Chapter 10: "I Walk The Line" ~Johnny Cash


I find it very, very easy to be true

I find myself alone when each day's through

Yes I'll admit, that I'm a fool for you

Because you're mine

I walk the line


Mathias texted Lukas, but they didn't see each other again until after his match in Massachusetts. There was another party coming up and Mathias tried to invite Lukas again. When he said yes, he was thrilled. After the last party, he was sure he'd say no.

It made him think that Lukas was getting better and that made him happier than he'd felt in a while. When he saw Lukas walk in sometime after the sun had gone down, he had a stupid grin on his face and walked over to greet him. He already had a buzz, but he was being especially careful this time around. No mistakes were going to be made.

Lukas looked good, though. Mathias couldn't help but notice how well his jeans fit. The word "snug" came to mind. He never expected Lukas to wear jeans like that, but he definitely wasn't complaining.

"You look good," he said quietly, making sure that nobody else could hear. Lukas practically beamed on the inside, but on the outside, he only said, "Thanks, Mathias. You, too."

You always look good, Lukas thought to himself. He had gotten ready for the party. He had to spend time on his hair and outfit to look good. But not Mathias. He was naturally radiant and Lukas wished he could have been blessed like that.

On the other hand, Mathias admired no one at that party more than Lukas. He put everyone to shame with how handsome he was. He was always attractive, too, but now everyone else could see it. The realization hit him and he glanced around, suddenly feeling protective.

"Come on, Lukas. You want a drink yet?"

Lukas smirked slightly and shook his head. "Still don't drink." He wanted to be sober when he was around Mathias, anyway. It seemed like an awful waste to get drunk at a time like this. He didn't want to be the tacky "I get high off of life" guy, but he was enjoying himself with Mathias already.

Mathias shrugged and sipped at his third beer, although he decided he'd make it his last one if Lukas wasn't going to drink. "I respect that. I won't drink anymore after this one."

"Really?"

"Yeah! Maybe I shouldn't pass out after this party, you know?" He smirked. "I don't want to miss out on anything."

Lukas leaned against the wall and watched his smirk with a raised eyebrow. "Where's Alfred?"

"Alfred? Uh, he's somewhere around here. He's not always hanging around, if that's what you're getting at."

Lukas' eyes traveled down Mathias' arm, noticing something on his wrist. He grabbed his hand, pulled it up to his face, and stared at the bracelet he was wearing.

"Shit. I forgot to take that off."

"Is that a violin?"

Mathias pulled his wrist back with a chuckle, examining the charm. "Sure looks like it. Bodil gave it to me. I felt guilty about keeping it on my desk all day and decided to wear it. I meant to take it off, though."

"I like it."

"Really? Why?"

Lukas gave a little shrug and moved to sit on the sofa, as did Mathias.

"I think it shows how much you love your sister."

Mathias grinned at that. All he'd ever wanted was a sibling, so hearing Lukas say that he was doing a good job as a big brother was pleasing. "Thanks, Lukas. Sometimes I feel bad about leaving her for school. But she seems really happy."

"I felt the same way about Emil," he admitted. "But he's doing well and he's just a phone call away."

"That's a really good way to think about it."

Lukas leaned towards him a little, getting closer than he'd intended. "When do you get to go back home?"

Although Mathias noticed how close the other got, he remained where he was, secretly ecstatic that Lukas was close. "December. I go home for Christmas."

"Me, too. I don't think I'll go back for Thanksgiving, though. I don't have a way up there and it isn't worth it for five days, I think. We don't celebrate Thanksgiving."

"Me neither," he said with a small laugh. "I mean, why would I? I usually go volunteer at the Salvation Army since they do a free dinner. Besides, I have to have volunteer hours. It's really fun, though! It doesn't sound fun." Lukas was laughing quietly and Mathias laughed, too. "It is! You should volunteer. The people are always really nice and they like to ask where I'm from. I love it."

"I'm surprised."

"Surprised at what?"

"That you volunteer and enjoy it."

Mathias set the beer bottle on the coffee table and shook his head with a slightly forced laugh. "Well, a lot of people volunteer more often than I do. I'm not the eighth world wonder because of how I look or my status or whatever it is that surprised you about it. There are some good people out there."

Lukas' eyebrows furrowed in confusion. After a moment, he understood what Mathias was saying and he felt a wave of guilt wash over him. "Mathias, you're always busy and you party a lot and you're in a fraternity."

"So?"

He'd just made it worse. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and looked down. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. I'm really sorry, that was stupid of me."

"No, you're fine! You're great, actually. I see what you're gettin' at. You just have to look past things like that! Most people don't. You can do it, though. I bet you already do. Someone as nice as you?"

"But I just said—"

Mathias rubbed the others back and gave it a few soft pats, trying to reassure him that there was no offense taken. He knew how other people saw him, and he was relieved to find an easy way to tell Lukas otherwise. That he wasn't absolutely horrible and didn't put roofies in drinks and didn't beg freshmen for nudes.

"It's okay. Now you know. It's not like you haven't taught me anything, either. I judge people all the time. I love to be proved wrong. For instance, I thought you were awkward at first. But you aren't. You're actually the easiest person to be around. But I didn't know until you showed me."

Lukas slowly smiled. If he wasn't in public he would have forced himself into Mathias' arms and embraced him, but all of Mathias' friends were around and he knew it wouldn't happen. "How do you do it, Mathias?" He suddenly asked.

"Do what?"

"You're smart. And funny. And nice. And you care. And talented. I don't know anyone who's as good at soccer and cello as you are."

"What?" Mathias was practically bent over laughing at what he was hearing. He couldn't see half of those traits in himself. "Wow. Thank you, I guess. Although I hope you know the same applies to you. I mean, not the soccer and cello. But you're excellent at violin. And I've seen your grades. You texted me them, remember? They were ten times better than mine. You're some kind of genius, Lukas. Besides," He leaned in closely, talking quietly again, "You look just as good on the outside as you are on the inside. That's really something."

For some reason, Lukas thought he might cry. He scooted his hand closer to Mathias', just brushing the side of his palm against the others hand, too afraid to do more in public. Mathias' eyes moved down to watch him.

His heart nearly stopped. It wasn't a kiss or something above, but what the touch represented meant more to him than anything.

They were both smiling, and Mathias would have loved to lean in and kiss Lukas just like he had the other night, but he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Alfred.

"Hey, bro. Hey, Lukas. You both having a good time?"

Lukas and Mathias both nodded. Alfred handed Mathias a beer, and although he had said he wasn't going to drink again, he mindlessly opened it and took a long drink. Lukas just watched him, his face dropping.

It was disappointing to see Mathias drink again. He didn't even notice that it made him unhappy. Now he was busy talking to Alfred about sports. He held his face in his hands, wishing Alfred would go find someone else to bother soon.

After five minutes, Lukas stood up and started walking towards the door. That's what finally caught Mathias' attention. "'Scuse me, Alfred. Lukas!" He walked over to him, shutting the door slowly before he could walk out. "What's up?"

"I'm tired."

"I didn't mean to talk that long."

Lukas nodded at the beer and started to leave again. Mathias set the can down and followed him outside, grabbing onto his wrist. "Wait a second! Jesus."

"You know how hard it is for me to go to parties."

"I know, I know. Just come back in and I'll keep my attention on you. But you can't be so jealous or whatever the hell it is you are right now."

Jealous? Was he actually jealous? He was never jealous. "It's not good to be jealous," he said quietly. "I'm sorry, I just acted without thinking."

"You'll go back in?"

He nodded and they went back in, sitting back down on the sofa and starting a conversation about the things Mathias had seen at parties. They talked for a while until Mathias felt another hand on his shoulder. This time, it was Alfred and Jett, who both looked panicked.

"Dude, she's here," Jett said. Mathias didn't need any further explanation. He knew they were talking about Natalya. He scrambled to get up, grabbing Lukas' shoulder and putting him ahead.

"You're acting like it's a war zone," he muttered quietly to Mathias. But Mathias knew better. He knew what she was capable of. He pulled Lukas over to the stairs, forcing him to wait at the bottom, just in case he needed to run up quickly.

"You just wait there."

Alfred was rubbing his head. "Mathias, you sure you want to confront her now?"

"This isn't a confrontation," he snapped, going back into the living room. "But I know she'll ruin the whole party if I don't come out. Trust me, I'd love to just wait in my room."

Natalya was looking around the living room, asking people if they'd seen Mathias. Some of them answered, but most just shrugged, even if they knew where Mathias was. At this point, he watched from the kitchen. "Back me," he said to Alfred and Jett. He walked out casually, like he didn't know she was there. When she spotted him, she walked over, a panicked look on her face.

"Did you get my texts?" She asked, putting her hands on his chest. He gripped her wrists, prying her off. "Yes, I got them. Please stop texting me or I'll block you."

"What? Why the hell would you do that to me?"

"Because you keep texting me."

She laughed bitterly, putting her hands on his chest again. "You aren't leaving me. You said it was just a break."

"When did I say that?"

Her smile faded and her face turned bright red. She was a combination of embarrassed and angry. "You asshole! I can't believe I ever saw anything in you! And you both are just as bad as he is!" She said, gesturing to Alfred and Jett. "And that Lukas guy, too. Can't believe you're even going to rope him into your bullshit! He's nice, he's not like you. He deserves a better friend."

"Shut up," he spat, shoving her hands off his chest again. "You don't know either of them, and you definitely don't know Lukas, so enough. You know, I thought it would be okay to let you into parties here, but apparently I was wrong because you can't stop being a bitch for long enough to have a good time."

While Mathias was yelling, Lukas was watching. Both of them were getting red in the face.

"I'm not a bitch! You're a fucking asshole! You made me this way! Look what you did to me you stupid piece of shit!" She was crying now and Mathias was just rubbing his head. Alfred was laughing while Jett was texting someone, most likely about this argument.

"No, look what you did to me! You ruined every day I had to spend with you! And you come over here and call me a piece of shit?" He chuckled, but it was all too sarcastic and Lukas didn't like the way it sounded. "Go fuck yourself. Don't come around here again or I swear…"

"What? What the fuck could you do?"

"Call the cops, that's what I'll do."

She laughed again, though she backed away from Mathias. "Of course. Can't solve it like a man, can you?"

He gave a grin and shook his head. "Guess not. Get the fuck out of the house."

Natalya stayed where she was at, just glaring at Mathias. Jett and Alfred were more attentive now. There was an uncomfortable silence and half of the people at the party were watching. Natalya lunged at him, slamming a fist across his face. Lukas' eyes widened, but he wasn't as shocked as he was when Mathias just stared back at her for a few silent seconds before slapping her across the face.

He didn't know how hard it was, but it was hard enough that she recoiled and backed up into the door. She was crying harder now, although it was from the emotional pain more than the physical pain. "You fucking psycho! I fucking hate you!" She swung the door open, stepping out onto the porch and turning with a sour look. "If you don't think I'm pressing charges, you're mistaken."

Mathias' eyes widened, but she was already gone. He stepped onto the porch, yelling more harshly than even Alfred and Jett had even heard, saying, "I wish you would, you stupid bitch! Come back over here and I'll do it again! Go find some other guy to completely fuck up!." He slammed the door shut, looking at everyone who had been staring with a blank expression.

They turned away, but Alfred, Jett, and Lukas looked on. He slowly made his way upstairs. When Alfred and Jett tried to follow, he shook his head, rejecting them. They went back to the party reluctantly, trying to brighten the mood.

Mathias glanced down at Lukas, gesturing for only him to follow. But he stood still.

Truth be told, he was afraid. Not in his wildest dreams could he imagine Mathias saying what he said or doing what he did. When Mathias hit her, he himself wanted to run. Lukas had flinched. He was afraid that he would mess up however Natalya had and he'd end up being treated like she was treated. It made his heart ache to think about.

"Lukas?"

He glanced at Mathias again, then at the front door. "Mathias, I should go."

"What? Come on. I'm sorry she had to ruin the—"

"It's not just her."

Mathias walked down to the bottom step, looking Lukas over. "It's my fault?"

"You're both to blame."

"Lukas, I didn't mean—"

"But you did."

Mathias started to touch Lukas' shoulder, but the other flinched, looked at the ground, and moved away from his hand. Mathias could have been angry about it, but he was sad. That's all he could feel. He also felt regret and guilt. Seeing Lukas' reaction really sank in the previous events. He wasn't worried about an assault charge. He was sure it wouldn't go through, anyway, due to this being his home. But he was worried about Natalya and how bad he'd fucked her over.

He was especially worried about Lukas. Who could stand to be around him after that? He didn't blame Lukas for wanting to leave. If he saw someone slap their ex-girlfriend, he'd be just as disgusted with them.

"You're right. I'm sorry you had to see all of that. Jus' sleep well, alright?"

Lukas turned and left without saying another word.