ORIGINAL IDEA OF THE XANAX AT A PARTY *DID* COME FROM MODERN FAMILY.

I MAY HAVE DARKENED IT TO THE NINES THOUGH.

WHOOPS.


I pulled in to find my lights were on, the curtains weren't closed and I could see someone watching TV. That better be Sam and not a really relaxed burglar. It occurred to me that he did have his own house, but he was always over here. Maybe I should start thinking about him moving in considering he was here 24-7.

"Hey babe!" Sam called from his spot on the couch and I yelled a hi back as I closed the door behind myself. I leaned over the back of the couch and pecked his neck, he shivered and caught my face.

Turning around he moved his hands to grip my forearms and before I could react he'd tugged me over into his lap and my feet weren't on the floor. I huffed and glared up at him when he leaned down to my face, smiling. He kissed me softly at first, it got more and more intense and eventually I was straddling him. I pulled back and leaned my forehead on his, we were both breathing hard.

The TV clicked off and I looked into his eyes again. He had the prettiest eyes. I may have gotten distracted because he said something.

"Huh?" I blinked and looked at him. He creased into a small smile and repeated it.

LEMON

"Can we go upstairs now?" He asked softly, planting little kisses down my jawline, I nodded and he grinned. Suddenly he was carrying me upstairs and dropped me into the bed. He took off his shirt deftly and I admired the elegant way he moved. He got on top, being careful to not squish me and I soon felt a hand disappear up my shirt. His hands were rough in comparison to the skin on my stomach. I felt him lean forward.

He kissed from my neck down to my collar bone. I swallowed and started to ghost my hands over his chest. He had scars but they were still soft to me. The hand drifted up further and went under my bra, heading for the left breast. It grabbed my breast, squeezing it for a second before the fingers rolled my nipple between them.

I twitched with the action, and felt him smile into my collarbone. The hand pinched it for a second before sliding out of my shirt, then pulling it off completely. I raised up, moving my arms for him and watched him do the same admiration thing he'd done before.

"Do you always do that?" I asked him and watched as he looked back at my face and tilted his head.

"The look of total admiration when you see any bit of my skin." I motioned to myself and he cracked into an embarrassed grin. He didn't know I could see it apparently.

"Well I can't help that I got matched up with someone as gorgeous as you. I'm allowed to look and touch. Its a rare gift, you know?" He said as he trailed a finger down from my cheek to my pants loops.

Sam then pulled me towards him again and kissed me hard on the mouth. I got so distracted in the kiss that I didn't realize it fully when he slid my bra off my shoulders. During the same kiss he pulled me up the bed and gently pushed me down, my head was on the pillows now and farther away from the wall. He was in control and I didn't mind it at all.

He broke the kiss, and began to kiss downwards until he got to my chest. Where he massaged one breast and sucked on the other. I began to moan and uncontrollably twitch each time his tongue touched me. I tried to cut off each moan, but every time I did he would nip me, causing another one to begin. Sam moved down to my stomach and then back up to my mouth. With his other hand he undid my jeans top button and slid into them.

I felt his hand cup my ladyhood and then began to slowly move his finger up and down over the top of it. I reached down his chest and ran my fingers along until I felt his belt. I undid it and went for his jean button as well, I could feel how hard he was as he grounded into my thigh. It was then that he broke the kiss and pulled back his hand. I whimpered from the loss of contact, and he cracked an arrogant smile.

"Raise your hips." He told me as he grabbed the sides of my jeans and pulled down. I raised them and the jeans slid off easily, he pulled his own off and dropped both pairs on to the floor. Once they were off he moved back on top of me and the make out began again.

I felt his rough hand make its way down again to the edge of my underwear, they hesitated there and I tried to shift my hips to where it would be tugged down and off me. He gave me a small chuckle and slowly slid his hand in. Taking his time, well two can play at that game.

I dragged my hand down his chest and slipped inside his own pair. I grabbed his dick and slowly move my hand over it. He growled and shoved two fingers into my pussy. I jumped at the sudden intrusion and felt him smirk against my lips. He slowly moved his fingers in and out of me, I wanted more than just his fingers.

I tried to match the motion with my hips, to increase the speed. He slid in a third finger and I took in a sharp breath, then reacted by stroking him faster. With my other I began to tug down his underwear. I got them off and he sprang free.

"Sam, please." I asked him as I pulled away from the make out. He was still pumping the fingers in and out and I was almost over the edge, he wouldn't go faster which annoyed me.

"Please what?" He smirked at me, he wanted me to be specific. I whined and he pulled out his fingers completely.

"Please, please, please." I nearly begged him, his smirk grew wider and I narrowed my eyes.

"Please, please, please what, Kai?" He stared at me, smirking. Fine. I was going to do it, I couldn't take being on the edge anymore.

"Please fuck me." His smirk grew even larger, and he positioned himself at my entrance. I could hardly wait for it. He slid in slowly at first, but then gained more speed and force with each thrust. I dug my nails into his back to keep myself from screaming out. A moan escaped me, before I could quench it and he seemed to like it.

"Come on, moan for me Kai! Don't hold back!" He demonstrated his sentences with hard, determined thrusts. At this point I just let it all out, moaning and yelling his name as I scratched his back. In the back of my mind I could hear the bed squeaking and groaning but I could have cared less. My release was getting closer and closer, I could feel it.

He speed up and the pressure inside me grew until finally I came with a loud moan at the same time he did and I felt his thrusts slowing down. He pulled out and rolled onto the left side of me.

I shifted in the single bed to give him some room, we were both soaking wet with sweat, and the room smelled of it. We were breathing deeply, and the room was quiet for a good minute. Neither of us talked for a few minutes, my breathing was slowing down and I could hear his too. I felt his hand wrap about my waist again and he kissed my shoulder.

LEMON OVER.

"So what happened with the thesis guy?" I asked and felt him groan and sag into my shoulder.

"Kai, babe. I love you but this isn't what a guy wants to hear about after a romp in bed." He said miserably and laid his forehead on my shoulder and I giggled.

"Sam, I lo-..um.." I realized what I was about to say and cut myself off mid-word. This couldn't be seriously happening. I froze up at the idea but I was about to say it. Why was I about to say it? Did I love him? I felt him pick his head off my shoulder and look at me.

"Yes?" He whispered, sounding borderline excited and I swallowed hard. I couldn't do this.

"I like you and all but I really want to know." I said after a few seconds and heard him let out the tiniest sigh. I frowned at the wall. One day I'd be able to say it, just not today.

"He'll be here tomorrow. We'll take him to the bonfire and he can take all his little notes and nonsense." He sounded disappointed and mildly hurt, I started to feel awful.

"Kai, I don't like this guy being here alone with you." Sam muttered to me and I sighed. I thought for a few seconds and spun around to face him.

"Sam! Since you're all freaky and all that, what if you and I did um a...a trial period of you.." I started and stopped, like an old car that couldn't quite figure out what it was doing. My heartbeat was going haywire, increasing as I got really really nervous. I felt him put his hand on my chest, right over my heart. He could so hear it.

"Firstly, breath. Secondly, a trial period of?" Sam was using the soft honey coated voice again and I tried to stop the nervous shaking that was starting as I panicked. I couldn't so eventually he seemed to think that just hugging me was a good idea. I could hear his heart beat speeding too, he was just as nervous.

"Kai you're kinda worrying me, babe." He whispered into my hair and I took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"A trial period of you living here." I finally got the words out, thank jesus. They were mumbled but he heard them, I knew he had because he froze up and I felt him look down at me.

"I'd love that. I can bring some clothes over tomorrow when I drop off the guy. Is there a certain time period you wanna try?" He asked me softly using a calm steady voice. He was leaving everything up to me and I was thankful for it.

"A month?" I thought that seemed about right, it wasn't too long or too short. I felt him nod and let out a sigh of relief.

"I'll pay half of the bills. Okay?" He said this determined and I opened my mouth to say it was okay, but he seemed pretty on it. So I just nodded.

"Works for me." I responded and felt him smile into my neck as he laid his head down.

"Perfect, now go to sleep. Tomorrows a big day." He said softly and pecked the back of my neck, pulling me a little closer. I realized he was often sleeping closest to the door and couldn't figure out if that was just his thing or if it was a protection thing.

"Sam?" I asked thinking about tomorrow, Leah would be there. My heartbeat sped back up at that. It was a terrifying thought, I'd most likely lose her.

"Tomorrows going to be fine. I'll be there with you the whole way there and the whole way back. Now go to sleep, babe." He said with a sigh and squeezed me lightly. I nodded but I was still thinking about it.

I was literally terrified, like verge of a panic attack terrified. This seemed to happen when there was a chance of me losing someone, I felt like it stemmed from my 'daddy issues' but honestly I go so out of control with panic and fear that I lost people simply because I was so afraid of losing them.

I stared at the wall for what felt like hours, Sam obviously knew I was still awake because every few sharp inhales he'd kiss me and whisper that it'd be okay. Eventually I slipped into sleep and felt him sigh in relief on my shoulder.


The next morning, I woke up and realized what today was. Panic spread to all my limbs and I reached for Sam, but he wasn't there. Where was he? He said he wouldn't leave me. He wouldn't do that would he? I sat up quickly and looked around the room, his clothes were gone. Hes gone. I looked outside his SUV was gone too. He left.

Why would he leave? I thought back and remembered our deal from last night. Right! Okay hes probably just gone to pick up the guy for today. I started to slide out of bed, I was shaky and unsure. This was getting really awful and I'd have to do something about it soon, I was hoping my mother had left some prescription drugs behind and decided to go check. I heard paper crinkle under my hand as I stood up and looked down to see a bit of white paper with 'Kai' scratched on it with a red pen. I picked it up and read it.

'Went to go pick him up, I'll be back in an hour from 11:30 AM.

Love, Sam'

Grinning at my own silliness I put down the note and shuffled my way more confidently to the bathroom. I wasn't going to take it now, if it was there. I'd just hold it. Just in case. The thought that I'd be holding on to potential xanax because of a close by panic attack was a little worrying but I didn't want to have a nervous breakdown in the middle of everything else. I also reminded myself to go clean out my parent's old room. I hadn't been in there in ages either.

I got to the bathroom, took a deep breath and opened the cabinet. There they were. Clear as day. I reached in and grabbed it, opening the bottle and shaking one out into the palm of my hand.

It was in the shape a of little white rectangle and I looked at the label, it said to take one by mouth in the morning with food. Alright. I'd get some food before we left, pop the pill and be good. I'd even stay away from any bits of alcohol. I nodded to myself, this was okay. I could deal with this.

I shuffled over to their room, it looked like it'd been cleaned already. Damn. I guess he really did make them clean up after themselves. I opened up the closet doors and started to fold all of mom's leftover clothes into the boxes.

She'd never been able to come back here so instead she paid to have the electricity run and never came back. Now she just upgraded the washer and dryer, turned on the water and wished me well. She wouldn't come back. I asked her once why we couldn't go back, I'd left a blanket and a lovey behind on the couch and she just kept telling me she couldn't. That we'd have to get a new one, she couldn't stop crying for the longest time after he or this place was mentioned. It was scary at first but I got used to it.

I heard Sam's SUV pull up and paused for a second. I was almost done with the last box, pulling it out of the room and into the hallway closet. The door opened and closed downstairs and I peeked my head around the stairs, it was just Sam.

"Where's the lit nerd?" I asked confused, he had his clothes and toiletries but no extra person.

"Flight got rescheduled for tomorrow. We can pick him up then." He responded as he came up the stairs and took in my appearance. He looked tired but happy to see me.

"Sorry I kept you up so late." I mumbled, looking down at the ground as he passed by to the bathroom. I put my hands in my pocket as I did.

"Its fine, babe. Do you feel any better today?" He called out as he started to put things in the bathroom. I felt around in my pocket, feeling for the xanax and took in a deep breath as I popped it in my mouth and swallowed. It tasted bitter and I almost gagged as it began to disintegrate in my mouth.

"I will." I forced out and he popped his head around the corner, looking at me suspiciously.

"What?" I asked raising a brow and trying to inconspicuously slide my hands back into my pockets.

"What'd you just take?" He asked looking between my hands and my face. I paled, I totally forgot he'd be able to hear me.

"Nothing." I said and pursed my lips to keep the frown from coming up. He raised a brow and I heard him drop something in the sink as he came around to walk up to me.

"Don't lie to me, Kai." He said darkly and I swallowed hard again. I could feel it in my throat or was that an imaginary lump? He picked up my hands and smelled them. Fuck.

"Alprazolam. Did you just take Xanax?" He said the chemical name and I felt surprise come over me. How'd he know that? Oh yeah, he was studying to become a doctor. Damn. He was good. I nodded and he sighed.

"How'd you even get your hands on that?" He asked incredulously.

"How'd you know it was Xanax specifically?" I asked curiously as I started to go towards the bathroom. He didn't seem mad about me taking it, just that I wouldn't tell him at first.

"I put in a lot of time at the pharmacy, you'd be surprised how many people take that in this town." He said from behind me and I nodded as I reached into the pill cabinet and pulled out the bottle. He took it and shook his head.

"I get you're afraid, Kai. I do. I'll be here for everything, okay?" He sighed and hugged me, taking in deep breaths as he laid his head ontop of mine. I nodded.

"Great. Now just stay away from the alcohol tonight and we'll all be okay." He said with a chipper attitude and I started to smile into his chest. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed lightly, he still smelled nice.


He'd unpacked and I tried to help him but I could feel the xanax happening. I was lighter now, slower like the world moved slower, but I was lighter. Nothing was bothering me, good grief. WHY DIDN'T EVERYONE TAKE THIS STUFF? I started to pull out his clothes to hug them, they were soft.

"Can I just sleep in a bed made of your clothes, Samm?" I asked as I rolled on my bed and hugged his shirt. They were so nice. Nice warm flannel. He looked over at me and shook his head.

"No. Go get ready, the bonfire's on in 30." He said as he handed me a pile of clothes and pointed to the bathroom. I sighed and dragged myself there. All my nerves were gone, I was just free balling it. The world was my oysters.

"Kai! GET READY. NO OYSTERS." Sam yelled from my room and I hissed at the sudden volume increase. I grumbled as I put them on, he was an angry cookie.

"Can we stop and get cookies?" I didn't yell I knew he could hear me from here.

"Fine. We'll take them with us." He yelled back so the straight up human could hear. It was a dress. He handed me a dress. I spun around in a circle, alright thats nice.

"You look beautiful, Kai." He was in the doorway and I spun around. I forgot to close the door...WHOOPS. I took in his appearance, he had darker jeans and a blank hoodie with the sleeves cut off. I walked to him and wrapped my arms around his midsection.

"No..You're beautiful, Sam." I mumbled into his chest and felt it vibrate as he chuckled. So warm and soft.

"Can I just hug your face foreverrr?" I asked as I looked up, he cracked a grin and shook his head no. I pouted and he pecked me on the lips giving me a smile.

"Now come on. Its at the beach and we're running." He said as he picked me up bridal style. Running? Why would we run to the beach. Thats so silly. He got us out the front door and I watched as he locked it behind us and suddenly the wind was flying past my face. Holy fuck he runs fast.