Thank you for reading my story. I appreciate all of the support you have given me. These are the two Christmas chapters. I was going to fill in the chapters in the month of November, but never did. You can imagine what happened in November. These two chapters were written so many months ago. This story was to focus on Matthias' struggle with Alcoholism, and was going to end similar to how it began.
"Matthias was offered a scholarship to a prestigious university in England for his musical skills, but had to face an audition, and had accepted that he would most likely pass the audition. Lukas, on the other hand, was to remain in America, and both individuals were crushed by the situation, but Matthias felt as though he couldn't turn down this scholarship. Lukas felt as though he should move back home with his parents, feeling heartbroken and wanting to take a year off school. He has a plane ticket to go back home, and his flight is scheduled during Matthias' audition. Matthias is on the stage in front of two men from the college, and he's playing his cello, but can't get through his song. He stands, takes a bow, apologizes for what he's about to do, and jumps off the stage and leaves. He catches Lukas at the airport and begs him to stay, and that he, too, is going to stay because he couldn't imagine life without him.
It ends differently than expected. Matthias is given a second chance on his audition and succeeds, and both Lukas and Matthias move to London to start their new life."
I didn't want to leave you on edge. You deserve to know.
I am sorry that I could not complete this story, but my life is too hectic, and I am no longer involved in the Hetalia fandom. Thank you for reading.
-M. Bates
Ch. (? The Christmas chapter p.1)
#
"Lukas."
Lukas smiled in his sleep, shifting so that his head was against the car door and the heat was blowing on his neck. "Mm," he hummed, drooling a little on his cheek. "No, I'm aware," he spoke before snoring quietly. "Get the boys over to the Christmas tree."
"Lukas, wake up!" Mathias put a hand on his shoulder and laughed when he shot up and looked around. "What? Where are we?" He asked, disoriented still as he wiped off the drool with his hand and wiped it on his jeans.
"You're home. Come on," Mathias said, getting out and taking the luggage out of the trunk. "Grab these bags! I can't wait to get something to eat and talk to your family. It's been a while."
Lukas grabbed his bags, looking up at the tacky Christmas lights on the house, a tradition his father had started a year after they'd arrived in America. There was a man who lived across from them who competed with his father and they'd been going at it for years. Mathias laughed at the lights, clearly amused. "Lukas, I love it! This is so nice. So funny."
Mathias knocked on the door, secretly a little nervous. Actually, a lot nervous. He wanted to make a good impression and was suddenly afraid of Lukas' father and he took a deep breath when the door swung open, holding it in as Lukas' mother pulled both men into a tight hug, kissing Lukas' cheek with a loud smack. "Lukas, I missed you! It's good seeing you! Hi, Mathias! I'm glad you're spending Christmas with us. We'll try not to embarrass you or make you feel uncomfortable."
"They will, anyways," Emil said, walking by with a piece of fudge in his hand. Lukas grabbed him and pulled him into a hug, causing him to drop his fudge with a disappointed groan.
"Hi, Emil," he said, squeezing him tighter. Mathias watched, walking in and immediately feeling Lukas' fathers gaze on him. His eyes widened and he smiled nervously, giving a wave and extending a hand. "Hey, sir!" He said, inwardly killing his soul off at the stupid opening. "Uh, long time no see!"
Fucking end me, he thought, though he continued to grin as his father shook his hand. "Mathias, are you still playing the cello? I'm kidding, I know you are. I was pleased when I heard you were. I'll tell you, I would have given you a full ride to the school I teach at."
Mathias glanced down at the floor for a moment before looking over at him and smiling. "I would have liked that. The only issue is my lack of Catholicism."
"Ah, don't worry. I'm not catholic, either. Do you know piano? We require that each student in the music program take a minimum of two years of piano. It does wonders and eliminates a magnitude of problems like you wouldn't believe."
"I took it for a couple years. I know enough to get by."
"I'm glad you know some. I'm glad you're a man of music. Good man."
Lukas' mother came by and tugged on her husband's wrist. "You're going to talk his ear off! Come on, tell me if the soup needs something else," she said. Lukas was still fawning over Emil and asking him about how chubby he was and pinching his cheek sarcastically.
"Quit pinching me! UGH! Mom!"
"Lukas, stop pinching your brother."
Lukas continued pinching his cheek until Mathias walked over. Then he stopped and said, "This is Emil. Well, you know. Emil, do you remember Mathias?"
"Uh, he got me that puffin, right?" Emil said, looking Mathias up and down. Mathias nodded and extended a hand to him as well, although Emil only gave him a high-five and walked away to get another piece of fudge. "I sorta remember. He seems alright."
"Emil!"
"What?" He whined, sitting at the table and waiting for his mother to bring in the soup she was making and set it on a potholder in the center. She shot him a look and motioned Lukas and Mathias over. "Just leave your stuff there. We'll get it later," she said, setting bowls in front of each person. "Sorry that it's just soup."
"Honestly, soup sounds amazing. I never get home-cooked meals," Mathias said, pouring himself a glass of tea from the pitcher on the table and taking a drink. Lukas smiled faintly, pouring himself some soup and blowing on a spoonful.
Mathias was starving but tried not to be a disgusting eater. He had been a really disgusting eater growing up and he didn't want to give off that impression. Emil was only eating the sausage in the soup and scooping out some of the vegetables. "Emil, please be good," his mother said, putting the vegetables back in. With a huff, he ate a carrot slice, clearly displeased.
"I really like your house, ma'am," Mathias said. "And I really like this soup. Everything is really nice and I can't stress enough how thankful I am that you're doing this for me."
Lukas watched his mother smile widely, beaming at the compliments and thanks.
They ate their food, discussing school briefly before talking about Christmas and how things had been in D.C. When they were done, Mathias went to grab his bags. "So where do you guys want me to stay? I'm not picky at all."
"Well, we only have three rooms. Actually, four, but the fourth is being used for a music room and we just really didn't have the time or space to move everything in that room out," his mother said, giving Lukas' father a look. He just smiled softly and shrugged, putting his bowl in the sink.
"Where is he staying?" Lukas asked, walking over to their bags.
"Well," his mother said, getting up and walking over to them. "I was thinking he could sleep in your room. We'll pull a cot out. Not in your bed with you and I mean that!"
Lukas couldn't believe they were allowing that, but he also figured that he was an adult, a fact that he occasionally forgot. Mathias glanced over at him and would have winked if he didn't catch Lukas' father looking him over again.
"Mathias, you would enjoy seeing my music collection, I'm sure," he said, motioning for him to follow upstairs. Lukas and Mathias stared at each other for a second, both worried, but Mathias followed the others father upstairs, planning his words already.
Despite his nerves, the music room his father had was one of the most interesting things he'd seen in a while. There were all kinds of obscure instruments and a wall of violins and violas. "Now, you and me both know we aren't here to talk about music, Mathias. Not yet, at least," he said with a sparkle in his eye.
"Yes, sir. I completely understand."
"We're letting you stay in Lukas' room. You're his boyfriend and I'm assuming that you'll want to do things that boyfriends do. Now, you're both adults. I can't tell either of you what to do, but I can tell you that if I hear anything that sounds like sex, I'm going to have to do something. Imagine an oboe flying at your head."
Mathias stared at him, only nodding with a nervous smile. "I understand."
"I'm serious, too. You be careful with him. He's smart."
Mathias nodded again, watching as the man walked over to a keyboard and sat at it, fiddling with the buttons until he had it on the setting for an organ, at which point he played a funeral march while looking Mathias dead in the eye. After a moment, he smiled and said, "I'm joking, Mathias. But I'm not joking about you being careful with my son."
"I will. I promise," he said with a growing smile. Mr. Bondevik motioned him over, stopping him when he was in front of the keyboard.
"I'm glad you're here, Mathias. Lukas is better with someone like you. There are people who can be alone for their whole lives. Lukas isn't one of them. His life is a duet and he is trying to play it alone," he said simply. "The song is off. You can't play a duet by yourself. It may sound fine, but with the other musician to accompany, there is much more beauty and it doesn't become just bearable to listen to, but enjoyable. It becomes art. What it was meant to be."
Mathias watched him, fully grasping what the man was telling him. He didn't speak, not knowing what to say. He pulled up a stool and sat down. "And you're calling me the other player?"
"I hope so. I've never seen the "duet" go so well before. I know nothing about people, Mathias. But I know a lot about music. And I know a good piece when I see it."
Mathias smiled, a genuine smile that made him turn a light shade of red. Mr. Bondevik stood up and took a book out. "Do you want to hear an original composition? I'd like some advice. It's always good to have a second opinion."
The other nodded, feeling as though it was the least he could do after the incredible compliment he felt like he'd been given.
#
The next days went by well, although Mathias was struggling because they didn't approve of drinking in the house and he had to go out every time he wanted a drink, which was every night. He normally didn't get back to the house until late when Lukas was already asleep. He had to sneak into the room every night, careful not to wake his family.
Finally, a few days before Christmas Eve, Lukas stopped him before he could leave for the night. "Mathias, I really don't think you should be going out this much. I want you to stay here. Either way, on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day you won't be going out drinking. I'm not letting it happen."
"Why not?" He said, watching as Lukas got into his bed and picked up a book. "I can drink on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day is understandable I guess, but—"
"Mathias, I mean it. And you're staying tonight, too."
He stared at the door for a moment, then sighed quietly, but smiled nonetheless and took his shoes off again. "Fine, fine. Alright. I'll stay. Why do you want me to stay so bad, anyway?"
"Well," he began, looking away from the book and at Mathias, "You should sleep in my bed tonight. I've been wanting you to but you're always gone. So come over here and lay down."
It wasn't like Mathias could deny a request like that. He was hoping that it would lead to more ultimately, and without hesitation he changed out of his clothes, slid on some sweats, and got into bed with him, giving his cheek a kiss and looking at the book. "What are you reading?"
"It's something on the mysteries of Atlantis and it has this weird map that… oh…" He stopped when he felt lips on his neck. Mathias stopped after a moment and said, "Continue! Maps that lead to Atlantis turn me on," he said with a quiet laugh. Lukas hit him in the cheek lightly with the book and kept looking at the map, although he wasn't focused on it at all.
He covered a growing smile with the book, laughing under his breath and weakly trying to push him away. "Stop, that tickles," he said, keeping his voice hushed. Mathias pressed another kiss with a loud, sarcastic smack. "I just wanted to give you some kisses, you know? You deserve it," he replied, wrapping an arm around him to pull him closer and give him a kiss on the lips.
A kiss turned into making out, and when Mathias moved on top of Lukas, he watched with a bit of concern. "Mathias, my parents are right there," he said quietly, looking over at the door. "We can't really do anything. They'll hear us and they'll be so mad."
"Is that really it? Because I can lock the door and be quiet. I completely understand if you don't want to take this too far, though. I'm pretty new to this, too. Well, not this. But this."
Lukas looked from the door back to Mathias. On one hand, his parents and Emil were close, but on the other, Lukas had really wanted Mathias to touch him. He hadn't been making many moves on him because he was never sober enough for Lukas to allow him to do so. Lukas was patient, of course, but he still couldn't help but daydream about Mathias.
"Well, okay. But I don't want to actually… have sex or anything. Is that okay? I'm sorry, I'm just not sure about it. Not you, I mean! I'm sure about you, but I'm not sexual. I'm about as sexual as a can of beans, honestly," he said, trailing off as Mathias' cold hand held onto his bare side. Mathias was laughing at him and trying to hide it, but failing.
"Don't laugh," Lukas huffed, playfully pinching his nose. "It's not funny."
"I have seen some sexy cans of beans, okay? Between you and me, babe, I can't even be in the same room as a commercial for baked beans. Gets me going every time."
Lukas grinned, sighing in acceptance and relaxing. "Fine. Wait, what are you going to do?"
Mathias looked down at Lukas, thinking. At this point, he didn't know how he felt about sucking anyone's dick. He'd never done it and the idea wasn't thrilling. Although he figured he'd had it done enough to know how to do a pretty good job. Either way, it was a dick and he just wasn't ready to put one in his mouth.
"Alright, I think I'll probably just…" he stopped, just feeling for Lukas' member through his boxers, trying not to smile at his slightly widening eyes. Lukas looked away, staring at the ceiling as he felt Mathias' hand through the fabric.
"Wait!" He sat up slightly, then looked at the bed. "Um, we should do it like this. Then I can touch you, too," he said, laying on his side and making Mathias do the same, although Mathias only stayed like that for a moment before saying, "Can I ask something?"
Lukas sat up completely, looking at him curiously. "What?"
"A request, actually. You can say no, but could I actually see you? We don't send nudes so I haven't seen your body and flat out, I want to see you naked. The curiosity has been killing me."
Lukas took a deep breath, beginning with, "Uh…" and standing up, hesitantly putting his hands at the top of his boxers. "I guess. But you need to hold up your end, so get up and we'll do it at the same time."
Mathias had no problem with that. He was fairly confident and thought that Lukas might ask him to do this if he asked him to. He got up, double-checked the lock on the door, and stood in front of him. "You ready?"
The other gave a little shrug and they watched each other, mirroring each others movements until the last of their clothes were off. For a while they just watched, both of their eyes looking downwards.
Mathias looked good. It almost wasn't fair, in Lukas' opinion. Soccer had definitely done him well. Although that didn't count for everything that Lukas was admiring about him.
Seeing Lukas, on the other hand, was almost too much for Mathias, who couldn't believe how great he looked. To his surprise, Lukas had light blond hair trailing from his naval down to his crotch. Mathias wasn't sure why he imagined him smooth. Maybe it was because everything else about him seemed to be smooth, but it was interesting to see.
Lukas stepped forward, hesitantly, giving a nervous shrug and trying hard not to cover up. "Is this okay? I'm sorry for not shaving or anything. I see that you, uh, do."
Mathias stepped forward and pulled him into a hug, peppering kisses all over his face and laughing slightly, trying to make him relax. "This is definitely okay! You're handsome, you know that? Really attractive. Ten out of ten, stunning," he murmured, kissing right beneath his ear, then continuing the kissed down to his shoulder.
"Mathias, that means so much. You're really, really hot," he said with another nervous laugh, although he was enjoying the reassuring words and kisses he was receiving. Soon, they moved back to the bed and laid across from each other, both hesitant.
"I'm just going to touch you. Just… trying things out. You don't even have to touch me, Lukas. I know it makes you really nervous and shit. It would be excellent, but really it's okay."
"I'm going to touch you," he said, reaching out and hesitantly touching the side of his member with his fingertips. Mathias, on the other hand, grabbed onto Lukas' without hesitation and slowly pumped him, surprised when Lukas looked down to watch his moving hand. "Wow," he whispered, his nerves fading away slightly as he did the same to Mathias, stroking him tentatively for a bit while he watched his face, noticing that he looked more serious, if anything.
Lukas moved closer to him, his breath picking up as he crossed his leg over Mathias', his hips bucking forward as his eyes shut tightly. Mathias snaked an arm around Lukas' waist and pulled him closer, suddenly taking both of their members in his hand and stroking them together. Lukas moved his hand up, resting it on Mathias neck. "Um, so, do you… want me to… touch you somewhere else, Mathias? Or… or…"
Mathias pushed his lips against Lukas', forcing a tongue between his lips and grabbing the back of his head to move him close. Lukas closed his eyes again and moved his hand back down, fingers fumbling over the others erection until he could barely focus on it anymore. "Um, Mathias… " he tried to ask what he should do when he released, but Mathias had resorted to kissing him every time he attempted to speak and he came before he could ask.
Mathias, with a quiet sigh, came after him, looking over Lukas' tired looking face and smiling at the spots of red on his cheeks from blushing, most likely from the growing heat in the room. "Hope that was alright," he said, kissing him and getting up, pulling on his pants and grabbing the box of tissues off of the dresser. He wiped himself off, then gave the box to Lukas and watched as he did the same.
Out of nowhere, Lukas started laughing. Mathias looked back at him, laughing, too, although he wasn't sure why. "What's so funny?" He asked, flipping the lamp out and getting into bed with him, spooning him with a grin. "Why are you laughing?"
He kept laughing, to the point where it was silent and his shoulders were shaking. "I was so nervous," he managed to say, holding onto Mathias' hand and pulling the blanket up more. "So stupid."
"Aw, come on! It wasn't stupid. But I'm glad you're laughing about it," he said with a yawn as he kissed the back of his neck. "You need to get some sleep."
"Mm. Okay. Goodnight, Mathias."
"I love you, goodnight."
Lukas turned and stared at him. "What?!"
"Nothing!"
Lukas shook his shoulder hard, leaning into his face. "What did you say, Mathias Kohler?"
Mathias only smiled, chuckling to himself as Lukas kept shaking his shoulder, trying to get him to say it again.
Chapter: (?) Christmas p.2))
#
"Mathias, I meant what I said."
"What are you talking about?" He said, looking at Lukas as he spread a thick layer of frosting onto a sugar cookie and took a bite. Lukas took the cookie from him, finishing it and working on another one with sprinkles. "The drinking. You can't drink on Christmas Eve or on Christmas because we celebrate on both days. Honestly you shouldn't even drink today."
"But it's only the 23rd!"
"Don't argue. I don't want you to be drunk."
Mathias shook his head reluctantly and stacked the cookies on top of each other. Emil walked over and took one of them, eating it absent-mindedly and pouring himself a tall glass of milk. Lukas watched him, leaning in closer to Mathias so only he could hear. "Please just do this for me. Don't drink until the 26th. After that, feel free."
Three days? Three days? Mathias nervously wrung his wrists, but he didn't have much of a choice. His hands were essentially tied. "Alright, alright," he muttered, already planning on how he was going to be sneaky with his liquor. "For you, I'll do it."
Lukas held his hand for a moment, kissing it and saying, "Thanks. Now finish the last of the cookies. Don't eat any more."
#
Mathias had gotten very little sleep. In fact, he'd gotten no sleep. His eyes were burning and he felt like shit. He got out of bed, looking over at Lukas with a quiet groan. What he'd really wanted to do last night was go out and get a drink, but Lukas had insisted on them sleeping together.
Lukas probably knew that he'd want to leave. Mathias had to at least commend him on that despite his irritable state. He didn't know why he was so grouchy, because it could have been worse. He could have been hungover. But he would have gotten some sleep if he would have been able to drink and that was better than nothing.
He went downstairs quietly, taking a container of juice out of the fridge and pouring himself a glass. Nobody was awake except for Emil, who was on the couch with a bowl of sugary cereal and a fuzzy blanket. He was occasionally playing with the branches on the Christmas tree and doing something on his phone.
Mathias almost asked him if his parents kept liquor in the house. He could probably bribe him with it, anyway. If he offered him some, maybe he'd fess up the information.
He decided against because he was sure that they wouldn't have any. They seemed to be strict on the ideal of not drinking, for the most part.
"Hey, Emil," he said, sitting down at the kitchen table. "You excited for Christmas?"
He didn't turn, but nodded and took a loud bite of his cereal. Mathias watched him, trying not to smile too big. Emil was really funny. Funny in an interesting way. He wasn't cheerful like Mathias remembered and he was going through a chubby phase. Well, they all seemed to think it was just a phase.
"You ever thought about doing sports, Emil?"
The teen looked up, sighing to himself and putting the now empty bowl down. "Um, no. I don't like any sports. Sports are for stupid jocks and I'm not a stupid jock."
"What? I'm not a stupid jock," he said, more as a joke, but Emil just gave him a look. Mathias frowned slightly, but it didn't last long and he was grinning again.
"What do you do?"
Emil flipped on the television, turning the channel to some kind of Christmas movie before getting up and grabbing a plate of chocolate cookies. Mathias watched him eat them, thinking about his own childhood and how much he enjoyed to eat, although he grew out of a lot of it and worked off any extra weight through sports. "Emil?"
He sighed at his name being called and said, "I do marching band."
"Marching band? That's really cool. I always liked marching band. They put on really cool shows."
Emil took a big bite out of a cookie, slowly chewing it and staring at the plate. "Hm. But everyone just wants to talk about the football players and the cheerleaders and I hate it."
"Not all sports are bad, Emil."
"Name one."
Mathias leaned back, staring over at the television. "I bet you'd like tennis. Or skating. You should try roller derby. I have a friend in my fraternity who does roller derby and he loves it."
Mathias and Emil didn't know it, but Lukas was creeping down the stairs. He stopped when he saw them, listening in on the conversation.
"I'd fall. And I'm too big," he said quietly. "I know I'm fat."
Mathias was a little taken aback. He shook his head and looked at the plate of cookies. "You're not too big for any sport. You're not that big at all. I mean, yeah, you're…" Emil was, realistically, overweight, but… "Emil, you're fine. I think as long as you're happy, that's what's important. You don't have to tell me if you're happy or not, but if you're not and you think it'll make you feel better to lose weight, I can at least tell you that you'll be healthier, and if it's not a body issue and it's a brain issue, then a healthy body is very likely to cultivate a healthy mind."
Emil stopped eating mid-bite, putting the rest of the cookie down on the plate. His face softened and he looked over at Mathias, tears welling up in his eyes. "I'm not happy and I'm fat and it sucks!"
More than anything, Mathias wanted to run. He didn't want to see Emil cry and he felt really guilty and he ended up laughing nervously, giving him an awkward pat on the shoulder. "Well, do you want help or something? If you really wanted to, I could just make a list of foods to avoid and exercises and things like that. Some people work better with a plan."
Emil wiped his tears, sniffling and turning the television up so his crying didn't seem so loud. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever will help me. I just can't deal with this anymore."
Lukas watched, seeing a side to Emil he hadn't seen in a while. He never thought his little brother cared about his weight. He ate so much and he seemed pleased to do so, but this entire time he hadn't been happy. With a deep breath he walked downstairs.
Upon seeing his brother, Emil straightened up and looked away, but Lukas pulled him into a tight hug and smiled. "Why didn't you say anything, Emil?"
Mathias could tell that Emil was crying again and he said, "Shut up!" But he didn't pull away from the hug. His parents must have heard the commotion because they shuffled out of their room, looked at each other, and both started saying, "Awww," together while walking towards them and pulling both Lukas and Emil into a group hug. Lukas' mother gestured Mathias over, forcing him into one of the most sarcastic things he'd ever been a part of.
"All of you stop hugging me!" Emil yelled, trying weakly to push them all away while they continued to coo at him. "Stop!" He yelled again, laughing slightly through his tears. His mother, in the midst of the madness, kissed the top of his head with a resounding smack and the hug was disbursed.
"Christmas Eve," Mr. Bondevik said, rubbing his hands together while his wife went in the kitchen to cook breakfast.
The entire scene made Mathias feel better. He wasn't nearly as grouchy anymore knowing that someone else was struggling just as much as he was and that there was a way to console him.
#
Every Christmas Eve for the past six years, Lukas' parents invited their closest friends over for a get together. The evening typically consisted of music, food, and most importantly for Mathias, wine. It wasn't what he preferred, but it was better than nothing.
Once people arrived, he was surprised by how many people Lukas knew. This meant he had to meet people. This was no problem. He was happy to do so. It made him feel important. When it seemed like he'd met everyone, he walked over to the counter and picked up a bottle of wine and a glass, but before he could pour it there was a hand on his shoulder.
"Mathias, I said no," Lukas said. "Not on Christmas Eve."
Mathias huffed quietly, turning around and talking to him quietly. "Why not? I'm an adult."
"You'll drink till you get drunk and you'll embarrass me. Tomorrow you'll be hungover. On Christmas."
Reluctantly, Mathias set down the bottle and the glass, putting a hand on the small of Lukas' back and walking back into the main room with a slightly forced smile. He hadn't had a drink in two days, which was fine, because he occasionally went for a week without a drink, though he hadn't done so in almost a month, and the holidays were making him anxious and he could feel a growing frustration. Almost panic.
"Mathias, you said you played some piano?"
He turned to see Mr. Bondevik sitting down at the piano, fingers on the keys. Lukas gave his hand a small kiss and moved him forward. Mathias sat down, looking at the carol he was being asked to play part of. "Follow my lead," his father said, going into the song. Mathias watched carefully, playing gently and a bit timidly, relieved to get his mind off of his nerves for just a moment. After the song was over, the older man got up and gestured Lukas over to sit. When he did, Lukas chose a song from the book and nudged Mathias lightly. "You sounded good. You ready?"
"Ready to entertain the masses," he murmured with a slight grin. Lukas went into the next song and Mathias realized that it wasn't what was written in the book and he didn't know what to play along with it. With a nervous laugh he followed along, watching Lukas' fingers and his own as he made up the duet.
"That sounded brilliant," a woman behind him said when they stood up. "Simple, but brilliant."
"Oh! I have an idea," Lukas' mother said, pulling them both down onto the couch with a grin. "Let's tell stories about Lukas. I know some embarrassing ones."
"Please God," he said quietly, rubbing his forehead while Mathias leaned forward, clearly interested in said conversation.
"When he was little, he would say he was going to own his own farm. What kind of farm, honey?"
Mr. Bondevik smiled slightly from his piano. "A rabbit farm."
"A bunny farm!"
Lukas looked down at the floor, sighing. He supposed it could have been worse . . .
"Do you remember when you caught him putting on your makeup?"
"Oh!" His mother said, pulling out a picture from her phone and showing it to Mathias, who laughed when he saw lipstick smeared over a seven year old Lukas' face. "Lukas, look how cute you are. I love it," Mathias said, giving him a smile and trying to make him feel better about it.
"He was the cutest boy. You probably remember, but he was such a cute baby. He was a skinny baby, though. Not like Emil. Emil was so precious, he had the tubbiest belly and such fat cheeks!"
Emil groaned from somewhere in the room and there was also the sound of a door slamming shut.
"Lukas cried for the first two years of school whenever he was dropped off. I felt so terrible. He was so shy and he never really grew out of it, but we love him just the way he is. He's my favorite oldest son," she said, giving him a peck on the cheek.
"He turned out really well, ma'am," Mathias said, intertwining his fingers with Lukas' and giving another forced smile. Lukas watched him, noticing that his smile was off. He squeezed Mathias' hands and sighed more at his mother telling embarrassing stories, but he was more concerned than anything and couldn't stop thinking about why Mathias was acting strangely.
When the party was over, Lukas helped clean up while Mathias went for a shower, and before he could finish, Mathias had fallen asleep and he couldn't ask him about his behavior.
#
Lukas' mother came in and woke them up early in the morning around seven. Lukas turned to Mathias and put a hand on his shoulder, shaking him in an attempt to wake him. He only groaned and rolled onto his side.
"Mathias?"
He made a noise of annoyance, covering his head with the blanket. Mathias felt terrible. Worse than he felt yesterday. When Lukas touched his cheek, he flinched and sat up slightly, letting out a light hiss at the feeling off his cold hand. It felt intensely cold. It nearly burned. Lukas stared and pulled his hand away. "What's wrong?"
The question was loaded. Mathias' head was throbbing and his body felt surprisingly shaky. "Uh, yeah. I guess. Well, no. Honestly, I feel like shit."
"Why? Are you sick?" Lukas began to fawn over him, his face growing more serious. Mathias gave a very weak smile and shook his head, forcing himself to get up despite how weak he felt and heading to the door. "It's not a big deal. Merry Christmas, Lulu."
Lukas was still worried, but he trusted Mathias and took his hand, leading him downstairs and saying, "Merry Christmas, Mathias."
They sat down on the couch. Lukas' father didn't look fully awake and his mother was sipping coffee. Lukas got himself a cup and would have chugged it if it wasn't so hot. Emil sat on the floor, pulling out presents. Emil unwrapped all of his first, then they gave Lukas his, and to his surprise, they gave Mathias presents as well.
He tried to tell them that he couldn't accept them, but they insisted and he tore the presents open, thankful for anything, honestly. He was also pleased when Lukas had gotten him a gift, because he'd gotten one for him and given it to him earlier that week.
When Lukas unwrapped his gifts, he set them aside. Emil happily carried his new things upstairs and his parents went to take a nap before the day truly began.
"I have to go deliver a card for my parents. I'll just be gone for fifteen minutes. Do you want to stay here and go back to bed?"
Mathias slumped his shoulders and nodded, heading upstairs slowly without looking back. He sat down on the bed, staring at the wall blankly while he clutched his gifts, dropping them onto the bed with a blank expression.
He didn't feel good. He felt uncomfortable and unhappy. His body ached from his lack of sleep, but his mind was all too awake. He slowly laid down, staring again at the wall.
His mind continued to wander. The light was streaming in from the window and he had to get up to shut it. He laid down again. His eyes were squeezed shut and he was still awake. He was exhausted and he was still awake.
"Fuck," he muttered, rubbing his head and sighing. Mathias still had a headache. Why wasn't he asleep yet? He sat up, grabbed the pillow, repositioned it, and laid his head back down. It did nothing for comfort. He sat up again, sighing a little more desperately before standing and pacing the floor, running his hands through his hair.
Mathias gulped. He wished Lukas was back and he wasn't alone. His eyes flickered towards his phone and his wallet. Both were on the dresser. His heart felt off. The beating was faster and his breathing was getting faster in turn. Another hand came up to rub his temple, trying to rub away the same headache. "Goddammit," he whispered, pacing the floor again, trying to be as quiet as possible.
He picked up his phone, struggling to look through his apps until he found one and looked through an article on the music scene in Vienna. It was an attempt at distraction that wasn't working well enough. Mathias tossed his phone onto his bed, taking slow, deep breaths. The room felt like it was a combination of too hot and too cold. He needed to shower.
"Mathias?"
Mathias stopped pacing and looked up to see Lukas standing in the doorway. Mathias sat down on the bed slowly with a nervous look that he was failing at covering up. "I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling well," he said, his voice slightly shaking. Lukas walked over and examined him, pressing a hand to his forehead. "I can't tell if you have a fever. You're sweating. Maybe you should take a shower. You would probably feel better," he suggested.
Mathias shook his head and Lukas stared at him, sitting down beside him and leaning a head on his shoulder. "You sure? You probably should."
"I don't want to."
Lukas gently kissed his shoulder, his concern only growing. He hadn't seen Mathias act so strange and he wasn't quite sure what was wrong. "Why?"
He looked away slightly, shaking his head, his eyes losing the normal gleam that they held. "I don't have the energy. I just feel like shit, Lukas. God, I feel like shit. I think I'm gonna go out for a drink."
"But it's Christmas," Lukas said, disappointment in his voice. Mathias looked as though he might cry for once, but he looked away before Lukas could notice. "Yeah, you're right," he said, his voice sounding monotone. Lukas slowly hugged him, burying his face in his shoulder. He hugged him back, although he still felt terrible. At least his heart wasn't beating so fast.
"Let's try to get a little more sleep," Lukas said, laying down with him and making sure he could get comfortable, letting him have one of his pillows and offering another blanket, although he wasn't sure if he needed it. Mathias forced another weak smile and kissed his forehead. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep, but he pretended he was for Lukas.
When Lukas was asleep, Mathias silently got up, grabbed his wallet and keys, and left, coming back soon with a bottle of liquor hidden in his coat.
#
Lukas was surprised when Mathias was in a much better mood the rest of the day. Maybe he was just tired and needed some sleep. He slept well that night, too, although he was clearly still feeling sick because he got up and went into the bathroom. Lukas had fallen asleep before he came back from the bathroom, but he was there in the morning holding him and he seemed happy as ever.
