Author's note: Faith and Theology discussed.
Chapter 3
Shortly after Diana had begun napping Sr. Anne gently nudged Spencer.
"It's a beautiful day Spencer, let's go outside and talk."
"Ok,Aunt Anne." Spencer hoped that his aunt wouldn't begin analyzing him. He would be ok, he knew he would be.
Once outside the two sat on a bench,the sun shining down upon them.
" I understand you have been through a lot recently. I understand that you tend to have a harder time expressing your emotions. That is ok. I will not push you to do anything. Just let me know as little or as much as you want, when you want. I love you and believe the Lord does too."
Spencer wasn't sure what he felt about religion anymore. Was there any good in religion at all?
"I remember learning that a long time ago. Grandma taking me to religious education,telling me that if we just prayed for Mom she would get better. Mrs. Reilly told me that perhaps God had a special plan for her and she wasn't really sick, that perhaps God was preparing her for an apparition of Mary some day."
"Oh my.. The nerve of the woman." Some people had no knowledge of mental illness at all. She vaguely remembered the teacher Spencer had for his first communion. She seemed to be a well meaning mother, whose eternal happiness was almost annoying.
"There are so many things one can believe and still call themselves Christians, that's why I like math and science,it's so definite. If there is a God, why do you think God isn't mad at me after what I did to.." He gestured at Benington.
Sr Anne could not believe he felt that way. She had always admired that it was Spencer who at 18 had told her about sending Diana to Benington, when she was at her lowest point.
"Spencer, you made a very wise and mature decision in doing that. I actually believe that's something God wanted. She's had her ups and downs, but she is getting the care you could not give her. Don't you ever feel guilt for that. Every day I see a woman a little younger than your mother on a bus route that goes from campus to an area where homeless people gather. She is never lucid, carrying on a conversation with whoever is in her delusions. She still has what looks like a university employee ID on her, I never really got more than a glance at it, but every time I see her I think, that could have been Diana if Spencer had let her stay living at home and moved away."
Spencer looked at his aunt, the realization dawning on his face.
"Wow, I suppose that might have.. Thank you Aunt Anne,wow, for once I think I'm at a loss for words. That story you told and your view of God was just..moving. I still can't say exactly how it made me feel though."
"Oh Spencer, not everything is easy to put in words you know."
"I suppose not. Did you ever know anyone with such a twisted view of religion that scared you, made you question it? The Unsub, the personality of his father thought that any sinners should just die,that guilt should never be swept away."
"Spencer, I've had my share of priests in the past make me feel extremely guilty in the confessional, but knowing I was forgiven was a comforting thought. There are those out there who are very focused on sin in the Catholic Church and others. Take the Westboro Baptist Church for example. Their belief that pretty much nobody receives grace and God just sits around waiting to find ways to punish people.."
"An extreme view of Calvinism and predestination that even those who have Calvinist views disagree with."
"Exactly Spencer, no matter how many times this man stated you were a terrible sinner who deserved to die,it still is not true. I know you know that intellectually,but those feelings will lessen and hopefully if you seek counseling."
"Let's go back inside, I want to be there when Mom wakes up. Umm.. Can I have a hug?" He looked embarrassed to ask.
"Of course, dear." Sr. Anne gave her nephew a hug, as tears began to run down her cheeks.
