Chapter Six
"Sure, you can eat," Zeke promised, reaching down towards the child curled up on the ground. "You need more energy to transform, after all."
Bertolt sniffled. "I miss my parents."
"You ate them, or have you forgotten?" In a flash, Zeke's hands wrapped around Bertolt's skinny hand and twisted until his fingers snapped.
Bertolt screamed. From across the field, the blonde kid, Reiner, and his sweet shadow Marcel looked up in alarm.
"Shut up. Listen." Zeke knelt next to him. "You're the hope we have. You're the strongest. You're going to endure the pain and transform, or you won't be able to eat with that hand anyway."
Bertolt swallowed. "O-okay."
"I'm doing this because I believe in you. Don't prove me wrong." Zeke stood up and walked away. "On the count of three."
Bertolt wished more than anything he could disappear. Reiner wasn't here, and he needed Reiner to be here. I can't make it without you.
"Hello, scum." Levi scowled at him from a safe distance away.
Bertolt squirmed. "What do you want?"
"About 200,000 lives returned."
I do, too. Bertolt sighed. "I can't do that."
"Yes, I'm aware of reality." Levi spat on the ground. "So I'll settle for you and Four-Eyes having a productive conversation. This is the nicest it's ever going to be for you, you realize that?"
A commotion from the stairwell interrupted their stares.
"What is it now?" Levi grumbled.
"Hello, Captain Levi." Darius Zackly strode in, followed by Nile Dok and Historia. Ymir must have been with Hange. Hopefully their meeting would bear some semblance of productivity.
"I wasn't going to leave until I saw proof." Zackly folded his arms across his chest and took in the tall, scared boy shrinking against the stone wall. "Well, you're not what I expected."
Beads of sweat formed on Bertolt's brow. Why wasn't Ymir here? At least she didn't hate him.
"Do you talk?" Darius taunted.
Uneasy, Nile turned to Historia. "Your Highness, I request permission for our Police doctors to dissect him."
"No," Historia said instantly. She glanced at Levi.
"He's the Colossal Titan. He's hardly suitable for people who've never seen Titans," Levi added. Monsters. Just like him.
"And," Historia continued, "with how quickly titans evaporate when dead, he's much more use alive."
I'm dead anyways, Bertolt thought. Annie, was this how you felt? At least she had been spared the humiliation of being conscious. He felt subhuman, like slime. Well, maybe he was. The nameless 200,000 whose faces he's never know certainly would think so.
Carla. I know Carla Jaeger, at least. Bertolt wondered if her face looked like Eren's.
"You're not laying a finger on him," Levi concluded. Erwin, we need you back. It still stung that his friend had left without a word.
"Hmm." Darius wore a smirk that filled Bertolt with shame. "We'll see about that."
Historia started. Just what did that mean? She'd discuss it with Levi later. "Well, you've seen him. Now, get upstairs, all of you."
"Yes, Your Highness," replied Darius.
All too easily, like Zeke toying with a baby Titan shifter, Bertolt noticed.
"Why are you all here?" Annie glanced at Eren. "Going to eat me?"
Saskia glowered at him, and in reply Mikasa glowered at Saskia.
"Uh, no." Eren paused. No, I'll say it.
"Their names were Petra and Auruo and Eld and Gunther! Why? Why did you kill them? Why did you betray us? Weren't we ever your friends?!"
"Jaeger, control yourself," Erwin commanded.
"He's beyond that. Again," Jean said dryly.
"And don't think we don't know about Reiner and Bertolt! You homicidal freaks!" Eren screamed.
Annie glanced from Jean to Eren, and back again. Bertolt and Reiner got captured, too? Maybe she wasn't the only failure. Eren to Jean, back to Eren. Mikasa simmered in the back. "I'm glad to see nothing has changed."
"How can you say that?" Eren shrieked. "Bertolt just killed Armin, too, doesn't that make you happy?"
Annie froze. "Armin?"
Saskia noted the shock in Annie's eyes. Who was this special Armin?
"He betrayed me," Annie said finally.
"Because you betrayed us," Eren said.
And I betrayed the Warriors. By getting caught, by letting Armin go. "What do you want, Eren?"
"Right now, that's up to me." Erwin cut in. "We have to wait at least a day here to avoid encountering the Miltary Police. Mikasa, keep by Annie, and if she makes a wrong move, kill her and her sister."
"And we're the monsters?" growled Annie as Mikasa yanked her to her feet, blade drawn.
Of course I am. Erwin's jaw twitched. "Sasha, you take Saskia. Use your instincts if she tries to escape."
"And me, sir?" Eren asked eagerly.
"Calm down." Erwin rested his hand on Eren's shoulder for a moment.
The commander is missing an arm. Annie blinked.
Good. He'd accepted Armin into the Survey Corp when he was clearly too weak. Next to Bertolt, Erwin Smith was the person she hated most right now.
"I heard you haven't been talking." Reiner slunk back into Armin's room.
Armin glanced up. "I won't betray humanity."
Reiner sighed. "You won't help humanity by being Titan food either, which is how he'll threaten you into talking."
"No, he won't," Armin said shakily.
"Your silence isn't helping anyone, Armin!" Reiner erupted. "Keep yourself alive, for God's sake!"
Armin's mouth parted. "Why do you care so much, Reiner? You wanted to wipe us out."
Reiner wiped his brow, though there was no sweat. A nervous habit he had picked up from Bertolt. "Not you. Not you all. You were – good. Or so you seemed. You aren't really. No one is."
"That doesn't mean everyone is bad, though," Armin said quietly. "I don't believe in good or bad people."
Reiner laughed. "Well, guess again. I took it upon myself to become bad so no one else would have to."
Sort of.
"He's too big, Mara. We can't feed him."
"He's our son –"
"That man offered a good price, and he'll be our savior! We're doing him a favor!" His father's voice lowered. "You saw what happened to the Ryders. Do you want that to be us?"
Armin's touch brought Reiner back to their world. "What were you remembering?"
"Nothing." Reiner swallowed.
I was just a kid. Screaming as Zeke and his father took him away, locked him up and told him to eat someone.
"You didn't choose this."
"Of course not, but it needed to be done!"
Armin's eyes watered. "Let me help you. You helped me during training; let me help you now."
Reiner scrunched his face up. "You can't."
"Oh, but I will." Armin smiled. He might be captured and pathetic, but if he could do one ounce of help for Reiner…
"Tell Zeke I'd like to talk."
Reiner jumped. "What – no – are you going to say?!"
"I won't make him mad at you," Armin answered instead.
"Not sleepy?" Jean asked Annie as the hours dragged by.
She narrowed her eyes in response.
"Tell me, Commander: have you ever wondered why you don't venture deeper into titan territory, if answers are really what you want?" Annie asked as the hours dragged by.
It was Erwin's turn to hold the sword to her neck, and she had to admit, overthrowing a one-armed commander would feel rather good.
"Do you even remember the body count you inflicted?" Eren raged.
Mikasa was done. She placed a hand on Eren's arm. "Walk with me."
"No – I don't want to leave her. She could – " Eren struggled against Mikasa as she dragged him away.
"You can't stop her," Mikasa fumed. When they had melded into the darkness, she hurled him into the wall, like they were children again. "Eren, you don't have to save everyone."
"I do! Look at me! It's what Father wanted!" Eren waved his hands about.
Mikasa took his face in her hands. "I am looking at you. You saved me. But the entire world is not on your shoulders."
"Then whose is it on?!"
"Yours. And mine. And Erwin's and Sasha and Connie's and Jean's. Levi's and Hange's. Historia's and Ymir's." Mikasa closed her eyes. "We all need each other. And you need us."
Eren clenched his fist. "I – can't – what if I fail?"
"Then we'll help you. Just like Armin did." Devastation settled on Mikasa's face.
"I miss him. He was supposed to see the ocean." Eren whirled around and began kicking the walls. "Why did he lie to me? Why did they kill him? Why did he let it happen?"
He dropped to his knees, tears leaking down his cheeks. "I miss him."
Mikasa settled next to him. "I do, too."
"I miss Mom, too. And Dad." Eren gasped. "And Marco and Petra and Auruo and Eld and Gunther. It's so unfair that they're all dead. I can't take it!"
Mikasa drew him close to her.
"Don't do that!" Eren pushed her away.
Mikasa looked away. "Your mother asked me to keep you safe. Right before…everything."
"What?" Eren frowned. "She what?"
"I've been keeping my promise this entire time, and I'll do it 'til the end," Mikasa said.
"But – but what about you? Your feelings? I can't have you following me my entire life," Eren babbled.
Mikasa eyed him. We could be partners.
"That won't work," Eren insisted.
"It has so far. It will continue if we are partners."
Wait. Eren's lips parted slightly as he took in her face. Was this –?
Then his lips were smashed upon hers.
At first Mikasa drew back. She wasn't used to someone so close to her. But this was Eren and she was safe with Eren. Her arms wrapped around him as her mouth returned the kiss.
His tongue entered her mouth and it was gross and she was scared but she rather loved it, too. And she didn't want to stop kissing him.
Farther down the hall, Saskia was watching Erwin carefully from her place at Annie's side. She wished more than anything the sword could be at her neck, not Annie's. "You recognized she made a good point."
Erwin kept his gaze on Annie. "So did Eren."
"Yes, I suppose I encountered your attempt to penetrate titan territory."
For a moment, Erwin only saw the faces of the dead. Marlowe, Moblit, and dozens of others. "You saw my attempt at heroism."
Annie raised an eyebrow.
"You led a death charge against the Beast Titan. That's fools' heroism," Saskia told him. Her voice dropped. "Your heroism is that you kept living."
"I should have died there," Erwin said quietly.
Jean's eyes popped open.
"No, definitely not," Connie argued. Sasha, meanwhile, ignored them all to listen to something in the darkness ahead. An unsettling smirk settled on her face.
"I was only saved due to a serum." Erwin laughed. "How many others deserved that?"
"How many others could have fought from melding with titan instincts for as long as you did?" Saskia countered.
"Who did you eat?" Annie demanded. Hypocrites! And why hadn't his arm returned? How long had Saskia been among them?
Erwin looked heartbroken. "No one."
"It appears Eren's father Grisha developed a regeneration serum based on Titans in his basement," Saskia explained.
Erwin noticed Annie's reaction to the name Grisha. "You know something."
Saskia stiffened. "She knows nothing I do not."
"We'll get the information from one of you," Erwin said. Please don't make us use torture. Perhaps in Bertolt's absence, they could play Saskia off Annie … "Who was Grisha?"
Annie smirked. "A doctor?"
Saskia wondered if her story would unfold like Grisha's. How that would hurt Zeke – and anger him.
"I'm the historian. You ought to ask me."
Annie glared at her. "I don't need you to protect me!"
"Isn't that what families do?" Saskia asked. Remember? Remember when we invented the perfect family? You and me and our flower dolls, and no Dad and no Warriors. We lived in sunshine and never died. Funny how their dream had been devoured by their father's.
Saskia heaved a sigh. "My sister may have the experience but –"
"Saskia," Annie said.
" –but I know everything. Historically. And scientifically. I'll tell you if you protect her."
"I don't want your protection!" Annie cried.
"I do!" Saskia snapped. "I want to be protected and you used to, too. But I couldn't then."
Annie has to eat your mother –
No, Dad – she fought and screamed but it was hopeless, hopeless, fuck –
Composure crystalized over her again. The cracked child retreated. "Ask me anything, Commander."
"Who is Grisha?"
"Why are you doing this?" broke in Connie.
"Zeke is doing this. He's stronger than his father." Saskia leant against the wall. "Grisha is –"
"Erwin Smith!" shouted a voice from the darkness.
In a flash, Mikasa was back at their side. Sasha wiggled her eyebrows at her, and Mikasa willed herself to stop blushing. Even in this danger, she had to show her approval. Especially in this danger.
Eren scrambled up to them. "Who is that?"
"Not military," Erwin said grimly. "Those aren't the footsteps of disciplined soldiers."
A face emerged in the light. Grey, thin, unremarkable, with a scanty beard. Dark, rat-like eyes. And flowing velvet robes fringed with gold. A nobleman?
"Heard you were down here!" The man cackled. "You were right, boys!"
"What do you want?"
"Revenge." On cue, at least three dozen torches lit behind him. "Do you know how many go into Zackly's chamber and never escape? Now you will meet their fate."
They don't want Annie. Saskia was dumbfounded. For what do they want vengeance?
"Mikasa, take Annie."
"Sir –"
"That's an order."
"We're stronger than you. All of us. All it takes is four of you verses one of us, and I doubt you'll win," Saskia said, angling herself between Erwin and the leader.
"We don't have time for you, bitch." The noble paused.
"Get him," he said, just as Erwin snapped, "Run."
"We can't make it!" Saskia kicked the first noble between his legs, doubling him over. As long as Annie got away, she didn't much care about herself.
Then someone threw a torch. Saskia jerked away, but her skirt ignited faster than a titan transforming.
"Shit!" She lurched backwards. The flames licked her shins, sending flashes of pain that convinced her that a fiery death had to be the worst kind.
Erwin used his arm to grab her and hurl Saskia forward, against the wall. His boots stomped on her skirt –
"Don't!" She grabbed him by his shirt, but the mob tore him from her grasp.
Panic rose up a second time. No, she couldn't panic – she was stronger than this –
Saskia was surrounded, too, but most ignored her. Some were still chasing the soldiers, while others seemed determine to help beat the commander into dust.
She stomped on her own skirt for three seconds, until most of the flames had extinguished, and prayed the crowd would smother the rest.
She dove down and shoved her way towards him. "Get off him!"
Briefly, the warrior woman threw herself on top of Erwin, but the frenzied nobles quickly smashed her head onto the ground. She blinked at the stars as they began pulling her away.
"Leave her!" Erwin kicked out, but without his second arm he wasn't any match for them. Someone slammed the butt of a torch on his temple, and another dropped fire onto his legs. But now they were beating her, too – another innocent life would end for him –
"There's too many!" Sasha cried up ahead. "They must have the Commander and Saskia in the middle!"
"We can't stop!" shouted Jean.
"Yes, we can." Eren hesitated.
"Eren." Annie dug her heels in. Her blue eyes were wide with fear. She needed her sister. "Let me help them."
"How?" Mikasa stopped dragging her.
Annie ducked and knocked Mikasa back, and before Eren could respond she careened forward, straight into the crowd.
"What?!" shrieked Connie, scrambling after her.
Crystals and steam suddenly shot out from the crowd. Men shouted and teetered away from the sharp shards.
"You're a freak!" one screamed.
"She's a titan!" yelled another.
"She's the female titan!" Eren roared as he closed in. "And I'm the other one!"
The nobles were running again, but away this time. Annie forced herself to laugh as evilly as she could, sending crystal shards flying after them. When the last one rounded a corner, she let the crystals collapse to the ground. The steaming wounds in her arms began to close.
She felt dizzy with exertion, but she had to see to Saskia.
The trampling had doused most of Saskia and Erwin's burning clothing, but that was where his relief ended.
To Eren's surprise, Saskia appeared in much worse condition than Erwin. Her cheek was already swelling, the scratches bleeding and bruises already purpling.
Erwin's face seemed fine. His leg, originally broken into an unnatural angle, now seemed almost normal.
Jean gaped at him. "Commander, you're steaming."
"Just like Annie," Mikasa said, giving the tiny blonde a glance that nearly conveyed respect. Not than Annie noticed, as she held her sister.
"I'm okay. I don't think they broke anything," Saskia rasped. "Annie – why?"
"You're my sister." For a moment, she looked innocent and free again.
Erwin sat up. "I – how?"
Annie turned her gaze to the Commander. Steam noticeably evaporated from his wounds.
"How is this possible?" Connie wondered.
Erwin's mouth settled into a flat line. "I don't know."
"Saskia might," Annie said simply.
Saskia marveled at her little sister. So helpful, so sacrificial – who was this Annie? "I don't. I suspect we'd need a proper interpretation of Grisha's notes."
"I trust Hange," said Erwin, though he felt like screaming. Why? Why him? Why did he have to heal faster than her? Why did he have to be the important one? Why did he have to survive?
Saskia noted the storm in his eyes. "I could help."
Yes, she was deepening her betrayal. But he had saved Annie, and risked his life to keep her from burning alive, while she'd panicked like a fool. She wanted to help him, and that had nothing to do with whose side she chose.
"Saskia," Annie warned.
"Tell me, sister: will that relieve or upset you?"
Annie closed her eyes. "Both."
Armin would say she'd been a good person for the Survey Corp just now, Annie reflected.
As they stole through the night, back to a headquarters Zackly might not have left due to their flight from the tunnel, Annie couldn't stop her thoughts.
Armin. It hurt that someone so dedicated and pure-hearted had died. It wasn't fair. Fuck, as Saskia liked to say.
He had told her she was nice once, and though she knew it was false, she'd loved that someone liked her.
Dad. Was he alive? Surely Saskia would have mentioned him. But then, Saskia had never been close with their father. Father had Saskia memorizing books long before Annie was born, the chosen child to appease the Warrior Chief.
Once Saskia had called him a pimp behind his back, but to Annie's face. Forcing Annie to train and herself to study to please leaders they couldn't care less about. And Annie had been too scared he'd hear to reply.
In the end, it had taken Saskia truly pimping herself to the Warchief for their father to break. To hug her and say the words she'd always wanted to hear. But she'd spent too long angry at him to know how to respond. She thirsted for that chance.
They ducked inside a stable. In the lantern light, Annie's face cooled again. Mikasa hoisted her onto a horse and quickly slipped behind her. Erwin was holding her clearly concussed sister.
"I never hated you, Annie," Sasha piped up from behind.
Annie glanced at her in surprise. You should have. No, to say it aloud would show weakness.
She wished she were back in the crystal, safe from the world. Where only Dad was on her side, where even Saskia was the enemy. Because – because then –
They rode out under the cover of darkness, where no one could see her cry.
"You didn't have to help me," Saskia murmured. Her head rested against Erwin's shoulder, a position that made her distinctly uncomfortable. Too bad her head pounded with every hoof beat and she couldn't keep it up.
Erwin glanced down at her. "As I recall, you were the one who ran back into the mob."
She smiled. Her eyes were closed.
"Don't fall asleep. Someone still needs to examine your head."
"I know." She winced and cracked her eyes open. "I don't know why I ran back, though. I just – instinct, I suppose."
Although it wasn't like their father had taught them sacrifice. And Zeke certainly hadn't.
Yet, she'd been the one to seduce Zeke to save Annie, when Dad was resigned to her mission…
"I always tried to sacrifice myself for Annie, only her," she admitted.
"Why are you doing this?"
"You know why," she'd countered.
"You don't have to do this, Saskia." His eyes were wide with fright, and she almost took pleasure from it. Finally, she had the power to hurt him.
"I do."
"Did your parents teach that to you?" Erwin was curious what kind of parents would use their daughter in battle. Or perhaps they were orphans…
"Sacrifice? No." Saskia slumped, just enough for Erwin to notice. "We are outsiders in the village. Dad made us train every day and night, just so we'd belong. Because when you belong, you survive. Or that's what he said."
And she'd bought him belonging with her marriage, and still she hadn't pleased him.
"Please." His hands were on her shoulder. "You don't love him. You'll – you'll miss out –"
She jerked free. "What do you think my whole life has been?"
Dad stared after her retreating back, finally aware he'd failed both his daughters.
"You know what I think?" she continued lazily. Her concussion had made her far more talkative. "I think that was his goal at first, but when he made Annie eat Mom, I think he just wanted to know sacrificing his wife was worth it. Hah. So maybe he did teach sacrifice. But I would never emulate it."
Oh, but you did, answered her mind.
Erwin was stunned. "I'm sorry."
"It's over," she replied uncomfortably. She wanted someone to understand, yet she didn't feel she deserved pity. "What did your father teach, Commander?"
"My father?" Erwin's chest tightened. Why not tell her? "That the monarchs had erased our memories. That we were kept prisoner in these walls."
Her face registered surprise. "He sounds brilliant."
"I told people. The government…silenced him forever." His hand clenched the reins so tightly his knuckles turned snowy white.
"You blame yourself."
"Yes," he said simply.
"You've done nothing wrong," she told him. "None of you here have."
Zeke was wrong to want them exterminated. Helpless, yes, they were. But they could be taught. She didn't want this tortured man to die.
"Does that mean you're finally on humanity's side?" He didn't acknowledge the first part of her statement, not that she'd expected him to. But he felt it.
"We're all human."
He sighed. "I know."
"But I am on the side that…doesn't want you dead. Whatever that means." She couldn't be a Warrior anymore, she knew that.
A trace of a smile appeared on Erwin's face. "Thank you, Saskia."
"Thank you for telling me about your father," Saskia said softly. "That's what I really learned after all those years of science and history. Painful stories…broken stories…they make our humanity shine forth."
"My humanity?" Erwin felt certain it was sunk deep in soldiers' blood, black as the night sky.
"Maybe it's like the stars at night," she suggested. She sounded childish and slightly slurred, but she didn't feel like stopping, because for once she felt like saying something. "I hope, anyways. Sometimes I don't dare believe it."
"I believe…what makes us human is respect for life," Erwin said.
Like hers, he meant. Saskia was shocked.
Her head suddenly felt very warm over his heart.
