Chapter 5: "All Shook Up" ~Elvis Presley
Who do you thank when you have such luck?
I'm in love
I'm all shook up
"I'm sorry, mama. I've just been so busy."
"It's okay! I just worry about you, Lukas. How is school? You making friends?"
"Actually, I met an old one."
"What? How? Someone from the middle school or the high school? What a coincidence!"
"Ah. No, mama. Older than that. You remember Mathias, right?"
There was silence on the other end. "Mathias Kohler is there?! Did he know you were there?"
"He's been here since his freshman year. If anyone looks like they're trying to reach someone, it's me."
"How did you find him? I can hardly believe it. I'd love to see how he looks now and how he's doing. Is he doing well?"
Lukas thought back to the practice yesterday with Mathias and tried not to smile. It felt good to have a friend. He almost forgot to respond to his mother. "He is. He's doing really well. He plays soccer. Football, I mean. He plays cello still."
"How does he look?"
Lukas let out a breathy laugh, then said, "Well, he looks fit. Tall. His hair is the same." His mother laughed at that.
"Send me a picture sometime! I'll be sure to tell your father. I'll try to tell Emil, but I don't know how well he remembers Mathias. All he knows is his puffin."
"Thanks, mama. That'd be really nice."
There was another pause, then his mother said, "Sooo…"
"So?"
"You know what I mean."
"I'm ace. I don't do well with relationships. Remember eighth grade? I don't need a repeat of that."
"But so much time has passed!"
"But it was still awkward."
He could hear his mother sigh. "So you had a bad kiss! I've had worse things happen with relationships."
"He told everyone in the school! And the only reason it was bad was because I wasn't attracted to him. I just didn't realize it I guess… why am I telling you this? The point is, I'm ace."
His mother hummed quietly. "Platonic love is very important, too!"
He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, clutching the phone tighter. "Yes, but I know you. I know how you feel about it. I just don't feel attraction. There is nothing. I see someone who is clearly attractive and all I can think about is drawing references. 'Oh, his jawline would be nice to draw.' That's me, and—"
"Lukas. Stop right there. What do you think happens when other people see someone attractive? What happened to me when I saw your father?"
Lukas slowly took Teeny Weeny out of his cage and put him on the desk, then put his mother on speaker phone. "I don't know."
"Do you think I turned into a soft pile of pudding?"
He cut a square piece of paper, folding it into a little hat while he spoke. "I said I didn't know, mama."
"Well, I looked at him and thought his face was proportionate and he had a pleasant curve in his nose."
He glanced at the phone as he spread the hat open with his fingertips, and responded with, "Really?" He heard her shuffle around, most likely cleaning up the house.
"Really. Attraction doesn't hit everyone like a brick. Sometimes it's subtle. It can just be recognizing the beauty in someone, like I did with your father."
He didn't respond and his fingers had stopped working on the little hat. He just looked over at the phone, listening to the soft breathing from the other side with his eyebrows slightly furrowed.
"Lukas?"
"I'm here. Sorry, I'm just working on something," he said, putting the paper hat on Teeny Weeny, then removing it to cut holes for the ears and taping up some edges.
"I know you're asexual or ace. I respect that. I just want you to know how complicated attraction can be sometimes. Even with friendships! Now, I have to go, Lukas. I love you!"
He picked the phone up again, putting it to his ear. "I love you, too, mama. Tell Emil and dad I said hi. Goodbye."
"I will! Goodbye!"
There was a new picture posted on Lukas' Instagram. Mathias stared at a picture of a rabbit with a little paper hat on. It even had ear holes. He grinned widely, shaking his head ever so slightly. He screenshot it, then sent the picture to Lukas with a few question marks. He got a message back with a picture of the rabbit in a bigger paper hat turned upside down to look like a boat.
Mathias glanced at the time. He could probably text for twenty minutes. Then he had a team meeting.
Mathias K.
Why do you have that?
Lukas
He's mine.
Mathias K.
I thought dorms wont let you have pets
Lukas
They don't.
Mathias K.
I want that bun
Lukas
Tough.
Mathias K.
I do want to see it tho
Lukas
I guess you can if you want.
Mathias K.
I have a game rn actually. Let me hit up the bun on Wednesday bc im off that day
Lukas
Just you?
Mathias K.
Natalya isn't huge on animals. idk
Lukas
How? Rabbits are different.
Mathias K.
Idk idk shes a mystery
Lukas
How long have you been dating?
Mathias K.
April? Maybe May
Lukas
I thought longer.
Mathias K.
So whats up
Lukas
Reading.
Mathias K.
Reading what
Lukas
About Native American folkways. Don't you have a game to be playing?
Mathias K.
Almost. Just trying to relax
Lukas
This is relaxing?
Mathias K.
Do you want to talk sometime soon? In person bc I really have some questions
Lukas
About?
Mathias K.
How youve been
Lukas
Why?
Mathias K.
Gtg!
Lukas stared at the last text message that Mathias had sent him. He figured he had to go play his game now. Besides, his roommate and a few other people had been loading boxes into the living room for the past hour.
He still didn't know what his roommate looked like. He locked himself in his room when the first person came in with a box. The noises were stopping, though, and he figured they were about finished. He opened his door a crack, then shut it and fixed himself up a little so he could at least appear to be normal for whoever he was sharing the dorm with.
When he stepped out, he saw a blond man standing there on his phone. He walked over, nervously extending a hand. "I'm your roommate. Well, dorm mate. I-" He paused, examining his face. He actually looked a little nervous as well. "I saw someone who looked like you."
"Where?"
"Sigma…uh, Sigma Alpha—"
"I'd like to apologize, for starters," he said with a small smile as he shook Lukas' hand. "That was my jerk of a brother. Twins, right?"
Lukas raised his eyebrows in surprise, then sat down on the sofa. "Oh. I'm Lukas."
"Right on. I'm Matthew. Are you from- I want to say Germany, but I know better. Somewhere in Scandinavia. But you've been here a while."
"How can you tell?"
Matthew began unloading dishes into the cabinets, not stopping to even rest, apparently. "Linguistics major. It's my fourth year. Just love language, honestly. So where are you from?"
"Norway."
"Oh, cool. Well, it was nice to meet you, Lukas. I better get this stuff all put away," he said, continuing to unpack. Lukas took that as his cue to go back to his bedroom.
Mathias was more than glad to be back from Pittsburgh. He was exhausted from the game and from finishing his homework on the ride back. His back ached quite a bit, along with his legs and his shoulders. He walked into the house, sighing in relief and looking at Alfred and another one of his frat brothers.
"Hey, guys," he said, a smile appearing on his face as he sat down on the sofa for a moment.
"Hey, bro. Me and Jett were trying to beat this check-point. Fucking awful. You wanna try?"
Jett looked over, giving a lazy wave, then getting back to the video game in front of him. Mathias shook his head and took out his phone, finding the contact for his mother. "Nah, man. My mom has really been on me about calling. I'll see you sometime tomorrow, though."
Mathias pushed the call button at the bottom and went upstairs, lugging his bags behind him. Once he was in his bedroom, he shut and locked the door, then crashed on the bed. He could still hear the phone ringing and for a moment, he thought his mother might not answer, but suddenly there was a rustling noise and a, "Hello?"
"Mom, hey."
"Oh! Hello, sweetie! Was the game good? Did you beat their butts?"
He smiled faintly, clearing his throat. "Uh, yeah. We did, actually. Sorry this one wasn't on TV. The next conference is, I'm pretty sure. Dad will be thrilled."
"Mhm. I know he will. Oh, how about orchestra?"
"I'm actually learning a new piece! It's coming along really well. I kind of broke it down, you know? And the professor says she's really impressed. Actually thinks she can bring someone out to see me by the end of the year, but I don't know about that. Kind of going back and forth with sports and music."
"I see! That's nice, sweetie. I think football would be so great for you. Then I could tell all my friends about you! But then again, you play that cello so well. It'd be a waste for you to give that up. I know you'll make a good choice!"
He smiled weakly, fiddling around with some sheet music and forcing a nod. "Yeah. Thanks, mom."
"Anytime. Well, it's late. I've got to leave soon. I'd let you talk to Bodil, but she's—"
There was a pause and Mathias could hear someone talking, then his mother sighing with a small laugh.
"Nevermind, she's awake. I'm going to give her the phone."
"Alright," he replied. There was another loud crinkling noise and then the sound of what seemed like running. After a good minute, he heard, "Mathias, it's me!"
He grinned widely when he heard her and said, "Howdy ho, Bodey Bo." She giggled at that. She always did.
"Guess what I did today?"
"What did you do?"
"I went to the store and mom let me buy a bracelet and I bought you one, too! It has a little violin on it."
Mathias rubbed his eyes and chuckled quietly. Cello, viola, and bass were all violins to her. It was amusing, if anything. "Oh, yeah! I'm excited! Send it to me."
"You'll wear it?"
"Every single day."
"Moooooom! Where are the stamps? And an antelope?"
He raised an eyebrow, put the phone on speaker, and gathered everything he needed for a shower, taking it into the bathroom in the hallway. He came back, now hearing a brief argument over where the stamps were.
"She keeps them on top of the fridge, Bodey."
"Bodil, be careful!"
Mathias heard her giggle and say, "Okay! I'm going to send it to you really soon!"
"Alright, Bodey! Thank you. I have to go now, but I miss you. And I miss mom. And I don't miss Nick."
"Mathias! You stop that!"
He picked the phone up, went downstairs, and poured himself a glass of orange juice. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Come on! He created Bodey, so he can't be that bad."
"Hm. You be good! Stay out of trouble, sweetie. I love you." The phone was clearly moved and then he heard, "Mathias, I love you, too! Also, good luck on music!"
"I love you both. And thanks, Bodey! I'm sure I'll be great now. Goodnight."
"Goodnight!"
There was a soft click, then nothing. Mathias put the phone back in his pocket, then took his glass upstairs and took the bottle of vodka out from under his bed, filling the glass the rest of the way and swirling it around. He took a long drink, then walked to the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror.
He didn't look his best. He tugged at the bags under his eyes and rubbed his calves, wishing some asshole wouldn't have dug his boots into the side of his leg. He pressed a thumb into the bruise, testing how tender it was. He knew it could have been so much worse. He'd never completely ruined his leg, at least, like some players had.
Mathias finished the drink quickly, then hopped into the shower. As soon as he did, he remembered that he hadn't texted Lukas back. He hadn't texted Natalya back, either, but he was sure he wasn't going to, anyway.
He needed to ask Lukas if he was definitely free for Tuesday. He had so many questions about what happened once he arrived in America. About his life, his family, everything. He had invested too much time on him already once in his life to let him go.
He still had no idea what he was doing, though. Maybe he shouldn't have been doing anything at all. It wasn't like he was trying to make a move on him. I'm not even gay. It's not like I want to fuck guys or something, he thought as he washed his hair. He suddenly stopped, turned his nose up faintly, and shut his eyes. For a moment, he tried to imagine what it would be like to actually touch Lukas, and it wasn't bad, actually.
Oh fuck, am I gay?
He opened his eyes again, checking to see if he had a boner. He didn't. But he also wasn't thinking too hard on the subject.
I'm not gay.
He rinsed off and stepped out of the shower, dressing while his body was still wet. He walked back to his room, sitting on his bed and running his fingers through his hair.
I haven't been attracted to any guys I'm pretty fucking sure, he thought. Well, there were guys that were noticeably attractive. But that didn't mean he was attracted to them.
Suddenly, his eyes moved to his laptop. He opened it and slowly typed in a website at the top. It filled in, as he used it a lot.
XXX Sexy Red Head fucked for the first time in the ASS
He stared at the video that popped up, ignoring it and clicking on the search bar, just typing in, "gay".
"Cock Virgins Dorm Room Threesome"
Mathias covered his mouth with his hand, then got up and double-checked the lock on the door.
"Hung muscled Hunk raw fucks a slim smooth lad aggressively"
"Jesus Christ," he muttered, letting out a silent laugh.
Finally, after a few minutes of scrolling, he clicked on one that said, "Hung daddy wanks, rims, face fucks, then raw breeds a younger smooth lad."
Out of all of the ones, that one looked the most decent. If any of them could be called decent at all. It took him fifty seconds to pause it and bury his face into his hands.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
He looked up and played it again. When he paused it next, which was only about twenty seconds later, he slowly shook his head.
Am I gay?
Again, he pushed the play button, though he skipped a few minutes in until he could see them actually fucking. The moment of the truth. He stared at the screen for less than thirty seconds before slamming the laptop shut and putting it away.
So I'm a little gay. Not a big deal! Not a big deal. Dealt with this before. Ten years ago.
He laid down and covered up, although it wasn't nearly late enough for bed. He stared at the wall, barely blinking.
He knew the video had turned him on and he also knew that he was going to have to take care of it pretty soon, but for a moment, he just wanted to stay there, taking in the fact that he was going to have to deal with a potential obstacle that he thought he'd dodged long ago.
