I don't own Merlin.
Merlin pushed his way passed the others to where Arthur stood.
"Wh- Bu- But, this doesn't make sense!"
"Yes, well I know that, idiot. Because, there's only one reason you wouldn't mention the chance of encountering something dangerous - if you were a complete moron!" Arthur hissed.
Before them lay several pale, bald shapes, each about a foot long, apparently asleep.
"I clearly didn't know about them, cabbagehead!" Merlin hissed back.
"Well great job being prepared!"
"I was prepared! One, Wilddeoren lived in the Tunnels of Andor, which this isn't. Two, forgive me if I didn't expect to run into an extinct creature!"
"I'm not sure you know what extinct means, Merlin."
"I can't believe I ever missed you."
Arthur barrelled on, "Well, they're definitely alive," he gestured to the babies before them, "and breeding!"
"Yes, thank you, I do have eyes, clotpole."
"Good for you, but I'm still not hearing an explanation."
"I don't have all the answers!"
"Do you have any?"
"I almost wish you'd stayed dead!"
"You're not alone!"
"Shh!" Gwen stepped forward.
Merlin and Arthur were staring at each other, all anger drained from their faces. Gwen didn't notice.
"You'll wake them if you keep fighting. They're clearly babies, and they're still asleep, so if we can just get around them..."
One by one, the group moved past the sleeping Wilddeoren. They shifted in their pile a few times, but didn't wake up. Last came Arthur and Merlin, not speaking. Once they were past, they stood awkwardly, not moving.
"Arthur, Merlin," Gwen called, "You two have the lights, so if one of you could come to the front, we can get moving again."
Merlin stepped to the side, and Arthur walked slowly to the front, Merlin staying behind. Gaius tried to talk to him, but he just shrugged and looked down. The rest of the way through the tunnel was quiet. No one wanted to risk disturbing any more of the Wilddeoren. Merlin was thinking. He tried to piece together what he knew, figure out what exactly was going on. He focussed on solving the problem, trying to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach when he thought about Arthur. He'd just been telling Gaius that things had been better, and now-
He shook his head. He needed to determine what was happening. Why he kept encountering problems that he couldn't explain. He didn't have time to worry about Arthur. Despite himself, he looked up at the group in front of him. Arthur wasn't walking next to Gwen anymore, instead he was just behind her, holding the light so that she could see, but letting her lead. Merlin tried to make out what Arthur was feeling, but between the dim light and the rucksack, this was difficult to do. Even if he could see Arthur clearly, Merlin wasn't sure there would be anything visibly wrong.
The tunnel seemed unending, but finally they emerged into the open air. The sky was overcast, and Merlin glanced up as a particularly dark shadow passed over where they stood. His friends were standing expectantly, just outside the opening, and he realised they were waiting for him to show them the way.
"We should just keep going that way, uphill, and when we reach the top we're there."
Merlin could feel a knot growing in his throat as they climbed the hill. It didn't take very long, but it felt like an eternity. There was conversation around him now, but Merlin didn't check what Arthur was doing. When they finally reached the top, he steeled himself to look at the view. It was surprisingly plain. He could recognize parts of the landscape, but time and the war had changed so much that he might not even have known he was standing on the former site of his home of so many years. The hilltop itself was large and rather bare. There were two trees toward the centre and Merlin managed to set up a tarp between them for some shelter, with the sleeping bags and rucksacks in a pile beneath it. He found himself wishing he'd brought a tent, although he knew it wouldn't have fit.
Arthur had already retrieved some food for lunch, so Merlin pulled out his own share and sat down to eat it. He wanted to talk to Arthur, but the knights (and Gwen with them) decided to spend the afternoon practicing swordplay, and Merlin let himself use this as an excuse. He and Gaius sat by the trees and looked over the books, though Merlin didn't expect to find anything that useful. In fact, most of the time he found himself staring blankly ahead and thinking. No one else arrived to join them that day, and dinner was subdued despite everyone's attempts to remain optimistic. As it got dark, they rolled out the sleeping bags and Merlin cast a spell to keep them dry incase it rained.
As the others fell asleep, Merlin stayed awake, staring at the sky. Finally, he glanced over at Arthur and saw him lying awake next to Gwen. Hearing the movement, Arthur turned his head. Carefully he got up, and walked away from the others. Merlin followed, with somewhat more noise. They sat on the grass in silence for a few minutes. Then Merlin spoke.
"I didn't mean what I said. About you staying dead, I mean."
"Neither did I, not completely. It's hard being back, Merlin. Nothing's the same."
"I know, but I thought you were doing well enough. I thought we were."
"Well, you didn't die, it's not like you can relate."
"Is that why you haven't been talking to me since the others got here?"
Arthur didn't say anything. A light mist of rain started falling.
Merlin was about to say something else when Arthur said, "They all respect you, Merlin, even Elyan. And I can tell Gwen was a great leader, I just feel like...you didn't really need me for anything."
Merlin tried to think of what to say. Everything that came to mind sounded false, the expected words.
Arthur started to get up, "See, you can't even say I'm wr-"
"I didn't miss them." Merlin waited for Arthur to sit back down before he continued. "I did at first, obviously, and even later I thought about them all the time, but after a while it didn't occur to me to miss them. But I missed you. I know you're a complete prat, but you did a lot of great things and I was glad to help you do them. Gwen was a great queen, and yeah, I stopped being just a servant. But as much as we did, you were the one to unite all of Albion." Merlin sighed, "So guess what, dollophead, this probably isn't surprising because it happens so frequently, but you're wrong."
There was a long pause. They were sitting outside of Merlin's spell and the rain soaked into their hair and clothes.
"Merlin," Arthur said at last, "we need to stop having conversations at night. I don't know if you're actually being wise, or if I'm just too tired to tell the difference."
Merlin grinned, "That's the secret behind my genius."
Arthur didn't answer, and Merlin extended the spell just far enough to cover them. They both stayed silent for a while as the drops hit the invisible barrier and disappeared. Merlin expected Arthur to get up and go to bed, but he didn't, so the two of them stayed there, listening to the rain.
Thanks for reading, please let me know what you thought.
