Chapter 16: A Mind Awakened
By the time lunch arrived everyone in the palace had heard the news, from the lowest serving wench to the cousins and ladies-in-waiting that cluttered up the highways-and-byways of the palace. Every soldier in the army, every guard in the shiro knew what was to happen to their hime – and the shockwaves were felt all the way to the gates of the castle.
As Hiraku appointed a new guard Captain, he could not miss the constant glances at Touga and Izayoi, and he sighed inwardly as the peace they had all been enjoying became nothing more than a memory.
Once the new Captain had been dismissed he sat back and shook his head before summoning a servant to break out the sake. It would be needed, he was certain, as they all discussed the dangers they were now facing with the denizens of the palace aware of what was going on.
Most would not do anything, nor say anything. But there were undoubtedly some...
"Where do you think the most danger will come from?" Kohaku asked after the sake had been poured and the servant had left, leaving behind the jug of sake on his Lord's desk.
Hiraku sipped his, a thoughtful expression on his face as he considered his brother's question, not blind to the interested look on Touga's face – or the calm, unconcerned expression on Izayoi's. I wonder why she is not worried... "From the higher ranked males of the court," he finally said, absently swirling his sake as he stared out the window into the garden. "Our cousins, undoubtedly, will use this as an excuse to foment rebellion."
"Do not overlook the females, father," Izayoi piped up, her own sake slowly disappearing as she sipped at it. Her cheeks were already charmingly pinked from the warmth of the alcohol in her system, but her eyes were stone cold sober. "There were several that had designs on Touga themselves... and a spurned female is most dangerous."
Touga turned a surprised gaze on her. "Designs on me?" he asked. "Who? No one has said anything to me or made any attempts to gain my favor."
"Not yet, you are right. But I have heard tell of at least three females of the higher court who have fought amongst themselves over who should have the honor of approaching you and offering to keep your bed warm," she huffed, becoming annoyed as she thought about it. "They will probably target me with their schemes out of jealousy."
Her father's eyes narrowed. "Names, my dear – tell me."
"Michitose, Naoko, and Masako," she responded, and her father nodded, not really surprised. They were very spoiled second cousins to him – ones he was not overly fond of.
"They will be watched," he said, glancing at his son. "Have Sakura worm her way into their little circle. She will keep me abreast of whatever I need to be informed of." Sakura was a plant in Ichirou's wife's ladies-in-waiting, a close member of the family that no one realized was really a spy for Hiraku to the goings on in the female's areas of interest. He knew too well the harm a spurned or otherwise angered female could cause, and he had no intentions of allowing his dynasty to fall to a jealous woman's spite.
Ichirou nodded as he held his bowl out to his father for a refill of his sake.
"How do you think Airi will react to this, and especially as her crony Takemaru is gone?" his father asked as he poured his son some more, and Ichirou shrugged.
"She will probably be shocked, but really, what can she do? And I am also keeping her busy, courting her as Izayoi advised me to do," he said, smiling as he thought of his little wife's expression as he'd told her that was what he was going to do.
Kohaku looked interested. "You are courting one who is already your wife... because Izayoi advised you to?" he asked slowly, looking rather confused.
Izayoi blushed as the males all looked at her, but nodded. "Yes. It was not really fair that she was denied a true courtship just because of circumstances. And it is something that will allow them to get to know each other – something that can only help make their marriage a more harmonious pairing. I want to see them happy together, don't you?"
He snorted. "Of course I do."
"Besides," she added, shaking her head at the obtuseness of men, "it is just common sense. The more you put into your marriage, the more you will get out of it."
The men all chuckled, well and truly chastised, and the talk turned to other things as Izayoi slowly sipped on her sake and listened to everything that was said. She was quite content, she found, sitting quietly next to Touga, and she could feel his youki reaching out to her, wrapping itself around her and touching her reiki with deft, gentle touches meant to comfort and entice.
Like she needed any more enticement. The male was a walking enticement all by himself.
They finally broke for lunch, and just as they neared the dining room, Izayoi was startled to find herself being tugged into a small alcove nearby by a flushed Airi. She frowned. "What are you doing?" she asked, confused.
"I heard the news... is it true that your father has sold you to the youkai Lord?" she asked, her eyes showing her titillated shock.
Izayoi flushed angrily, yanking her arm away from her brother's wife. "I have not been sold," she spat, "not any more than you were. You would do well to watch your tongue," she finished, anger clear in her usually gentle voice.
The young woman didn't take the hint. "How can you stand the thought?" she asked, her eyes wide and filled with a delicious sense of horror. "To be forced to lay with a youkai? And you a priestess! Surely it is blasphemous?! I would sooner die than be forced to service a being who is little more than an animal," she said, ignoring the thoughts she herself had had on what it would be like to bed a beautiful and virile male such as the Western Lord.
Barely able to stop herself from slapping the girl, Izayoi let her know that she wasn't fooled in the slightest. "Lie to yourself, but do not lie to me. I have seen your sly little glances at Touga one too many times to believe you when you decry your desire to lay with a youkai. This is none of your business, Airi, but just for the record, I am most honored to be chosen to be his wife. Now go to your husband and leave my husband-to-be and our situation out of your thoughts!"
Airi's eyes narrowed angrily as she drew herself up. "Do not speak to me so, Izayoi – I am to be the next Lady of Setsuna, and you are merely a daughter of the house."
Izayoi, who had turned to head into the dining room, spun on her heel and stiffened, looking every bit the hime she was in that moment as she said, "And I am to be the Lady of the West – which means that I will outrank you. Do not ever forget your place when speaking to me again. I will always outrank you. Remember it." With that, she made her way into the dining room, dismissing the younger woman from her mind as she moved to sit at her new place next to Touga. When he shot her a questioning look at her angry countenance and late entry, she shook her head and whispered, "Later."
He nodded, watching as Ichirou's young wife entered the room behind Izayoi, her expression just as angry, and really couldn't wait to hear what had gone on. He set it aside after a moment, though, and began to eat as Hiraku did, signaling everyone else to begin.
The meal took far too long in Izayoi's opinion, still fuming about her sister-in-law's words. How dare she? As if she hasn't lusted after him – I have seen it in her eyes as she looked on him with speculation. And on the other side, if she ever dishonors my brother I will kill her! He deserves better than that. She finished her food and sat with hands folded as she waited for the rest to finish, wanting nothing more than to get away and go for a walk.
She was pulled from her heated thoughts by her father's voice. "Izayoi, my dear – I have just thought of something nice. How about for tomorrow's mid-day meal we practice a little hanami?* Just think... the warm sun and fragrant breeze. Do you think you would enjoy such?" he asked, smiling as he thought of the many hanami feasts they'd all shared when his wife was still alive. She had particularly enjoyed eating outdoors, and the children had, also.
But it had been many years since they had done so, for after the death of his wife the thought of it just made his heart break that much more at her absence. Perhaps it was time to put that away and allow the activity to remind him of the happy times he'd had with her.
"Hanami," Izayoi said slowly, her own thoughts obviously flying to vague memories of sweet summer days outside under the sakura with her parents and a lot of good food. "That sounds like... fun, father. Are you sure?" she asked, and he knew she understood his pain at thinking of an activity his beloved wife had loved so much.
"Yes... it's time I look at the happy memories, and not just her loss," he finally sighed, glancing at his son, whose face was solemn. It was clear he was also remembering long buried memories.
"Very well, father," she said, bowing her head. "I will speak to the cooks and make the arrangements. Will this be a court event or just close family?"
"Oh, a court event, I think," he said, his eyes sweeping the room and taking in all the eyes pointed their way. "We mustn't take away any chance for the members of the court to spy and gossip, now must we?" he asked facetiously, meeting Kohaku's amused gaze and then Touga's.
"Indeed," Touga intoned, his eyes laughing at Hiraku's words and how much they reflected his own court and the way it functioned. Youkai or ningen, in some things the species just didn't matter.
Izayoi sighed as she caught the looks between the two. It was obvious that though one was ningen and one youkai, they were really two peas in a pod. It was quite interesting, actually, the ways in which they were alike, proving, at least to her, that in the end species truly didn't matter.
"I will inform the cooks, then, father, as soon as we have finished here. Is there anything in particular you would like to be added to the normal menu?" she asked.
He thought about that for a moment, and then nodded. "The hunters brought in several boar just yesterday – I would have some of it cooked for tomorrow – roast boar sounds very good to me right now. As for anything else, surprise me. Is there anything you would like, Touga?"
Tapping his bowl with his chopsticks idly as he considered, Touga shook his head. "Boar sounds quite good – I am open to anything else that is chosen," he replied.
Izayoi nodded and sat back, listening to the chatter around her but not really paying any attention as she let her thoughts wander.
It wasn't long after that lunch was finished, and she stood to go speak to the cooks of her father's plans for the next day's lunch. Touga, however, wasn't about to let her out of his sight and stood as well, following her docilely out of the room as the gossip exploded behind them. She didn't stop, simply arching a brow in question at him.
"I wish to spend some time with you, so I will simply wait while you discharge your duty, my dear," he said, smiling at her.
She smiled back tentatively, feeling a little nervous, but then smacked herself inwardly. How silly can I be? It's a good thing that he wishes to become better acquainted before we are to be wed. Why now am I so nervous? But in truth she knew why she was nervous – it was because her body had been awoken by him, and she wondered when he would touch her in such a manner again – because he would, and she knew it.
Her business with the cooks was over quickly, and Touga, who had not really seen her interact with the servants on any real basis before was quite surprised to see that she knew each of the cooks and their helpers personally, except a newer young woman who had come in while she was gone, and was obviously fond of them as they were of her. He did manage to gain a few cute little stories of a tiny Izayoi sneaking into the kitchens and swiping some of the sweets prepared for the family's enjoyment.
Afterward, still chuckling at the mental vision of a little Izayoi with a big mischievous streak, he again followed her quietly as she led him to one of the rooms in the family wing that led out into the gardens and had the doors left wide open to let in the fragrant breeze.
He hadn't been in this room since he'd been here and looked around, interested. There was no one in the room presently, and the feeling it gave off was peaceful and calming. Scattered around the room on the walls were several paintings of different people that he took to be members of the family, but his eyes were drawn to one in particular that seemed to be the center of the room, from its placement and the way the light just naturally seemed to highlight it.
He moved over towards it, coming to a halt right in front of it and was instantly captivated. It was Izayoi as a child, probably no more than four or five, leaning against a seated woman who was quite beautiful.
"My mother," Izayoi said softly, coming to stand at his side and looking at the portrait sadly. "It's been so long since she died that sometimes when I begin to forget what she looked like, I come in here and just sit and stare at her portrait. It was done barely months before she died."
Touga studied the portrait intently. She had been quite beautiful, her raven's wing hair long and lustrous, framing delicate features and black eyes that held a kind, gentle spirit in them. She had been fine-boned and elegant, and it was easy to see that Izayoi took after her a great deal. But the woman in the portrait seemed delicate and not as strong as her daughter was. As he looked at the little girl leaning against her, he noted that what Kenji had said in one of his letters was true – her eyes were a deep, dark brown in the painting, and though they were still mesmerizing, they were no longer that deep brown, but a deep, true blue, instead.
Strange, that.
She had been a beautiful child, just as she was a beautiful woman now, and the softness of her little round cheeks and the open, happy smile on her face made his heart ache. It was an untainted smile, the smile of a child who had not yet been trapped by a complicated destiny – or had her spirit ironed out of her by overzealous human males who did not like their females in any way but silent and almost unseen.
"She was beautiful... it is clear where you got your features from," he said after a few silent moments. "Her eyes look gentle and kind – I can see why your father still grieves for her and has no desire to take another. He would never be able to find another like her, I think."
Blinking back sudden tears, Izayoi smiled at him gratefully. "She was... she was soft-hearted and kind. She couldn't stand to see anyone hurt or sad. When she died... I thought father was going to kill himself just to follow her. His grief was so deep and encompassing that you could feel it just by looking at him. For a long time, he just... existed, barely seeing reality around him. If we hadn't had a good steward and Ichirou's guidance at the time, we would likely have lost everything. It took a long time for him to wake from his grief."
He nodded his head, remembering those years when their correspondence had become few and far between. He'd been aware that the Lady of the house had died, and respected Hiraku's grief enough not to pry.
"Such love is rare and cherished more for all that. He still feels her loss... it's just hidden. But I am certain that if asked, he would tell you that he does not regret the years he had with your mother even though they were cut short," he said after a moment, his eyes understanding as he looked at her.
"I know you are right," she sighed. "But I don't think I could live through it as he has... I think such a thing would kill me. And that I would welcome the death to escape the pain."
He didn't respond to that, taking her arm gently and escorting her to a group of overstuffed cushions near the doors into the garden. Sniffing appreciatively, he motioned for her to take a seat, and then followed her down as she did.
Eyes far away as she looked out into the sunlit garden, she asked, "Have you ever known such grief, Touga? You seem to understand my father's so well..." she trailed off, still not looking at him.
Shifting on his cushion, he looked at her with a slight frown between regal brows, wondering where her mind was. "Yes... in a way. When my father died, I did not grieve, per say, though I was a bit saddened. We had never been very close. But when my mother died..." he sighed, remembering his mother's beautiful face and her grace and power. "I felt lost. She had been my guiding light for so long, you see, and I did not know if I could really govern without her wisdom. But... it was her memory that gave me the strength to go on – I wished to do her memory proud."
During his speech, Izayoi's eyes had moved from the outdoors to him, and she watched his expression sadden as he spoke of his mother. "I'm sure she is proud of you, Touga – how could she not be?" she asked rhetorically as she touched his arm in comfort. "What was she like?" she asked after a moment.
Smiling as he looked back into the past, Touga said, "She was strong. It seemed as though she knew what to do no matter the situation, and she did it with such panache. She ruled the court with an iron fist, and no one dared to naysay her. But as strong and cold as she could be when it was needed, she could be so gentle, too. I remember, once... she shocked the youkai courts speechless-" he chuckled at that memory, "-when, out on a hunt, she came across a badly injured human child, no more than a year old. She immediately called off the hunt and brought the child, despite vociferous protests, back to the citadel and looked after the little boy all by herself, just as though she were his mother. And if anyone even looked sideways at the little boy, she about bit their heads off."
"Really? What happened to the little boy?" Izayoi asked, obviously fascinated.
"She named him Miroku, and he became a monk, funny enough. He had quite a bit of houriki, too – enough to burn the strongest youkai for speaking ill. He adored my mother 'til the day he died." He laughed, then, mirth flushing his cheeks a bit. "He was a lecher, though. Couldn't keep his hands off the ladies. But he finally met his match and married her. They had a couple of children, and I check on his descendents once in a while to make sure they are well. All his male descendants have become monks, actually. The funny thing about it is that somewhere in their past they have youkai ancestors – mother said she thought he scented lightly of kitsune. He wasn't told, of course; such a thing would only have confused him."
Something had tugged on her memory when she heard the name Miroku, and even more so when she'd heard about his lecherous nature though she was surprised by the youkai blood mentioned, but she couldn't place it no matter what she tried, so she finally gave up and chuckled at his obviously fond memories of his life with his mother.
"I think I would have liked her," she said, smiling at him. "She sounds so fascinating."
"I do not think you are wrong," he replied, smiling in turn. "She would have liked you, I am positive. In some ways you are both alike. Though I think she was a bit more strict than your nature makes you. But she was always fair, so I could not really complain. I still miss her."
"Thank you for sharing that with me," she said, and opened her mouth to say something else before she stopped and frowned, looking around almost with irritation.
"What is it, Izayoi?" Touga asked, though he was almost certain he knew what was disturbing her. His little nomi servant had arrived and was pulsing his own little aura to alert him to that fact. As if he hadn't noticed the little prick on the back of his neck from the little pest sneaking a meal.
"I don't know," she said, obviously puzzled. "I feel a strange... aura? Youki? I'm not certain what it is because it's, well... so tiny!"
He reached around and plucked the surprised Myouga from his neck and held him up to where she could see him, and he almost laughed aloud as her eyes rounded in surprise and she leaned back, asking him warily, "What is that?"
"That," he chuckled as Myouga huffed, "is a nomi youkai. He is a servant of mine – a spy."
Izayoi blinked rapidly, surprised. She leaned forward, this time, examining the little bug on Touga's hand avidly. "Oh! How interesting! I did not know that youkai so small existed at all."
"Oh, yes," Touga said, still chuckling. "As he is so small, he makes the best kind of spy there is, you see? He is most useful."
It was clear that Izayoi was enchanted at the thought of such small youkai, and she listened raptly as Touga spoke to the little insect.
"I am sorry, my old friend, but it seems that searching for Takemaru's antecedents in the south was a waste of time. We have since found out that he was from the north, instead." He named a particular town, and continued, "My belief is that he is from somewhere near that town, or one of the others on the eastern side of those northern limits of Setsuna land. He seemed to have more than a passing acquaintance with farming equipment and terms." He paused, then finished, "Oh, and Takemaru has been cast from the palace and Setsuna lands. I have no doubts he will be off somewhere soon enough plotting his vengeance."
Myouga sighed, then nodded. "Well, at least I know why I wasn't having any luck in the south finding out about that man." He glanced over at Setsuna's princess and weighed her, then nodded at his Lord. "She is a very beautiful female, my Lord. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage."
Touga cocked a brow, while Izayoi just blinked, obviously startled that he'd known something that had just happened recently – and while he wasn't around. "Well, my dear, I did say he was a spy, did I not? He would not be a very good one if he couldn't sniff out this piece of news that is being gossiped about all over the palace, wouldn't you say?"
She sat back and shook her head at him. "I suppose not... it is just a surprise, that's all." Then a mischievous look crossed her face and she grinned at him. "It's perhaps a good thing that Takemaru did not meet your vassal, here, or I can just imagine what he would have said."
Touga threw back his head with laughter as Myouga sputtered. "Aye, I can, as well," he gasped out from between laughs. "Something about a dog bringing his fleas into the shiro, ne?"
Izayoi could not help the giggles that escaped her throat, especially watching a being that was barely an inch high stick his nose – or what she thought was his nose – in the air in high dudgeon. It just didn't quite have the... impact... she was sure he was hoping it did. Poor little guy.
"So... you have him looking for what you can find on Takemaru?" she asked after a moment of calming her giggles.
Touga sobered at that. "Yes. He is still very much a threat, though in a different way, now. It will actually almost be easier for him to cause trouble. I am almost betting he will go to either Hojo or Takeda with the news that they were turned down so you could be given to me. And from there... there's no telling what harm he can cause. In some ways, I wish your father had kept him here, though I realize that with his outburst he couldn't. It wouldn't be accepted were your father to allow him to stay – it would only look as though he were becoming weak."
She could not help but agree with him, since her dreams had already long since warned her that the man was a danger to her and her family. She shivered as she remembered her dream – the palace on fire and her father and brother dead. "He will gather men to his banner. I am sure of it."
"Yes... he might. If he gets enough support, he might even challenge your father and brother for control of Setsuna. And there might even be some here in the palace that would support him, out of spite towards your father." He paused, then said, "Though I have sensed far less hatred towards him and his rule than most Lords can boast of. It seems he is well liked for a ruling clan leader."
Izayoi nodded. "Father is fairly well-liked. There are not many that would back Takemaru, though I can think of a few names. But I am sure father already has them covered. If I know about them, it's no odds he does."
"Hn." Touga looked thoughtful for a few moments, and then looked down at his still open palm. "The same orders apply as before, Myouga, the only change is in location. But the north is more heavily populated and I am sure it will be much more interesting for you. If you find out anything, simply call for me and I will find you."
Myouga fingered the tiny grain of sand in his pocket, which was as a pebble to him, and nodded at his Lord and soon-to-be Lady before hopping from his master's hand and making his way outside to wait for his transportation. He glanced back once at his Lord and the woman at his side, and sighed once more. She is surely beautiful and even I could feel her strength. If he must marry a human, at least she will be able to defend herself from attack. Although... I cannot wait to see Sesshoumaru's reaction to his father's bride!
His crow swooped in front of him and he jumped on, not looking back as he guided the bird to head north, his mind on all the scurrying and scheming that would go on once Touga brought a human hime, a priestess no less, into the heart of his domain as his wife.
There would be many, many angry females, as well, he chortled. It would make for some great entertainment, he was sure.
~oOo~
Izayoi slid her door closed with a sigh, definitely needing the nap Touga had suggested she take before dinner came. Her mind was full of the things he'd told her, but along with everything already in her mind, was just whirling around in there with no sense. She needed to rest, to let her mind calm and file everything that had happened this day away where it belonged.
Slipping her miko robes off she pulled her sleeping yukata on, and with no delay lay down and covered herself in her light silk sheet; within minutes she succumbed to the beckoning arms of sleep as they pulled her under.
For a time she simply slept, her sleep for once actually restful on its own without Mei's sleeping draught, and her body lapped it up; young and energetic or not, she still needed rest.
But after a while other things and other people slipped into her dreamworld and her brows furrowed as she moaned a denial – a, "Please let me be," slipping from her mouth in a bare whisper. But the ghostly gliding figures in her mind did not leave - although this time, she did not feel the dread she usually did in these dreams.
Strange places that had frightened her in previous dreams became familiar once more, the great city of Tokyo shining brilliantly in the night as seen so many times from the window of her room in one of the few untouched places left near the city, the shrine that had given her shelter and the gentle, understanding love of her family with equal facility. It had also been this shrine that was the center and beginning of her unusual fate, with the Bone Eater's well sitting dark and quiet until the appointed time.
She remembered her family in that distant future and place – her mother and grandfather and little brother, and was unaware of the real tears that she shed as she realized that they were gone, and would never exist in the manner she remembered them again. She remembered many, many adventures with the hanyou she'd come to love... and she remembered why he hadn't been able to fully return her love freely – her own pre-incarnation had been the first priestess to care for the jewel – and hold his heart. She had failed, however, on both counts, caring for the jewel and Inuyasha - and it was that failure that had forced the gods to send her back into that far distant past as Kagome to try again to destroy the jewel and remove it from the world.
Again, she'd failed, though as Kagome she'd come closer. And as Kagome, she'd passed other tests the gods had given her and that was why, in the end, they'd given her one last chance.
In all of that, she also remembered why the jewel had been inside her when she'd been born... and in that dream, more of Kagome's personality came to the fore, melding in with the personality that had formed in her life as 'Izayoi' and creating a true composite personality.
When she woke, more confused than she'd ever been, the awakening of Kagome's memory washed over her, and palming her face she realized that she wasn't who she'd thought she was – at least, not entirely. Yes, she answered to a new name, now – Izayoi. And she had once been known as Kagome, even as she still sometimes was here as that was her nickname. She had to chuckle as she thought about it... the name Kagome was so central to who she was that even in a new life it had followed her somehow.
With her mind once more fully aware of who she truly was it was going to be strange living in such a primitive past – she well remembered the comforts of her time – like plumbing and instant food. Still, as Izayoi she was used to what was around her, and so she could put those memories away and continue on as she had since she'd become Izayoi. It made her wonder what the gods had done with the soul of the woman who had been Izayoi in that other reality when she'd been Kagome, and could only hope that she'd been given a good life in exchange for this one.
There was still a lot she didn't remember. Such as why the name Izayoi had been familiar to her as Kagome. Had someone in her past been named Izayoi? She shook her head, a little frustrated after a moment when nothing came to her, and sighed. It would come when it felt like it and not a moment before, and so she shrugged it off and laid back on her bed, shaking her head at all the knowledge she'd held as Kagome and that she'd now remembered as Izayoi.
And inevitably, her past with Inuyasha came to the forefront and she remembered her thoughts as she'd been lost inside the jewel for that dark time. Of her love for him... but how she was no longer sure how she loved him. Was it really the love of a woman for a man any longer? And as Izayoi, she could at last understand that no, it hadn't been the love of female to male any longer because if it had been, she would have known. There is a distinct difference in loving someone as a woman and loving them in any other capacity.
She realized as she lay there remembering that dark time that Touga was who the jewel had been talking about when it had told her she would find a love like no other. And that fact pleased her even as it made her fear – because she remembered also what would happen if she failed this time to find the right way to get rid of the Shikon no Tama.
It hadn't occurred to her before that he was her fate – not even when she'd told Touga about what the jewel had said because at that time she'd not known that she was to be betrothed to him, and she'd also just met him and so had held no deeper feelings towards him, though even then she'd been attracted. She realized that she'd been attracted the first moment she'd seen him – and then a beautiful blush swept over her cheeks and she slapped her hands over them as she sat up in shock, her eyes wide. Because her lessons in Health as Kagome were right there in her mind suddenly, and like a train wreck, suddenly she knew exactly what the 'mystery' between a male and female was.
Oh, my god! she thought, thoroughly shocked as her lessons in school came back, and she remembered the chapter in her health book that had shown her just what a guy's parts looked like up close when aroused. Of course she'd seen a male's parts, she'd had a little brother that she'd helped care for, but it was totally different when it was full-grown and aroused to boot. She remembered, too, the giggling and laughing that had gone on by a bunch of immature teens when they'd reached that chapter of Health, and realized that as Izayoi, raised in a time where she had become an adult as soon as she'd started her cycle, she felt differently about it.
Yes, it was shocking and she was definitely embarrassed, but she really had no desire to look at Touga and start giggling. And then she remembered seeing Inuyasha one time in all his glory though he wasn't aroused at that time. Still, it had not made her giggle, even then. She'd run screaming, instead.
Sitting up again and wrapping her arms around her knees as she'd done so often as Kagome, she thought of her betrothal to Touga and her feelings for him. It was... complicated. Because now she remembered fully someone else who'd had her heart and what it felt like to have it trampled on and then handed back. And though the jewel had told her that the one she'd come to love as no other would love her in return, she was still a bit leery of it all – because if she failed in her duty just once more, she'd lose something that she understood quite well would mean everything to her in a way nothing else ever had. He already did mean so much to her, and she knew that she would be devastated were anything to happen to him.
She tried with all her might to search her mind for anything that could help her figure out how to avoid that mistake again, but still couldn't understand what the gods wanted from her in terms of destroying the jewel. If they hated the thing so much, why didn't they destroy it themselves? After a while, though, she sighed in frustration and gave up, letting it go into the back of her mind and simmer there. Hopefully, something would eventually come to her.
She wondered if she would change, now, because of her awakened memories of who she was. But as she thought about it, she could tell that her time as Izayoi had already changed who she had been as Kagome, because she suddenly realized that she could also be quite circumspect in a way that she, as Kagome, had not been capable of. On top of that, with the way her father had raised her, her status as a priestess and princess and her betrothal to a youkai made it certain that really, other than being mature in a different way than she had been as Kagome, she would change little with her awakened memories. Her father had always encouraged her to speak her mind, but to do so with proper manners. None of what she'd been taught as Izayoi, behavior-wise, seemed to bother her as Kagome at all. It seemed that her personalities as the two were melding quite well already, simply making her whole rather than fracturing her further. It made her laugh a little – she remembered a condition known as multiple personality disorder in that far distant future time, and had to laugh – she had that disorder covered and then some, and all thanks to the kami.
The psychologists would have loved me, she thought dryly. I'd have built the careers of quite a few of them.
But at least she didn't have a cacophony of voices all babbling in her head and confusing her. No... it seemed her mind was adapting to her rather unusual situation very well. She almost wondered, in an odd kind of way, just what she would turn out to be in the end, though, and how different she would have been had she simply returned to her original time to live out her life.
It wasn't long before she fell asleep again and this time her nightmares were silent as her mind continued filing everything she'd remembered away... and somewhere deep inside, the division that had been hiding within her for so long, one she'd never known was there, began to heal. Because even though history would no longer know anyone called Kagome Higurashi, the girl now known as Izayoi of Setsuna did remember her, and in her she would live on - one woman with memories of two different lives and the character traits of both of them.
~oOo~
Michitose slipped into her room and fumed, angrier than she could ever remember being. How dare he?! How dare Hiraku give Izayoi to the male she'd been about to invite into her bed? Letting the top layers of her hitoe slide to the floor, she ignored them, not caring for the wrinkles that would set into the cloth and have her maidservant remonstrating with her for her lack of care of them.
She slipped into a sheer yukata and then slid open her door into the central garden, not caring if anyone was about and could see her body through her gown. Petulantly, she stuck her lower lip out and pouted as she wandered the small area near her room.
While she was angry at the news, though, it hadn't caused her to give up. The youkai Lord and Izayoi were to be wed as a political alliance. She was positive she could still entice Touga-sama into a dalliance. After all, though not quite as beautiful as Izayoi, a fact which had always had her on edge, she was still quite comely, and a widow to boot. She was free to bed with whoever she chose, and she had chosen the youkai Lord. He was absolutely beautiful, and she was not going to miss out on this opportunity to experience what was spoken of in whispers – what it was like to welcome a youkai into your body. She had heard that if you once bedded with a youkai, you would never be able to enjoy a human man again.
Movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention, and turning to look, her heart began to beat just that little bit faster as the very being she'd just been thinking of wandered into view, obviously enjoying the sweet, cool air in the hours before dinner. Perfect, she purred to herself, and I am even dressed for such activity, too. There is no way he will not see my body through this gown and I am sure I can entice him to return to my room with me. After all, Izayoi never need know that I have had her betrothed, and before she herself even had a chance to.
Pretending to be caught up in enjoying a particularly beautiful specimen of lily, she kept an eye on his approach from under her lashes, and could barely repress the predatory smile that wanted to cross her lips when he moved closer, in a way that told Michitose that he was only vaguely aware of his surroundings and deep in thought.
Just as he strolled into her space, she turned and set a hand over her heart. "Oh!" she said, looking down and bowing demurely. "I am sorry, Touga-sama," she said sweetly. "I did not see you there and didn't realize anyone else was in the garden."
Touga, shaken out of his thoughts by a female voice, looked over and had to forcibly keep his mouth shut as the wave of arousal from the woman fed the scents of many other males right into his nose. It was hard, but he managed to keep his expression neutral and could only be glad he'd already toned his sense of smell down.
"It is quite alright, madam, I was simply walking and did not notice you. 'Tis my own fault, and not yours," he said, bowing lightly and preparing to walk away.
Michitose, realizing that he was not paying any real attention to her and had not reacted to the bits of her body that he could see through the sheer cloth, put out a hand to stop him, her expression ingenious. "There is no fault here, my Lord," she said, still smiling sweetly. "But it is an honour to meet you, as I have not had a chance to have Izayoi introduce us. My name is Michitose."
Touga stilled as she said her name, remembering what Izayoi had said of the females she'd heard were vying for a position in his bed. Had he come here for other reasons and not to court his future bride, he probably would have found an amenable female to service him. But he was growing very deep feelings for his princess, and even if he had not been, he had more honor than to be disloyal before the wedding could even take place.
"Michitose," he murmured, inclining his head. "I have heard my hime speak of you." He said no more, and was amused at the slight narrowing of her eyes as she wondered just what Izayoi had said.
"Oh?" she asked after a moment, idly fingering the soft petals of the flower before her. "And what did she have to say about me?"
Hands behind his back to keep her from grabbing him again, eyes twinkling, he said, "Oh, I'm not sure I remember what she was saying. She merely mentioned you, another woman named Naoko, and someone else... now what was her name..." he trailed off, looking as though he was trying to remember when really, he never forgot, and then finished, "Oh, yes... it was Masako."
He knew he'd hit dead on when the woman flinched just slightly and her expression turned a little sour. "Oh, those two," she waved her hand dismissively after a moment. "They always want what they can't have."
"Oh? And what would that be?" he asked, brow cocked.
Michitose turned away from the flower, giving Touga a full frontal view of her body, and said, "Why, things that are mine, of course," she murmured, smiling, her face faintly catlike in that moment. "They are just jealous, that's all. I am widowed and have the freedom to choose my own path now, and they hate that." She brushed up against him seductively as she passed by him to finger another flower, bending just slightly to inhale its fragrance, gifting the inuyoukai with a view of her backside through the sheer fabric of her nightwear.
It was a view that Touga could have done without. The woman was little more than a whore, and he'd always been most picky in his dalliances with females. Though when taken on face value she was attractive, he had no interest and therefore did not rise to the bait, simply saying that he had other things to do and inclining his head politely before beginning to turn away to head back to his own rooms.
But before he could, she had turned and again put a hand on his arm to stop him.
"I would be willing to give you company in your cold bed while you are here, my Lord," she said softly, finally speaking openly as he hadn't answered her come-hither expressions. "Izayoi need never know."
Her brazen words gave him the opportunity to set her straight. "You must know little of youkai to make such an offer, woman," he said, his distaste for her words obvious. "When a youkai is ready to take a bride, he breaks off all contact with any other females in order to woo his chosen. We are a jealous race and do not tolerate unfaithfulness in our joinings."
Flushing unbecomingly, Michitose pulled her hand back as though she'd been burned and snapped, "You are not joined yet, my Lord. I wouldn't be so sure that your marriage to the hime is set in stone, either. Anything could happen to put a stop to the deal."
At that, Touga laughed. "Go right ahead and take a slanted version of this story to Izayoi and see what she says to you. You and your pathetic stories will not stop our marriage. I suggest you stay out of business that is not yours and find a being to entrap that cannot smell all the males on you, for I can, and it is a most unpleasant scent." On that note, accompanied by her shocked and angered gasp, he turned and left the area, heading for his rooms. If he could find no peace in the gardens, then he would go look for Hiraku, and join him for whatever activities he, and no doubt his brother, were up to.
He left behind a deeply embarrassed and angered female with no care whatsoever, for he was not worried that anyone who actually mattered would believe her story.
Still, he was going to find that gossip could certainly leave one with a huge headache, as the scorned Michitose vowed to spread a different version of the very brief tryst through the court.
He would regret turning her down and calling her a whore, she would make sure of it, she vowed silently as she watched him walk away with an inimical expression on her face.
Yes... you will regret your words and your denial of me greatly, I promise you.
She went inside and re-dressed before going off to find some of the members of the court to begin spreading her gossip, all the while unaware of the trouble she would be causing herself in the end.
~oOo~
"What was said between you and my sister, Airi?"
The young woman turned her head, surprised to see her husband standing in the doorway between their rooms with his arms folded. She eyed him for a moment, scowling faintly at the memory, then turned back to her needlework, straightening out her expression.
"It was nothing, my lord husband," she said quietly. "Just... a difference of opinion, that's all."
He slowly unfolded his arms and sauntered into the room, never removing his eyes from his wife. "Then explain to me this difference of opinion."
Her hands clenched her sewing tight for a moment, and then she sighed and set it aside to look at him, knowing he wasn't going to leave until she told him what he wanted to know.
"I asked her how she could stand being sold to the youkai lord. How she could not fear being asked to bed him. She got angry, we exchanged words and then separated, and that's it," she said quietly, not meeting his gaze.
Ichirou almost choked as he heard what his little wife said. "You asked her what?!" he asked, stunned. "How could you speak of something so inappropriate with my sister?"
"How could you and your father sell her to a youkai?" she shot back, suddenly angry again. "She's human and should be married to a human man. Allying with the youkai Lord is one thing, but breeding between them shouldn't be allowed – he's nothing more than a beautiful animal!"
"And it is that attitude that keeps all of us at war with each other. One could take that silly belief and take it even further – those that live here in the south of the island should only marry other southerners, and not allow intermarriage with people from the north. Prejudice gets us nowhere but dead," he replied, angry, but still a great deal calmer than his wife – until she spoke again.
"It isn't the same thing and you know it!" she yelled. "Takemaru was right in what he said – giving her to the youkai is no different than throwing her to the yard dogs!"
Her words were so enraging that he almost slapped her, pulling back at the last moment as she stared wide-eyed at his hand. He clenched his fist tightly by his side for a moment as he dropped the one that had risen towards her, trying to regain control of his temper, and then said, "I am sorry for almost slapping you. It was not well done of me. But I will not tolerate you screaming at me like a fishwife, nor will I tolerate such disgusting words in relation to my sister or her betrothed. The castle mastiffs are not youkai with two forms. He may be inuyoukai, but he is as much an intelligent being as you and I are, and has nothing in common with a mortal dog other than his base form – and even that is not nearly the same. Do not tell me that you have not found Touga attractive in his human form, for I am not your fool, Airi."
She flinched in shame at that, knowing his words were true and oddly embarrassed that they were. Because the truth was that she was glad she had been wed to Ichirou – despite his momentary rage at her just now he had not harmed her as she had expected him to do – as most human men would have. She would have, in truth, more than likely been more than slapped by any other, and she knew it. She was lucky in her husband and no longer wondered what it would be like to bed with the youkai Lord. He was beautiful, yes, but he was not her husband and Ichirou was. And he was a handsome, caring husband who she was coming to care for a great deal, as well, as he made his way into her heart in his own, quiet, slow way.
"I'm... sorry for yelling at you," she said after a moment, looking away, her cheeks flushed deeply in shame. "I didn't... mean it. I just can't understand how she can accept something that, especially for a priestess, is so unnatural."
Ichirou shook his head; it was his turn to sigh as he lifted a hand and rubbed at the tension in his neck. "It's only unnatural because you've been taught that it is so. You call him animal – but do you not understand that humans are also animals? It is not so strange as you think. And as for Izayoi, neither my father nor I would ever 'sell' her," he said with distaste. "She was given the choice, and she accepted Touga's suit."
At that, Airi's head snapped around and she stared with shock at her husband. "She was allowed to... to choose?" she asked, her voice disbelieving.
"Yes. Neither my father nor Touga would force her. He said from the beginning that if she was not willing, he would withdraw his suit. But Izayoi is developing feelings for him, for he is an honorable, wise and protective being that is also developing feelings for her. You will say no more to her about it, Airi, are we clear?" he stated, his voice stern.
She nodded, still too stunned to really protest his words, not that she would. After all, the husband's word was final, and she wasn't about to question him again in such a manner and cause more angry words between them.
He nodded in return, oddly weary as he moved to sit near her and look at what she was doing. "What is it that you are making?" he asked, changing the subject at the same time as he offered a white flag, and she accepted the peaceful overture gladly, only too willing to put the ugly encounter behind them.
"I like to stitch flowers and vining plants on my linens," she said quietly, her eyes firmly on her work in submission. "It also gives me something to do on long days where I have no other use."
His eyes flicked over her at that, having detected a slightly bitter tone to her words. It gave the first clue that she was bored and had nothing to keep her busy. "Is there some activity that you especially enjoyed at home that you would like to do here?" he asked. "I don't want you to spend your days bored and unhappy."
She glanced at him, once again surprised at his care of her. His gaze caught hers and she blushed, but did not look away. "I... I did enjoy gardening. And... reading, as well. I was taught to read, of course, but then given little opportunity to do so. But I especially love to read poetry, and historical novels, too."
A little surprised at her words, he was nonetheless pleased. "We have a library here and at the Winter palace. You are more than welcome to read anything within its walls."
She frowned. "Anything? Your father does not keep things in there that would be... inappropriate for me to read?" she asked cautiously.
"No. Anything that he considers to be inappropriate for anyone but he or I to read he keeps in his study. You may have free run of the scrolls in the library, my dear. Izayoi often goes there to find something to read, as well, when she's in the mood." He reached out to brush her bangs back from her face, hesitating when she flinched, then slowly continuing his motion as she met his gaze with soft, slightly frightened eyes. "What are you afraid of?" he whispered as he brushed his fingers through her hair. "Your fear... it isn't of what almost happened, is it?" It was posed as a question, but was really a statement, and Airi knew it. She shook her head slowly, her eyes not leaving his.
"No... not really," she whispered back, her gaze solemn.
"Then what is it?" he asked, his voice soft, as were his eyes. As angry as he'd been at her words, earlier, he was more upset with himself for raising a hand to her, even though he'd not actually hit her. He didn't want to hurt her like that – she was tiny and one with his strength could really harm her, if not kill her.
After a moment, she dropped her eyes to watch her fingers fidget in her lap. "I suppose... it's everything," she finally said, a sad little smile on her face. "It's so hard to believe the differences between here and... my former home. If I had spoken so to my brother, he wouldn't have pulled the blow. I would have been knocked to the floor. And then... you already know of my mother, and the things we were taught as daughters of the Hojo clan. Here... to know that Izayoi was given her choice – it's almost unbelievable. Sometimes I think that I will wake and find that this has all been a dream."
He sighed. He could see her point, and with that understanding he reached out and took one of her little hands, fingers tightening on them to stop their fidgeting, and she looked up at him shyly, still very easily intimidated by his closeness. After all, they hadn't been together as husband and wife but for a handful of times since their wedding what with all that was going on in the palace.
Looking at her, Ichirou thought that perhaps it was time to remedy that, and tugging her into his chest he slowly kissed her, pleased as her fingers twitched and dropped her sewing to fall against his chest, where she clutched to him as he thoroughly explored her mouth.
Airi didn't demur at all, following him down whatever path he chose as he showed her what pleasure could be had in the hours before dinner between those so inclined.
Little by little, Ichirou was sneaking his way into his little wife's heart. There would always be hard times, but he was showing her that there could be good times, as well, between those that chose to care for one another.
~oOo~
Edited 10/05/13
