Chapter Eight

First: a moment of silence for all those victimized by Chapter 84, particularly Erwin and Bertolt.

And now: the chapter.

"You know you want to," Annie said coolly.

Monster. Levi took a step back. "Sit back down, female titan."

"I can't." She itched to fight again. If only she knew who to fight. Zeke would say Levi; Father, everyone; Saskia –

"Choose your battles," Saskia said, gripping her sister's face between her hands while Bertolt and Reiner waited for her. Today was the day she'd trained for practically from birth.

Saskia would say no one.

Annie sank back onto the bed.

"What happened?" Erwin's voice rang out.

"She saved your motley crew again," Saskia observed, squinting at the three men splayed across the floor.

Mikasa flew downstairs, Eren right behind her. He stopped short. "Connie!"

"He looks alive," Levi said, easing away from Annie. How unusual that Mikasa had been late.

"He better be!" Sasha raced forward and grabbed him from Eren. "Wake up!"

"Titan hunters, apparently." Levi gestured towards a dejected Bertolt. "They were after him until she warned us."

"They knew he is the Colossal Titan?" Erwin asked sternly.

Bertolt cursed himself. They could have just asked him instead of talking around him. Not that he was certain he'd provide any answers, but he wanted to be thought of as a person at least.

"I heard them say so." Levi wondered if Annie or Bertolt would offer details.

Mikasa's eyes blazed. "How could they know?"

The remaining survivors had been told they had two prisoners from the Warriors, nothing more. Only Squad Levi kept guard.

Saskia noticed a purple splotch on Mikasa's neck. With a suspicious glance towards Eren, she caught the black-haired girl's gaze and subtly motioned towards it.

Mikasa quickly tightened her scarf. "There's Historia and Ymir…"

"And Nile Dok and Darius Zackly," Hange added, sidling up to Levi. "I suppose I could get these men to talk – unless you two have anything to add?"

Annie remembered this woman cackling as she trapped her. "No. They were being paid to bring him alive to someone."

"I doubt it was Historia," said Eren. "She's too nice."

Mikasa glared at him. No, Eren had kissed her. She oughtn't be jealous. But.

Levi sighed. Erwin would not like this. "Darius seemed awfully interested in Bertolt before."

His eyes had made ants crawl all over his skin. Of course it was him. Bertolt hunched over. He wished he could condense and die.

Jean walked forward and knelt by Bertolt. He was still chained, if less so. "Is this how Marco felt when you killed him?"

"Kirstein," Erwin barked.

No, we just left him to die. Bertolt was always more talkative in his head. What could he say? How did one answer bloody questions?

"Jean, look at him. He's pitiful," said Sasha, still holding a stirring Connie.

"You know, for once I agree with Jean," snapped Eren.

"No one asked," Mikasa replied. She did not want to drag Eren out of here.

"Thank you for warning us, Annie," said Saskia. Her look to Erwin reprimanded him for not doing likewise. "But, Bertolt…"

She passed Levi to Bertolt's terrified form. "Bertl, you were always so terrified."

He looked up to scowl.

"I always thought you were brave for it," she said softly, putting her hand on his shoulder. "I never knew how to act on my own, either. And when I did – well, you know where that led."

Sorrow crossed her face. Had she not wanted to marry Zeke? Disturbed, Bertolt shook his head.

"Killing isn't brave," she conceded. Behind her, Annie flinched. "But I suppose it's brave to continue on when you've been forced to kill."

"We still did it," Annie said sharply.

"Don't remind me," Levi threatened.

"They were old enough to know," Erwin said.

"They're young enough to change, too." Saskia rubbed Bertolt's shoulder. "I still believe in you, Bertl. And you, Annie."

She couldn't look at her sister right now, lest something halt her hope.

Do you think there's hope for this world? Bertolt remembered Reiner's question to Ymir, back when they were close to bringing the Coordinate to Zeke, back when the Commander still had two arms.

"Do you think there's still hope for this world?" he whimpered.

Eren leapt to his feet. Oh, he remembered that line.

Mikasa didn't know what bothered him, but she wanted to heal him. She wanted him to know he had been her hope.

"Maybe not," Saskia said honestly. Erwin certainly wouldn't like her response. "But I think there's still hope for you. And Annie." She turned to Erwin, to Levi and Hange and that loyal Mikasa. "And you, and you, and you, and you."

"Him?" Levi nudged a quivering Squeaky man with his boot.

"Don't ask me about the people who just threatened my sister." Saskia still had to wonder whose brother they were. Did they have sisters? How had they come to hurting others? Had they been forced?

"Fair."


"Reiner, have you heard about the men on the moon?" Armin's eyes shone. "We put men on the moon!" If we can do that, we can stop fighting.

Reiner raised an eyebrow. He had always doubted that. "Are we certain these books are trustworthy?"

"Well, no," said Armin. "But they're more trustworthy than those inside the walls."

Armin flipped back a few pages. "Have you heard of America? They're the people who went to the moon. It was a country founded on freedom and equality. Like the Survey Corp!"

"Unless you're their enemy," Reiner retorted. "The Americans took over their country by conquest and hurt those they called 'Native Americans.' You should reach that. Page 294." At Armin's shock he added, "Yeah, I've heard a lot of this."

"So. Even those who claimed to believe in freedom took freedom," Armin said softly. "How is this possible? We can do so much with technology, yet we can't get along?"

"Sounds about right."

"Reiner. I don't like the hopeless you." Armin glared at him.

"You know, you're not frightening."

"You're not yourself. Reiner, you were happier as a soldier and you know it."

"I never was!" Reiner cried.

"You were! You were both a soldier and a warrior, and your mind couldn't take it," Armin insisted. "There is nothing wrong with being both. Only with what you do as both."

"I'm not a soldier," Reiner said sullenly. He was reading about a great world war, in which millions of people died. Pictures of people hoarded into death camps stared out at him. Just because they were a different race.

I'm just like the Nazis.

With an involuntary shiver, Reiner slammed the book shut. "I can't do this."

"You love learning," Armin said, eyes glued to his book. Maybe America did get it wrong. Maybe the Survey Corp and Historia could get it right.

"No, my false self, my lie, did!" Reiner threw his arms in the air. "Stop telling me who I am! I can't be what you want! It doesn't matter. The soldier you knew is dead!"

Armin wanted to yell that he didn't accept that. That his friend would always be a soldier. But his friend was leaving soon to deliver a ransom note of sorts. So instead he said, "No, my friend is a living warrior."


"My queen, I've been looking for a most peaceful place to walk in the capital." Commander Dot Pixis appeared as Historia stepped out of her carriage into the night. "You wouldn't happen to know a place, would you?"

Ymir narrowed her eyes. Pixis has always seemed a likeable man. She disliked likable men.

Historia glanced at Ymir.

Oh no. Don't you wait for my approval. Ymir scowled. But since scolding a queen in front of a Commander was unwise, she kept her mouth shut. For now.

"I – I do. I think the royal gardens would be helpful," said Historia.

"I am honored." Pixis smiled.

"Commander Pixis," said Nile, approaching.

"Commander Dok." Pixis smiled, but his eyes lacked his usual warmth.

He's always cold towards me. Nile shifted. "I'm sure our queen can fill you in."

"Indeed." Pixis saluted Zackly, who nodded gravely in return.

"Commander Dok, please have someone show Ymir to my quarters," said Historia. It felt wrong to talk to Pixis without her, but she wanted to be independent. She was living for herself. She would make Ymir proud.

Ymir smirked at Historia as they headed in opposite directions.

"I suppose you like looking at the night sky?" Historia began after an awkward silence.

White starlight glittered on the water sliding through the flowers and berry bushes. Moths flittered about in the pale moonlight. Here, it was almost possible to forget the pain of this world. Unable to stand the guilt, she had only visited twice.

"It is lovely." Pixis pulled out a flask and took a sip. "I would offer you some, but something tells me Her Majesty isn't fond of hard liquor."

Historia hesitated. Ymir wouldn't like it. "Well, maybe I would. Just to try."

Pixis held out the flask. "Well. Suit yourself."

Her lips puckered as she forced the fire down her throat.

Pixis chuckled. "You're a brave young woman."

"I was in the Survey Corp," she replied.

"Your heart is still." Pixis observed the shadows on her face.

"Yes." Historia focused on tracing the outline of a pink rose. She couldn't look at the red-and-white roses beyond. They reminded her of blood splashed everywhere. Blood.

Like her mom's. Like her dad's she drew. Like everyone's.

"Queen Historia," Pixis began.

His voice jerked her back to reality. Would she ever move past this? Would she ever be free?

"Yes?" She struggled to keep the tears from choking her voice.

"The Survey Corps' return has generated considerable strife within the walls. I'm sure that does not surprise you." Pixis bent over to sniff a rose. "Ah."

"No, it doesn't. I merely wished for better." Historia brushed back a lock of golden hair.

"As have I." Pixis straightened. "Rumor has it members of the Survey Corp entered Stohess and disappeared. They haven't been seen since."

"Oh? I was just with them, as you know," said Historia.

"I do. Then you know that Commander Erwin is missing." Pixis dropped his voice. "This does not speak to a stable situation."

"What would you have me do?" No, a queen mustn't ask that. A queen did not serve. "Would you have me arrest him?"

"Erwin is no enemy of humanity. Whatever he plans, he plans with good reason," replied Pixis. "No, I would not advise arrest."

"Advise me," demanded Historia suddenly. "I know I'm not supposed to need help, but I'm not powerful, and you know that. I need help from someone like you. Someone who also cares about humanity."

"A leader always needs help," Pixis said. "That is not weak. Weak was King Fritz, who did nothing and listened to no one unless it was time to eat." Urgency entered his voice. "Speaking of Fritz. That is why I must talk with you."

"He's still in prison, correct?"

"Incorrect. Pixis spun around to face her. "He has vanished."

Historia paled. "Vanished? How?"

"Many nobles have vanished of late. Six, to be exact," Pixis informed her.

"Who?"

"Fritz was the second most recent. John Tiberias went first, then Jasper Rosen. Rhina Darren. Lionel Vicar. Margot Sturm, daughter of the renowned Judge Thomas Sturm, was last. The nobles are convinced someone is plotting against them."

"Someone probably is," Historia said angrily. "They stole our memories. They've been overthrown and humiliated."

"They blame the Survey Corp," Pixis interrupted. "I recommend keeping in touch with the movements of Commander Erwin. For his sake."

Historia's blood chilled. Could someone hurt her friends as vengeance? No, she wouldn't allow it.

And that was precisely how the nobles must feel. Historia nibbled on her lower lip. "I see. I must assign more Military Police to the missing nobles. Do you think that will help calm the people?"

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. Rumors are already circulating that the Survey Corp plans on decimating the noble houses, destroying the inner wall for equality. That would destroy safety as well," said Pixis.

Historia clenched her fists. "The only solution is to eliminate the titans."

Pixis stopped. "You sound like Jaeger."

"Because he's right." Historia pushed the nagging sensation that she should have eaten him away. No. Eren needed to learn his value. She should not have hurt him, even for humanity. They would find another way. Why did she doubt?

"I see." Pixis smiled slightly. "I will do what I can within the walls, but it would be best to trust your Corp with titans, and pay attention to your people."

Historia's face burned. "Yes, I suppose you're right."

"Do not trust anyone unless you must."

"Should I trust you?" Historia dared to ask.

Pixis chuckled. "That you would ask such a question gives me faith in you, Queen Historia."


"I'm relieved you're awake," said Sasha. "I even saved a potato for you." She held it beneath Connie's nose.

"Good Walls, Sasha kept food? Are you ill?" Connie took the potato.

"No, I just wanted you to eat to keep up your strength," babbled Sasha.

"You must really like me." Connie took a bite of potato.

Sasha's face flushed. "Well, you took such good care of me in Sinagashina…"

"You're my friend. Of course I did."

Sasha smiled. "The kidnappers are now locked in Saskia's former cell. Still won't say who did it, though."

"I'm glad they didn't get away with it," grumbled Connie. "Say, Sasha, do you really like me?"

"Like you? Of course I like you. You're nice and funny and you helped me during training and we've been through a lot together, and you're my friend, so I have to like you."

"No." Now it was Connie's turn to redden. "I mean like like me."

"I – I – I – I don't know!" Sasha practically shrieked.

"Well," said Connie, "at least you make me happy. Whatever that means."

She'd given him hugs over his mom. She'd promised to help him save her. She was sweet and funny and unique. No one could replace Sasha. "There's no one else I would want taking care of me."

Sasha beamed. Her hand clasped his. So warm. Thrills shot through her. "I'm glad. Well, I'm not glad you're hurt. But I'm glad I could help you."

Connie laughed. "I figured."

"Saskia is helping Erwin now. We're going to remake the serum and turn your mom back into a person," assured Sasha.

Connie smiled as he finished the potato. "And you're going to help me?"

"We always help each other." Sasha took his second hand in hers.


Ymir gaped at the enormous satin bed and velvet drapery before her. The ceiling was carved with ornate flowers.

She was uncouth. She didn't belong amid this finery.

Historia loves me for who I am. So what if I don't fit in? I'm a seventy-two year old titan shifter. I can't fit in.

"Your Majesty? I've an urgent letter for you."

Ymir jumped. "Oh."

A young boy stood there, holding out a sealed envelope. "Who are you?"

"Her friend. What is so urgent?"

"I'm not supposed to say." The boy took a step back. He'd been warned never to give this letter to anyone but Historia. For two meat pies. When you hadn't eaten in days, you had to obey.

"You can give the letter to me." Ymir held out her hand.

"You are not Queen Historia." The messenger pressed the paper against his chest.

Ymir sighed. "Yes, yes I know. But I am her closest companion. You can trust me to give it to her."

"I can't."

"You can." Ymir crossed her arms.

"I can't," protested the boy, tearing up. He was so hungry.

"What's going on?" Historia swept into the room.

"A letter, your majesty." The messenger boy bowed.

Historia's smile bloomed. "Thank you. What is your name?"

"Adam, Your Majesty." He saluted. "When I grow up, I'm going to join the Survey Corp just like you!"

Historia's eyes softened. "I hope you don't have to."

"But I want to," protested Adam before running off.

"Brat," muttered Ymir.

"He was sweet." Historia unfurled the letter. "Ymir."

Ymir peered at the hastily scribbled note. Bertolt and Annie had been attacked? "It's Zackly."

"You don't know that!" Historia's eyes were huge.

"Did you see how he looked at Bertolt?"

"N-no."

"Well, I did. Titans don't even look at their victims so cold."

"What – what should we do?"

"Watch him. I'm sneaky enough."

"Ymir, that could be dangerous." Historia wouldn't risk Ymir, no matter how much she trusted her friend's instinct.

"Such is life." Ymir shook her head. "Historia, you're queen. You can't avoid anymore. If Darius Zackly is acting against the Survey Corp, we have to know. I'm trustworthy and willing to do it."

Historia thought of the missing nobles. "Things are dangerous in the walls especially, Ymir. Just…don't die."

"Then I won't, for me and you." Ymir wrapped her arms around Historia and shut the door with one foot.


"They used to call that star group the Little Dipper."

Erwin shouldn't have been surprised at her ability to sneak up on people. But at least there was nothing for her to eavesdrop on this time.

"See?" Saskia stepped closer and traced the outline of seven stars.

"Amazing." Erwin felt chills run down his spine. So much history, so many people and systems he'd never known.

Maybe, somewhere in history, he could lose himself in solace.

"What do you want, Commander?"

Erwin glanced at her sideways.

He wasn't responding. Naturally. She had been too blunt. "I'm trying to figure you out. If I should be your ally or not when it stops being convenient. I can't do that if I don't know you."

"I don't know." He hadn't even seen the basement. "I want humanity to survive."

"Noble. Also impersonal."

"Are you implying I'm lying?"

"Oh no. I'm just hoping there's more." Saskia lowered her eyes. "For instance, I want my sister to survive, which is the most personal I get, but even so, one could argue that's not personal. It's for Annie, not me."

Erwin looked at the ground. There wasn't anything personal left.

"You feel empty," Saskia surmised.

Erwin frowned. "You…you're speaking from experience."

Such an emotionless woman had to feel empty.

"Yes," Saskia confided. "I wish I could help you. But I can't even help myself."

"Sometimes it's easier to help others before yourself." Not that he had ever done that. He'd only helped them so he could prove his father right. He'd killed more than he'd helped, and he couldn't even remember all of their names.

Saskia noted the agony on his face. "Are you thinking about your father?"

Erwin's heart thudded. "I've dedicated my entire life to proving him right. And at the end, the others saw the basement while I was transformed into the enemy."

"Surely your orders allowed them to get that far," suggested Saskia.

It didn't suffice. He hadn't seen it himself.

He was so selfish. He'd ruined himself and everyone. "My orders…killed most of the Survey Corp. I am a demon. Whomever you ally with, you must choose between titans and demons, Saskia Leonhardt."

Saskia's mouth parted. "Titans like my sister. Like Bertolt, who quivers if his former friends so much as look at him? Demons like you, who didn't have to help me in the tunnels, who took the guilt of a hundred thousand on himself? And at least you're strong enough to actually feel it. Not all the Warriors are."

Zeke sure hadn't. He had fun killing, because he felt powerful and when he felt powerful, he felt safe.

"They think we deserve it?" Erwin wasn't sure he disagreed, for himself. He felt so tired – he just wanted this to end – but he couldn't say others deserved that fate. Some people were innocent, and everyone more innocent than him. Except, possibly, the Beast Titan.

"You've been a titan, too, you know."

He did not need the reminder.

"In my hometown, titans and demons are people and people." Saskia stepped closer. "And I do not see either here."

She was, perhaps, a demon, a traitor and a runaway wife. But not him.

Erwin regarded her soberly. The pale woman resembled a ghost, but she spoke kindness to him, even if her tone remained unemotional. Actually, that was precisely why he almost believed her. Almost felt hope.

She smiled at the stars. "Just think of the titans as overgrown, cursed humans."

"That we kill."

"It's not your fault. It's not the Warrior's fault, either. The titans, that is." Saskia blinked. "We were born on whichever side of the walls, and we didn't choose this. You didn't choose to kill. You saw it as the only option. Just as I saw serving the Warriors. Memorizing information." Marrying Zeke. "It's the First King's fault."

Erwin snorted. "We're all fighting and dying for the beliefs of a deranged man who lived a century ago."

It felt hollow. Futile.

"The belief that mankind needed to suffer to unite and stop their sins," Saskia said. "Or so the Warriors' story goes."

"You doubt it?" Erwin frowned.

"From their teachings, I also expected you to be vile, worthless idiots." Saskia crossed her arms. "You're not. You're not even bad people."

"You still believe in bad people?"

She thought of Zeke, enraged and willing to kill Annie. And Zeke, tenderly holding her as she wept tears of sorrow and relief over her miscarriage two years ago.

"No. Not bad people." But good people, perhaps. She would wait for a good person. For some reason, she'd never stopped looking. "Maybe that's my personal goal. Finding a good person."

Her hair shone in the moonlight. Erwin watched her carefully, and he wasn't entirely sure why. "You're an intriguing woman."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Says the commander who feels empty while rallying his troops."

Maybe I do have more in me. Erwin wasn't sure what to believe.

He was tired of life, but kept going. Just like her. She wasn't sure if the concussion or the exhaustion had hijacked her, but Saskia found herself placing a hand on his shoulder. "I know how you feel. Don't give up."

Erwin met her eyes. The dullness in them – she did know. He clasped her hand in his. "Thank you, Saskia."

"I need your example," she admitted. "For hope."

"We need someone willing to change their entire worldview. That's hope there." His hand squeezed hers.

Saskia closed her eyes to block out his brilliant blue orbs. No, she did not find him attractive. She was taken, even if she'd basically absconded from her marriage.

But she was very glad she'd saved him.


Reiner slipped outside the village. His ears ticked from the strain of listening for titans. If only Bertolt were here – he was so, so worried about him.

Could he etch a demand for Bertolt in the letter? No, Zeke would find out.

But maybe he could say something. Anything to keep Bertolt alive and safe.

Without him, I am lost.

Reiner was now a safe distance away from the village. Usually he roared before transforming, but what was the point? His best friend – the man he loved – was missing.

At least Eren would know his friend was alive soon. Even though they were enemies, that thought gave Reiner a strange comfort as the Armored Titan approached the walls.

Just to clarify: in this universe, the Warriors possess many books left behind/banned when humanity fled to the walls. Thus, they are able to learn about actual science and history instead of the First King's 107-year-old fabrication.