Jamie continued to visit Roxas when Jack was asleep, mostly during the late evenings and early mornings so he didn't risk running into any of the Guardians, elves or the yetis. They had to rest at some point themselves and really, while they were searching the globe for him why would they think that, in avoiding them, he would ever visit the Workshop where Jack was? It must have either occurred to one of them at some point, maybe he was just careless, or they had given up the search. Whatever the reason might be, this evening he found himself cornered by the Guardians on his way through a different room to leave again. He had gone through this spare bedroom so many times. It had always been empty and he'd been so very careful to not leave any frost or anything to show that he'd been in that room or any other. Apparently he hadn't been as careful as he'd hoped.
"Um... hi..." He hadn't planned for this, most of his hurt from what had happened had faded so that now it was only a dull ache in his chest if he gave it any thought... or thought about Jack. He'd long since found the answer to his question, but he had wanted more than just that and had stayed away for many reasons. It'd been several months now, almost a full year if Jamie remembered right, and he was no closer to finding out his purpose than before, but he hadn't really been prepared to be ambushed by the Guardians. They were obviously concerned for Jack, who had stopped talking to them just after the first day; it was written all over their faces or at least for Sandy, North and Tooth it was, Bunny seemed a mix of concerned, annoyed and angry. The four were concerned that soon even the presence of Roxas wouldn't be enough to hold Jack together. That he would just one day dissolve before their very eyes and there would be nothing they could do to stop it as he spiraled into the final ring of self destruction.
"Jamie, vhere have you been? Jack... he's ..." North couldn't continue on as Jack's sobs rang out; he must have been awake again... It had come to the point where Jack had broken out crying again at every word spoken to him about things, even just at Jamie's name. Just even hinting at the other spirit had caused Jack to break out into uncontrollable sobs that would last until he passed out from sheer exhaustion. Jamie flinched slightly at the sudden sound.
"I've been out. Looking to see if I can't discover why I'm here." He replied quietly after a moment.
"I dunno what's happened between ya but ya need ta talk this out."
"And say what? What is there that could possibly be said?" Jamie looked at the lagomorph with a hint of anger. He could see that the others were obviously under some strain from having Jack around, but he couldn't help his anger. He still harbored a little bit of it against Jack. He hated being lied to for any reason.
"I was lied to. He knew I wouldn't have bugged him about his past if he didn't want to talk about it, but instead he lied about it. I feel in love with someone who doesn't exist."
"You think so?" North asked with a raised eyebrow, as if he couldn't believe what it was he was hearing. Jamie knew it to be true though. Jack wasn't who he thought he was... had thought he was... not entirely anyway. Jack was nothing more than a complete stranger to him now. Someone who hadn't trusted him despite everything he had given... all he had suffered through... it hadn't been enough to earn the trust of his former idol.
"Pretty sure. I had my suspicions before on some things but that demon thing just confirmed them." That much was true, he had harbored some suspicions about whether Jack had been telling the truth on some things, but it hadn't ever occurred to him everything had been a lie, not until he'd been told plainly that it had been.
"An' yer just gonna walk away just like that? That don't sound like ye mate." Jamie fell silent for a long moment. He wanted to cringe. No, it didn't sound like him, but he wasn't the starry-eyed child who had idolized Jack that Easter... wasn't the ignorant teenager who had fallen head over heels for a beautiful immortal who had seemed far beyond his reach... He was a winter spirit who had suffered at the hands of the enemy time and time again... and for what? What had he proven? He certainly hadn't gotten Jack's trust and how could there really be love if there wasn't trust? Wasn't love the most fragile and deepest sort of trust there was? Because when you told someone you loved them... when you gave them your heart... weren't you entrusting them to take care of it? To be gentle even if they handed it back? Thinking back on that itself... when had Jack EVER been gentle with him? He couldn't think of a single time beyond their first kiss or that first time, when Jack had showed him the pleasure that could be had between them... So, what... had Jack only been gentle then because he'd been a virgin? He pushed the thoughts away before answering.
"Yeah, well... people change."
"Yeah, well I'ma sick of that noise." Before Jamie could protest or even knew what he intended, Bunny grabbed the back of his hoodie, he'd left his coat and hat in this room before visiting Roxas, and picked him up.
"Hey! Bunny! What's the big idea!" He protested, squirming in the rabbit's grasp, but Bunny didn't let go. His grip on Jamie was as solid as iron until he all but tossed him back into the room where Jack was making a fuss; Jamie tumbled into the room, literally rolling like an acrobat from the toss.
"Ow." He muttered even as the door shut behind him as he stopped abruptly a couple feet from the bed Jack sat in. Jack's sobs cut off as soon as Jamie landed in the room.
"Oh God... Jamie... I'm sorry, it's all my fault. I should have told you, but I was too scared... I was afraid what you'd think of me." Jack's voice rang out in a high pitch in the room, the words tumbling out all at once as if he was afraid that Jamie would disappear if he didn't say them. They were the only ones there besides Roxas who was sitting up and sucking his thumb and trying not to cry; after a few more broken sobs from Jack the room was silent, dead silent. Jamie was silent a while, glaring at the door as if he hadn't heard a word of it. He didn't want to face this now... or ever if he could help it. He sat on the floor; after a moment he rubbed a hand over his face and turned to Jack once he was sure he'd calmed down from being angry at Bunny for forcing this. He was not happy in the least that Bunny had done that. He was almost livid, still, at the other really because the very last thing he wanted was to talk about this. Especially with Jack. It wasn't going to change anything; it was another few minutes before he had collected his thoughts. He reasoned Jack deserved some sort of an answer, even if he didn't want to do this... didn't want to even acknowledge him... he wasn't some holligan or wild child... He had to at least respond like a civil human being, even if he wasn't human anymore.
"No. You just didn't have to lie about it." Jamie said evenly as he picked up Roxas to gently soothe the boy who'd begun crying silently because Jack had been crying and had been woken up by the commotion from Jack, at least from what Jamie could tell. Jack winced, Roxas didn't like the tension or how Jack was so upset just at seeing his papa.
"If I told you, Jamie, you would never have loved me. I was scared and the demon made it worse... telling you first. I finally had the courage to tell you when we had Roxas but I lost it when Chris came back." His knuckles were pure white, he clenched them until his nails punctured the skin and a trickle of blood flowed down freely along his palms. Told him? Seriously, did Jack just not listen either? He didn't care about that, it was just the fact he'd been lied to; it both hurt and angered him that Jack thought that it was knowing what Jack was that had caused all this. Did he not care to listen? Did Jack think he was still just some child who would hide under the bed from monsters? He shoved aside his thoughts. It didn't matter. None of his thoughts mattered because he didn't know... he didn't know Jack at all... Who was he to make assumptions? He narrowed his eyes thoughtfully at Jack, meeting those icy eyes that were so damned expressive... He chose his next words carefully.
"You don't know that. Because you lied... well, you'll never know will you? Of course neither will I." There was no way either of them could know because there was no going back. No redoing the past. Jack sat back down on the bed, wincing, barely registering even having stood up in the first place. He'd messed up, bad. Was this it though? Was it really all over? He felt like someone was squeezing his heart; it couldn't be... this couldn't be the end...
"I lied to you about my life... where you thought I came from... I let Jakoul take over, Jamie. Jakoul was me, in a sense; I lied about my family... So many lies I just got lost in them." He almost whispered that last part. He felt like he was choking too now, it hurt just to breathe... Jamie didn't seem to care... Had he truly lost him? Was this his punishment? Had it finally come... the punishment he'd always thought he truly deserved? Jamie had no doubt about the misery Jack was in at that moment. He could see it in his eyes, in the way he held himself... did he look thinner? More tired? It was hard to tell really if it was just him or not because Jack wasn't looking at him anymore. He was staring at the bed, like he was struggling with something though what Jamie didn't know. He wasn't sure what Jack expected him to say to that, or at all, so he simply stayed silent; he just gently rocked Roxas as he tried to calm the boy who sucked his thumb as he clung to Jamie. Roxas didn't deserve to be upset, he'd done nothing wrong and none of this had anything to do him. It was all Jack. Plain and simple. Jack felt awful just telling Jamie that; it made him feel sick to his stomach, made his chest tighten and he felt like what little he'd eaten was rebelling against him in his guts. It was the truth though and he knew he couldn't tell anymore lies. Not to Jamie. Jamie deserved to know the truth, to know the whole truth of things... it would take time but he had to start somewhere didn't he? He had to try to fix this before it was too late... before Jamie left and just never came back again; he wasn't even sure he knew why Jamie was here in the first place except... Roxas. That had to be it. Jamie had come to see Roxas... or had he come to... Jack felt even more ill at the thought. Jamie would never take Roxas from him... would he? He couldn't stomach the thought and felt violently ill suddenly.
He hoped not, but then... if he had come for that then why was he still here? Why hadn't he simply taken Roxas and left? So then... Why was Jamie here? It sparked a small bit of hope in him that maybe... just maybe... there was some hope for them. That he hadn't completely screwed this all up despite that he hadn't seen Jamie in so long...
"I didn't want to lie you know. It just got so hard that... that I couldn't say anything without consequences." Tears streamed down, crystal moon lit on his pale skin now. The dark circles beneath his eyes just made him look that much more pitiful; but at the same time it struck a cord in Jamie he hadn't wanted to admit was still there. He couldn't stand seeing Jack in pain... to see him cry... it made everything in him want to cry out... but did he dare?
"That's true with anything. There are ALWAYS consequences to actions and words Jack, just... not all of them are bad." He found himself saying. Jack shuddered, when had Jamie become so calm and... so cold? Had the distance done this to him or had it been because of Jack?
"I was scared Jamie, that you would hate me... that's what held me back for so long." He said after a moment.
"What on earth would give you the idea I'd hate you for something in the past?" Jack shuddered again before answering.
"Because of the vibes you gave off... you probably think me nothing but a stranger don't you?" He said, looking into Jamie's eyes; Jack's reflected hurt, pain and hopelessness. They were dead, lifeless eyes. Jamie sighed as he saw this. So that was it then wasn't it? Jack did think everything was over... but that wasn't true because Jamie couldn't let him go...
"I don't know much about vibes, but you pretty much are one to me now because everything I thought I knew wasn't true. So... what DO I know? I've been thinking this over while I've been out and about looking for my purpose." He paused a moment, gathering his thoughts. He needed to let Jack know, this wasn't over. Despite being lied to... he still held on, because he loved Jack just that much. Discovering the lie hadn't been enough to make him hate Jack, and while it had hurt deeply and he'd been angry... it hadn't lasted... in the end... he had still yearned for Jack in the night. Had still wanted to hear his voice, to hold his hand, to be able to see those beautifully expressive eyes...
"The only thing I can be certain of is that the spirit I fell in love with was one who loves mischief, who has a great sense of humor, is fun to be around and while not always sure of himself, he has one of the biggest hearts ever. I didn't fall in love with who you were before we met. I fell in love with the person you'd become when we did." Jack sniffed.
"I-i am still that person but I-" He shook his head, trying to spit out his life but it wasn't working. He couldn't say it. Jamie almost sighed again, Jack really wasn't truly listening was he? Well, at least that hadn't changed... It had been a sort of truth he'd not really noticed up until now.
"I love you Jamie, no matter if I were a stranger to you... I will always love you, even if you hated me I would still love you. I just want our life back to the way it was; I want us to stop fighting and think of Roxas' future. He needs his daddies... he needs us and I need you both." Jack broke out crying again, there was truth in every word he had said; to him, Roxas and Jamie were all that truly mattered in the world. He just hoped Jamie didn't hate him...
"I know. I just needed to sort out everything myself before I came to talk to you; not that I managed all that." He sighed a bit.
"Even knowing the partial truth of things, I still love you. I always will, even if things never change or constantly change. Whether we're mad at each other or not." Jack sniffled. Roxas pulled on Jamie and pointed to Jack, he made his arms curve as in hug and comfort; he'd stopped crying himself. Jamie ruffled Roxas' hair, murmuring.
"You're a good kid." He set Roxas on the bed before he wrapped his arms around Jack, pulling him against him. He rested his head on Jack's shoulder, closing his eyes; he really should have done this sooner... He realized he needed this as much as Jack did. Jack sobbed into his chest, soaking up the affection given; all he could think was that Jamie couldn't hate him if he was hugging him. Roxas hugged them both... well, what he could reach anyway.
"I'm sorry... oh God, I'm sorry." Jack sobbed quietly. The stone on the nightstand glowed blue and a white mist surrounded it. Jamie hugged Jack close to him.
"Me too." He murmured gently. He hadn't meant to hurt Jack like this... but he had been hurt and angry... and ... He'd needed to sort things out. Jamie still didn't know what his purpose was exactly, but it didn't matter all that much; he was here with Jack and he loved Jack to the end of time and back. While the two were busy reaffirming to one another their love, Roxas reached over and picked up the stone from the nightstand; he ran a finger over it. Jack couldn't help but giggle.
"Jamie, that tickles." Roxas, seeing Jack giggled, continued messing with the stone; making Jack laugh.
"Not me." Jamie looked over at Roxas.
"Roxas, really now... that's not a toy." He let go of Jack to gently pry the stone away from the boy. Roxas slowly began to cry and throw a fit, the stone turned black before Jamie could pry it away from him.
"Aahhh... ouch!" The boy's upset cries had filled the stone with negative energy. Jamie hastily reclaimed the stone from the boy, setting it down before picking Roxas up.
"Now, now. Don't fuss, it's okay. We just need to get you something else to play with okay?" He murmured reassuringly and carried the boy out of the room to find him something else. Jack sighed, the stone had turned normal when Jamie had set it down but now it was glowing with a red mist leaving it and making Jack's eyes turn black.
Come Jack. Come back to me. Open the portal... Jack shook his head, fighting off Malfor's power as much as he could and the demon lost his hold. Jamie came back in with Roxas moments later, the boy was now attached to a stuffed version of Jack, who chuckled when he saw it.
"Where'd you get that?"
"Apparently North is making them for Christmas. There's one of each of the other Guardians too." Jamie replied with a trace of amusement, he thought the dolls didn't quite look like any of the Guardians they represented but they were close. Jack was amazed at that.
"Wow, that's awesome. Ooh! Then there must be one of you..." He smiled mischievously. Jamie chuckled at the thought of that but shook his head.
"No, just of you guys." Jack pouted.
"Not cool North." He whispered to himself.
"What's with the pout?" Jamie asked, a little confused that Jack would be pouting at all. He'd seen a lot of expressions on Jack, but this was a first.
"I wanted a mini Jamie to cuddle when you're not around to cuddle!" He said as if it was an obvious fact. Jamie stared a moment before chuckling.
"Well, I'm sure if you're good this year North will make you one." He wouldn't put it past the Guardian to do so just for Jack...
"Yay!" Jack clapped like a five year old and Jamie really wondered why he wanted a plush version of Jamie... Because he wasn't sure he bought the whole "cuddle" thing. Roxas giggled and Jamie just shook his head with a smile, even if he wasn't sure that was the reason Jack wanted a miniature version of him. Jack hugged Jamie.
"But for now you're all I have." He let out an 'oof' when Roxas jumped on his chest. Jamie looked at Roxas.
"Don't jump on people son. It can hurt them and I know you don't want to hurt your father." Roxas giggled in response.
"Okay papa." Jamie ruffled his hair affectionately; shifting to sit with him and Jack for the moment. He would eventually go out again in search of his purpose, but it could wait until Jack and Roxas were asleep. Jack shifted, nuzzling Jamie; the blood stone glowed red again, the same whispers touching Jack's mind. His eyes becoming black as he shook in Jamie's grip, looking away from Jamie in fear as he fought back Malfor's influence again. This time, once he'd managed it, he tossed the rock in the drawer, hissing in pain as doing so had hurt him when the rock had struck the back of the drawer. Jamie was silent for a long time before he suggests quietly.
"Maybe we should do something about that stone... if not just destroy it." Jack shook his head, batting away the idea of destroying the stone.
"Now just hear me out. I think we should keep it in a pouch. One you can wear around the neck. I'm not suggesting we destroy it, but that is an option... as I found out. Malfor destroyed Chris' stone and he survived... but not because the demon meant him to. In fact, I believe Malfor meant to kill him, but before his stone was destroyed I tested some of my power on Chris. I think it's what kept him alive... despite the demon's intentions." Jack nods.
"Fine, but if anything happens to this stone it will harm me big time."
"Yeah, I'm aware of that. Chris passed out when his stone was destroyed... I imagine the same would happen to you." Jamie remarked and left the room a moment only to come back with the pouch he'd suggested and handed it to Jack. He took the pouch from Jamie and set the stone in it only for it to zap him as Malfor tried taking control.
"SHUT UP MALFOR!" Jamie hugged Jack. He had considered holding the stone himself, but he wasn't sure Jack wanted that, or trusted him not to destroy it so he had not voiced that suggestion. Jack shuddered as he tied the bag shut before putting it back into the drawer gently.
"Just don't forget it when we're ready to leave." Jack nodded, taking slow deep breaths as he was in pain from the mental attacks but he was trying to keep calm. Jamie said nothing more on the matter, deciding that it was up to Jack what to do with the thing, but he wished he could do something about it without hurting Jack or ticking him off...
