CHAPTER TWO

AUNT MARGE'S BIG MISTAKE

"Chapter two, Aunt Marge's Big Mistake" Flitwick read.

Harry gulped.

"What's the matter?" Sirius asked.

"You'll know when Professor Flitwick reads it." Harry said motioning for the professor to carry on.

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"It's not THAT long of a walk!" Tonks declared. "Fifteen steps."

"Dudley thinks two is too many." Harry informed the metamorphmagus.

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"That is NOT healthy." Hermione sighed.

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"Why?" Ron asked his best friend.

"Only seat left."

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Both Molly and Sirius growled.

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Sirius, figuring that since the appearance of his name was what bothered Harry considering how the boy had initially reacted during their meeting, decided to lighten the mood.

"Of course I'm 'armed' but how does that make me dangerous?" Sirius asked.

"They're simply telling muggles that you have a gun." Hermione said.

"Like Black not having a muggle weapon will make him any less dangerous." Snape muttered under his breath.

"Besides," Remus said smirking at his best friend. "Like Sirius knows how to use one."

"Shut up Moony." Sirius pouted.

"What happened?" Harry asked eager for a story.

"Well, when we graduated," Remus said. "Prongs decided that we needed to learn how to work muggle weapons. So we went to a shooting range."

"I didn't know you knew how to work a muggle weapon." Tonks said.

"It's good knowledge." Moody added.

"Well, for a beater, Sirius had the second worst aim of the four of us, Peter the worst." Remus said smirking at his bright-red friend.

"What happened?" the twins asked eagerly.

"I was aiming for a target and hit the water fountain behind me causing it to explode!" Sirius admitted.

The look on Hermione's face revealed her thought: how the bloody hell did THAT happen?

"His bullet hit Peter's causing it to ricochet" Remus explained. "It went over the protective covering."

"Can we PLEASE get back to the story?!" Sirius declared.

"You're the one who brought it up Mate." Remus defended before motioning to Sirius the smile that was on Harry's face that hadn't been present when the chapter had started.

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"And what is wrong with my hair?!" Sirius declared as his hair had been his pride and joy during his pre-Azkaban days, at least before Harry entered his life. Then his hair came second.

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"Not like they gave me a comb in Azkaban." Sirius grumbled.

"Sirius. You needed a LOT more than a comb." Harry teased before throwing a nervous look towards Snape and whispered into his godfather's ear, "You needed more hair-care products than Snape does."

Not sure whether to take that as an insult on himself or on Snape, Sirius just messed up Harry's already messed up hair.

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"If this was July 31st, I was in Yorkshire." Sirius said rolling his eyes.

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"Sounds about right." Snape muttered.

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Seeing Harry go ridged, Sirius wrapped his arm around his godson.

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The twins smirked at each other. They had been wanting to hear more about the woman Harry blew up.

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"Why do I have the feeling we're not going to like this?" Arthur sighed.

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"What a HORRIBLE woman!" Molly declared.

Harry felt his godfather's eyes on him and getting an uneasy feeling in his stomach. Another talk was going to come up.

Hopefully once they read about how he gave her what was coming to her, the talk can be avoided.

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"And the teenage hormones start!" the twins cheered.

"With Harry, that's not necessarily a good thing." Ron said remembering Harry's first night at Grimmauld.

"Meaning." Harry growled at his best friend.

"My point." Ron said.

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"WHAT!?" Everyone except Harry (and Snape) shouted.

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Sirius rubbed Harry's arm in a comforting manner knowing EXACTLY what the boy had been going through. He had always dreaded visits from his own aunt, uncle, and cousins especially after Andromeda had gone off to school.

The worst was when Bellatrix came over. Sirius hoped above all else that Harry never got a chance to even set eyes on that bitch.

Actually, now that Sirius thought about it, his home life wasn't too much different from Harry's. However, instead of an aunt, uncle, and cousin, Sirius had his own mother, father, and brother.

Well…Regulus wasn't THAT bad when it was just the two brothers around even though most conversations ended in verbal fights.

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"Like he wanted to go." Ginny huffed.

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"Sirius, I'm fine!" Harry exclaimed as he felt his godfather tighten his grip.

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Silence

"What?" Harry asked upon seeing the disturbed looks on everyone's (Except Dumbledore's) faces. ESPECIALLY Snape's.

"I hate to say this." Snape admitted. "But…that was very…Sl…"

"DON'T say it Severus!" McGonagall demanded.

"Slytherin of you Potter." Snape finished while ignoring McGonagall's death glare.

"Don't worry Harry." Fred said.

"We'll save you." George stated.

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"Pointless" Everyone in the room chorused.

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"Sounds almost like Snape." Ron whispered to Hermione being careful not to be overheard.

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"Oh sweet Merlin!" Charlie gagged.

"Makes me grateful for Aunt Muriel." Bill added looking just as sick.

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Molly muttered something about spoiling children being irresponsible.

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"Smart move." Sirius admitted.

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Snape smirked. It seemed Petunia hadn't changed at all.

"When it comes to Ripper, it's the only time Aunt Petunia and I agree on anything." Harry admitted.

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"Oh brother." McGonagall muttered.

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"Ginevra!" Molly scolded after overhearing something her daughter had muttered.

"Well, she IS!" Ginny defended.

"That does not give you the right to use that type of language!"

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Both Marauders and McGonagall sent glares to Dumbledore who was concentrating on the story.

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"Excuse me?" McGonagall asked. So THIS was where Harry got the idea that she would cane him after that first flying lesson.

Even though the head of Gryffindor felt that transfiguration wasn't a proper form of punishment, perhaps she'd make this one exception on Marge Dursley.

Perhaps a cat and then set those dogs that the woman raised on her.

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"Glad I can help be a distraction." Sirius said.

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"And just what is THAT supposed to mean?" Molly demanded.

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"EXCUSE ME!" all those who knew Lily Evans Potter shouted.

"There was NOTHING wrong with Lily!" Snape declared before noticing all eyes were on him. "Continue reading."

"I'm starting to think that Snape and Mrs. Potter were a bit more friendlier than neighbors." Ron whispered to Hermione.

"What tipped you off?" Hermione asked sarcastically having been suspecting it since Snape's first slip.

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"Was that you?" Bill asked.

Harry nodded.

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"But that wasn't you." Hermione said. "The Ministry should keep better tabs on the type of magic used."

"What would you propose the Ministry do, Hermione? Set up security camera in the homes of muggleborns?" Remus asked.

"I don't know, but I'll think of something." Hermione declared.

Harry and Ron groaned. This was going to be S.P.E.W. all over again.

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"So she's drunk?" Ron asked.

Harry nodded not looking forward to what a drunk Marge Dursley had to say about James and Lily Potter.

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"Should have let me go upstairs." Harry muttered.

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"So much for 'a small one'" Charlie whispered to Bill.

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Remus and Sirius both clinched their fists. How DARE that bitch call Harry 'underbred' and 'weak.'

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Without warning, Harry stood up and stormed out of the room. The readers looked at each other as if trying to determine who was going after him.

Without a word, Ron and Hermione stood up and followed their friend out the door. A few minutes later, they returned without Harry.

"He told us to continue." Hermione said.

"He said that he's heard it once before and once was too many." Ron said. "Especially after learning the truth of what REALLY happened."

"It would appear that the only way to understand Harry's reaction is to keep reading." Dumbledore told the charms instructor.

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"Excuse us?" Remus asked with a hint of a growl.

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"That's only because he was focusing all his attention on his family and the Order!" Sirius declared. "Besides, the Potters were wealthy enough so that Harry's great-great grandkids can live comfortably without working! He was hoping to go into the auror business full time once the war was over or…"

"Sirius" Dumbledore stated sternly knowing where Sirius was going.

Sirius shut his mouth as he had been going to add, 'or when Voldemort figured out which kid the prophesy was going to affect.'

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Snape clinched his fists. He did NOT like having the same opinion of James Potter as this bitch.

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"I can see why Harry left the room" Ginny said.

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"Dursley's the liar!" the twins exclaimed.

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"The day the Dursleys are decent and hardworking is the day I join You-Know-Who!" Tonks exclaimed, her hair flashing between orange and black.

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"So THIS is how she blew up." Arthur muttered, still red with anger towards the woman.

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"Serves her right" Bill said.

"I must say, this is impressive charms work." Flitwick mused.

Dumbledore nodded.

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"Good doggie." Ginny praised.

"This is the same dog that chased Harry up that tree." Ron reminded his sister.

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"He wouldn't know how." Flitwick said.

"It did sound like an engorgement charm." Sprout agreed.

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"Should have pulled it out first thing." Moody muttered.

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"Well, that was stupid." Snape said.

"But doesn't that temper remind you of anyone?" Remus asked, despite the situation, with a small smirk.

"Who?" the twins asked.

"Lily." The adults chorused.

"Shall we get Harry?" Kingsley asked.

"I will" Ginny volunteered.

Everyone turned to her.

"What? He helped me during the last book." She defended.