Chapter 6: GILDEROY LOCKHART

Ginny frowned as she read the title.

"Gilderoy Lockhart."

"This ought to be good" Tonks said thinking that Molly may have had a point about Lockhart getting braver.

However, she wasn't holding her breath at the eyerolls those who had been taught by the man were giving as well as the other teachers.

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"Errol" the Weasleys chorused with recognition.

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"A red envelope?" Charlie asked with a gulp as Ginny had a mischievous smirk on her face.

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"It's scarier than a dead owl Hermione" Bill said.

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Sirius winced. He had gotten his more than fair share of them from his own mother. And technically, still got them whenever her portrait was unveiled.

Remus smirked as he remembered the number of howlers Sirius had gotten in school ranging from being sorted into Gryffindor to pranking the Slytherins.

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Harry and Ron quickly stuffed their fingers in their ears. For a brief second, everyone wondered what they were doing, but that question was QUICKLY answered.

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"I had thought some muggle had stolen it and when there had been no sign of the boys, I feared kidnapping" Molly explained as her daughter did a PERFECT imitation of a howler, volume included.

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Sirius shook both boys to tell them that it was over.

"It could have been worse." Remus told them before turning to Sirius. "Remember those three your mother sent me, James, and Peter at the same time for being 'bad influences' on you?"

"Everyone went running" Sirius chuckled. "Best howlers ever."

"No. The best was what we did in retaliation" Remus said.

"What happened?" Harry asked.

"Well, you've heard my mother." Sirius explained pointing out to the hall and then to a book. "And you know what a howler does to a voice. Well, triple that."

Everyone winced, the teachers more out of memory of that day.

"Nobody could stand the sound so they cleared out of the Great Hall providing us with the opportunity to do a few spells in the Great Hall." Remus continued. "So, the four of us sent Mrs. Black a howler thanking her for the pranking opportunity."

"Since it was done at Christmas…" Sirius added. "Regulus got to hear it. Came up to me at school when he got back and told me off."

"When was this?" Hermione asked.

"Our fifth year" Sirius said. "Next summer I ran away from home."

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"Good to know" Sprout said.

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The twins pretended to gag.

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"Oh I would have SO loved to have seen him try." Sprout muttered under her breath. "He was just standing back while I did the work talking about the time he fought a Quintaped that now eats grass."

Molly and Tonks exchanged confused looks. Something was wrong with this picture. Was Lockhart just keeping Sprout company while she did her job as the Herbology teacher and took care of the plant?

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"I don't blame you after spending an hour with HIM" Flitwick told Sprout.

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"What was his fault?" Bill asked.

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"What did he have to do with the car?" McGonagall asked.

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"He said to the guy who runs at the sight of a camera and ducks behind people at the sight of reporters." Hermione teased.

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"Yes. We know his name is Harry!" Snape exclaimed.

"I'm just reading what it says Professor" Ginny said.

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Ginny paused and blinked. As did everyone else.

"Did he just call Harry Potter a nobody?" Arthur asked.

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"I never wanted it to begin with" Harry muttered through clinched teeth. "And I don't want any more of it."

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The younger crowd, minus Hermione, laughed at Ginny's too perfect an imitation of Hermione.

"I do not sound like that!" Hermione defended.

"Yes you do" Harry and Ron chorused.

The teachers nodded in agreement.

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Sirius laughed.

James had the same problem with Lily." He told Harry. "Though I think she did it more on purpose."

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"So what are you doing teaching them first hand?" Sirius asked the teacher.

"Do you not recall YOUR lesson with the Mandrakes?" Sprout asked Sirius with a smirk.

"Oh." Sirius said sheepishly as Remus laughed and even Snape smirked.

"What happened?" Harry asked eager for another tale from the Marauders' time.

"Someone didn't put his earmuffs on tight enough." Remus said. "And then Peter stupidly took them off to check on Sirius and HE fainted thus knocking over James who fell into me creating a domino effect."

"Your mother then fixed everything by using the silencing charm on the mandrakes so everyone could recover" Sprout finished the tale before smirking at Snape. "And then a certain Slytherin swapped out Black's earmuffs for the pink and fluffy ones so when he recovered…"

"Say no more. Please" Harry begged as he laughed at his godfather's expense.

"Glad we can amuse you" Sirius said messing up Harry's already messy hair.

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Sirius glared at Snape.

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"You can't just zap a werewolf" Remus sighed.

"Yeah. If a werewolf cornered me in a telephone booth…during the full moon and it was already transformed." Charlie said as he remembered he was in the company of one. "I'd probably be wetting myself."

"I think most of us would be Charlie" Bill said.

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"I feel sorry for her" Ron whispered to Harry. "Her whole view is based on what HE wrote about."

"As far as she knows, all wizards dress in turquoise and like lilac." Harry joked.

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"We wouldn't have said that" Molly told her son.

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"A picture?" Sirius asked as Snape rolled his eyes.

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Fred and George laughed.

"What?" Harry asked.

"People had made to go line up" Hermione explained. "You were just too preoccupied to notice."

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Harry clinched his fists. He never WANTED the scar in the first place. What must it take for people to see that?

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"Oh dear" Molly whispered.

"That's the worst thing about howlers." Bill said. "It gives your enemies ammunition. I know part of the punishment of a howler is humiliation, but kids can be cruel."

"Especially when both sides of the family have been in Slytherin for about as long as Hogwarts' been around" Sirius added.

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"He just HAD to hear that didn't he?" McGonagall whispered.

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"You'd have to put the Imperius curse on me to get my autograph" Harry said.

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"Yes he is" everyone in the room chorused.

"At least, at that point of time" Moody added remembering that nowadays, Harry wasn't Mr. Popular.

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Ginny shot Ron a death glare that would have put that basilisk to shame.

"Looks like you, Charlie, and Bill will be sleeping with your eyes open" Harry teased Ron.

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"There actually IS a Harry Potter Fan Club" Fred said.

"WHAT!?" Harry demanded as Ginny blushed. "Ginny. PLEASE don't tell me…"

"I didn't create it." She assured him. "But I did join it. If only to make sure none of them followed through with some of the ideas."

"What ideas?" Ron asked curiously wondering what a Harry Potter fan club could do.

"Let's just say…there's a reason you're not missing any underwear." She said.

"Thank you SO much for stopping them." Harry said as his friends chuckled.

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"I don't know. That smile scares me." George said.

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"We had no choice!" Ron argued.

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"So Harry and Ron will probably fail" Charlie joked.

"I don't know." Tonks said. "Common sense might help them out. I mean, it IS Defense."

"That's true" Remus agreed. "Harry and Ron have shown a specific talent for Defense. Harry more than Ron spells wise, but Ron's talent in chess shows a strategic mind which will be good for him if the war goes on long enough for him to join."

"Let's just pray it doesn't" Molly said not wanting her youngest son and daughter fighting. However, she was pleased to hear about Ron's talents being recognized.

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Luckily, Ginny had already taken the class and the test so she knew what to expect.

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"Wait, what?" Charlie asked.

"What does that have to do with Defense?" McGonagall asked.

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"Secret motives. That's reasonable." Moody said

"You haven't read his books, have you?" Remus asked knowing the so called 'secret ambition.'

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"I've heard of 'get to know the enemy' but this is ridiculous!" Sirius said. "I'm sure you didn't care if the kids knew that your birthday is March 10th, Remus"

"No and I still don't care." Remus said.

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"That's a LIGHT purple, isn't it?" Sirius asked mortified.

Tonks turned her hair the shade.

"Tonks. Please never use that shade again" Remus beseeched her.

"Even the dark purple Dumbledore wears isn't that bad for a guy." Ron said.

"I will take that as a compliment." Dumbledore told Ron.

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"Okay. I get the whole 'rid the world of evil'" Bill said. "But HAIR-CARE?"

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"Now we get to see the grown him in action" Tonks said eagerly.

It was all the students and teachers could do not to laugh at the excited looks on Molly's, Tonks', and even Arthur's faces.

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"That was…anti-climatic" Charlie stated.

"Start them off small" Molly said. "Pixies can be very tricky."

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"He didn't" Remus gasped. No wonder half of the students had been horrible at defense at first.

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"Okay, as much as I believe in learning on the job, at LEAST give them instructions." Moody said.

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"Finally" Molly sighed with relief.

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Silence fell over the room.

"That's not even a spell!" Flitwick said.

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Molly gasped and turned to the trio.

"He was fine" Hermione said answering the unasked question.

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"He just left three 12 year olds alone in a room not knowing what they were doing?" Charlie asked.

"You're forgetting Charlie…" Ron said pointing to Hermione. "We had Hermione who knows everything."

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"Well, how else would he know how to do all that. He must have been having an off day." Molly said.

"Wow. Your Mum's stubborn." Harry whispered to Ron.

"She's start seeing the light after the game." Ron whispered back. "If not…at the end when he looses it."

Sirius turned to Remus not sure what to make of the whispering conversation.

"So who's next?" Ginny asked.

"I will" Snape offered figuring he'd go on and get his turn over with.