wrong? I can't do anything if you don't tell me. I'm useless to you if you don't say anything." He was starting to ramble on, getting more and more panicked as I started to shake harder.
"Y-you're not mine and I stole you and it's not okay and I don't know what to do and it hurts but I like you and I don't know why I like you b-but.." I took in another deep breath, there was snot everywhere as I cried harder. Every time I breathed in it felt and sounded like a cat hurling up a hairball. Not the most attractive look, I felt.
He moved my hands gently away from my face, and I blinked, totally bleary eyed and emotional. I felt his hands grip under my jaw bone as I looked down at him and he pulled me closer. He kissed me softly on the lips and pulled back to look into my eyes, I was so surprised I literally forgot to do my crying hairball inhale, or inhale at all. He literally took the breath out of me.
"Kai, I'm yours. I've always been yours, even when I didn't know it, I was. Whoever or whatever controls or deals with this imprinting thing, they made the right choice to put me with you and while I regret that we'll have to go through all the loops and jumps to be happy, I don't want to do it with anyone else. I mean I don't even just like you, I love you. I always will. This isn't a little fling thing, this is a life thing, Kai." He took in a deep breath and I blinked, processing what he was saying. I started to get the warm butterfly feelings in my tummy and I tried to squish them but the more I stared into his eyes, the harder it was.
"I-I just...I can't, Sam." I inhaled again and started to bawl. He looked startled at my sudden water works again and I didn't know what to do.
"Can't what?" He was starting to get frantic, I could see it through the teary vision I gave myself.
"I can't keep doing this to you or Leah." I finally got this out and watched the very moment Sam's heart broke and the desperation started in his eyes.
"You're not doing anything to me, Kai. Please don't do this, please. We're meant to be. I know we are." He was starting to go to pieces and the thought of losing him made me cry harder.
"You're everything to me, you are the center of my sun and earth and everything else. Please, Kai. Y-you're hysterical right now, you're not in a good position to decide that, please just wait until you're okay to shut me out of your life." He really was trying to hang on to the threads and I nodded a little. He let out a sigh of relief and my sobbing started to come to a close finally. I was so emotional today.
"C-can we just go home?" I asked as I was sniffling and he watched for me a second, slowly nodding afterwards. I leaned over and popped the lock on the driver's side. He gently slide my legs to where I was facing forwards and closed the door. I watched him walk around the car as I wiped my eyes and he got in on the driver's side, starting up the car and pulling out of the lot.
I stared out the window, mindlessly as his hand held mine on the seat. At first I was going to pull it away but I enjoyed the sensation too much to. I recognized the woods around my house as we pulled up my driveway and to a stop.
I looked at myself in the side mirror to find a redeyed, splotchy cheeked, mess looking back at me. Sam hopped out quickly, locking his door as I started to open mine. He appeared and held out his hand to help me down from the truck, I took it and decided to just hold onto it even after he tried to pull it away after I got down. He didn't seem to mind the hand holding as he brought it up to his lips and pecked it before letting them hang between us. Not a word was said about it as he unlocked my front door and lead me inside and up the stairs to the bedroom.
I slid into the bed first before Sam pulled the covers up and softly kissed my cheek. I looked up at him, saying nothing as he pulled away.
"I have to go back for the doors, okay? I'll be right back and I'll take the keys with me. Call me if you need anything." He said this softly and I nodded, turning away from him to lay on my side, facing the wall. I heard him sigh and walked out my room, down the stairs and finally the door closed and locked.
I laid there for a few seconds and began to try to think of ways to let him down easy and move on from him...I couldn't. I couldn't think of any way at all that wouldn't feel like I was ripping away the best thing that ever happened to me. Every scenario felt like I was losing something huge, something that was apart of me.
That was when I realized that the only person I could ever see myself with in the future was Sam. He was the only person I wanted to be with, I was missing him right now. All I wanted was to feel him next to me and have his arm wrapped around me. This was going to be a huge mistake that I'd regret later, I was sure of it...but I had to do it anyways. I wasn't letting go of Sam. Even if it hurt Leah or got her angry. Which it was so going to do. I got up and went downstairs to the couch, I still had yet to clean it off fully. Whoops.
It felt like hours later but Sam finally pulled up, I could hear the truck chugging outside. I waited patiently as he got out and undid the back, assumedly getting out my bathroom doors. Maybe we'd save one for when the door broke again? If all went according to plan, Sam and his pack mates would be hanging around here a lot more and they had a strong grip anyways.
I heard the front door unlock and open as I stood up and watched him stop in surprise in the doorway.
"I um wanted to talk to you." I said uncomfortably, I wasn't good at the romantic confession. Sam swallowed hard and looked at the ground as he set down the doors to close my front door.
"Can we do this after I put up the door, Kai?" He sounded a mixture of hurt and angry with me and I frowned.
"No. Now. This isn't what you think it is, Sam." I said softly and took a few steps closer to him. He watched me and raised a brow, waiting for me to continue.
"I um...I wantedtoseewherethisgoes." I said the last part quickly and immediately dragged my attention away from his face. His breath caught I looked back at him, he didn't look hurt or angry anymore, just...dazed.
"Can you run that by me again, slower? I just want to make sure I heard you right before I pick you up and spin you around." He whispered and I giggled at the shock on his face. I took in a deep breath, preparing myself for it. It was Sam, he was safe.
"I want to see where this goes. I want to be with you, Sam." I watched as his face broke into a huge grin and he whooped, fist pumping the air. I started to laugh as he picked me up and spun me. He set me down and pulled me closer, kissing me hard on the mouth.
"Holy crap, I've wanted to do that since I saw you in the shower." He whispered as he pulled back, staring into my eyes. I started to blush at the mention of the shower incident and kissed his hand softly.
"I liked it." I said with a small smile, if it were possible his grin grew.
"I don't mean to look a gift horse in the mouth but what changed your mind? You were dead set on cutting me out, Kai." He asked softly, brushing his thumb over my cheek.
"I was laying in bed upstairs and I slowly realized that I wanted you. I missed you when you were gone and I didn't want to do that for the rest of my life." I looked down, thinking back. He pulled me to him in a hug and I laid my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling his warmth surround me again.
Much better than the truck's floorboard heater.
AAAAAHH? WHATCHA THINK? TOO SOON?
AND DON'T WORRY, I HAVE MORE CONFLICTS COMING UP IN THE FORM OF JOBS AND BONFIRES.
AND YES GUEST, SHE DID TURN SKANK BUT I FEEL LIKE IT WAS THE GOOD KIND, NO?
