April couldn't sleep. She had been so excited, planning everything for Harriet. The nursery was ready, she had so many clothes and toys. At first she hadn't bought much, even if she kept telling herself it would be alright, she just couldn't. Jackson and her mother had bought so much for Samuel and they never got to use it. She never asked Jackson what had happened to all that stuff, it was too painful. But after the first ultrasound with Arizona, April had decided it was about time and she went to buy a bunch of stuff. And yet she was trapped in the hospital, away from her little miracle, unable to move around. She wanted to hold Harriet. She knew Jackson would be there, first thing in the morning, with Harriet on his arms. But she needed to be there now. On Harriet's first day away from the hospital. It felt like she was going to miss so much in Harriet's life from the very beginning. She hadn't seen her when she was born, but hours later when she woke up from the anesthesia. She hadn't being able to hold her without help the first days and now she was away from her baby girl.
She was happy Harriet was healthy and happy, of course she was, and she thanked God everyday for it. But she couldn't help being sad.
Jackson sent her a text. He said she should get her tablet since he was video calling. It seemed that Harriet wouldn't go to sleep.
It hurt, seeing him like this. He was there, sitting in a rocking chair, holding their baby. It was ironic. Years ago, she had imagined exactly this so many times, only she wasn't watching it on a screen, stuck in the hospital, and divorced. And she missed Harriet, she should be with her.
She started singing, "Faith" had being the first song to come to her mind. Her baby girl was so beautiful. And Jackson was such a great father. No longer married, April, she thought. She had messed things so much. She knew she had needed it to survive. She had felt like dying for so long. But that didn't change the fact that she left Jackson alone and hurt, when he had needed her the most. And he had been unable to forgive her. Now they were on opposite sides of a screen. And April was away from her baby.
Harriet slowly fell asleep. April cheered up a little, knowing she could always sing her baby back to sleep. She said goodnight to Jackson and after the video call was over, she cried for a while, wishing things were different.
When April woke up, Jackson was already sitting in the sofa with Harriet in his arms, and April's breakfast was waiting for her.
- How was it?
- Well, I think Harriet liked her room. Her father, on the other hand, was freaking out about being left alone with her.
- I'm sure you did a great job.
April hold Harriet for a while, kissing her head and playing with her fingers, before giving her back to Jackson and started breakfast.
- I think I'm still not as good with babies as I should, so don't be surprised if I call you now and then for help.
- Jackson, you don't have to check up on me, I'm serious.
- Who's talking about you? I'm being selfish. I want a free 24/7 baby helpline. Who else I would call? My mother?
April tried to hide a laugh.
- Don't be mean to your mother. And you can always call Alex.
- That would be weird. Anyway, I have to check on a patient, I'll be back later.
Jackson put Harriet on April's arms, he kissed Harriet's forehead and left. Not married, April, not married.
Jackson came to pick up Harriet, it was time for them to leave again. She felt heartbroken. And then Jackson was suggesting they moved in with him. No, no way. It was already hard like this.
I need boundaries,- April said.- and I can take care of her.
She meant it, she didn't want to be mean, but she needed them so bad. This couldn't go on like this, with her spending half the day imagining how things would be if they were married. She still had feelings, she knew it. Living with him would only make it worse. She would never be able to move on.
- Of course you can, and you will. I know that we need boundaries, I know that I'm not your husband. I also know that I'm Harriet's father and she needs her mother. And her mother needs help. Just think about it, okay?
At least one of them remembered they were divorced. She agreed to think about it. And Jackson left with Harriet.
