Chapter Three
Without hesitation, as if he'd been itching for a kill, Jaeger flew towards the Titan.
Shit. Levi flew straight at him and yelled, "Stop!"
But Eren only heard an unintelligible, distant shout. Armin. Armin. Titans had killed Armin. They needed to die.
They collided and Eren tumbled towards the ground, frantically clutching the vials so as not to break them. "What are you doing?!"
The kid still had a dozen vials in his hands. "How exactly were you e planning on using your blades, you idiot?"
"Well, why aren't you using yours?" Eren shouted back. He could hardly look at the thing. He felt he would explode into violence. He had been so calm in the basement – and now – and now – "Are they a shifter?"
"Not yet," Levi said.
"What does that even mean?!"
"Levi, what is going on?" Hange interrupted, stopping beside Eren. Amidst the carnage a very defensive Levi, a mysterious woman, and a Titan far too close to all of them had assembled. Something needed an explanation.
"What happened here?" Mikasa demanded. So many boulders…so many bodies. Cruel chaos.
"The Beast Titan happened."
"Why won't you let me kill it? I can avenge them," Eren pled. Not that he ever could. Vengeance wouldn't bring back Armin, or Mom, or anyone. Fuck.
"Because I acquired titan serum," Levi hissed, lowering his eyes. "And I used it to save our commander."
"You – what?" Hange gaped at the Titan.
"Erwin?" Connie asked.
"Do we have another?" Eren asked irritably. "So he's just a Titan now? That's not saving him! I would know!"
"The plan was to feed the Beast Titan or your friend Ymir to him, but I got a bit distracted saving his life."
"Ymir is back?" Hange's eyes glittered. Levi could only imagine her ideas for Erwin.
"And gone," Levi said.
"Hard to blame her," Connie replied hesitantly.
"Ooh, I'm torn," Hange lamented. "We could capture Erwin and bring him back, but I'd feel bad causing him pain, though I'm sure he'd understand. But do you think the medicine might help? It must be worth a try. Let's try it!"
"What medicine?" Levi asked, eyeing the serum vials. Medicine vials. Whatever.
"Eren's father harnessed the Titan's healing powers," Hange said breathlessly.
"Well then, we can't waste any more time talking." Levi snatched a vial from Hange and soared towards Erwin.
"Everyone scatter and help your comrades," Hange commanded. "We can't waste any more time."
"Uh." Saskia had been half-listening, half distracting the titan from eating his former comrades, but she had heard enough to see that this "medicine" might be their only option. She waved a hand towards Erwin. "That's it – look at me – yes."
Levi's heart pounded. The neck had to be the best place to inject it, right? Him. Inject him.
"Who are you?" Hange hollered to Saskia.
Saskia ground her teeth and stepped closer to the titan, ignoring the messy woman calling to her. "Keep looking at me. We're going to help you."
For the second time in minutes, Levi plunged a needle into his friend's bloodstream.
Steam immediately poured from the titan. Levi lurched back. Have I killed him? "Erwin."
His face burned, and he felt sure he would melt. Levi had no choice but to flee the heat.
Saskia, however, stepped forward. The steam wasn't as bad near the earth, and she rather liked the pain. Erwin was either transforming into a human or dying, and either way he might need her. Annie had, her first time, when she had only been eight.
With a sudden burst of energy that knocked Saskia onto her back and Levi into Hange, a beleaguered body toppled onto his hands and knees.
Reiner briefly wondered if joking that hey, at least Titan powers had healed Sasha would lighten the mood. But no, one look at the anger burning in Jean and Sasha's eyes, coupled with the feeling of cold and sharp metal on the back of his neck and sharper agony inside his heart, convinced him it was a bad idea. What sort of person would think of jokes? Him, someone hopelessly trapped and fucked up like him, that was who.
He glanced sideways to Bertolt, held by Jean. The despair in his eyes was sickening.
He blames himself for making decisions. He thinks we failed because he chose wrong, Reiner thought.
He had to be strong for Bertolt. He owed him. He loved him. Even if Reiner died, he wanted Bertolt to make it back home.
I may be fucked up, but at least I love someone.
Reiner swallowed. "So…we're just waiting here? So you can kill and torture us later?"
Sasha's face blanched. She just wanted them to help get Connie's mom back.
Jean narrowed his eyes at Bertolt. "I don't know."
"But if you have any information, that would be helpful," Sasha said quickly.
Reiner rolled his eyes. "Of course."
"Do you?" Jean asked after a pause.
"You just tried to kill us."
"You nearly did kill Sasha and I! And you betrayed us!" Jean cried, waving one arm about. The other kept his blade steady on Bertolt's neck. "And he killed Armin!"
"What?" Reiner gasped.
Bertolt stared at the ground. His lips trembled.
"You killed Armin?" Reiner wasn't sure why Armin's death bothered him so. Armin was their greatest threat. Or his mind was, at any rate. But Armin had been kind, and reasonable, and if anyone could reason their way to understanding his predicament, Armin could.
He felt as if their best chance had just died.
He shouldn't have died.
Marco shouldn't have, either. And how many like them had they killed when they broke down the walls?
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Reiner burst out. "I don't know. I can't take it back. We can't. Kill me, not Bertolt."
Bertolt's eyes widened. "No!" He leaned forward, though Jean's blade followed him. "Reiner, we have to go home together. Reiner, please, I'm the one who killed him. I didn't – he wouldn't let go and I tried to end it quickly at least, but I did it. It's my fault."
Jean glanced at Sasha. He hadn't realized how guilty they felt. Their faces were tortured, their eyes hollow. All they had was each other, because they had betrayed their comrades. I feel bad for them.
There's hope for you, Sasha wanted to say, but she wasn't sure how appropriate it was. They deserved to suffer for Armin, and all their comrades. But how much?
"You know…I was actually relieved that we didn't kill you," Sasha confessed.
Reiner frowned. "Why?"
Jean's eyes met hers again, and they knew: they would let their comrades be hurt, to some extent, but killed? Executed? Never.
A shadow fell across his face. Jean yelled out and whirled around.
"I'm…here." Erwin sounded amazed.
"Welcome back, Commander," Levi said with a rare grin.
Saskia beamed at him. How many times had she wanted to help Zeke return to his human form, return to calm, return to the kindness he'd never felt? Finally, she'd helped someone.
Erwin frowned at the short woman in front of him. With her pearl hair, ashen complexion, and gray eyes, she looked almost like a ghost. But she wasn't a figment of a dying imagination.
"Erwin."
Erwin glanced at Levi. "What happened? The beast Titan – ?"
"You don't remember much?" Levi asked. He shouldn't have been surprised – Jaeger hadn't remembered Mikasa at first, had he, and Erwin had lost copious blood on top of it.
"I don't," he said tersely. All Erwin remembered was the ghost girl saying words and his hunger to eat her.
"I failed," Levi said flatly. "I saved you with the serum, and the Beast escaped."
Erwin stared at the field, the fallen troops. Why was he here? They should all be alive before him. We failed.
"It worked! Aieeeeeeeee! This is amazing!" Joy cut through his morose thoughts.
Hange waved at him from a few meters away. Her other hand jabbed a needle into the vein of a man who appeared to be dead. But she could feel a pulse at least.
"The basement was full of regenerative serum, but without the titan powers. That's how we rescued you," Levi explained.
"The basement – you found the basement?" Erwin's eyes blazed. His dream had been realized, if not by him, by the people he led. "And you've found a cure for titans?"
"Perhaps," said Levi, unwilling to believe. Not yet.
Erwin felt as if he were child grasping at a shelf of hope just above his reach. Maybe, just maybe his goal in life was something more than the basement.
"Hange saw it, not me. I was busy saving your ass."
A ghost of a smile appeared in Erwin's eyes. Only Levi would talk to him that way.
"The Colossal and Armored Titans?"
"I'm assuming, given our survival, that they are deceased," Levi said briskly.
Saskia flinched. No. Not Annie's comrades – they were just children. How dare they.
Erwin glared at the expressionless woman who'd haunted his titan dream – she clearly cared, if ever so briefly, for humanity's enemies.
"I'll ask you again: who are you?"
The woman opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She didn't know what to say.
She settled on, "I don't think I'm your highest priority."
"That's suspiciously vague," the messy woman called from a few meters away before refocusing on the nearly eviscerated young woman in front of her. "Hold on, child."
Saskia scowled, watching the woman inject her comrade. "I'm aware."
Zeke would love to know about this medicine. He would treasure her information. Her return to his good graces would be assured.
"Are you working with the Beast Titan?" Levi demanded, grabbing her by her arms.
She watched Erwin touch the shoulder where his arm should have been. Not even titan serum and regenerative medicine could return what wasn't there before. "I'm sorry your arm is still gone."
Erwin frowned at her. His eyes were very blue beneath unusually thick eyebrows. She wasn't sure she like his eyes. "I'd rather know who you are."
"No, you wouldn't," she said softly.
"Answer the question," Levi said.
"My name is Saskia Leonhardt."
Recognition dawned on his face.
"I'm neither your friend nor enemy, which might just make me your friend right now, as nonsensical as that is," she continued. "I don't care about you or your wars; I came here to find my sister: Annie Leonhardt."
Saskia wasn't entirely sure where the lie was, other than omitting Ymir's kidnapping.
"Your sister? I think that might make you our enemy," Levi responded.
"Did you hurt her?" Saskia demanded furiously, at last showing some emotion. She tried to twist around to see him, but damn he was strong.
"No. She remains in custody, locked away from everyone," Erwin said.
"Are you lying?"
Erwin thought that an odd question. She was lying about something. "No. And you can see her if you help us now. Start by telling us everything you know."
The way he looked at her. He knew she was hiding something.
Give him something he wants. Explain something "I'm already helping you now. I told you before, I'm your hostage – my father is fairly prominent in the village. If both his daughters are killed or hurt by the people in the walls, it will go quite poorly for the Beast Titan."
"Are you presenting a case for why we should kill you?" Levi asked, freeing one arm to gesture around the battlefield.
"If you want the rest of your puny walls demolished," Saskia said sweetly. But the bodies – the bodies – sarcasm felt blasphemous.
"If you could, why not do it?" Erwin smiled. Two could play this game. "We know you need the Coordinate."
Saskia hesitated. They knew about that? These people were smarter than expected.
It would do no good to lie. He knew she knew. "Well, yes, I believe."
"One last question before we head back with you in custody: the one we call the Beast Titan, how does he transform people into Titans?"
Saskia tilted her head. "Do you think it is science or magic?"
Erwin exchanged a glance with Levi. "Both."
"Perhaps." She shrugged. "He's never told me how. We just know that he does."
"But why?" Levi burst out.
Saskia gestured around the field of bodies. "Because he can."
"All of this…is because someone can?" Levi said with palpable agony.
"I don't know," Saskia said, swallowing fear.
"But this medicine could cure the titans?" Erwin grabbed her other arm.
She felt helpless in the arms of two men so much stronger than her. Like when her father had shoved her into Zeke's arms. "I don't know."
"You're going to have to do better than that," Levi said.
"Perhaps! Perhaps it can. Or perhaps your serum was of the weaker variety," Saskia said quietly. "Are you satisfied?"
"No," Erwin said simply.
"What are you doing here?" Jean kept one sword at Bertolt's neck, another pointed straight at her.
"Relax."
"Last I remember, you ran off with them." Jean jerked his head in the titans' direction. "So excuse me if I don't relax."
Ymir chuckled, but her eyes remained dark. "Look. I'm on your side at the present. As long as you don't kill them."
"That's precisely why we don't trust you," Sasha said irritably.
"I don't either," Reiner agreed.
"Shut up!" Sasha cried.
"Let him talk."
"Ymir, they killed so many soldiers. They killed Armin. They ruined us." Jean's voice shook.
Reiner stared at the ground, suddenly afraid that just by his eyes, Jean would know about Marco.
A pang shot through Ymir's heart, though she didn't show it. She had always viewed that nervous kid as their best hope to understand each other. And, judging from Reiner and Bertolt's anguished faces, they felt similarly. "And they ruined themselves, by the looks of it."
"I don't want them dead," Sasha clarified. "But, Ymir, we have to guard them. If you get in our way, we will stop you. I've been regenerated once today. I have no fear and I'll risk it again."
Ymir scowled. "You're petrified, but otherwise I believe you. Lucky for all of us, all I want is to live through today, too. But allow me to strike a deal: you tell me whether this 'regeneration' has anything to do with this mysterious basement, and I prove to you that humanity is equally evil inside and outside the wall."
"We're nearly out of serum." Hange approached Erwin, Levi, and the mystery girl.
"How many?"
"About ten percent revived, perhaps a dozen who can be carried back, and many more who just won't make it," she said. "I'll need time to look at the serum recipes, and time isn't what they have. Especially with the beast out there."
Levi swallowed. The beast was his fault.
Erwin drew in a breath.
"Erwin, I have five more needles. I could save more soldiers or more horses. We could cart more of the less grievously injured back with them."
"Horses..." Erwin stared at the distant trees, his heart sinking. Still no titans. The beast was out there. "We're lost without horses."
"And most individuals will die on the way back without serum. What is your command?" Hange didn't want to decide. This was not a decision for her to make.
Erwin could feel Hange and Levi's tormented eyes on him, could feel strange Saskia judging him. "Five, you say?"
"Yes."
How could he deny those the miracle he had just experienced?
Either way, someone died. Individual certainty for individual chances, or individual certainty for the entire troops' chances.
"We need the horses," he said quietly.
Saskia's eyes flashed. "How dare you."
He glared at her. "I have no choice."
"I don't care. Individuals matter." Annie mattered.
They were all like Zeke. Nowhere was safe.
"Your opinion isn't warranted." They were more ghosts he would carry with him; he had accepted it. I will remember all their names. I will remember them. I will make them matter. "Save the horses, and let us retreat into the wall."
Saskia hated war. She hated death. This type of impossible choice – this had to be why Zeke killed the human soldiers. It had to be.
Hadn't she been afraid of him a few seconds ago, yet now she defended him? Ymir would tell her she was in denial. That, at least, she did not deny.
"You're coming with me, Titan girl." Levi hauled Saskia towards the wall, away from the field of bloodshed, away from the martyred ground.
"Is it true?" Sasha yelled at them as soon as they entered the gate.
"Be more specific," Levi hollered back, secretly relieved to see more of his squad.
"You tried to kill Ymir!"
Naturally. Ymir had fled inside Shinagashina. Levi didn't blame her. "Don't worry, we found another solution. Erwin's not a mindless titan."
"But he was?" Jean asked.
The commander's face was flushed, his eyes shadowed.
Ymir nodded, doing her best to summon a paltry smirk. "Oh yes, you were. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry you were nearly sacrificed," he said, to her surprise. Ymir did not think Erwin Smith capable of apologizes.
He held out his hand.
"I'm not on your side, specifically," Ymir said weakly, reaching for his hand.
"I've heard that before." Erwin nodded towards Saskia.
Ymir couldn't resist a grin.
"We need you, Ymir," Erwin said gravely.
"I know." Suddenly her eyes didn't look like a cynical seventy-year-old, but Erwin saw a glimmer of the small child she had been before transforming. Her grip tightened on his hand.
"It's my fault, Ymir," Saskia said quickly. They might as well be allies now.
"Really, I blame both Levi and you," replied Ymir, crossing her arms. "But I don't blame your lack of love for me. I blame war. I hate war. I hate these decisions."
Saskia stared at this girl, her enemy, her captive and captor, who now echoed her own thoughts.
"I see." The pretty auburn-haired girl stepped back. "Captain Levi, what do we do with Reiner and Bertolt?"
Saskia gasped. They were here. Alive. They were just like her baby sister.
Bertolt couldn't even meet her eyes, but Reiner looked at her with pure horror. Zeke's wife. The War Chief would now know every detail of his failure. His life was at an end even if the Survey Corp kept him.
"Not friends?" Levi quipped, noticing Reiner's fear.
She remembered the tale of how he'd challenged Zeke to save Annie. He'd done more than she, Annie's own sister, had ever tried.
She shouldn't say this. But she shouldn't have done anything she'd done this far.
"Release me, please." Saskia said in an eerily calm voice. "Just for a moment. You can hold a sword on me if you wish, just let my arms go for a moment."
Skeptical, Levi still took his hands off her arm at Erwin's curious nod.
"You didn't deserve this," Saskia whispered to the Armored Titan. She knelt beside Reiner Braun and wrapped her arms around him. "You have a good heart, no matter what they say."
She slid over to Bertolt next and embraced him. "And you are a true friend, and stronger than you know."
"Whose side are you on?" Reiner hissed, glancing at Levi.
Saskia glanced out the gate, towards the forest. No Zeke.
"No one's," she confessed, finally facing the fact: she had betrayed him. And she liked that.
