Prompt #45:Loss(part 2).
Nobody would let her see him. It had been a week,they were burying him tomorrow and they had forced her to wake up from her self-imposed void in a traitorous way. They had promised,and now they were keeping the promise. She didn't give a fuck about keeping calm. A promise must be kept,they couldn't treat her like a child who didn't understand. The one time they had done this it had threatened to ruin a lot from them. Carter was her brother,she loved him as well,and nobody could understand. Or so she had thought before realizing that she wasn't the only one who had lost,nor a person nor a sibling. Into that void she had felt as if she were the only one,but when they had woken her up with that single promise she had remembered they had all lost a family member. A brother,a son,a father,an husband. And ma could understand,because right now she must have been reliving the despair she had felt when aunt Alex had died,and saying goodbye to her son,both at the same time. She had felt disgusted by her selfish thoughts. It was all she could do to try getting off that bed where she had been trapped to,up till that moment. Her bare feet touched cold pavement,as she wobbled through the hallways straight to where she knew He was. They had chosen to delay everything just for her,but this was destroying her. They had done this for her,but everything hurt.
Her body trembled with goosebumps. It was cold. Like somebody had dumped the whole poles into the room.
She wondered how long it must have taken for Carter to become so cold,and stop being the warm person he had been in life.
Her hand stopped mere inches from the white telo,then lifted it slowly,to uncover him till under his shoulders.
Her chest heaved and her hand flew to the mouth.
She moved aside and threw up all over the floor.
They had said they had restored him.
What was that supposed to mean?
DEO had tried everything,but he still looked…broken.
Carter hadn't been like this,before. In her dreams.
Her cries didn't go unheard. Some agent or one of her family must have noticed,she wasn't where she should've been.
But Lexie had no time to look at who was coming to get her,because when she looked down her gown was full of blood. She had ripped her stitches open,forgetting that half alien didn't mean completely invincible,and at the sight of the blood she lost consciousness.
A week later...
"My brother"
Lexie swayed,as she looked down at the mourners. Two weeks. They had delayed two weeks after her stunt. But it had been worth it. So many people had chosen to not see him and remember for what he had been,but Lex knew she wouldn't have stood it,if she hadn't been able to.
The fact she couldn't stand on her feet really didn't matter to her,it was secondary. It didn't mean it had gone unnoticed.
Her moms had chosen to not blame her. Somebody should've told them otherwise.
"My brother…was…the best man you could've met."she bursted into tears.
"He was there for me,like nobody else. He was with me,my whole life,he should've known there was no need to become an hero. 'Cause he was mine long before he did this."
She leaned over the legion.
"Wow,you really did it bad now Cartie. You ruined everything,and now I feel lost without you"added Lexie drying her tears with her sleeve.
Kara and Cat,holding each other,actually looked up and straight into her eyes.
Cat felt her heart in her troath,while Kara felt heavy.
She wasn't…there was no way,she was drunk.
William stood up and walked up the stage,by her side.
"C'mon come down"
She turned her husband's way and punched him a couple of times,enough to move him of a few steps to get him away from her person.
He grabbed her from her arms,in a grip which kept his eyes locked to hers.
"You re coming down with me,now"
" No. No"she screamed "They need to know…"
Kara felt broken at the dèjà vu. Two decades before,take out the drinking part,she had been standing where Lexie was,raging out at everybody trying to get her to come off the stage and let somebody else speak for her.
They don't know what's like
"They don't know what's like"
Nobody else will ever be able to say how great she was. I'm the one who knew her the most.
"They won't know what to say. I do"
She tried to plant several punches into W's chest,before she got tired.
Lexie was so tired. To not be able to do anything. Fix anything, She was good for nothing,and she had killed her brother.
That was all Lexie could think about,as she fell into her husband's arms. William carried her away in his arms,barely kicking.
"Why don't you just get out of the way you never cared about him"
The nerve that man had had to come. He hadn't seen his soon in 15 years and now he was here claiming to be sorry,well she had thrown him the fuck out,and he wasn't coming back. Lexie really didn't give a crap about him.
Kara and Cat watched the kids going to the rooms upstairs. Carter's wife was crying into Adam's one's shoulder. Lexie had just thrown out Carter's "father",and they were glad because they couldn't deal with his sudden giving a shit about "his"son.
There had been lots of questions from the young. All together the adults had decided to not let the twins and Lily see Carter. Yes,they were old enough to understand,but not old enough to go through that.
Was there even an age for that?
As long as they were in the dark of the whole thing,all they would've known was that Carter was in the light of Rao,and that death was another long journey,nobody knew anything about till they hadn't tried it.
Kara had known it fully,and this soothed her thoughts a bit.
Carter was being taken care of,he was safe and he had earned salvation.
She and Cat had laid awake at night,for two entire weeks on end,just thinking about this.
Kara had held her wife,when it was all too much,and let herself be held when it got rough.
They couldn't let go,let themselves be overcome by grief.
There was no thinking about death,only about life. Carter had lived. He had loved his siblings and taken care of them,he had married and had their first granddaughter. He had been so happy,and they refused to let grief make them forget he hadn't wasted a moment,true to their family's philosophy.
"Mom,ma?"
Lexie.
"Are you sober now at last?"
The younger woman had the decency to look down at Cat's sentence.
"You could've come to us,L,you know I understand"
Quick retort came to her mind,then she remembered there was no use because ma at last knew what it was like.
She had to have brought back some memories.
"I apologize,my behavior was stupid,and inconvenient,and I ruined it all,as usual"
Cat stood up and put an hand on her shoulder.
"You'll realize it wasn't easy on us."
"It wasn't easy on me either."
"You didn't kill your brother Lexie."
"I did"
Cat and Kara tried to convince her otherwise but tones were raised.
"I did. Why won't you blame me?It's my fault,I deserve to suffer"
"Do you think you deserve to die?"
Cat looked at her surprised. Kara had never screamed at any of their kids ever since they had married,and she could see her bursting to say that something,with her teeth gritted and her eyes blazing,her hands shut in a fist.
"Yes I do."
"Do you think you'll get to do this easily. What will you do,mm?What will you do when you re hanging onto the bottle?What will you do if William doesn't understand?"
"He will"
"I'm sure he'll be there,but you'll put him through hell and when it's not enough you'll jump the shark,and it will be too late once you realize you've made a mistake. But the damage will be done. Suddenly you'll wake up one morning to find out it's over. There's no more time,and you've wasted it,because you couldn't stop something,that couldn't be stopped."
"I'll do whatever pleases me ma"
Cat knew all about how Kara had felt,asides from the rage she could spy the sufferance behind her words.
"Will you go,and throw your life away,and let us lose another child,Lex?"
Lexie felt her chest burn in pain.
"I'm old enough to choose by myself,I don't want you to lose anyone else,I'll make sure to stay away."
She was about to take the door,when Kara's scream stopped her.
"You'll stay here,you'll fucking stay here,not move an inch"
Kara had rarely screamed in her life,let alone cursed.
Cat knew this was her breakin point. She needed to break,just for this one time,before going back to her no tears in front of the kids policy they had established.
Lexie wasn' a kid anymore,however,and she was telling them in the face about how she planned to ruin her life.
The girl turned around to look at her mothers.
Well done,you made them cry. Good fucking job.
"Kara,Kara,are you ok?"Cat quickly kneed by her. If she still remembered correctly there was fluid in her lungs and they needed to act out fast.
She was having a bad coughing fit,and wheezing,and Cat's fears were confirmed.
"Ma,ma what's wrong?"
"I'm dying…soon…sooner or later,I will"said Kara with as much strength as she could master up.
Cat knew her crisis all too well,and she also knew they could end up with bleedings,so she wasted no time before calling the DEO,under Lexie's scared and shocked eyes.
Now she knew what they had been talking about. She knew what this was,and she also knew,now that she remembered what Cart had meant to tell her.
This was what she could've done to herself,and she didn't want to find out what it meant. Lexie couldn't make the same mistake. Everybody needed to know about this all.
